Disclaimer: I own nothing, as always.

A/N: Thanks to Merlyn at Accio Firebolt for assigning this homework – it was so much fun to write!

Ministry of Magic Break In
Written by Gwen James
Reporter for The Quibbler

Is our government safe? Maybe not. According to very reliable sources, the Ministry of Magic was broken into last night by several unidentified suspects. Apparently the intruders made it all the way into the very mysterious Department of Mysteries and made quite a ruckus.

Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic, declined to comment, but this reporter would not take no for an answer, determined to bring you the truth. "Okay, fine!" said Fudge. "There was a break-in! That's all I'm telling you!"

Fortunately, Fudge is not the only person who knows the details to this unfortunate event. After speaking with lower-ranking Ministry officials, it was discovered that the break-in occurred around 10:00 P.M. There was no sign of forced entry, but according to eye-witnesses, this was no ordinary instance of breaking and entering.

"I saw the lot of them!" exclaimed Gertrude Flobberwogget, 75, of Surrey. "They were wearing black masks and flew in on dragons! Then they transfigured the dragons into keys and opened the front door, then marched right in like they owned the place!"

Gertrude's neighbor, retired Ministry official Finneas Callerwott, 120, confirmed the report and added his own theories. "Those hoodlums broke in so they could steal the top secret plans for the Minister's hostile takeover of Europe! I always knew Fudge was up to something after he forced me into retirement! Here's your proof!"

Whether the Minister is planning a coup or not is unconfirmed, but Fudge declined to mention what exactly happened in the Department of Mysteries last night. "I'm not telling you anything and that's that!"

However, we got a hold of one of the department heads, a Mr. Croaker (he declined giving his first name despite much coaxing). Croaker admitted that the criminals were after something very important: a brain in a jar.

"We believe that the suspects were a part of a neurological science gang who broke in to our department so they could steal and then study one of the many brains we keep here." Mr. Croaker would not discuss the reasons these brains are kept in the Department of Mysteries; however, see page D5 to read The Quibbler's theories on this interesting mystery.

A full list of the items stolen from the Ministry will be available in tomorrow's edition of The Quibbler.