Title: Deeper Into the Light
Author: sbender333 (sbender333@yahoo.com)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Leo disengages himself from the Elders. Chris opens up to his aunts. Leo and Piper bond over their two sons.
Spoilers: "Spin City"
Author's Note: Sorry for the lack of an update, but this one's a little longer. Please continue to review. Feedback is an author's inspiration. And thanks to those who have already done so.
~*~
Chris sat on the couch, flipping mindlessly through the channels. Nothing remotely satisfying was on. Sighing in disdain, he got up, thrusting the remote control on the couch, and walked over to the window. He stood, staring into the dark San Francisco street, illuminated solely by the pale light of the moon.
Glancing down at his watch, he realized it was nearly midnight. Phoebe had left, slightly unwillingly, several hours ago, for she had planned a date with another "Mitch." She had put up a fight, claiming that she should stay here with the family. Insisting that she didn't need to be here for him, Chris ordered her out to her date. Apparently she had thought that Chris would do something drastic, while Leo was at home. 'Give him time,' she had said.
He had given him time. Four hours to be specific. Leo had been upstairs with his mother all night. Maybe they were asleep. Who knew? They hadn't come down at all. The more likely alternative was that Leo had gone bake Up There. Broken his ties with his family once again. Sighing, he shook his head and turned back to the television again. Despite knowing that he had found nothing to watch then, and there would be nothing on just several minutes later, he picked up the remote and flicked the television on. Flopping to the couch, he was consumed by his thoughts again.
What was he still doing here alone? Chris had kicked Phoebe out when he had learned of her date, which was soon after their kitchen table conversation, but Paige had lingered. She and Chris had organized and restocked their supplies for potions. Chris had claimed that they should be ready for any attack by having easy access to their potion needs. The truth was that he really did not want to go back to P3 alone. Paige had bought it, though. However, Chris suspected she stayed no wanting to leave Chris in solitude at home. Eventually, she had to leave; she realized that Piper had asked her to check on the club. That was around eight. And it still did not explain his being here alone for four hours.
But, he was drawn to the Halliwell mansion. He had grown up in it the first years of his dwarfed childhood, and it still seemed like home to him. And now, Piper had offered him a room in the house. At first he had declined, trying to separate himself from her, knowing what he had to go back to. He had attempted to alienate himself from the family, but that hadn't lasted long. His mother was desperately accepting him with open arms and he couldn't turn that down. He had finally agreed to stay at the mansion when Leo had dropped in. Well, more technically, Paige and Phoebe had called him, but he preferred to think of it as Leo's inopportune timing. However, it wasn't really inopportune: the family had needed him. Chris had realized that and intervened as he thought of leaving again.
Realizing that he was lingering on a sensitive subject, he pulled himself out of his sea of thoughts and satisfied himself with watching the ticker symbols flash by on CNN.
~*~
Leo woke up to a soft crying noise. He groggily pulled himself out of bed and glanced blearily at the deep red symbols on his alarm clock, or simply Piper's alarm clock, as it was now. The numbers glared back at him in the deep of the night, signaling that it was half past twelve. He ambled over to his son's crib and pulled him out.
"Shh, Wyatt. Don't cry. You'll wake your mother up and she needs her sleep. Wyatt clasped Leo's neck and laid his head on his shoulder. "Oh, you're getting to be sly, aren't you? Want some attention; don't want to be alone, so you start to cry."
After kissing his son's cheek, he began to walk towards the bedroom door. "Let's get us something to eat, okay? A midnight snack perhaps." Leo didn't get an answer, though, just the sound of Wyatt noisily sucking his thumb.
Quietly closing the door, he stepped into the hallway. The light from downstairs sharply contrasted the dark hall. He made his way down, wondering who was still awake.
His eyes stopped on Chris who had the television on but hardly seemed to be paying attention. Leo didn't want to talk to him now. Somehow, he felt as if he wasn't ready. Not today; he felt emotionally worn. 'Maybe tomorrow,' he thought, pushing the encounter back a day.
He turned to go back upstairs, but Chris suddenly rose.
"Oh. It's you."
'Damn it,' Leo thought, turning back around. Now he would have to talk to him. What was he supposed to say? He clawed his mind for an answer, and coming up short, he simply said, "Chris."
Chris held his father's gaze, emotions running through him. But he wouldn't be the first to bring anything up.
