WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)
EMAIL: hmfergie@charter.net
WEBSITE: webpages. charter. net/ fergus80 (Jensen)
RATING: PG-13 (NC-17 where applicable will be separate)
SUMMARY: Set after Freak Nation. A miss understanding turns into some truth telling and decision making for our transgenic pair.
SPOILERS: Everything!
DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.
FEEDBACK: Always makes me smile! :)
DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Jensen, the Blue Lady, and of course Jensen!
RANT: Okay… I did the stupid thing and watched Freak Nation with the commentary. Can I actually say I'm HAPPY that DA was canceled? Seriously what Cameron and/or what the writers wanted to do…. UGH! So, with that annoyance in my head, I just had to correct a few things, or I couldn't live with myself, whatever this will be (obviously, writing this, before I write my fic) is the result of this huge annoyance. SO… let's see how it goes. ;)
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"Girl… this is the REAL world. Not some smutty romance novel. Sometimes
the damsel has to kill her own dragons and drag her knight back to the
castle."
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He heard the footsteps before he saw her. His brain actually contemplating whether to flee before she saw him or not. Because he just wasn't sure if he was ready to confront her or the unanswered questions.
Before she even rounded the corner, she knew what she would find. She almost laughed. Cindy had urged her to go get answers from him, but she wanted some time to think first. That's why she was there. But, there was no turning back now.
There he was, sitting there, looking out over the city, his back straight, shoulders tense. She knew he knew she was there. But he didn't say anything. She sighed lightly and went and sat down next to him. "How are you feeling?"
His hazel eyes kept looking straight ahead, "Much better."
She nodded, and let her eyes look out over the lights. "Good."
They just sat there for a minute, before he spoke, still not looking at her. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Max turned to look at his profile, "Tell you what?"
He sighed and shook his head. Closing his eyes, "I had to find out from Mole… MOLE!" He stood up, whipping his pants.
She sat there looking up at him. She sighed, "About Logan… and me." She said softly.
His hand went out at his side and then dropped back down, indicating she had hit the nail on the head.
She sighed and stood up quickly. "If you were so upset that I didn't tell you, why didn't you yell at me before this?"
Alec spun around to her, "Excuse me?"
"Well you've been telling me what you are pissed about for awhile now. Why didn't you mention it?"
He started to laugh, but the sound wasn't one that would make anyone smile. "Kinda hard to do that Max… when I JUST found out a couple of hours ago."
Her eyes widened, "What?"
"Yep. Everyone knew about your little breakup except me." He nodded at himself and turned away from her, "I'm the laughing stock of Terminal City."
She shook her head, still in shock, her brain cussing herself out, as she answered, "No you aren't! We all thought you knew. I didn't think there was a point bringing it up…"
He turned to look at her again, "No point in bringing it up?" She nodded at him, "Oh. Okay." He waved the thought off. "Then I guess we have nothing left to talk about." He said as he started to walk to the exit. That glimmer of hope quickly vanishing.
Max watched his retreating form, "Alec…"
"See ya back at Terminal City. We can talk about work later."
"Work?" What the? She watched him walking away, and then Cindy's words snapped at her. "Damn it Alec, stop!" He sighed and turned to look at her, his face completely masked and she sighed. "Don't do this."
"Don't do what?" he asked, his voice even.
"Talk to me."
He shook his head, "Why?" he started to walk back to her. "Why should I talk to you? Huh? You obviously don't want to talk to me. You don't want to tell me what is going on in your life. So exactly what is it that you want to talk about?"
She ran her hand over her face. "God, sometimes you are just impossible," she said before she even thought about it, and the look on his face and him turning to walk away told her how wrong those words were. She ran in front of him, her hands pushing at his chest to stop him. "Wait." She saw his eyes close and his shoulders tense. "We both are."
His eyes opened to look at her. Her admission of being impossible too got his interest. She took a breath and continued, "We need to talk." He was about to say something and she cut him off, "I have questions. Which…" She stopped and shook her head, "Which you… at least I think… you just answered one big one." He looked at her slightly confused. "And you… you obviously either have questions or at least should be… corrected on what you think."
He shook his head, "Max… what the hell are you talking about?"
"Alec… just sit your ass down and listen to me for a minute."
He pulled away in a huff, went back over to the spot and plopped himself down. He really wasn't in the mood to talk anymore. He really didn't want to hear what she said because it didn't matter anymore. The hope that she had wanted anything more from him was simply gone.
She followed and sat back next to him. "I thought you knew about the breakup."
"You said that already."
Max winced at the sound of his voice. He was angry, but there was more too it. She heard the hurt. She closed her eyes for strength. "I didn't tell you after I did, because… well… we weren't exactly speaking to each other." She received a slight snort from him in confirmation of the understatement. "And then… well… when everything was better. Well… by that time I thought you had found out."
He continued looking out at the buildings, "We basically already established that." He closed his eyes, "But you… you never even brought it up. Never he asked me how I felt about…" he stopped shaking his head.
She turned to look at him, asking quietly, searching for his reason, "And why would I need to know about how you feel about my breakup?"
