A.n.-And we have another chapter... I'm kinda nervous about this one...so review okay? ^_^ Hope this chappie was long enough...I did my best to make it long since the last chappie was soooooo short^_^. Neways, I'll stop yappin' so ya can read the chapter^_^. Ryou's p.o.v. btw^_^.
Disclaimer-I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or this song "Going Under" By Evanescence.
Dedication-Moshi, Guess, Carrie Starfire, Aznsilouette247, Thockie, Seashell, and R Amythest^_^. Arigato all of you!^_^
~Now I will tell you what I've done for you
Fifty thousand tears I've cried
Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
Going under~
~Don't want your hand
This time I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented, daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom...I'm dying
again~
Nine months and seven days.
That's how long its been since that night. Nine long months and seven useless days without the one I loved at my side. My heart ached at the memory of him; I could barely bring myself to rise out of Marik and Malik's bed. A few weeks after the... the...incident... I had moved in with them, finding small comfort at the feel of their warm embraces at night and their arms around me when I cried...which was often then not any more.
But now I just laid still. My tears dry as a desert wind, my eyes feeling swollen and tired as I simply laid there. I hadn't showered in a couple days or so, I couldn't eat...couldn't really sleep much anymore either. My heart was pounding in my chest, constricting with the utter agony I felt tearing through my very soul.
Oh, how I hated him now. Never before had I felt such betrayal, such loathing emotion for anyone in my entire life. Both of them, mind you. The pain I'd felt in my past life with my Yami was cupcakes compared to how I felt now. I clinched my hands into small angry fists, feeling my nails cut into my flesh. Pain...I squeezed tighter, feeling slight comfort in the pinpricks that tingled through me. It was the only thing that proved I was still alive.
The thought of death hung over me like an ever-swinging pendulum. The thought of slicing my veins open and watching that crimson light run down over my flesh in a blissful peace. I closed my eyes, rolling over on my side, curling up in a fetal position on the large bed. I couldn't do that.
Not for the same reason as last time though. Not the fact that if I die so does he...being sealed in the Ring is death for him. And while the spiraling madness he'd be pushed farther into without me
has a sort of perverse pleasureful ring to it...I just can't do it. Death...a cowards way out. Why taint my name further with the brand of cowardice?
Why not try to prove him wrong and be strong. Be the strong Hikari he never dreamed I could be. I squeezed my eyes tighter. But to be strong in the way he demanded...it?s not my nature. Not the nature of a Hikari to face that sort of harshness. That job is that of the Yami. But I don't have a Yami anymore. He's not mine. Never was, never will be.
I pursed my lips together tightly, sitting up suddenly on my bed. My muscles screeched their protests at my quick movement. I hadn't moved from the bed much since this...betrayal. School? I was already kicked out for missing so many days so that didn't matter much to me. Nothing seemed to matter any more.
Malik had left for school hours before, leaving me in Marik's care until his return. The platinum blonde Egyptian Yami been here a while ago, cradling me against his strong chest...saying sweet words in a language I knew but didn't understand. He'd only left me after I'd softly asked him of it...the need for complete solitude nipping at my very soul. Marik...I remembered him clearly from back...back when all this began.
100 years ago when I'd first received the ring, when I had first slipped it over my neck and released the darkened spirit that would forever dominate my very existence. Slowly I slid off the silken sheets and stood on the white-carpeted floor. Flexing my cramped muscles slowly I made my way through the lavish apartment to the bathroom.
I shed my clothing in a slightly sloppy manner and turned on the water for the showerhead. It felt like years since I'd last showered. I desperately needed the cleansing liquid that poured down...even if it couldn't wash me completely, I needed it. Mechanically, I washed my hair with shampoo and conditioner, and my body. Finished with the ritual I stood there beneath the slightly too hot water with no expression.
Two warm arms reached around me suddenly, but I didn't bother to look up. Damp clothing pressed against my bare back as I slowly turned to lock gazes with Marik tiredly. He stared intently at me, insanity lined exotic face unreadable as he ran a finger down my cheek. I was too tired to bother to shy away and try to cover myself...show some form of modesty.
I felt like I was drowning in all my emotions. Everything was so out of control. Everything I'd come to believe since my...since Yami came back into my life causing me to remember everything was a lie...he never loved me...never cared for me beyond a toy, and Kami knows I felt more for him then that...
My other half, the other part of me I was dieing without was torn from me of his own violation. All for the same dark haired blue-eyed whore that would always be better then me. I realized vaguely that the water had been turned off and a fuzzy towel was wrapped around my lithe frame. He lifted me effortlessly into his arms, holding me close.
