Title:  Deeper Into the Light

Author:  sbender333 (sbender333@yahoo.com)

Rating:  PG-13

Summary:  Ficlet involving the sisters, Chris, and Leo. 

Spoilers:  "Hyde School Reunion"

~*~

            "Don't go!" Chris screamed, his arm extending out to the Whitelighter in mid-orb.  He looked oddly like a child, desperate.

            "I have to get back to the Elders," Leo said simply, as if that summed it all up.  He turned to Piper, who clutched baby Wyatt.  She remained erect, holding Leo's gaze.  Leo quickly diverted his eyes and glanced around the room, seeming to scrounge for support.  Stationed at the rear of the nursery, Phoebe and Paige stood, solemnly looking back at him.  "I have to go…" he begged them desperately.  Without a motion or a word they conveyed their displeasure at his situation, his decision.  Realizing he wouldn't receive their support, or even their compassion, he thought back to the words of Gideon--his mentor:  'You can't justify staying behind any longer, not with this, not anymore. It's time to fully accept your Calling, one that necessarily transcends the sings of the flesh, family, even fatherhood. One that requires you to cut the ties that bind, for everyone's sake.'

            And immediately, the decision was made.  "It has to be this way.  You know I don't have a choice," he stated, relaying his last words to Piper.  She grasped her son tightly and looked away with what Leo hoped, or rather prayed was understanding.

            "No, it doesn't have to be this way.  Don't abandon me again-" Chris contradicted, delaying his orb, yet again.

            "'Again!'  What do you mean 'again'?  How can I have abandoned you?"  Then realization hit.  "This isn't the future, Chris.  Okay?!  I have done nothing to you yet."

            "That's just it:  You've done nothing."  Chris retorted quietly, prevailing to spit the last word out with venom.

            "Look, I'm not abandoning you-"

            "Yes, you are, and you will.  Why don't you make up for your past mistakes and stay.  Help me now."

            "You don't understand, Chris!  I haven't done any of this.  Your past is my future."

            "Well, then, prevent what happens in your future.  You left me, or leave me, if you prefer.  Don't leave me now."  Chris reiterated his ideas once again.  "If that can't convince you, stay for him, your firstborn."  Chris gestured toward Wyatt, who lay in his mother's arms.  "He needs you more than the Elders."  At Leo's look, he held up his hand and continued, "Who are you kidding, saying that you can be just as helpful to him by not being here?  They are not after you; they are after Wyatt.  I've been there.  Just listen to me."

            At this, Leo stopped.  Who was right:  Gideon, who he had trusted all his life, or his future son, who he had just recently learned of?  He looked at his child, Wyatt, and then at Piper.  He didn't want to leave them; he truly did want to be with them, with all his heart.  But it was his duty as an Elder…

            Chris scrutinized his father's countenance.  He had to convince him to remain at home, somehow.  Not just to protect Wyatt at the present, but to be a father to the child in the future.  In his life, Leo had been home for neither Wyatt--when it mattered--nor Chris.  That had aided in Wyatt's turning.  Wyatt needed someone else in that first year of his life.  Piper had been great as their mother, but if there had been someone else things might have been different….  Realizing he had checked out for a minute, Chris focused again on Leo.  He needed something else, for it seemed he was losing this battle.  Knowing it would strike a chord, he put forth is final statement:  "You're walking out on your children, Leo.  If you couldn't handle having kids, you should have been more careful.  You screwed up as a father in my past, don't let it happen in your future."

            "Chris…" Piper toned warningly, her peace-maker personality shone out, pushing her to intervene.

            "No, Piper, he's right.  I haven't been here for you."  Leo, closing his eyes, rubbed his temples with his forefingers.  "I'll just stay for a while, and then I'll decide what to do," he said mostly to himself than anyone else.  Opening them up, his eyes once again fell on his family.  "I've missed you so much.  Both of you." He just wanted to be with them.  He walked towards his family and embraced his lover and his child.  His head fell to Piper's shoulder and he sobbed, "I'm sorry" as she stroked his hair gently.  Feeling his son tenderly touch his face, Leo's sobs augmented.

            Chris watched the family in their pain, heart-broken.  'The family,' he reflected.  'The family of three.  I should be a part of it.'  He felt a hand on his arm and heard his aunt's voice.

            "Hey, Chris, let's go," Paige said gently, as they began to orb into the kitchen.

~*~

            The two sisters and their nephew sat at the table, holding one of their apparently common talks, as Chris claimed occurred in the future.


            "He knows I'm his son, right?" Chris asked, sarcasm dripping in his voice.

            "Chris…" Phoebe said, sounding like her older sister.  "He hasn't forgotten you."

            "Well, you know, that is what it does seem like," Chris responded spitefully, his voice raising and octave.  "You had to have seen him up there.  He didn't respond to me, just…Wyatt."

            "Aw, is Chris feeling a little sibling rivalry?  Fighting for his father's affection," Paige crooned, trying to lighten the mood, but failing miserably.

            "I'm serious." Chris replied, irritated.

            "Sorry," Paige apologized.  Switching back to Chris' desired conversational topic, she stated in Leo's defense, "He just learned that he was your father.  Give him some time."

            "Yeah, I guess.  I just feel like he owes me for-"  He stopped suddenly, realizing he was on the verge of revealing something he probably shouldn't.  "He owes me for the time he wasn't there and should have been," he finished vaguely.  "When I go back I won't have him, so I guess I just want to make the most of all the time I have.  Like what Grandpa said about mom," Chris answered, allowing his heart to appear little more visibly on his sleeve.  He had turned away from his stone, unfeeling self and opened up much more after his meeting with his beloved grandfather.

            "I understand, Chris.  Of course.  Just give him a little time."  Phoebe replied.

            "What about his Elder duties.  He can't just turn away from that.  You know Gideon wanted him to be a full-time Elder," Paige prodded.

            "Look, as I told you, being an Elder isn't as important as being here, with his family.  I mean, you guys need your Whitelighter back after I'm gone.  And he can do so much more with you guys here.  Just trust me, I know."  Chris answered, becoming agitated once again.

            "Yeah, I do miss him." Paige reminisced. Then glancing at Chris, "But, of course, you've been great, Chris.  But you know…Leo knows us," she finished lamely.

            "Yeah…right," Chris replied, but it did get a smile out of him.  A moment of silence proceeded, prodding Phoebe to question Chris about a topic concerning her.

            "So, Chris…" Phoebe started.

            "Yeah…?"

            "What is with Leo in your future?  Why isn't he around?  Is he dead?"  Phoebe pressed.

            Chris sighed, "First of all, it's my past, your future.  And secondly, I can't tell you.  You already know too much about Mom."  His voice softened at the last word.

            Attempting once again to lighten the mood, Paige commented, "Giving your father the 'being careful' speech up there was pretty funny."

            "Yeah," Chris answered, smiling slightly.  "I just wanted to hit a nerve. Do whatever I had to do."

            They continued to sit in silence for several minutes, musing over their pasts, presents, and futures.