Chapter Nine- Within You





"Do you have any fours?"

"Go fish."

"Argh, I think all this pressure is giving me a rash, I fold."

"Joe! You can't fold in Go Fish!"

Joe and Izzy had come over to Tai's apartment for the evening to hang out. They sat on the floor surrounded by playing cards, sodas, and bags of chips and popcorn. Matt was in Tai's lap and every so often whispered what cards he had "accidentally" seen in Izzy or Joe's hands.

Tai had his arm around Matt's waist and held him tight.

"I think you're cheating Tai," Izzy said, peeking over his cards.

"Cheating!? Me!? You know I'd never do that Izzy." Tai and Matt smiled at each other and tried to contain their giggling.

"Can't we play a different game?" Joe whined. "I brought Othello!"

"What the heck is Othello, Joe?" Tai asked and stuffed a handful of popcorn in his mouth.

"You know that game with the chips that are black on one side and white on the other, the point is to try and get as many of your color on the board as possible."

"Sounds boring," Tai said, and burped.

"Ugh, what a barbarian," Matt rolled his eyes.

"Maybe you're just not intellectual enough to play Tai," Izzy teased.

"Can't you just say smart like every normal person in the world does?"

"Heh, sorry wittle Tai, we won't use big words around you anymore!" Matt snickered and started poking Tai in the cheek.

In the past, Tai would have responded to Matt's comment with a friendly punch in the gut, but decided not to. Matt seemed to be a lot more cheerful lately, he was returning to his old self. Tai didn't want to do anything to ruin his boyfriend's good mood.

Instead of punching him, Tai gathered Matt up further into his lap and kissed his cheek.

"Ugh, choke me with a utensil."

"That's gag me with a spoon, Izzy."

Tai now preceded to push Matt off his lap and attack Izzy. Tai pounced on him and started beating him over the head with a pillow.

"Jeez Tai, get a room, will you?" Matt smiled.

"Oh shut up Yama!" Tai turned towards Matt and tossed the pillow at his head. Matt blocked with his arm and deflected the pillow into a bowl of corn chips, spilling the contents all over the carpet.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT YAMATO!" Tai giggled.

"Pay for what!?"

"NO WASTING FOOD!"

Before Matt could respond, there was an all out pillow war raging. Joe attempted to keep out of it, but after getting hit in the face with a ham sandwich, he joined in.

Kari had been sitting at the kitchen table reading, but now heard loud crashing and laughing coming from Tai's bedroom.

"I wonder what they're doing." She set her book down on the table and walked over to the door. When she opened it up, the first thing she saw was a pillow hitting her face.

"Izzy did it!"

"Did not!"

Kari looked down at the four boys on the floor. They were all piled on top of each other looking like they were playing some kind of ultimate Twister game. There was food everywhere, soda spilled on the rug, and pillows flung all over the room.

"You do know mom is going to flip when she sees the mess you've made," Kari said, putting her hands on her hips but grinning the whole time.

"Well...uh...." Tai scratched his head for a moment trying to think of a response.

"Hey Tai, I think I know what we can do to teach her a lesson," Matt said.

Somehow, Tai knew exactly what Matt was thinking, as if they shared a telepathic bond.

"Yeah, Let's get her!"

Before Kari could make an escape, she had been grabbed by the ankle and pulled into the battle zone.

"Tickle Torture!" Matt and Tai yelled at the same time. They both began tickling Kari until she was laughing so hard tears were rolling down her cheeks.

"Stop!!!" Kari squealed in-between giggles.

Joe and Izzy just sat back and watched, what a couple of crazy idiots Matt and Tai could be sometimes.

Matt was having so much fun he had forgotten about his misery. But as he looked down at Kari playfully yelling to stop below him, he suddenly felt something jabbing at his heart.

"Matt what are you doing!?"

Matt shot up away from Kari, and landed on his backside. His face was terror stricken and he backed away from Kari like he had just seen a ghost.

"TK!!!" Matt screamed. It was TK's voice he had heard, inside his own head. Matt put his hands on the side of his face and began screaming in agony. His eyes were frozen wide open and he couldn't control the movements of his body. He thrashed violently on the floor.

"STOP IT! YOU'RE HURTING ME! DADDY PLEASE STOP!!" the silent screams that had been building up for eight years now found a voice. Matt yelled at the top of his lungs and flailed his arms, trying to fight off an unseen attacker.

Matt had completely lost touch with reality and had no idea Tai was above him, shaking him and trying to bring him back.

"YAMA! YAMA!" Joe and Izzy were holding Matt's arms down and Tai supported his head to keep it from banging against the floor anymore.

"Taichi! What's wrong with him!?" Kari was leaning away from them and sobbing.

"I don't know, Kari!"

Tai's parents now rushed into the room to see what the commotion was.

"Oh Tai!" his mother gasped.

Matt was still screaming and convulsing. Joe, Izzy and Tai could barely subdue him. It took all of Tai strength to keep Matt from flinging his head back and forth and slamming it against the floor.

"Mom!! There's something wrong with him! He's having a seizure or something!"

Kari stood up and grabbed onto her father's shirt and cried into it. It frightened her to see Matt so out of control like this, he was usually so reserved and collected.