We were back in the bedroom, and I noted inanely that the sheets had been changed and the room had been tidied a little bit more. He laid me on the bed, hesitating only a split second before he laid next to me, his arms wrapping around me like a lover's would. I was used to it really.
Since I'd come to live with the two Egyptians, Marik had taken to looking after to me to the strongest extreme. Holding me, feeding me, (most of the time forcefully since I had no true appetite) and taking complete care of me. It was...nice really. I liked knowing that there was someone who cared about me. I loved him, in a way. Though whether as a lover or brother I didn't know. Too soon to sort out such muddled feelings...my mind was too much of wreck to even attempt it.
~I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
I'm going under~
~Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again~
I swallowed hard rolling over suddenly to bury my face in the collarbone of the Yami before me. He smelled of incense and jasmine mixed with metal. I breathed deeply, fighting away my tears. I was tired of this. Tired of always bowing down to fate, taking what life handed me with complete submission.
Some part of me broke when Yami walked out my door with his cruel words echoing around me. Some part of what made me was gone...and I didn't know how to get it back. Wasn't sure I could if I tried...and in truth wasn't sure if I even wanted to try. I was tired of always being the weak one, the one everyone always threw a hand out to help.
It was time for me to fight back, to stop cowering in a corner and just...take the role I'd never dared to touch.
Anger and betrayal, hate and love...they were all I could feel. The latter, a traitor?s emotion that was tearing at me. I looked up at Marik, a resolve tightening in my eyes as I locked gazes with those hardened insane lavender eyes. Marik understood, in some way I knew he did. He and Malik were the only ones who could...
Yuugi and Yugioh...they were here too, the reigning champions of the "resurrected" game of Duel Monsters...which was even hotter then it had been back then, believe it or not. They could sympathize with me...but never did fully understand. Yuugi and Malik had intact memories, same as me, when their Items touched their fingers.
I licked my lips slowly, a small crazy smile tickling at my lips. Marik had defended me, hunted down my Yami and Anzu not long after I showed up on their front door in an old grungy T-shirt, redden eyes and disheveled appearance. He'd gone and tried to figure out what the hell was going on...only to find out what I already knew. That he loved Anzu... not me. Never me.
"I...I want to get dressed...Marik...maybe...go some where...." I said softly, "It... It's time for me to move on." My voice was surprisingly firm, though slightly hoarse from crying all the time.
He looked at me with surprise, but conceded and rose from the bed.
"None of your clothes are here...but Malik won't mind if you were his..." he smirked comically at me and tossed a pair leather pants and a deep green silk shirt before walking out of the room.
I held the clothes with the tips of my fingers, a grimace crossing my face. Leather...wasn't me. I'd never been able to wear it...and Malik's clothes were skin tight...not that he looked bad in them but...
I narrowed my eyes suddenly and tossed the towel off me, most of the water had dried anyway. Hikari Ryou that had always whimpered under fate was dead now, drowned beneath the heartbreak his own other half had inflicted...it was time for a change. Time for me to take a stand and toss away my old identity to make way for the new.
And what better cover was there then darkness to hide the pain? What covered suffering best but shoveling it beneath the cape of swirling shadows? Yamis' used smoke and mirrors of the night to cover the insanity-rung pain they'd endured. Who ever said a Hikari can't do the same?
I took a death breath and pulled Malik's pants on. They were low hanging on the hips and flared slightly at the ankles, skintight. They left little to the imagination as well. I pulled the dark green shirt over to find it was the low hanging color kind with most of the buttons missing. I licked my lips nervously before walking out the room to see Marik lounging against the couch, his eyes staring vacantly out.
As I entered his eyes snapped to me, widening only slightly before his mouth curved up into an appreciative smile.
"Always knew you'd look good in Malik's clothes," he said, "you can borrow his spare boots by the door too, he won't care. But first... let?s fix you up a little bit...." He smirked evilly at that in a way that made me raise an eyebrow in amusement. "Sit on the stool, close your eyes and let me work my magic. Don't open them 'till I say, got it?"
I nodded and did as he asked. Moments later I felt him return, and heard a telltale snap that made me nearly groan. He was going to put make-up on me. Not that he was bad at it, Malik and he always looked sexy in it. But they looked good without it any way so that didn't matter. I felt him apply some eyeliner then shadow, lip gloss fell across my lips, and moments seemed to slow to a crawl as Marik worked his..."magic," as he would refer to it. I felt him playing with my hair as well and had to fight the urge to open my eyes. I hate not knowing what?s going on around me... not being in control... I needed control...of myself most of all right now...Kami knows I can't control much else...