He shook his head slightly at the thought, "Exactly. Why would you?" He stopped not wanting to go any further. He got his answer. He had a lot more questions, but they really didn't matter. It didn't matter why she broke up with Logan. It was kinda obvious why she was back in Terminal City. Why was she being nice to him? He thought he might know the answer to that one. But he still had one question. "So what the heck were you referring to when you left my apartment earlier?"
Her head spun at the change in direction of the conversation. "What?"
Alec turned towards her, "You got all pissed and told me to figure out what I wanted, and to get back to you. Or something to that effect."
She wasn't sure how to respond to that one. She had spent all her time trying to figure out the reason he was acting like he was on the assumption that he already knew that she had broken up with Logan. But he didn't know. So this whole time he kept pushing her away, pushing her to 'be happy,' he thought she was with Logan. He had thought that she was happy with another man.
She wanted to scream. And while that answered that question, it brought out a ton of others. So was that the real reason he was pushing her away? Or was it something else? Did he, or at least had he until he found this out, want her? Or was it because she was with someone else, off limits, he would tease her with it, knowing it wouldn't go anywhere? What could she tell him? The truth?
He looked at her, waiting. No answer was forthcoming. He started to get up, "Yeah Max… you REALLY wanted to talk."
Her hand brought him back down to the metal surface. "When I said that… I was confused. I didn't know you didn't know."
He shook his head, "What?"
"I was angry because to me your behavior didn't make any sense. But I thought you knew about the breakup. But since you didn't… it makes a little more sense."
He closed his eyes and shook his head again, "What?" He was confused, seriously.
She smiled at the befuddlement on his face. "Alec… sometimes I swear… you've been… flirting with me." He was about to say something. "Now… you've always done that… teasingly. But lately… it seemed there was more to it." His mouth opened, but she continued. "And then when it seems you get to this line, you stop. Pull away from it. Let's just say…" She stopped and took a breath, "It finally irritated the hell out of me, and I was trying to make you make a decision of crossing that line."
There she had said it, and she waited. Waited for what he would say or do next.
Alec sat there looking at her. Her face looking down at the metal between them, refusing to look at him while she waited for some type of answer from her. But he wasn't sure how to answer her. She had noticed him flirting with her. She had noticed him then pulling away. But she didn't know he had pulled away because of Logan. But now she did know why. And she wanted him to make a decision of what he wanted.
He shook his head, "So let me get this straight." She slowly looked up at him. "You do or do not want me to cross that line?"
"Alec… if I didn't want you too, do you think I would really be giving you the choice?" Her breath lightly hit his face as she leaned in close to him.
She had a point. He swallowed as he looked down at her. Her dark eyes looking back up at him with that look of desire she had before. How easy would it be to just give in? Kiss her. And give her what she wanted. But that's not all that he wanted. He didn't want to just kiss her. He didn't want to just have sex with her. It wasn't going to be enough for him.
She looked up at him, saw the hunger there as well, and waited, holding
her breath. Until his words seemed to break her heart in two. "I can't."
And then she watched his form stand up and start to walk away.
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{{Sixty more cases have been reported in Rome, and twenty-three in Sydney within the hour. One fatality has been reported outside of Berlin.}}
"Oh boy."
"What now?" Luke asked turning from the news and back to Mole at the telescope.
"The Mrs.'s is now up there with him."
"That's good right? They might actually talk."
Mole laughed, "Them? Talk? And actually have it communicate something?"
Luke sighed. The lizard man had a point.
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She almost let him go. The pain in her heart was too much. But she wouldn't. She had seen that look in his eyes. It was unmistakable. He wanted her. She got to her feet, and grabbed his arm forcing him to the side of building, making him look at her. "Why can't you?"
He was shocked by her actions and the look on her face. "Max… stop."
She knew she couldn't keep him there. But she was at least hoping that she would get an answer out of him for trying. "I saw the look in your eyes Alec. You wanted me just then. Just like the looks before. And I've basically admitted that I want you too. So why can't you?"
He pushed her away, and then started to walk to her. A dangerous look in his eye, and she started to back up as he moved forward. "Do I want you? Yes. What red-blooded man wouldn't want you Max? I'd be insane not to want you." She swallowed taking another step back. "And now you say you want me… Fine. Also… seriously not that surprising Max. We are all X5's. I've never had a problem getting women."
His voice was even, and that was what scared her as she took another step back. She wondered for an instant if they would walk all the way around the Space Needle. But the thought was only brief as he went on.
"Sex. That's all it would be. That's all it would boil down to. And you know what? It's just not worth it."
Her mouth opened, and then closed. So that was it. He was pushing her away because if they did anything it wouldn't mean anything. So… Should she be thankful that he was pushing her away, to shield herself from that fact? Or should she be completely heartbroken, like she was feeling now because that was all it would be to him.
She closed her eyes, let a single tear run down her cheek, and then walked past him. "I guess I'm not worth it," she said softly.
His head snapped to look at her fleeting form, his head playing her words. "What game are you playing?" he called out after her.
