Notes from Gem: Okay, let's see...Presidential Biographies. Not much to
mention here, except that
I still occasionally indulge in Mobil Mart nachos. Mmmm...fake cheese.
Hey guys. Don't you hate the feeling you get when you've had waaaayyyy too
much caffeine? Sort of jumpy? Eeeekkk. Anyway, here's some more stuff for
the Presidential Race...candidate biographies! If you've been to the
elections site then you've already seen these, but I thought, what the hell,
I'll post them.
As it currently stands, Himura Kenshin is leading in the polls, followed by
Hiko Seijuuro, Yukishiro Enishi and finally, Shishio Makoto.
Shisio: Why am I last? You'll be hearing from me, Gemini!
Me: gulp
Well, things can still change, so vote today!
A note on the biographies, *THEY CONTAIN SPOILERS* AND...
I do not have time to pound out biographies on these candidates. I mean,
there's the research and then the actual writing and
editing...it could take DAYS. And I just don't have time.
Well sure, I have time to tool around with my webpages and
take long afternoon naps, watch Weiss Kreuz and DROOL and I
even have time for Midnight Nachos at Mobile Mart, but not
time for this. So, what I have done is ask the people who
really know the candidate to write the bios for me. I know
they're less objective this way, but they do get the facts
right and frankly, they can be really funny. You should read
Yumi's! It's a scream!
Okay, well...on to the bios! Thanks to Kaoru, Yumi
and Tomoe for taking time from THEIR Midnight Tofu Runs at Meiji Mart to write
these.
Himura Kenshin
Born on June 20, 1849, Himura Kenshin began his life as
Himura Shinta, the son of peasant farmers. Early on, living
in relative poverty while others lived in wealth beyond
imagining, young Himura saw the need for change. After
losing his parents tragically to cholera, he briefly spent time as a
slave before being adopted by the surly sword master Hiko Seijuuro.
Hiko changed young Shinta's name to Kenshin and began
teaching him Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu, a sword technique whose
purpose was to protect the innocent.
As a handsome teenager, young Himura and his master disagreed on several
matters, most importantly, the needs of the people. Himura
wanted to help the outside world with his sword while Hiko
advised he bide his time. Against his master's wishes,
Kenshin left home and became a member of the Ishin Shishi to
fight injustice. At the tender age of fourteen, he became an assassin
for the Ishin.
Thus began, as he himself has put it, "the darkest years of
my life." He began his career as an assassin but was unable
to fulfill those duties after the completely accidental death of his
wife, the devious Himura Tomoe. He served the rest of his time with the
Ishin as a member of their Kyoto sword squad and, when the
Tokugawa government was overthrown at last, he left Kyoto to
begin repenting for his deeds during the war.
He wandered Japan for ten years, a handsome, moody legend with a
reverse sword and a firm resolve never to kill again. Along
the way, he helped many people. Whether it was as small as
helping an old woman carry her groceries or as large as
saving someone's life, he did it all, without complaining
and never asking for more than maybe a place to rest for the
night or, if they could spare it, a hot meal.
After ten years of wandering, he found himself in Tokyo. It was
there that he met his second wife and love of his life,
the beautiful kenjitsu master, Kamiya Kaoru, the owner of the Kamiya Dojo.
There were a few missteps in their relationship: an ill-advised trip to Kyoto,
a psychotic ex-brother in-law, an unfortunate incident with some tofu,
Seishouhen, but
after a few years, the handsome swordsman finally married the beautiful
kenjitsu master. They live quite happily in Tokyo, with their absolutely
adorable young son, Kenji.
During his long years of searching for repentance, Himura has
fought for and saved the lives of countless people, many of
whom he calls his friends today. He has saved Japan from
threats unimaginable and all with a reverse sword and a
heart as big and strong as his name suggests.
Written by Himura (Kamiya) Kaoru, Adjunct Master Kamiya Kasshin Ryu Dojo
Shishio Makoto
In August of 1848, in the province of Choshuu, the world was
blessed by the birth of the magnificent Shishio Makoto-sama.
Little is known about his childhood, but from what I
understand, his parents were mean and deserved what they
got.
As a child and later a young man, Shishio-sama showed
extraordinary sword aptitude. At the age of twelve, he was
able to defeat men who were twice his age and had studied
sword arts twice as long. They fell before the might of
his large, unmerciful blade, just as I would fall before the
might of his other large and unmerciful blade many years later.