"Open," he ordered.
My eyes snapped open to see my face reflected in the mirror...I certainly looked...different. My eyes had dark colors of blues mixed with other shades, outlined in black that gave them a sort of larger more innocent and slightly jaded appearance. My lips were midnight blue and glistening, my hair gelled and teased slightly to perfection. The doppelganger in the mirror was a surprising change from my earlier washed-out appearance...
I blinked slowly, "How..."
He shook his head at me before grabbing my arm, "Let's go show you off to the town, Hikari no Ryou!" he chirped, not seeming to notice me stiffen at beingreferred to as "hikari"...only Yami called me that...
Though insane and dark as any Yami born of pure shadows could dream of being, Marik did have a compelling nature that drew any like a moth to a flame. A natural charisma meant to lead...and to destroy.
I slipped on Malik's boots, to find them a half size too big, but still comfortable. Marik took my arm in a gentle clasp and lead me outside to get his "baby." His motorcycle that both he and Malik loved more then anything in the world. And a single scratch or bump from a careless mortal meant an instant bloody death at their hands.
My pain seemed distant now, buried beneath the waves of confidence that Marik emitted. He could deface any in but an instant, kill any man or woman that stood in his way without fear. He wore his power like a second skin and as we were riding down the streets of Domino on his motorcycle with the wind flying through my face. There was no fear, no pain. I was falling still in that blank pit of despair but I had found my escape with him. Found a way to forget.
Just by being at his side so much could be changed.
That didn't mean I was using him as help, though. I would be strong on my own, be the individual rock that would keep me from drowning any farther in a love that would never requited. The old Ryou Bakura would never have gotten kicked out school, be in skin-tight leather and revealing clothes, riding down the streets with the craziest of the Yamis: Marik.
But that boy was dead now. I refuse to keep hiding under that shell, to be the soft-spoken weakling boy that always cried...was always beaten and abused because he didn't want to fight back. Screw it. I'm not going through all of that again. Yami broke me that night...I can still taste the blood and tears from them. Remember the feel of him slapping me to the ground, taking my heart and shredding it in those powerful slender hands of his.
I tightened my grip around Marik, my face hardening. He thought he had beaten me that night. Thought I would wither and die. I did. And now I'm back...and its time everyone learns one simple fact. You don't piss on a Hikari's hopes and love without repercussions. We're the brightest of the light because our darkness is just as pure...but that doesn't mean we're all sweetness and kindness. Just as a Yami can be kind, we can be cruel.
And if cruel was the only way to survive now...then Kami be damned, I'd do it.
~I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through~
~So go on and scream
Scream at, I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breath
I can't keep going under~
Marik and I stopped at a local club that was open day through night, always had a party of some sort going on. Lust, sex, drugs, and power were all that mattered here. At one time I'd have been afraid to come within a foot of this place without Yami at my side. But the wind of change has blown, and any poor fool who messes with me tonight is going to face the consequences...
I blinked, nearly stopping in my tracks at that particular thought. Face what consequences? Was I this far gone? How far would I go to protect myself...? Marik pulled me insistently and we stepped into the darkened club. Heavy rock music blared in the room. The smell of liquor, laughter, cigarettes, and danger permeated the very air I breathed. It was intoxicating.
We walked over to a table, Marik ordering us some drinks. Our pale faced, slightly trembling waiter brought Marik's order faster then one would think possible. Looks like the Egyptian Yami has a...reputation here. I tossed my head slightly, downing the burning liquid in a single gulp. Tears pricked at my eyes at the firey sensation but I smiled over at Marik, licking my lips.
I was dying on the inside, but I'd never felt this alive before. The waiter set a bottle down in front of us before scurrying off. Marik opened his mouth to say something but I took several long swings of the fiery liquid before he could. My blood was burning, my heart was pounding. I grabbed Marik's hand, smiling through my muddled thoughts.
"Dance with me." I whispered huskily.
I pulled Marik onto the dance floor, dancing again the platinum blonde with a few dirty moves I'd seen everyone else use before. I'd always been to shy to dare do this...but I wasn't anymore. I wanted to live, live hard and fast. Stuff a lifetime of all the wrongs I'd always refrained from in but an instant.
I slipped a leg between Marik's, moving down and up his body, my hands wandering over his body while his did the same on mine. There was something between us in that instant. A spark, something that half jerked me from the drug-fogged vision my mind had fallen into. As quickly as it appeared, it disappeared though... leaving me confused.
