Disclaimer: Sailormoon Stars and concepts belong to Takeuchi Naoko-dono, Toei and Kodansha; Ren Akari and the Imperial Knights of Kinmoku belong to Cassandra Sisenta; Tsuko/Neo-Keeper and Kuroi/Neo-Striker also belong to Cassandra Sisenta; the Neo-Inner Starlights (Taiga, Yukiko & Suta) belong to Senashenta, as do the "New" Starlights (Hikaru/Hunter, Josei/Dancer & Amai/Dreamer).
Notes: Damn. It. All. FF.Net changed it's fsking formatting again! I freaking hate it when they do that! =.=;;
EIEN NO YUME NI MUKATTE
Night 2: Mirrors
Yuki sat in the music room at the piano, hands on the keys, music in front of her, and magenta eyes staring blankly at the aquarium that was across from her.
Taiga stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame, with Umeko rubbing against her ankles. When she ignored the cat, it gave up with a frustrated sigh and headed off into the living room. "Yuki? Are you okay?"
"Is she ever?" Suta's voice responded, and she wandered up to peer past Taiga. "Jeez, the Shrimp's really out of it, isn't she?"
"Aa." Taiga cleared her throat. "Ne, Yuki. Daijobu?"
Her voice finally brought the blonde back to the present, and she turned her head to look at the piano music sheets, but didn't actually look at Taiga herself. "Hai... I'm fine. I think I'm just tired." Smiling, she explained; "we were very busy at the restaurant today."
"Hmm. Are you sure that's it?"
"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine!"
Suta looked skeptical, but a sharp Look from Taiga kept her from saying anything.
There was another moment's pause, and then, as if to appease her friends, Yuki began to play the music she was staring at. Shrugging, Suta disappeared shortly after, but Taiga hesitated. "Well... I guess... I'm going to bed, kid. Don't stay up too late, ne?"
"Sure."
Sighing, Taiga vanished, following Suta away from the music room.
Yuki's fingers continued to play...
For only a few seconds, and then she stopped.
What was wrong with her, tonight?
I should never have asked Endo-sama about Ren-kun. I should have just left it alone... why can't I just leave things alone?
She had spent a good twenty minutes, even after Endo left the Uchu, sitting and contemplating what he had told her. Eventually, Yori had wandered over, literally slapped her in the side of the head, and sent her back to work... Yori was probably the only one she'd ever met who would dare to smack one of Her Majesty's Starlights.
The rest of the day had been... long. Long and tiring. And she had spent most of her time only half-aware of her surroundings, with Jina poking fun at her for one thing or another, Amako trying to keep her in line, and Yori wanting nothing more than to kick both Jina and Yuki's asses.
Sakosawa hadn't said anything, until it came time for her to go home for the day.
"Whatever's bothering you, Yukiko-san, it can't be that bad. Try to stay cheerful, ne? Be the way you always are... and things will work out in the end."
"So says he."
Shoving the bench away from the piano, she stood and, pocketing her harmonica—which she normally kept on the top of said instrument—headed out the door. Once in the living room, she patted Umeko's head absently, shuffled around until she found her shoes and paused at the bottom of the stairs to look up toward the second floor.
Taiga and Suta had gone to bed... or so it seemed.
Good...
She slipped out into the hallway, shutting the door behind her with a barely-audible click.
What time is it?
She hadn't remembered to check a clock. As she wandered down the corridor, she raised her left arm and checked her watch. It was later than she'd originally thought. Just before midnight.
I hope... Ren-kun is still awake...
For all she knew, he didn't sleep at all at night—any night when she showed up at his apartment, he had let her in. If he had been sleeping... he wouldn't have even heard her knock, given how softly she did. And half the nights that she slept with him—slept being the key word—he was still awake when she got up to leave in the morning... though he was always asleep when she arrived later on, to wake him up.
The Knight's Wing was in the opposite side of the Palace from the Wing that housed most of the Starlights.
Most likely, that was a direct result of Akai's paranoia when it came to the Lights and maintaining their honor and dignity: it wasn't that he didn't trust his fellow Knights... he just didn't trust them when it came to the Starlights, and their collective charms.
The distance had never worried Yuki.
It was only a ten minute walk from the apartment she shared with Taiga and Suta to the one that Ren had, at one time, shared with Endo and Akuma. And she made the short trek three or more nights a week... why?
Because I like being with him.
The simple truth was that, despite how harsh Ren tried to appear, there was something about him... that...
It was something she couldn't define. Something she couldn't explain.
Something...
Something she had decided to do... for his good, if not for her own.
Her footsteps echoed softly in the hall. And then she was staring up at the door to Ren's apartment—
The door opened before she could knock, as if he had been waiting for her.
"Yuki."
"Konbon wa, R—" There was something different tonight. Something in the way he looked—or the way that she saw him. "Ren-san."
