TITLE: Coming Decisions – Chapter 15

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hmfergie@charter.net

WEBSITE:  webpages. charter. net/ fergus80 (Jensen)  OR nunswithpens. hyperboards. com (NWP)

RATING: PG-13 (NC-17 where applicable will be separate)

SUMMARY: Set after Freak Nation. A miss understanding turns into some truth telling and decision making for our transgenic pair.

SPOILERS: Everything!

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: Always makes me smile! :)

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Jensen, the Blue Lady, and of course Jensen!

RANT: Okay… I did the stupid thing and watched Freak Nation with the commentary. Can I actually say I'm HAPPY that DA was canceled? Seriously what Cameron and/or what the writers wanted to do…. UGH! So, with that annoyance in my head, I just had to correct a few things, or I couldn't live with myself, whatever this will be (obviously, writing this, before I write my fic) is the result of this huge annoyance. SO… let's see how it goes. ;)

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"We NEED to talk." He looked straight into her brown depths. "And not with all the other ears in this room." Her eyes darted around again and back. Her jaw tensed and she relented. She pulled her arm from his hand and walked out in front of him, the door closing behind both of them.

"Damn… We don't get to see the end of the show." Mole commented to no one in particular.

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They didn't speak. They didn't talk until her apartment door was closed behind them. She turned towards him, "Well I guess your being 'nice' is over. Cause I didn't get my breakfast."

He rolled his eyes at her, "Well you seem to be just fine now. You can go get something later."

Max shrugged off her jacket and flung it on the back of the couch. "Well... talk," she said her hands on hips, going into her regular irritated stance.

Alec ran his hand through his hair, trying to figure out where to start. "Let's just get this out there. I DON'T HATE you." She shook her head not listening. "Max. Stop." He sighed, "I know from what has happened recently you might... think that. But it's NOT true."

She gave him a look, "Then what is true?"

He wasn't sure how to answer that, because truthfully he wasn't sure himself. Their relationship had completely changed. Heck... it was always changing. He had never known what to think from day to day with her.

She saw him hesitate and look at the floor, "See. Alec just stop trying to do whatever it is that you are trying to do."

His head snapped back up. "Max, just because I can't describe what I feel... I mean... I don't exactly have the best background in this area. None of us do. It doesn't mean I hate you. There is a broad range of emotions. It's not always black and white."

She crossed her arms in front of herself. "Fine... I get it. You don't hate me. But you still don't want me here, and neither do they."

He shook his head again. "That's not true either." He took a seat on the couch and rested his elbows on his knees, his chin in his hands. She turned towards him, still holding herself, waiting for his answer. "Yes. Some of them don't want you here." He raised a hand before she could say anything. "But they are only going on what they have heard. Or... well..." He didn't know how to explain the reptilian... "Mole is just... Mole."

"What about you?"

Alec looked up at her, "Max..." he sighed. "I didn't really want you to go."

Her eyes widened, "Then why did you..."

He gave her a confused looked. "Why did I what? Was I supposed to keep the cure to the virus from you? Was I supposed to force you to stay here? Was I supposed to not let you go and be happy?" She didn't know what to say. "For the last year all I've heard from you is how the virus and you not being with Logan was my fault. And when I finally... finally get to correct that," he looked down closing his eyes. "You yell at me for doing it." He looked back up at her, "I just thought it would make you happy. I wasn't trying to piss you off, like you think I do with everything I do."

Her hands gripped her own shoulders tighter and she adverted her gaze. "But I saw the look. You didn't deny that you and the others wanted me out of Terminal City."

Alec let out another deep breath, "At the time... with everything that was going on... and the way we were acting towards each other... it was best for the two of us not to be around each other. So that things could get done."

"So you're saying it was a Command decision and not a personal one." He gave a slight nod. "But you just said that we weren't getting along. There has to be a reason for that."

He stood back up and looked at her, "Why am I the only one that needs to answer that question?"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not the only one involved in why we weren't getting along. Heck Max, we barely ever got along. And it wasn't on my part. Because God knows how much I let you get away with."

"Let me get away with?" Now she was getting angry and her hands flew back to her hips and she took a step into his personal space. "So we're back to this... 'not going to let you kick my ass anymore' thing again."

"I guess we are."

"Well if you aren't going to take it anymore. Why the hell did you take it in the first place?" she yelled.

"I don't know. Maybe I thought you had to take your frustration out on someone before you exploded," he blurted out.

"My frustration was caused by YOU."

He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her slightly, "Max... how many times do I have to tell you? It WAS NOT!"

"Yes it was!"

"NO!" he screamed back, "Manticore made the virus! Manticore did everything. NOT ME! I'm NOT Manticore." Her eyes widened again. "We..." He let go of one arm and waved it around, "Aren't Manticore anymore. YOU made sure of that." His hand went back to her shoulder, making sure she looked at him. "And no matter how many times you call me names or try to kick my ass... you aren't hurting them! You're only hurting ME!"