"What do you want, Ryou?" he whispered as I came up to meet his face, my body molded against his.
"I think you know," I said softly.
I pressed my lips hard against his; he kissed me back savagely before pulling away suddenly.
"Just dance, Ryou..." he said. Not exactly a no...but not a yes either...Or did I want a yes?
What about Yami? *My* Yami?
I viciously shoved the memory away, feeling my mind fall down into that drowning abyss once... no. No. I had control right now...and I wouldn't give it up without a fight. Then I felt it. A prickling in the back of my mind, my blood rising in my very veins, my heart contracting painfully in my chest. And I knew. I knew that when I turned he would be there, staring at me.
I narrowed my eyes and turned, summoning all the dark loathing emotion I could into my gaze. M *Yami* dancing with that *slut,* Anzu.
What about Yami? *My* Yami? Hmp...mine no longer it would appear... A sneer lifted my lips as I tauntingly pressed myself against Marik. He growled and pulled me possessively close, his arms wrapping around me from behind. I smirked over at my former koi. Tossing my head slightly, feeling a firm satisfaction and the way he clinched his jaw.
His eyes were burning like a demon's would, anger and jealously coating his face momentarily before I saw a slender arm wrap its way around him. Dark hair, big blue eyes, and full lips to match a body blessed by Kami all for straight men. I scoffed at my long time adversary. If she wanted my EX Yami...fine. I don't care any more.
I was going under and I had abandoned the innocence I'd once held. It'd been shattered.
"If it isn't the two timing bastard!!" I yelled over the music, taking Marik's hand in mine as I walked toward him.
"Are you sure about this?" he whispered, I could practically taste his desire for me to say yes. He'd been longing for another confrontation.
"Hell yes," I snapped.
Anzu pressed her body tauntingly against Yami, batting her eyes at him...making him turn practically into pudding. It made me sick to my stomach. I knew the scene was being played out to hurt me, no other reason. But if they wanted a fight I'd give them one.
"If it isn't the white rat," she sneered, pointing her nose up and looking down at me, "I thought I smelled something..."
"Sure it ain't yourself, hoe?" I said, feeling amusement prickle its way through me at the shock that fell across her face along with the indignation. Dumb bitch.
"Bakura!! You?re not going to let him talk to me like that are you?"
His eyes were narrowed in fiery anger as he looked at me, "Fuck no. Take it back, weakling. What the hell are you wearing anyway? Finally trying to look like the street whore you are or just taking lessons from your crazy lover behind you?" His voice seemed to falter at the "lover" part but I didn't care.
I saw red. How dare he insult me...and Marik for that matter. I barely heard Marik snarling at him, yelling colorful words that would have made a sailor blush in embarrassment.
I couldn't take it any more. I flew at him. Tackled him straight to the ground. Pain...my cheek...the bastard!! I pounded at him, sitting on his chest before I suddenly found myself pinning him to the ground, blows raining down. I nailed him square in the nose, blood splattered across my hands. The taste of copper was in my mouth. Rage was all I could feel, all I could dare understand.
I wanted to kill him. Wanted to beat him to death with my hands. A shrill voice was screaming.
/...Ryou.../
His voice trickled through me, dimming my rage. Moonlight nights, making love slowly and leisurely. Love beyond limits, a smile meant for me and only me. Tears were streaming down as I felt my strength seeping out of me.
//Stop it you jackass!! I know...I know...don't you dare...say my name like that...never again...BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!//
I fought with a newly renewed liquid inferno. How dare he...how DARE he! Suddenly I was pulled off him, Yami jumped to his feet but the Bouncer held him back. I was suddenly back in Marik's arms.
"I'll kill you!!!!!" Yami was screaming, "RA DAMN YOU! I KILL YOU!!!!!!!" They pulled him away but Anzu stood there, her eyes burning with hatred.
"You'll pay for this, Rat," she said before following the man carrying her lover. I could feel Shadow Magic in the air and felt my Yami summon a monster but I didn't care about that...no need to.
I was sobbing, I realized suddenly. Tears were soaking my face and I found myself cradled against a warm familiar chest. He carried me with strong, firm footsteps outside and set me in front of him on the motorcycle.
My throat was burning, my mouth was dry, my face and body was pounding, my eyes felt like they were on fire...everything was blurry....
"Marik... Marik..." I murmured against his chest, holding onto him as my only line to sanity.
I'd finally reached the bottom...but where would it lead me?
