I spent the rest of the night thinking about what I was going to say. When
it was morning, I couldn't believe how normal everyone acted. I know no one
knew that I had kissed Craig, but I thought everyone would notice
something. It's a feeling that to this day I still can't explain. My body
was on auto-pilot that day. I even tried to answer questions in class. I
knew what I had to do, but I didn't want to, and I was way to afraid to do
it.
When school let out I spotted Craig's car, but I pretended that I didn't
see it, so I could have more time to think. I rode the bus, which was full
of people and made it impossible to think. When I got to the studio, I saw
Craig there and my heart stopped. I felt myself shaking and I couldn't
stand. He was leaning up against his car and he looked as if he were in
deep thought.
"There you are!" he said when he saw me. He had the smile, the one I saw
him use with Renee and my heart fluttered.
"Hi," that is all I could say. That is the first time in Jennifer history I
was speechless.
He smiled and wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer and
kissed me. It was then that I felt how much he loved me. Not just the kiss,
but when I opened my eyes for a brief moment, his eyes were closed in deep
concentration. Like he was trying to make everything perfect, just for me.
When he pulled away I smiled back at him.
"I missed you," he said.
"I just saw you yesterday." I laughed at him.
"That is way too long." He leaned in for another kiss, but I pulled away.
"We need to talk,"
"Of course." He said and he helped me carry my bag into the studio.
We walked in together holding hands with difficulty, since Craig was
carrying two bags.
When we finally got into the studio, he took a seat on the floor and looked
up at me. I began to pace back and forth, wringing my hands and shaking.
"You have a decision to make. I'm not trying to push, but it needs to be
made soon. It can't just be about you and me either, you're going to be a
dad. You have three people counting on you, maybe more. So, I want an
answer now. Not tomorrow or in a week, but now." With the last sentence I
felt more confident and composed.
He just stared at me for a while and then he stood.
"I want to be with you." He said and then he pulled me in for a kiss.
I felt overjoyed and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"I don't want you to worry. I will take care of everything. It will be
okay." He said as he pulled away.
He then placed his head on my hair and rocked me back and forth. We stood
that way for what seemed like hours. The nicest longest hours ever. Then
the fear came.
What if everything wouldn't be okay? What if he changed his mind? What
about the baby? Will Craig get to be involved in its life? Or will Renee
shut Craig out? It would be all my fault
Sensing my tension Craig pulled me away and looked at me with his beautiful
green eyes.
"What's wrong?" he asked with what looked like real concern in his eyes,
something I had never gotten from any of my other boyfriends (If you
consider Craig my boyfriend). In fact, this was the most vulnerable I had
ever felt with anyone.
"I'm scared" I said with tears in my eyes.
"Don't worry, it will be fine. I wouldn't hurt you for the world." With
that he kissed my head and pulled me back.
"Let's get out of here." He said after a while. "How would you feel about
going out on our first date?" he said with a quirky smile that made me
laugh.
"Okay. But I get to choose where."
"Are you a control freak? Because I hate control freaks." He said with a
fake concerned look.
"Very much so. I even require that you wear your shoes on the right feat,
which I see you are not doing!" I said as I looked down at his feat. His
shoes really were on the wrong feat.
He laughed and changed them.
"I guess I was too busy thinking about you to notice," he said as he stood
up planting a kiss on my cheek.
I giggled sentimentally. No one had ever put there shoes on the wrong feat
for me. This was so Romeo and Juliet, or Marc Antony and Cleopatra...note
to self: find cute, everlasting couples that don't kill themselves.
I got to choose the place we went. I chose to go to this gorgeous spot by a
river, were I often came to think, especially during Spring. There were
cherry trees and many wildflowers growing.
I loved to just go there and read or think about things that had happened
that day and every once in a while I would doodle (not very well I might
ad).
"It's so beautiful," Craig said as soon as we got there. "How did you keep
it a secret all of this time?"
"I just never mentioned it to people. I wanted it all to myself. I'm
selfish that way."
He laughed and we just sat by the bank talking. It got really late so we
decided to go home. When we pulled up to the house he leaned in ready to
kiss me.
"No," I said when he leaned in.
He pulled back with a puzzled, but gorgeous, look on his face.
"It's just my dad, he saw me kiss you last night. He's probably waiting
inside." Right when I said it I felt like I was seven.
He just pulled me in and kissed me on the cheek and said, "Good night,
sweetheart."