And with the shocked look in her dark eyes he immediately released her and took a few steps back, already realizing that he had said too much.

She didn't know what to say as her eyes watched his retreating form to her door. Her lips couldn't speak as he reached for the handle behind him and then opened it. She barely head his, "I've gotta go." before he was out the door.

She blinked, then ran to the door, "Alec... wait..." but he was already gone. She shut the door behind her and leaned against it, her hand covering her face as she began to understand in some part why he felt the way he did. She wasn't sure exactly what he felt. But from his reaction, he had been telling the truth. He didn't hate her. Because someone that did, wouldn't put up with what she had been doing for so long. She just wondered if she would ever be able to make up for it.
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The door to Headquarters burst open, and seeing who it was the reptilian was up on his feet and walking over to the man heading towards his office. "Hey there." He only received an acknowledging glance, but he went on following him into the other room. He watched him sit down, and he took another seat. "So why didn't you tell me that… Max and the ordinary…"

"Mole!" Alec gave him an evil look. "I DON'T want to talk about it!"

"But I would think that knowing that they…"

He waved him away. "I don't want to even THINK about it."

"Not that I like the idea at all." Heck, he hated the idea of Max being free from that ordinary. In his opinion they deserved each other, and she definitely didn't deserve the man sitting across from him. "But it does change things between the two of you."

Alec rolled his eyes. "Mole… I understand what you are trying to do. Trying to make me see and understand things… the way they are… the way the have to be. But you know what?" He turned to look directly at him, "I REALLY don't want to hear about it. It DOESN'T make anything easier. It doesn't make anything better. And it doesn't change anything."

Didn't change anything? Mole shook his head, "Fine… we won't talk about it. So… want to head over to Jonny's then… and not talk about anything?"

He then actually smiled at the lizard man, "Now that sounds like an idea."

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She sat on the couch, her knees tucked up under her chin, her arms wrapped around them. Brown eyes starring off into space as her brain played images, moments, flashbacks of her life. Her times in Manticore, her times on the outside, and then back in. Times with her friends, her 'brothers' and 'sisters.' The times over the last year. The hurt, the pain, the tears. But also the laughs, the smiles, and the joy.

Yes. In the last year, even if she didn't like to admit it. There were good times. There was laughter. And contrary to popular belief, she did smile. She remembered those times. She remembered trying not to smile. Trying not to laugh. Trying so hard to mask that feeling of happiness. But why? Why did all those times seem to have to involve him?

How many times did she hit him or yell at him, or call him some stupid name to cover up those feelings? Why?

Was it because she didn't feel like she deserved to be happy? That she felt responsible for all the bad things that were happening? That how dare she feel happy? She closed her eyes. It was true. She felt guilty. She felt responsible. But she blamed Manticore for it. They made her do it. They were the evil ones. They had to be stopped.

And he… he was their agent. He was the one sent by them to her. He was the one used by them to take away her happiness. Wasn't he? Wasn't it his fault?

Her lip trembled and a tear fell down her cheek, and she shook her head burying her face in her knees. She knew that it wasn't. Deep down she knew it was irrational. That what he had said was true. He might have been working for them. He might have done what he was told to do. But what choice did he really have?

She remembered the time when she was child. A child but also a soldier in Manticore. When her and her unit tracked down that man. Found him. Beat him. Killed him.

Her eyes squinted tightly shut at the memory. The memory that his twin had made her recall. Made her remember the event that she had tried for so many years to hide, to forget.

She had been their agent too. Maybe not as many times as he had. But she had escaped early. He wasn't so lucky. How could she blame him for that?

Max wiped the tears away with her hand, and sniffed. Her eyes turned back to the wall. Her twins image flashing before her eyes. Their fight. Their conversation. What her clone had to endure because of her, because of her escape. Her eyes closed again. The knowledge of what he had to go through because of her 'brother.' Not once… but twice.

His hunched over form at the bar. His hazel eyes starring, unfocused into the brown liquid he swirled around in his glass. His words. 'they had ways of making you not care.' Her body shuddered at the thought.

How could she blame him for not wanting to have to go through that again? Because that's what they would do if he didn't complete his mission. He had found that out with… her… a ghost from his past. A moment that she had realized that she had never wanted to witness. A moment that had contradicted everything she had believed about him. A moment that she realized he actually did feel something.

But still she had pushed the memory away. Not wanting to believe it. Not wanting to believe that the person that she blamed for everything wrong in her life had feelings, had emotions. That he could be hurt. She clenched her eyes tighter shut, their last 'talk'… 'discussion'… argument running through her brain. 'You aren't hurting them! You're only hurting ME!'

Another tear slipped down her cheek. She had saw the pain in his eyes as his hands gripped her shoulders trying to make her understand. She saw the hurt that she had created. She saw the fear that ran through them when he realized he had shown her his weakness. When he had let his mask slip in front of her. It struck her to the very core. Because in that instant she truly realized that he was right. She wasn't hurting Manticore. She was hurting him… and herself.

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Chapter 16 Coming Soon! – Please Review!!!