~I'm dying again
I'm going under~
~Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through~
~I'm going under~
~Going under~
~I'm going under.....~
A.n.-And we stop there...I hope ya'all liked this chappie... kinda how I thought anyone would respond if faced with this...they lose themselves...Neways...review onegai ^_^I'll only add more if ya review!^_^
Disclaimer-I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or this song "Going Under" By Evanescence.
Dedication-Moshi, Guess, Carrie Starfire, Aznsilouette247, Thockie, Seashell, and R Amythest^_^. Arigato all of you!^_^
~Now I will tell you what I've done for you
Fifty thousand tears I've cried
Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
Going under~
~Don't want your hand
This time I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented, daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom...I'm dying
again~
Nine months and seven days.
That's how long its been since that night. Nine long months and seven useless days without the one I loved at my side. My heart ached at the memory of him; I could barely bring myself to rise out of Marik and Malik's bed. A few weeks after the... the...incident... I had moved in with them, finding small comfort at the feel of their warm embraces at night and their arms around me when I cried...which was often then not any more.
But now I just laid still. My tears dry as a desert wind, my eyes feeling swollen and tired as I simply laid there. I hadn't showered in a couple days or so, I couldn't eat...couldn't really sleep much anymore either. My heart was pounding in my chest, constricting with the utter agony I felt tearing through my very soul.
Oh, how I hated him now. Never before had I felt such betrayal, such loathing emotion for anyone in my entire life. Both of them, mind you. The pain I'd felt in my past life with my Yami was cupcakes compared to how I felt now. I clinched my hands into small angry fists, feeling my nails cut into my flesh. Pain...I squeezed tighter, feeling slight comfort in the pinpricks that tingled through me. It was the only thing that proved I was still alive.
The thought of death hung over me like an ever-swinging pendulum. The thought of slicing my veins open and watching that crimson light run down over my flesh in a blissful peace. I closed my eyes, rolling over on my side, curling up in a fetal position on the large bed. I couldn't do that.
Not for the same reason as last time though. Not the fact that if I die so does he...being sealed in the Ring is death for him. And while the spiraling madness he'd be pushed farther into without me
has a sort of perverse pleasureful ring to it...I just can't do it. Death...a cowards way out. Why taint my name further with the brand of cowardice?
Why not try to prove him wrong and be strong. Be the strong Hikari he never dreamed I could be. I squeezed my eyes tighter. But to be strong in the way he demanded...it?s not my nature. Not the nature of a Hikari to face that sort of harshness. That job is that of the Yami. But I don't have a Yami anymore. He's not mine. Never was, never will be.
I pursed my lips together tightly, sitting up suddenly on my bed. My muscles screeched their protests at my quick movement. I hadn't moved from the bed much since this...betrayal. School? I was already kicked out for missing so many days so that didn't matter much to me. Nothing seemed to matter any more.
Malik had left for school hours before, leaving me in Marik's care until his return. The platinum blonde Egyptian Yami been here a while ago, cradling me against his strong chest...saying sweet words in a language I knew but didn't understand. He'd only left me after I'd softly asked him of it...the need for complete solitude nipping at my very soul. Marik...I remembered him clearly from back...back when all this began.
100 years ago when I'd first received the ring, when I had first slipped it over my neck and released the darkened spirit that would forever dominate my very existence. Slowly I slid off the silken sheets and stood on the white-carpeted floor. Flexing my cramped muscles slowly I made my way through the lavish apartment to the bathroom.
I shed my clothing in a slightly sloppy manner and turned on the water for the showerhead. It felt like years since I'd last showered. I desperately needed the cleansing liquid that poured down...even if it couldn't wash me completely, I needed it. Mechanically, I washed my hair with shampoo and conditioner, and my body. Finished with the ritual I stood there beneath the slightly too hot water with no expression.
Two warm arms reached around me suddenly, but I didn't bother to look up. Damp clothing pressed against my bare back as I slowly turned to lock gazes with Marik tiredly. He stared intently at me, insanity lined exotic face unreadable as he ran a finger down my cheek. I was too tired to bother to shy away and try to cover myself...show some form of modesty.
I felt like I was drowning in all my emotions. Everything was so out of control. Everything I'd come to believe since my...since Yami came back into my life causing me to remember everything was a lie...he never loved me...never cared for me beyond a toy, and Kami knows I felt more for him then that...
My other half, the other part of me I was dieing without was torn from me of his own violation. All for the same dark haired blue-eyed whore that would always be better then me. I realized vaguely that the water had been turned off and a fuzzy towel was wrapped around my lithe frame. He lifted me effortlessly into his arms, holding me close.
