Not Again!-The Musical Sequel by. Umbravulpes
Disclaimer: (Angry glare)
Author's Note: Okay, okay. I know I've been away for... Well, a long time. School has been me keeping immensely busy (not to mention all the wacky adventures with our new wireless mouse). But now I'm done with it so that I can finish off this fic.
SCENE 13 A Certain Spice
(The X.F.G.O.N.D.A.P.D.S.P. stand in the front lawn looking at very smelly corpes of the GIANT-BEARS)
KITTY:
Ugh! Like, that smells even worse than Todd!
TODD:
What are mocking me for, yo? I took a bath last week.
JEAN:
Seriously, what are we going to do these? Scott?
SCOTT:
Finally, it is over. After years of pain, hatred and shame I have avenged my father and won! Hear me my friends! We have won!
JEAN:
We know that dear. But we're a little concerned about these rotting bear- corpses.
SCOTT:
Now we shall feast on the flesh of my enemies!
JEAN:
Scott? Hello?
(SCOTT is crying out of happiness)
PIETRO:
He's flipped, hasn't he?
JEAN:
NO! He is just under a lot of emotional pressure.
ROGUE:
My lungs are under a lot of pressure from this smell!
JEAN:
Look on the bright side. At least the bears aren't trying to kill us anymore.
(One of the GIANT-BEARS gets up)
WANDA:
You just had to jinx it.
LANCE:
That bear should be dead!
KITTY:
It sure doesn't look dead to me, you filthy shit-eater!
KURT:
Is zehe no vay to kill it!?
TODD:
Kurt lets run inside to make love one last time, before the bear gets us!
KURT:
I don't feel like doing it right after I've just wet myself.
TODD:
Ew! Ditto. I may be kinda dirty, but not that dirty, yo.
SCOTT:
We're doomed! There is no earthly way to kill this demonic hell-bear!
(Suddenly, REMY appears)
REMY:
I beg to differ.
EVERYONE:
Remy!?
REMY:
Oui. Who were you expecting?
JEAN:
No-one really.
REMY:
Well, I'm 'ere now. And as I was saying, dere is a way to kill dat bear.
FRED:
How?
REMY:
So glad you asked. Anyone with de right knowledge on giant-demonic-hell- bears knows, dat de best way to kill one is to cut of it's 'ead.
LANCE:
It's Ed? That thing has an Ed?
REMY:
'EAD! IT'S FUCKING 'EAD! (sigh) I'll just do it.
(REMY uses his ever-handy cards to cut of the GIANT-BEARS head, which flies straight on to SCOTT'S shiny red car)
LANCE:
Oh! You meant it's HEAD.
SCOTT:
My car! (confused) Whoa! Where have I been?
PIETRO:
Laa-Laa-land is too mild an expression for where you've been for the last hour or so.
SCOTT:
Weird, I remember something about bears and a vendetta, but... Oh my God, my car! Remy? My car and- EW! Whats that smell?
JEAN:
Remy, since you knew the way to kill the bears, you wouldn't happen to know a way to get rid of the bodies?
REMY:
Actually, Remy does know of a way. You must leave de remains for de noble 'erd of wild-dogs!
(A pack of about 400 Japanese WILD-DOGS show up)
AUTHOR:
(hysteric) IT'S GIN!!! I'm gonna faint! (squeal)
ALTER-EGO:
Will you get a grib!?
WANDA:
I suggest we go indoors before those dogs eat us, or before Scott decides to join the pack.
JEAN:
Good idea.
(The X.F.G.O.N.D.A.P.D.S.P. and REMY go in)
(While the WILD-DOGS gnaw away at the GIANT-BEARS, our heros try make sense of things)
LANCE:
Not that we don't appreciate you coming here and saving us and all, but why are you here?
REMY:
Simple. I am bored with de Acolites.
PIETRO:
How? You once told me it's the best time you've ever had.
REMY:
Beeing in de Acolites is sort of like beeing drunk. First you 'ave a great time, but de next day you wake up with a 'ang-over. So, when I woke up from my Acolite-'ang-over a few days ago I just said...
I'M LOOKING OUT FOR ME (Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar)
REMY
Dat's it!
I've had it!
I 'ate to be dramatic,
But it's time for me to fly de coop
Terrific!
Fine!
I'm drawin' de line
Before I wind up in a cajun soup!
I was a fool to let you run de show
I'm cuttin' ya loose, pal!
Look out below!
Arrividerci!
C'est la vie!
'ope all goes well!
I'm lookin' out for me!
Okay! I'm little,
Been playin' tank and fiddle,
And I don't get no respect
I turn de other cheek,
But dis busted beak
Is de only thanks dat I get!
I never found a friend dat I can trust
Dey promise caviar,
And leave me eatin' dust!
Dat's some reward for loyalty
From 'ere on in,
I'm lookin' out for me!
Oh, I don't need nobody else
I'll never fail
I'll cover my own tail
I can take care of myself!
You know, it just don't pay
To give a 'oot
I'm givin' all my 'eart
What do I get?
Da boot!
I'm through wit' dat,
I'm flappin' free
From 'ere on in,
I'm lookin' out for me!
REMY:
Et voilá, I became an indipendent knave. The last days I've busied myself by throwing dog-poo at de mob.
KURT:
Zat's a stupid story. Tell a better one!
WANDA:
And who uses a word like knave?
REMY:
Remy does, because Remy is eccentric and talks about 'inself in de third form.
FRED:
Great, as if we don't have enough nut-cases around...
Author's Note: Bet you didn't guess I was gonna do something like that, did you? Or well, maybe you did... Anyway, there are still lots of surprises to come and some of them aren't as predictable as Remy.
