Author's notes:
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-gi-oh. Or Yu-gi-oh R. I own Yu-gi-oh S and V and Y and Z though X3
Back quickly with another random fic I thought up on the spot. Yes, I sadly needed to amuse myself. Enjoy - with my dubious "if you can" comment.
Everyone Loves Seto Kaiba
Seto Kaiba, multi-millionaire (or billionaire or whatever - numbers always get confusing when you get to that amount) was a great man. That day, he had not lied, made his trademark glares at anyone, fired anyone, or even got angry at anyone. Well, that is, until he got out of bed.
It all started off on a Saturday morning. Not that the morning itself was bad; the birds were twittering in all sorts of lovely trills and there was a small hint of sunshine peering from the gaps between the thick window drapes.
There was someone knocking on the double oak-hinged doors to his very large and spacious suite. The elder Kaiba voiced an abrupt "come in" and a butler arrived with a very large breakfast set and the newspaper. Seto promptly forgot the existance of said butler as he propped his breakfast and newspaper by the bedstand and grabbed a piece of toast, chewing on it while examining the front page news.
Now Kaibas, or at least the pure bred ones - not including those fifth cousins twice removed stuff - are bestowed with natural gifts. One: they never look bad. Two: They do not make those sweatdroppy things. Not sweatdrops, no facefaults, and definately not (unless you happen to be a certain Mokuba Kaiba) the Pout. And three: they don't choke on the toast when reading the newspaper.
Which was what Seto Kaiba promptly began to do.
The fact that Seto was choking from something as menial as eating could make headline news itself, but that is alas another fic for another time. Currently something else was attracting the blue-eyed youth's attention.
Namely something written in the front page headlines in big bold letters: "Seto Kaiba: A Gay Man in Denial?"
Toast and crumbs went flying as Seto stood up and wielded the newspaper in his hand with all the glory of his Swishy nightrobe coat and famous Kaiba glare. He reread it but there was no mistake. Someone was out to get him.
"And I don't even look gay!" the multi-millionaire concluded, throwing the newspaper in a heap - with the front page facing upwards - on his very expensive scarlet satin bed. He paused, suddenly unsure of himself. "Do I look gay?"
The small lump buried underneath blankets and now partially by newspapers shifted slightly, revealing that Seto was in fact not talking to himself. A crown full of scarlet, gold, and ebony hair emerged from the tips of the silken blankets, followed by the face of a still-exhausted Yami. Said Yami gave a languorous yawn before the newspaper headline sprawled in front of him drew his attention. He blinked and stretched his shoulder blades and set one foot experimentally on the ground, searching for - the remainders - of the clothing he had hastily discarded last night.
A pause as the ruby-eyed Yami realized that the other was still waiting, staring at him with an impatient Kaiba glare. A sigh escaped the former Pharaoh's lips. "No Seto, you don't look gay," was the very prompt and unenthused reply. Having given up on salvaging his clothing, he was now eyeing the breakfast with a voracity usually only seen when said ruby-eyed figure was duelling.
Seto however was unimpressed. He quickly veered the other away from the distractions of breakfast by clamping his hands around Yami's arms, making the other look at him eye to eye. "Yami," he began in all seriousness, "this is serious."
And the other, realizing such serious behaviour responded just as seriously. "I know Seto. And I, the game king, declare that you, Seto Kaiba, do not look gay at all."
The multi-millionaire was very much pleased to have heard that. He was a bit more pleased to have the other's lips suddenly press against his own.
"Oh my god!" She clung to her friend and gave a very fangirl-like squeal. "Is that -the- Seto Kaiba?"
Before waiting for any reply from her clueless friend, said character launched herself at the poor Kaiba faster than a guillotine cuts off a head. Cue the random clinging and huge adoring eyes.
It took all his willpower (and then some) for Seto not to smack the girl to next Tuesday. Not only was she blathering endlessly but also clinging on to his priceless self-swishing white KC coat (TM). It took a bit more willpower for him to extract himself from said girl and work his patented glare in order to separate himself further.