We were back in the bedroom, and I noted inanely that the sheets had been changed and the room had been tidied a little bit more. He laid me on the bed, hesitating only a split second before he laid next to me, his arms wrapping around me like a lover's would. I was used to it really.
Since I'd come to live with the two Egyptians, Marik had taken to looking after to me to the strongest extreme. Holding me, feeding me, (most of the time forcefully since I had no true appetite) and taking complete care of me. It was...nice really. I liked knowing that there was someone who cared about me. I loved him, in a way. Though whether as a lover or brother I didn't know. Too soon to sort out such muddled feelings...my mind was too much of wreck to even attempt it.
~I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
I'm going under~
~Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again~
I swallowed hard rolling over suddenly to bury my face in the collarbone of the Yami before me. He smelled of incense and jasmine mixed with metal. I breathed deeply, fighting away my tears. I was tired of this. Tired of always bowing down to fate, taking what life handed me with complete submission.
Some part of me broke when Yami walked out my door with his cruel words echoing around me. Some part of what made me was gone...and I didn't know how to get it back. Wasn't sure I could if I tried...and in truth wasn't sure if I even wanted to try. I was tired of always being the weak one, the one everyone always threw a hand out to help.
It was time for me to fight back, to stop cowering in a corner and just...take the role I'd never dared to touch.
Anger and betrayal, hate and love...they were all I could feel. The latter, a traitor?s emotion that was tearing at me. I looked up at Marik, a resolve tightening in my eyes as I locked gazes with those hardened insane lavender eyes. Marik understood, in some way I knew he did. He and Malik were the only ones who could...
Yuugi and Yugioh...they were here too, the reigning champions of the "resurrected" game of Duel Monsters...which was even hotter then it had been back then, believe it or not. They could sympathize with me...but never did fully understand. Yuugi and Malik had intact memories, same as me, when their Items touched their fingers.
I licked my lips slowly, a small crazy smile tickling at my lips. Marik had defended me, hunted down my Yami and Anzu not long after I showed up on their front door in an old grungy T-shirt, redden eyes and disheveled appearance. He'd gone and tried to figure out what the hell was going on...only to find out what I already knew. That he loved Anzu... not me. Never me.
"I...I want to get dressed...Marik...maybe...go some where...." I said softly, "It... It's time for me to move on." My voice was surprisingly firm, though slightly hoarse from crying all the time.
He looked at me with surprise, but conceded and rose from the bed.
"None of your clothes are here...but Malik won't mind if you were his..." he smirked comically at me and tossed a pair leather pants and a deep green silk shirt before walking out of the room.
I held the clothes with the tips of my fingers, a grimace crossing my face. Leather...wasn't me. I'd never been able to wear it...and Malik's clothes were skin tight...not that he looked bad in them but...
I narrowed my eyes suddenly and tossed the towel off me, most of the water had dried anyway. Hikari Ryou that had always whimpered under fate was dead now, drowned beneath the heartbreak his own other half had inflicted...it was time for a change. Time for me to take a stand and toss away my old identity to make way for the new.
And what better cover was there then darkness to hide the pain? What covered suffering best but shoveling it beneath the cape of swirling shadows? Yamis' used smoke and mirrors of the night to cover the insanity-rung pain they'd endured. Who ever said a Hikari can't do the same?
I took a death breath and pulled Malik's pants on. They were low hanging on the hips and flared slightly at the ankles, skintight. They left little to the imagination as well. I pulled the dark green shirt over to find it was the low hanging color kind with most of the buttons missing. I licked my lips nervously before walking out the room to see Marik lounging against the couch, his eyes staring vacantly out.
As I entered his eyes snapped to me, widening only slightly before his mouth curved up into an appreciative smile.
"Always knew you'd look good in Malik's clothes," he said, "you can borrow his spare boots by the door too, he won't care. But first... let?s fix you up a little bit...." He smirked evilly at that in a way that made me raise an eyebrow in amusement. "Sit on the stool, close your eyes and let me work my magic. Don't open them 'till I say, got it?"
I nodded and did as he asked. Moments later I felt him return, and heard a telltale snap that made me nearly groan. He was going to put make-up on me. Not that he was bad at it, Malik and he always looked sexy in it. But they looked good without it any way so that didn't matter. I felt him apply some eyeliner then shadow, lip gloss fell across my lips, and moments seemed to slow to a crawl as Marik worked his..."magic," as he would refer to it. I felt him playing with my hair as well and had to fight the urge to open my eyes. I hate not knowing what?s going on around me... not being in control... I needed control...of myself most of all right now...Kami knows I can't control much else...
"Open," he ordered.