"I'll go call an ambulance Tai!" His mother hurried out of the room to the phone.

Tai's father let go of Kari and bent down to help the boys control Matt. Matt's eyes were still wide open, staring at someone who wasn't really there. His body was covered in a cold sweat.

There he was again, reliving the same night, only now it was twice as bad. Now he was at both ends, he was not only receiving but causing this pain that he felt.

"TK!!! TAKERU!!!"

"Yama!!! TK's not here! What are you talking about!? Yama answer me!!!" Tai shouted at him.

This continued for almost 20 minutes, Yamato screaming and convulsing, and Tai trying to snap him out of it. The ambulance finally arrived and had to sedate Matt. He was rushed to the emergency room, and Tai never left his side for a moment. He held onto Matt's hand tightly, afraid he might lose him.

At around midnight, the drugs Matt had been given to calm him down and put him to sleep wore off. He opened his eyes slowly and looked up at the white room around him. There was an IV hooked up to his arm, and the room was dark.

"Where am I?"

He turned to the side and saw Tai, sleeping in a chair next to the hospital bed. When Tai was asleep, Matt swore he had to be an angel. He was the most beautiful sight Matt had ever seen, an angel sent to save his soul and protect him.

"Taichi, wake up." Matt whispered.

Tai made kind of a grunting sound when Matt spoke. He shook himself out of his sleep, and suddenly remembered where he was.

"Yama! You're awake, are you ok?"

"Yeah I think so, but what happened? How did I get in the hospital?"

"You mean, you don't remember?"

Matt shook his head.

"Maybe it's better that you don't remember. You lost it, Matt. One minute you were fine but then you started flipping out."

Matt appeared rather surprised. "If that's what happened then I am glad I don't remember."

Tai leaned over and kissed Matt tenderly. He brushed his blonde hair out of his eyes and gazed down at him.

"I'm glad you're ok Matt, I wouldn't want to lose you." Tai sighed. "You're so beautiful."

Matt smiled and took Tai's hand in his. "You're much more beautiful."

Tai shook his head in protest. "No way you're definitely more beautiful than me."

"No, YOU are! Don't argue with me!" Matt snickered.

"Oh Yama...." Tai laid his head down on Matt's chest and cuddled up against him.

Matt absentmindedly ran his hand back and forth through Tai's hair and fell into a natural sleep.

"Don't ever to that to me again Yama..." Tai mumbled, and he too fell asleep.





Tai sat in his room smiling as he listened to the song emanating from the bathroom on the other side of his wall. Matt was singing in the shower, and doing it quite loudly. It had been so long since he had heard Matt sing.

"Watashi wa ishikoro desu, watashi wa shiima desu...."

Even though the sound was muffled by the wall separating them, Matt's voice was as beautiful as ever. Tai tapped his pencil on the desk, providing percussion for Matt's wonderful shower concert. Tai pondered whether he should try to join Matt, but decided not to risk ending the music prematurely.

On the other side of the wall, Matt washed his blonde hair and let the hot water flow over the snow white skin of his naked body. He rubbed the Herbal Essences shampoo in his hair until a good lather had been worked up. The water and sweet smelling soap made him feel comfortable and safe. He almost always felt safe in Tai's house, except for certain times. These certain times were when he began to worry. He became so frightened he might lose control and do what he had done before to Tai or Kari. He dreaded the thought of hurting either of them, they were both so innocent. Innocent...just like his own little brother had been.

He rinsed off and stepped out of the shower. In front of him was the bathroom mirror, and he stared at his reflection in it.

It had been two days since he came home from the hospital, and he still had no memory of what had happened. Tai kept telling him it was better that he didn't remember, but he wanted to know. He wished he could have been painfully aware of every second, just in case something had happened in his head that could have helped his healing process.

Matt glanced down at the scars on his arm on the image looking back at him. He sometimes wondered what side of the looking glass he was really on. There he was, with no clothes covering him up, nothing hidden. Those blue eyes, the person looking back was him, but somehow it was not him. It was his other self, the shape of Matt, that he saw in every mirror he looked at.

"Your eyes can be so cruel...."

Matt shook his head and tried not to think about it.

Kari was sitting at the table doing her homework when Matt opened the bathroom door. Kari looked up and blushed slightly when she saw Matt stroll into the kitchen to the refrigerator with nothing but a white towel wrapped around his waist.

"Matt, what do you think you're doing?" Tai's voice called. He was leaning against the frame of his bedroom door with one eyebrow raised.

"Getting a soda."

"Matt, why aren't you wearing any clothes?"

"I just got out of the shower, boy Tai, you think you'd be used to it by now." Matt popped open a can of soda and took a gulp.

"I don't mind seeing you waltz around the place with no clothes, but think about Kari!"

Kari had her head turned away and her cheeks were still slightly red. "It's ok Tai, besides, you do it all the time."

Tai groaned. "Yeah but that's different, I'm your brother."

Kari gathered up her books and headed towards her room. She glanced back at Matt and stifled a giggle. He was looking back at her with the most friendly but devious smile you can imagine. Kari had almost become like a little sister to him. He felt much happier knowing he still had someone younger to take care of...even if his own sibling was never able forgive him.