An ambitious young man, he joined ranks with the Ishin Shinshi,
replacing the sub par and weak Hitokiri Battousai, and performing his
job skillfully and with ease. He both frightened and
impressed his superiors. During this time, he was able to
keep his identity completely secret so that not even his
Hitokiri-sempai, the short, unremarkable Himura Battousai, knew who he was.
He was among the revelers when the Tokugawa Bakufu fell. And
how did the Ishin repay one of their most important men? Did
they shower him with gifts and money? Did they give him a
high ranking position in the new government? Nooo.
The evil, selfish and weak cowards in the new government decided
that Shishio-sama was a "danger" and tried to have him
killed. But Shishio-sama was so strong that despite the fact
they shot him in the head and lit him on fire, he survived.
Now the only thing burning was his rage!
He was born anew with the determination to seek out those who
tried to destroy him and give them a taste of their own
medicine. Wonderfully attractive and charismatic, despite
the burns that covered his entire body, Shishio-sama soon
acquired a large group of followers.
Among them were his adopted son, Seta Soujiro, the Ten-Ken, the
evil cross dressing wench Kamatari, the fawning Houji,
Katana Gari Cho (how does his hair do that?) and many others
that formed his Juppon Gatana. But most important to Shishio-
sama, besides his Kuni-Tori, was one woman, the beautiful,
intelligent, sexy, and did I mention beautiful? Komagata
Yumi.
His love for the comely Yumi burned almost as bright as his
hatred for the new government and the weak.
And then, in the early summer of 1878, Shishio-sama was just
days away from realizing his dreams. The Meiji cowards were
quivering behind their weak and useless armies, the people
were terrified. All that stood between Shishio-sama and the
world was the short, unremarkable and weak
Himura Battousai.
In what was the most horrible twist of fate EVER, Shishio-sama
actually LOST to the Battousai! How the hell did that
happen?! We were winning! The little moron was dead! But
noooo! His stupid friends had to come help him! That was
soooo unfair! But, on a happy note, the ravishing Yumi was
able to prove just how useful and more generally wonderful
she was (especially more wonderful than cross dressing
scythe wielding freaks) by sacrificing her life to help
Shishio-sama.
So, Shishio-sama lost. He only lost that battle and he probably
would have won if he hadn't exploded. After death, he went
to Hell, where the gorgeous and curvaceous Yumi was waiting
for him and, with the help of Houji and a few others, began
his Kuni-Tori of hell. And now, he is running for President
of the United States of America, and this time, HE WILL BE
VICTORIOUS!
Written by Komagata Yumi
(*The opinions expressed by Komagata Yumi
do not reflect the opinions of the webmistress, or of anyone
else, for that matter. But, she does ask an interesting
question: How DOES Cho get his hair to stand up like that?)
Yukishiro Enishi
He was such a nice child, really he was. After our mother died,
I tried my best to raise him, but I was only a child myself.
But he was such a good boy. I know other people said he was
sullen, rude and even violent, but that's just not true.
Enishi was very, very special. He used to sleep with me, and
he'd snuggle up next to me and ask me to tell him stories.
He was so sweet. And when he slept, he looked just like a
little angel!
He never liked my fiancé, but I thought that Kiyosato was a bit
hard on him. I mean, Enishi didn't mean any harm that time
he hit Kiyosato on the head with father's large copper pot.
He was just playing!
And Kenshin...oh, Enishi really didn't like Kenshin. But really,
my husband could have tried harder. Instead of yelping and
trying to fling Enishi off when he would bite him, he could
have just sat him down and had a little talk with him about
manners. It always worked when I did it.
He was such a nice child.
What's that? Oh, I don't know what he did after I died. I'm sure
went to live with some nice family who appreciated how
special he was.
Oh, he did? See, I thought so. What?
He killed them? All of them? Oh dear...well...they must have
been terrible to him, after all, Enishi is a nice person.
He did what? He was an arms dealer in Shanghai? He killed how
many people? Oh...my...there must be some mistake...
Tortured Kenshin? Kidnapped Kaoru? He did? Oh dear...
And he was such a nice child.
Written by Yukishiro Tomoe
Okon and Omasu haven't given me Hiko's yet. They keep saying they need to do
more "research". Whatever. I think it's just an excuse to fawn more over
Hiko. VP Bios following soon.
-Gem