She stopped not turning around, her hands coming up to her face to whip away the rest of the unshed tears. Her shoulders straightened. "Game? Alec… I've already made a big enough fool of myself tonight for telling you any of this. So let's just drop it."
This time she was turned around and found herself looking up into stormy hazel eyes. "Drop it? You wanted to talk about it." He looked down into her dark eyes, seeing the redness from the tears and he shook his head, "Max… what game are you playing?"
"Game? Alec. What the hell are you talking about?"
"Do you honestly think it's okay to play games with men's hearts? Get whatever you need out of the relationship and then drop them when you are done with them?"
Her eyes widened, "Is that what you think I'm doing?" The accusation hurt her to the very core.
"What else am I supposed to think?" She looked back at him like he had lost it. He sighed. "You string on your on and off again relationship with him forever and then once you are able to be together…" He stopped shaking his head and let her go.
"Then what?" she prompted needing to know what he thought.
He shook his head and laughed slightly, as he turned away. "You sleep with him and then break up with him." Her eyes grew. "So what was it Max? Huh. Was it THAT bad?" She stood their stunned as he turned back to look at her. "So now what? Huh? You've lowered your standards, and figured out… that maybe I'm not such a bad guy now. Maybe see if all those rumors at Jam Pony were true or not. Big deal right. It's just Alec." He laughed and went and sat back down in a huff.
She stared at his back, not knowing exactly what to do or say. Part of her was pissed off that he could even believe that she would do something like what he had described. But another part of her brain said that with the information that he had, it was a logical course of thought. She walked back over to him, but didn't sit down. "You're wrong."
He snorted, "I'm wrong. Yeah. Okay. I'm always wrong, what's new."
She sighed, "Well for one. What makes you think I slept with Logan."
Alec shook his head. "I saw the dinner plates, the wine glasses, the blown out candles, the dark house…" he stopped realizing what he had admitted, and then she confirmed.
She swallowed, "You were there? You went there." He didn't answer her, but his shoulders slumping a little bit more confirmed it. "Alec…" This time she sat down next to him, and slowly she laid her hand on his knee. His eyes quickly looked over to her. "I didn't sleep with Logan."
"But I saw…"
She shook her head, "Did you actually SEE us together?"
He shuddered slightly at the thought, "I didn't want to venture upstairs."
She gave a small smile back, "Neither did I." His confused look had her go on. "That night I told him it was all too weird. That I had to get used to being able to touch him again… I then went to Cindy's."
His brain was spinning. "You didn't sleep with…" She shook her head. "Then why did you break…"
She laughed slightly. Obviously they did need to talk about it. They should have talked about it a while ago. "I didn't love him. At least not that way."
"But…"
"And I was using him." The questioning look, made her go on. "I was using him to push others away. I could use him as my security blanket. But then once the cure came…"
"I took away your security blanket."
"Yeah."
"So that's why you were so pissed at me." It made sense. He sighed. She was mad because of that. Not because she wanted him though. He ran his hand though his hair. "Sorry."
She shook her head, "No. You had no idea. Besides, I should be sorry."
"Why?"
"Because I was using him to push you away."
"Me?" he could barely form the word.
"Yeah, it just took me awhile to admit it, and a lot of couch therapy from Cindy." They both smiled at that. "She convinced me to move back to Terminal City. Try and make things right."
He nodded, another question answered. But he still had other questions. "But that doesn't explain your change in… well…"
"Everything?" She laughed. "Since breaking up with him… I felt… I don't know… free." She reached over and took one of his hands in hers and was glad when he didn't pull away. "This sense of freedom came over me. I started seeing things in a new light. People in a new light. Seeing things as they really were and not how my brain was trying to make them."
Alec looked down at their joined hands and then back up into her eyes. "So this change in you. This happiness… isn't because you're with him."
Max sighed… "With him?" She wanted to hit him upside the head. "I thought we have established that I haven't been with him."
"So… you've been re-evaluating your life and everyone without this brain block of yours." She nodded. Okay. He really had to think now. Because he wasn't sure if he was thinking correctly. "Let me see if I have this straight."
She nodded, and waited for him to go on. Her fingers squeezed his, and she was glad he wasn't pulling away. Because in the very least, this talk might actually let them understand what was wrong, and keep them friends. But she was still holding on to some hope.
"You broke up with Logan. But you didn't sleep together." She nodded. "You moved back to Terminal City trying to get people's opinion of you changed." She nodded again. "You've been being nicer to me because… now that you are trying to see things for as they are… and not what you want to believe… you…" He wasn't sure on that one.
Max took a deep breath, her hand came up to the side of his face. "I've seen what type of man you truly are. And not what I choose to believe to protect myself."
He swallowed at her words and the look in her eyes. "Max…"
"Yes?"
"If I crossed that line… would it mean more to you that just sex?"
She swallowed, "Let's just say… If you crossed that line, it had better mean more to YOU than just sex."
And before she knew what was happening, his hand was at the back of
her head pulling her body to his as his mouth came down on hers.
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Chapter 25 Coming Soon! – Please
Review!!!