Disclaimer: (Angry glare)
Author's Note: Okay, okay. I know I've been away for... Well, a long time. School has been me keeping immensely busy (not to mention all the wacky adventures with our new wireless mouse). But now I'm done with it so that I can finish off this fic.
SCENE 13 A Certain Spice
(The X.F.G.O.N.D.A.P.D.S.P. stand in the front lawn looking at very smelly corpes of the GIANT-BEARS)
KITTY:
Ugh! Like, that smells even worse than Todd!
TODD:
What are mocking me for, yo? I took a bath last week.
JEAN:
Seriously, what are we going to do these? Scott?
SCOTT:
Finally, it is over. After years of pain, hatred and shame I have avenged my father and won! Hear me my friends! We have won!
JEAN:
We know that dear. But we're a little concerned about these rotting bear- corpses.
SCOTT:
Now we shall feast on the flesh of my enemies!
JEAN:
Scott? Hello?
(SCOTT is crying out of happiness)
PIETRO:
He's flipped, hasn't he?
JEAN:
NO! He is just under a lot of emotional pressure.
ROGUE:
My lungs are under a lot of pressure from this smell!
JEAN:
Look on the bright side. At least the bears aren't trying to kill us anymore.
(One of the GIANT-BEARS gets up)
WANDA:
You just had to jinx it.
LANCE:
That bear should be dead!
KITTY:
It sure doesn't look dead to me, you filthy shit-eater!
KURT:
Is zehe no vay to kill it!?
TODD:
Kurt lets run inside to make love one last time, before the bear gets us!
KURT:
I don't feel like doing it right after I've just wet myself.
TODD:
Ew! Ditto. I may be kinda dirty, but not that dirty, yo.
SCOTT:
We're doomed! There is no earthly way to kill this demonic hell-bear!
(Suddenly, REMY appears)
REMY:
I beg to differ.
EVERYONE:
Remy!?
REMY:
Oui. Who were you expecting?
JEAN:
No-one really.
REMY:
Well, I'm 'ere now. And as I was saying, dere is a way to kill dat bear.
FRED:
How?
REMY:
So glad you asked. Anyone with de right knowledge on giant-demonic-hell- bears knows, dat de best way to kill one is to cut of it's 'ead.
LANCE:
It's Ed? That thing has an Ed?
REMY:
'EAD! IT'S FUCKING 'EAD! (sigh) I'll just do it.
(REMY uses his ever-handy cards to cut of the GIANT-BEARS head, which flies straight on to SCOTT'S shiny red car)
LANCE:
Oh! You meant it's HEAD.
SCOTT:
My car! (confused) Whoa! Where have I been?
PIETRO:
Laa-Laa-land is too mild an expression for where you've been for the last hour or so.
SCOTT:
Weird, I remember something about bears and a vendetta, but... Oh my God, my car! Remy? My car and- EW! Whats that smell?
JEAN:
Remy, since you knew the way to kill the bears, you wouldn't happen to know a way to get rid of the bodies?
REMY:
Actually, Remy does know of a way. You must leave de remains for de noble 'erd of wild-dogs!
(A pack of about 400 Japanese WILD-DOGS show up)
AUTHOR:
(hysteric) IT'S GIN!!! I'm gonna faint! (squeal)
ALTER-EGO:
Will you get a grib!?
WANDA:
I suggest we go indoors before those dogs eat us, or before Scott decides to join the pack.
JEAN:
Good idea.
(The X.F.G.O.N.D.A.P.D.S.P. and REMY go in)
(While the WILD-DOGS gnaw away at the GIANT-BEARS, our heros try make sense of things)
LANCE:
Not that we don't appreciate you coming here and saving us and all, but why are you here?
REMY:
Simple. I am bored with de Acolites.
PIETRO:
How? You once told me it's the best time you've ever had.
REMY:
Beeing in de Acolites is sort of like beeing drunk. First you 'ave a great time, but de next day you wake up with a 'ang-over. So, when I woke up from my Acolite-'ang-over a few days ago I just said...
I'M LOOKING OUT FOR ME (Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar)
REMY
Dat's it!
I've had it!
I 'ate to be dramatic,
But it's time for me to fly de coop
Terrific!
Fine!
I'm drawin' de line
Before I wind up in a cajun soup!
I was a fool to let you run de show
I'm cuttin' ya loose, pal!
Look out below!
Arrividerci!
C'est la vie!
'ope all goes well!
I'm lookin' out for me!
Okay! I'm little,
Been playin' tank and fiddle,
And I don't get no respect
I turn de other cheek,
But dis busted beak
Is de only thanks dat I get!
I never found a friend dat I can trust
Dey promise caviar,
And leave me eatin' dust!
Dat's some reward for loyalty
From 'ere on in,
I'm lookin' out for me!
Oh, I don't need nobody else
I'll never fail
I'll cover my own tail
I can take care of myself!
You know, it just don't pay
To give a 'oot
I'm givin' all my 'eart
What do I get?
Da boot!
I'm through wit' dat,
I'm flappin' free
From 'ere on in,
I'm lookin' out for me!
REMY:
Et voilá, I became an indipendent knave. The last days I've busied myself by throwing dog-poo at de mob.
KURT:
Zat's a stupid story. Tell a better one!
WANDA:
And who uses a word like knave?
REMY:
Remy does, because Remy is eccentric and talks about 'inself in de third form.
FRED:
Great, as if we don't have enough nut-cases around...
Author's Note: Bet you didn't guess I was gonna do something like that, did you? Or well, maybe you did... Anyway, there are still lots of surprises to come and some of them aren't as predictable as Remy.