She hadn't called him "Ren-san" since the first day they had really met, outside of the Uchu. Prior to that, during the few times that they had encountered one another in the Palace or surrounding grounds, it had always been "Ren-sama". She had referred to him as "Ren-kun" for so long he had forgotten what it sounded like for her to call him something else.
He almost frowned.
Yuki bowed her head. "Eto... I have something... to talk about..."
A short nod. "Come in."
He stepped aside, and she hurried into the apartment, leaving him to close and lock the door behind them. Standing just inside the door, the blonde tugged at the edges of her sweater as Ren turned purple eyes toward her.
"What did you want to say?"
"Ren... san." A pause, and she looked down. "Gomen ne... but... I don't think... I don't think I should come here... anymore."
For just a moment, surprise showed in Ren's face. His voice was flat, but carried a wavering undertone. "Why?"
"I just... I don't think I should..."
"What... brought this on?"
"...nothing."
"Yuki, look at me."
She shook her head slowly, but refused to meet his gaze. "Iie, I... I should leave."
"Yuki."
"Gomen... gomen ne, Ren-san."
"Yuki, what—"
Still looking down, she started back toward the door—and stopped when he caught her arm.
"Damn it, Yuki."
"I have to go."
"No you—"
"Yes, I do!" Tears stung her eyes as she whirled to look at him. His grip on her arm faltered for a moment, and then his hand dropped back to his side. "Ren... do you have any idea? Do you have any idea... how much... how much this hurts? But you're... Endo-sama told me that you're..."
"Endo? This is about Endo? What the hell did he say to you that—"
She backed away a step. "I'm sorry... gomen nasai. But... I have to go."
Before he could protest again, she turned and opened the door—then hesitated for a moment. Just a few seconds. Long enough to take two painful, shuddering breaths and wish that she hadn't been such a complete idiot.
I'm so stupid. So damn stupid...
"Gomen ne."
The door shut quietly behind her.
xOxOxOxOx
"God... what have I done?"
There was no response to her half-asked question, other than the whisper of the wind in the roses, and the singing of the water fountain, on which she was seated.
She wasn't crying, really. Yukiko Kou wasn't one to cry.
A few sniffles aside, she was simply quiet, though her eyes continued to sting, and there was a painful lump in her throat. She felt sick to her stomach. She wanted to—
She wanted to take it all back, but there was no way to do so. She wanted never have asked Endo about Ren. She wanted to just pretend that things were the same as always... so simple, and at the same time needlessly complicated.
He hadn't come after her. She hadn't expected him to—just as she wasn't the kind of person who cried, he wasn't the kind of person who would chase after a girl, just because she was a total fool. He had probably already moved on.
Our... relationship... it meant more to me than it did to him.
That much she was fairly sure of... and, truthfully, she hadn't even realized how much it meant to her until she decided she had to end it. And now it was too late. Far too late, and she would have to pretend that nothing was wrong whenever she saw him, during Training or around the Palace...
Sniffing again, she reached up to rub at her eyes.
"You weep for him." Jingling bells. A shiver down her spine as the familiar voice continued with; "aa... you weep for yourself, as well."
"Kagami-sama?"
The man appeared from nowhere, emerging from the shadows as if he were one of them, his presence announced by nothing more than the vague, soft ringing of the bells that he wore everywhere he went. "Yuki... why are you doing this to yourself?"
"What... are you doing here?"
He smiled—a smile that made her shiver again. "I followed a feeling of pain... imagine my surprise when I discovered that it was coming from you." Pausing, he tipped his head to the side. "Ren is upset as well, you know, though he would never admit it. You are causing needless sorrow."
"You don't understand."
"Don't I?"
The fact that Kagami was a mind reader wasn't something anyone could easily forget. Nor was the man himself—he was a kind of ghostly presence—and one that made almost everyone nervous.
"You... are worried about his age?" Kagami clucked his tongue, "Endo shouldn't have told you that." Another short pause, and his lips quirked into a smile. "Ah... not his age, so much as his experience?" When her eyes widened, he added, "I assure you, Yukiko Kou, that no other woman has ever held his fancy as you do."
"I... I don't care."
"You are a very bad liar."
"Only around you." Her voice came out as a muted whisper. "Go away, please."
Kagami's next words had a cat-in-cream feel to them. "You... love him, do you not?"
"N-nani?" Yuki stammered, jerking her head up to stare at him. "I—I don't—"
"You aren't sure?" Once again, a smile curled Kagami's lips upward, and Yuki looked away. "Love is perspective, you know. It is different for different people. And yet... there is always something about it that defines it as "love"."
Bitterly. "What are you getting at?"
"Nandemonai..." he shrugged, waving a hand. "You really shouldn't spend all night out here in the Gardens."
Again: "go away, Kagami-sama."
"Aa."
Jingling bells.
He was gone.
What does he know, anyway?
That was the problem: he knew everything.