She blinked as she realized that she was no longer in the presence of the very rich and handsome Seto Kaiba. A pout worked on her lips as she walked towards her friend, defeated. "It figures doesn't it? All the hot guys are either gay or taken."
'Which wasn't really true', thought Seto, who had overheard that part. After all, one could be neither. Or both.
THE DOMINO TIMES: THURSDAY MAY 19
SETO KAIBA CONFIRMED GAY!
"... this young aspiring multi-millionaire is not only the dream of young women but also young men as he continues to climb the scales of most sought-after person of the month. Who could resist those steely cobalt eyes or those full, luscious lips, especially the way they curve into a snug smile after..."
- Jason Smith, reporter
The phone rang.
Which wasn't the most miraculous thing in Seto Kaiba's life.
Nevertheless, being the CEO of a multi-millionaire corporation had its obligations. They mostly involved looking at various computer screens that seemed to be affixed with sine graphs that could magically calculate the location of certain duelists and check Kaibacorp stocks at the same time. And duelling of course. And loosing sorely, but again, all sine graph-reading CEO's must have their well-kept reasons.
With a rather blank expression, Seto picked up the phone, sighing rather loudly into the reciever. "Yes?"
"Hi Seto, do you remember me?"
A pause as the multi-millionaire contemplated for a split-second. "No."
The other voice continued undaunted. "Well, I'm Ryuuji Otogi, a good friend of Yuugi's and I heard that you were openly gay, and you know, I'm free anytime! Well, anytime but Wednesday, but still, if you ever feel lonely or if Yami isn't good enough for you you'll be assured to know that I'm-"
The blue-eyed CEO quickly hung up the phone. He really needed to specify to his secretary on what was an "important phone call".
Ring ring.
Pick up phone in a manner that will not yank said phone off its cord. "Hello?"
"Hello Seto, we've got good news for you!"
"Yes?"
"This is the Big Five and we've realized that you are gay and that we too are gay! And you know, while five is a nice number, its nicer to have six of us - its an even number after all. Your father would be so proud to know that his adopted son will be taking his place with us and learning all the techni-"
The poor phone never knew what hit it.
It was a nice Sunday morning.
It would have been nicer is a certain ruby-eyed nameless Pharaoh had been there to enjoy the morning with him, but oh well, he couldn't have everything.
Toast and newspaper in hand, Seto ambled down the stairs and past the front foyer in all the glory of his crisp virgin-white bathrobe and slightly wet hair. He scanned the headlines and was very relieved to see nothing about him. Not even an article about how his horoscope matched up to others.
With a satisfied sigh, he crumpled up the newspaper and threw it towards some random corner for some random maid or butler to see.
Unfortunately the butler was too busy attending to the visitor at the doorway. Both butler and visitor stared at the bathrobe-garbed Seto standing at the foyer in front - or behind if you were the butler - them.
And to make matters worse, the visitor just had to be a certain blonde-haired bonkotsu no duelist[1].
Oh, someone was going to pay dearly later.
Jounochi shuffled a bit as he saw Seto and look down, face slightly flushed. "Seto," he began, on hand suddenly searching in the inner folds of his jacket, "I finally found you."
A full size headache was developing in the multi-millionaire's very well developed cranium. At last Seto Kaiba summoned enough of his vocal cords to speak. "Jounochi, if this is about having sex with you-"
"-WHAT?!" The other's eyebrows shot to his hairline, figuratively of course. The blonde stared at the CEO with a rather scandalized look. "Listen, I ran all the way here just to return your stupid Duel Disk." Jounochi paused a moment, a slow smile spreading across his face. "But I'm free tonight..."
[1] Not sure of the actual romanji spelling of it. It supposedly means "ordinary/mediocre duelist".
End notes:
:) runs away randomly before anyone can ask me what the point of that fic was