My eyes snapped open to see my face reflected in the mirror...I certainly looked...different. My eyes had dark colors of blues mixed with other shades, outlined in black that gave them a sort of larger more innocent and slightly jaded appearance. My lips were midnight blue and glistening, my hair gelled and teased slightly to perfection. The doppelganger in the mirror was a surprising change from my earlier washed-out appearance...
I blinked slowly, "How..."
He shook his head at me before grabbing my arm, "Let's go show you off to the town, Hikari no Ryou!" he chirped, not seeming to notice me stiffen at beingreferred to as "hikari"...only Yami called me that...
Though insane and dark as any Yami born of pure shadows could dream of being, Marik did have a compelling nature that drew any like a moth to a flame. A natural charisma meant to lead...and to destroy.
I slipped on Malik's boots, to find them a half size too big, but still comfortable. Marik took my arm in a gentle clasp and lead me outside to get his "baby." His motorcycle that both he and Malik loved more then anything in the world. And a single scratch or bump from a careless mortal meant an instant bloody death at their hands.
My pain seemed distant now, buried beneath the waves of confidence that Marik emitted. He could deface any in but an instant, kill any man or woman that stood in his way without fear. He wore his power like a second skin and as we were riding down the streets of Domino on his motorcycle with the wind flying through my face. There was no fear, no pain. I was falling still in that blank pit of despair but I had found my escape with him. Found a way to forget.
Just by being at his side so much could be changed.
That didn't mean I was using him as help, though. I would be strong on my own, be the individual rock that would keep me from drowning any farther in a love that would never requited. The old Ryou Bakura would never have gotten kicked out school, be in skin-tight leather and revealing clothes, riding down the streets with the craziest of the Yamis: Marik.
But that boy was dead now. I refuse to keep hiding under that shell, to be the soft-spoken weakling boy that always cried...was always beaten and abused because he didn't want to fight back. Screw it. I'm not going through all of that again. Yami broke me that night...I can still taste the blood and tears from them. Remember the feel of him slapping me to the ground, taking my heart and shredding it in those powerful slender hands of his.
I tightened my grip around Marik, my face hardening. He thought he had beaten me that night. Thought I would wither and die. I did. And now I'm back...and its time everyone learns one simple fact. You don't piss on a Hikari's hopes and love without repercussions. We're the brightest of the light because our darkness is just as pure...but that doesn't mean we're all sweetness and kindness. Just as a Yami can be kind, we can be cruel.
And if cruel was the only way to survive now...then Kami be damned, I'd do it.
~I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through~
~So go on and scream
Scream at, I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breath
I can't keep going under~
Marik and I stopped at a local club that was open day through night, always had a party of some sort going on. Lust, sex, drugs, and power were all that mattered here. At one time I'd have been afraid to come within a foot of this place without Yami at my side. But the wind of change has blown, and any poor fool who messes with me tonight is going to face the consequences...
I blinked, nearly stopping in my tracks at that particular thought. Face what consequences? Was I this far gone? How far would I go to protect myself...? Marik pulled me insistently and we stepped into the darkened club. Heavy rock music blared in the room. The smell of liquor, laughter, cigarettes, and danger permeated the very air I breathed. It was intoxicating.
We walked over to a table, Marik ordering us some drinks. Our pale faced, slightly trembling waiter brought Marik's order faster then one would think possible. Looks like the Egyptian Yami has a...reputation here. I tossed my head slightly, downing the burning liquid in a single gulp. Tears pricked at my eyes at the firey sensation but I smiled over at Marik, licking my lips.
I was dying on the inside, but I'd never felt this alive before. The waiter set a bottle down in front of us before scurrying off. Marik opened his mouth to say something but I took several long swings of the fiery liquid before he could. My blood was burning, my heart was pounding. I grabbed Marik's hand, smiling through my muddled thoughts.
"Dance with me." I whispered huskily.
I pulled Marik onto the dance floor, dancing again the platinum blonde with a few dirty moves I'd seen everyone else use before. I'd always been to shy to dare do this...but I wasn't anymore. I wanted to live, live hard and fast. Stuff a lifetime of all the wrongs I'd always refrained from in but an instant.
I slipped a leg between Marik's, moving down and up his body, my hands wandering over his body while his did the same on mine. There was something between us in that instant. A spark, something that half jerked me from the drug-fogged vision my mind had fallen into. As quickly as it appeared, it disappeared though... leaving me confused.
"What do you want, Ryou?" he whispered as I came up to meet his face, my body molded against his.
"I think you know," I said softly.
I pressed my lips hard against his; he kissed me back savagely before pulling away suddenly.