Leo shifted Wyatt on his hip at the uncomfortable silence. Determining the set look on Chris' face, Leo realized that he would have to be the first to speak. 'You wanted Chris' acceptance…this is what you got,' he said to himself. Walking into the family room, he sat down on the couch, Wyatt still in his arms. Startled, Chris watched him incredulously.
"Sit down," Leo commanded. Chris sat.
Instead of a conversation, a pregnant pause filled the room.
Leo, finally began, "Chris, I know that I haven't…" Leo stopped, stumped. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but closed it again. The expression Chris held told him he would get no help, so he simply said, "I know that I haven't treated you well, but-"
Chris snorted and shifted his eyes away.
"But," Leo began again, "I wanted to make that up to you." Chris rolled his eyes, showing Leo that the statement simply wasn't enough. At this, Leo continued, "Look, I didn't know that you were my son, and I know that doesn't excuse me of some things, but everything you did, I just didn't understand. You said you were trying to save Wyatt, but it seemed like it was the exact opposite for a while. I had no idea, Chris. You've got to open up a little bit. Tell me what's going on…Tell me what I've done."
"Well, like I've said before, many times before: 'I can't tell you what happens, or it'll change too much,'" Chris stated scornfully.
"Then cut me some slack! I was just protecting Wyatt, my family. At that time, I didn't know you were part of it too. I just didn't know." Leo said, entreating of understanding.
Chris scoffed and then echoed, "'Protecting Wyatt.' Of course, your only son."
"Do you listen!? I didn't say that. God!" Leo implored, irritated, pulling Chris' eyes back to him. Then, sensing that Chris was beginning to block him off, Leo decided he should to some extent tell his son what he had told Piper. "I know whatever I do in the future must be pretty horrible. Obviously, I'm not there; maybe I divorced your mother, walked out on you guys, or was dead. I have no idea. And you don't have to tell me, but let me try to change the future. You said you came to save Wyatt, well let something else come out if it too. I'm supposed to be your father-"
"Yeah, that's right, 'supposed to be,'" Chris tried to shoot back with acrimony, but falling short terribly. His barrier was breaking. He took his eyes away from Leo and stared at his hands.
"That's what I'm trying to say, Chris," Leo laid out gently. "Let me be a father to you. The father you say you never had. I can't help whatever I do in the past or future or whatever. But I want to be here for you now. I'm trying…"
"Not this afternoon…you tried to leave and you knew about me…but then you stayed for Wyatt," Chris managed to choke out, weakly stringing together some of his thoughts. He retaliated against Leo's words once again. But this time not out of malice, for he wanted to trust his father so much it ached. Though he had been hurt in his past so deeply, he just couldn't let go.
Taken aback by his words, Leo paused. Chris was right; he was planning to leave and it seemed like he had stayed only for Wyatt. He had been lost at that moment, wasn't thinking straight. "Yeah…and I'm sorry. And I can't even give you a decent reason. I'm so sorry. I screwed up. I don't know what to say. I mean all I can say is the truth. I just felt so…confused, so stressed. I don't know." Leo paused, and then changed tracks. "You were right, though. Not just about me staying here for Wyatt's sake, but for yours. You've been through so much, more than I can possibly imagine. And it's probably my fault," he added with a rueful laugh. "But, I want to make up for it. Let me be a father to you, the one I should have been," he repeated.
Chris had his head in his hands, now. He couldn't think of anything to say, and even if he could, he wouldn't have been able to get the words out. Chris felt so open to his father, naked even, something that he wasn't used to.
Leo waited for some sort of answer, anything. But nothing came, except the shallow, ragged breaths of Chris and soft even breathing of Wyatt in his arms. After a pause of what seemed like hours, Leo uncertainly put forth, "Son?"
Hearing this, Chris' heart was pierced, and tears began to fall. He felt a series of emotions he could quiet grasp. The anger that had previously consumed him was being forced out. Waves of relief yet doused in sadness came through. His shoulders shook trying to stop his weeping, but he couldn't; he had kept too much locked up.
Leo watched is son in his sorrow. His paternal instincts drove him to clasp the young man's neck. Pulling him towards his chest, Leo offered Chris some comfort he had been denied in his past. As he listened to his son's sobs, he gently kneaded his neck and then placed a kiss his dark hair.