Chapter Twelve- Four Seasons





Tai walked out of his bedroom the next morning fairly early to get a before breakfast snack. It was Saturday so his family members were all still in bed. Tai's hair was messier than usual not having been brushed yet and he was still in his underwear, which he had worn to bed the night before.

Tai yawned and entered the kitchen, but then noticed Matt was not sleeping on the couch where he usually was. He then heard the sound of the shower running and moved over to the bathroom door. It seemed odd that Matt would be taking a shower so early in the morning.

Tai opened up the bathroom door and stepped inside. He saw Matt's outline through the semi transparent shower door, but he was sitting down. Tai opened the shower door a crack and peeked in. Matt was sitting on the floor, with his head resting on his knees, fast asleep.

Tai took his t-shirt off so he could lean in and wake Matt up. When he bent over though, he screamed and back away. The spray of water that had hit his back was freezing cold! Tai quickly shut off the water and shook Matt awake.

"Matt! Hey wake up!"

Matt opened one eye and glanced up at Tai. "Tai...? What are you doing?"

"Matt, you're lucky I found you in here before anyone else. Hey, what are you doing sleeping in an ice cold shower anyway?" Tai was now kneeling down on the floor next to Matt in only his boxers.

"I had a nightmare...." Matt sighed.

"Hey, if you had a bad dream why didn't you come in and sleep with me, huh?" Tai smiled and moved some of Matt's wet hair out of his eyes.

"I...didn't want to wake you." He turned his gaze away from Tai.

Tai stood up and held his hand out to Matt. Matt looked up again, he didn't want to move at all. He sighed once more and decided to accept Tai's offer to help him up. He grabbed it and pulled himself up until he was standing facing his partner.

"Hey Matt...since we're both in here, want to take a nice hot shower?" Tai grinned.

Matt raised an eyebrow, then smiled a tiny bit. Somehow, Tai had this way of making you forget about your problems, and making everything ok, even if it was only temporary.

"Sure," he said. Matt turned the hot water on and adjusted it until the temperature was just right. When he turned around again, Tai had taken his underwear off and was looking at him sweetly. He gave Tai a kiss on the forehead and slipped his arms around Tai's now wet body.

He poured shampoo in Tai's mass of fluffy brown hair and ran his fingers through it. Tai had put liquid soap in the palms of his hands and was running them all over Matt's body. Then Matt took the removable shower head in his hand and started spraying Tai's hair with it. He snickered and sprayed the water on Tai's stomach.

"Hey Matt, that tickles!" Tai giggled. Matt moved behind Tai and started spraying the water a bit lower. Tai moaned, the jet of water hitting him sent chills up his back. Matt had managed to find some kind of pressure point on his body. It was one of the best feelings he had ever felt. Tai was trembling now,

"Don't stop Matt..." Matt moved the shower head closer and Tai moaned louder.

Suddenly Matt gasped, "What am I doing!?"

Tai stopped moaning and opened his eyes. The spray of water had gone away, and Matt's arms were no longer around him. He turned to see Matt huddled up in the corner of the shower shaking. For some reason, every time he tried to satisfy Tai, he felt like he was taking advantage of him. Even though he knew how much Tai wanted it, he still felt like as though he was violating him.

"Matt...what's wrong now?" Tai bent down next to him and rubbing his back, trying to calm Matt's sobs.

"It's my fault Tai...I did it. Oh God...what have I done?"

"Matt, what did you do, what happened!?"

"I always promised that even if I failed at everything else, I'd never stop fulfilling my duties as a brother, but now I can't even do that."

"Did something happen with TK? Matt, please tell me, maybe if you tell me what's wrong with you I can help."

"I can't...."



That night Matt had another dream. He was back in the same place as last night, standing on the sidewalk with the sun shining and the multicolored flowers all around him.

"Great, I'm back here again..."

Then Matt heard a familiar voice calling out to him, but it wasn't TK's this time.

"Matt!"

"Gabumon?" Matt turned his head, and there was Gabumon, sitting on a park bench.

"Room for one more," Gabumon said, patting the empty spot next to him.

"Gabumon!" Matt cried. He hurried over and sat next to his digimon partner. "I'm so happy to see you! I've missed you so much!" He gave Gabumon and huge hug.

"I'm happy to see you too Matt, I'm just sorry I am not the real Gabumon."

Matt sat up straight again. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I am only a dream, Matt, but I'll try to be as good as the real thing."

"Sure thing," Matt smiled.

"Matt, I am here to tell you something important. You need to stop hiding and tell someone what happened. You can not let these feelings build up inside you. You must know that it is killing you."

"You don't understand, I can't tell anyone."

"But I do understand Matt, you can tell Tai. He loves you and is very worried about you."

"But...how can I tell Tai that I did something like that to my own little brother!? He'll think I'm a monster!" Matt leaned forward and put his head in his hands.

"You need to tell him the whole story, you need to tell him what happened with your father as well, Matt."

"What!?" Matt looked up at Gabumon in astonishment. "You can't know that! Nobody is supposed to know about that!"

"You've forgotten, I only know about that because I am a part of you. I am the fourth part of you, Matt."

"Fourth part?"

"There are different parts to you. The second part is your anger, your rage, this is the part you've been letting control you. The third part is your innocence. It's sad to say, but you don't let this part get out very often. You think it makes you weak, but it can only do that if you let your anger become stronger."

Matt sighed in response.

"I am the fourth part," Gabumon continued. "I am your conscience, but it seems you don't listen to this part very much either."

"Then what's the first part?" He asked.

"The first part is you, it's all the others put together. Most people have an even balance, but I'm afraid you've let everything become uneven. You've been denying your innocence and your conscience and are in a constant battle with your anger. It's overpowering everything else, until only the two sides are left."

"I can't help it!" he screamed. "I hate myself for what I've done!!"

"You need to stop letting your hate consume you, my friend. Please tell Tai, tell your family."

"What family..." Matt could feel tears coming to his eyes, even though he knew this was only a dream.

"You do have a family, your mother and your brother love you very much. And Tai loves you more than everyone else put together. You have friends who love you, Kari, Sora, Izzy, Joe, they all love you, even though you may not know they do. Also, you may not believe it, but your father loves you too. He's just letting his anger control him, the same way you are. I'm not sure he even knows that he loves you anymore."

"How could my brother love me after what I've done to him!?" Matt yelled.

"Let him know what happened, let him know everything. I have a feeling if he knows the whole story, he will understand."

Then the world began to fade away around Matt. Gabumon started to fade away too, everything was becoming hazy.

"Gabumon! Don't leave me!"

"He will understand..."

Matt woke up and gasped. He was back in Tai's apartment, lying on the couch. The room around him was dark, and it made him afraid. He didn't want to be alone, not right now.

He got up off the couch and crept into Tai's bedroom. Tai was sprawled out on the bed, snoring loudly.

Matt evened out the rumpled covers and slid under them next to Tai. Tai's snores were interrupted when he felt someone pressing up against him.

"Matt, what's wrong?"

"I'm scared Tai...can I sleep with you?"

Tai cuddled up against Matt. "I won't let any monsters get you, Yama." Tai giggled.

Matt sighed happily and closed his eyes. He didn't want to dream anymore, he just wanted to forget. Going back to sleep frightened him, but he felt so safe when he was near Tai. He let himself drift off again, knowing that Tai would be his guiding light if anything went wrong.