"Just dance, Ryou..." he said. Not exactly a no...but not a yes either...Or did I want a yes?
What about Yami? *My* Yami?
I viciously shoved the memory away, feeling my mind fall down into that drowning abyss once... no. No. I had control right now...and I wouldn't give it up without a fight. Then I felt it. A prickling in the back of my mind, my blood rising in my very veins, my heart contracting painfully in my chest. And I knew. I knew that when I turned he would be there, staring at me.
I narrowed my eyes and turned, summoning all the dark loathing emotion I could into my gaze. M *Yami* dancing with that *slut,* Anzu.
What about Yami? *My* Yami? Hmp...mine no longer it would appear... A sneer lifted my lips as I tauntingly pressed myself against Marik. He growled and pulled me possessively close, his arms wrapping around me from behind. I smirked over at my former koi. Tossing my head slightly, feeling a firm satisfaction and the way he clinched his jaw.
His eyes were burning like a demon's would, anger and jealously coating his face momentarily before I saw a slender arm wrap its way around him. Dark hair, big blue eyes, and full lips to match a body blessed by Kami all for straight men. I scoffed at my long time adversary. If she wanted my EX Yami...fine. I don't care any more.
I was going under and I had abandoned the innocence I'd once held. It'd been shattered.
"If it isn't the two timing bastard!!" I yelled over the music, taking Marik's hand in mine as I walked toward him.
"Are you sure about this?" he whispered, I could practically taste his desire for me to say yes. He'd been longing for another confrontation.
"Hell yes," I snapped.
Anzu pressed her body tauntingly against Yami, batting her eyes at him...making him turn practically into pudding. It made me sick to my stomach. I knew the scene was being played out to hurt me, no other reason. But if they wanted a fight I'd give them one.
"If it isn't the white rat," she sneered, pointing her nose up and looking down at me, "I thought I smelled something..."
"Sure it ain't yourself, hoe?" I said, feeling amusement prickle its way through me at the shock that fell across her face along with the indignation. Dumb bitch.
"Bakura!! You?re not going to let him talk to me like that are you?"
His eyes were narrowed in fiery anger as he looked at me, "Fuck no. Take it back, weakling. What the hell are you wearing anyway? Finally trying to look like the street whore you are or just taking lessons from your crazy lover behind you?" His voice seemed to falter at the "lover" part but I didn't care.
I saw red. How dare he insult me...and Marik for that matter. I barely heard Marik snarling at him, yelling colorful words that would have made a sailor blush in embarrassment.
I couldn't take it any more. I flew at him. Tackled him straight to the ground. Pain...my cheek...the bastard!! I pounded at him, sitting on his chest before I suddenly found myself pinning him to the ground, blows raining down. I nailed him square in the nose, blood splattered across my hands. The taste of copper was in my mouth. Rage was all I could feel, all I could dare understand.
I wanted to kill him. Wanted to beat him to death with my hands. A shrill voice was screaming.
/...Ryou.../
His voice trickled through me, dimming my rage. Moonlight nights, making love slowly and leisurely. Love beyond limits, a smile meant for me and only me. Tears were streaming down as I felt my strength seeping out of me.
//Stop it you jackass!! I know...I know...don't you dare...say my name like that...never again...BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!//
I fought with a newly renewed liquid inferno. How dare he...how DARE he! Suddenly I was pulled off him, Yami jumped to his feet but the Bouncer held him back. I was suddenly back in Marik's arms.
"I'll kill you!!!!!" Yami was screaming, "RA DAMN YOU! I KILL YOU!!!!!!!" They pulled him away but Anzu stood there, her eyes burning with hatred.
"You'll pay for this, Rat," she said before following the man carrying her lover. I could feel Shadow Magic in the air and felt my Yami summon a monster but I didn't care about that...no need to.
I was sobbing, I realized suddenly. Tears were soaking my face and I found myself cradled against a warm familiar chest. He carried me with strong, firm footsteps outside and set me in front of him on the motorcycle.
My throat was burning, my mouth was dry, my face and body was pounding, my eyes felt like they were on fire...everything was blurry....
"Marik... Marik..." I murmured against his chest, holding onto him as my only line to sanity.
I'd finally reached the bottom...but where would it lead me?
~I'm dying again
I'm going under~
~Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through~
~I'm going under~
~Going under~
~I'm going under.....~
A.n.-And we stop there...I hope ya'all liked this chappie... kinda how I thought anyone would respond if faced with this...they lose themselves...Neways...review onegai ^_^I'll only add more if ya review!^_^