"Jesse, you really shouldn't be walking around you know," Emma's voice was
nearing the brink of annoyance. She had always been a very patient person,
never resorting to using force to get what she wanted, but at the moment
she was seriously considering unleashing some telepathic blast just to get
the young molecular to quit being so. . .active. Which was definitely not
how one should act after going through the third radiation therapy after 2
days.
It wasn't as if Jesse wasn't feeling any pain. Indeed he was, and a great amount of it too. Emma of all people should know. But it was as though he had pushed all his pain and discomfort to the back of his mind and resumed his daily activities at a seemingly normal pace. Emma was begin to wonder if he had drawn himself to some kind of self-denial or something.
"Emma, I've got too much to do rather than sitting around doing nothing," Jesse snapped at last, his face pale and drawn. The smudges under his eyes were frightening her. He had worked out earlier at the dojo, much to her chagrin, but that stubborn streak in him. . . Despite his fragile condition, he still managed to pack quite a punch and it took all of Emma to restrain herself from physically or telepathically, whichever would have worked best, strapping him down to his bed. But the message he sent every time she tried to get close was clear.
Back off.
Emma swallowed hard.
Back off, Emma. Leave me be.
She had obliged his wishes, though unwillingly. And now he was working on upgrading the Sanctuary's security system. But she doubted there was going to be any real progress; judging from how worn out and wiped he looked.
But Jesse didn't care.
Brennan and Shalimar were out tracking down the mutant who had done this to him; he had begged them to take him along, well, he should have known better than ask. Rejected flat then and there; and he was forced to go through another round of radiotherapy. Not that he wasn't grateful for it, the alternative would have been unbearable. Drugs would have been unacceptable.
But looking at Emma's tight face, a brief flash of sadness washed over him. He understood perfectly well why Emma was so damn worried about him. He could see it too. What was written on Adam's face when the scan results came. How tense he was when he operated the high-energy ionizing radiation machine to destroy the cancerous cells in his body. For the third time. Modern technology could not possibly explain why his tumor kept coming back. Only God knew why those beams of electrons or neutrons or whatever failed to destroy it for good.
Tears blurred his eyes. The words scrolling down the screen in front of him were washed in red; and he blinked furiously.
He was not going to feel sorry for himself. He was not going to put his friends, his family through any kind of misery, or pain.
Let me be the only one to suffer. Please. It's my pain, my suffering. Not theirs.
And speaking of pain, he could feel the cancerous cells regenerating in his body. A lump rose in his throat, numbing and sickening him.
A woman's face flashed through the eyes of his mind; a beautiful, enticing girl with flowing black locks and flashing green eyes, beautiful but deadly. He closed his eyes, trying to push the image out of his mind. But still he could see her; smiling her cold, cold smile, beckoning, alluring, calling him. The intrusion was almost physical, and he shivered.
He could feel the sickness growing inside him, like fire, burning, licking up his spine with every breath he took.
Is this the end? Is this how it's all going to end?
Someone was gently calling out to him. Begging to be let inside, to be allowed to get close. Emma.
Let me in, Jesse.
Through tears, he could see his friend standing a few feet away, looking as miserable as he felt. Her auburn hair was disheveled, and her face was so tight with emotions she looked like she was about to burst. And Jesse's heart wrenched in his chest when he saw the tears trailing down her pale cheeks. She was there in the room with him, when the horrid electron beam ran through him, silently offering her support, holding out her hand, just waiting for him to take it.
Emma. She had always been there for him.
True, he had known Shalimar way before he met Emma, but they have grown close. She was a part of him now, his family.
Please, Jesse. Let me in. Let me help you.
Jesse lowered his head, defeated.
Already he was causing someone he loved pain.
He knew he had always been weak, always had and would always be. He kept denying it, kept telling himself it wasn't true, that he was strong. Too bad it had taken the cancer to prove to him otherwise.
You're not weak, Jesse.
Jesse's eyes lifted a little.
Really, Emma?
Emma was walking slowly toward him, still unsure if he wanted her to.
No. You're very strong, Jesse. Not just physically. But you're a good person at heart.
You're not saying this to make me feel better, are you, Emma? He could see Emma in his head, talking to him gently when she was actually still a few feet away from him.
But soon she got closer and closer, close enough for him to lean his head against her. He buried his face into her and cried.
It wasn't as if Jesse wasn't feeling any pain. Indeed he was, and a great amount of it too. Emma of all people should know. But it was as though he had pushed all his pain and discomfort to the back of his mind and resumed his daily activities at a seemingly normal pace. Emma was begin to wonder if he had drawn himself to some kind of self-denial or something.
"Emma, I've got too much to do rather than sitting around doing nothing," Jesse snapped at last, his face pale and drawn. The smudges under his eyes were frightening her. He had worked out earlier at the dojo, much to her chagrin, but that stubborn streak in him. . . Despite his fragile condition, he still managed to pack quite a punch and it took all of Emma to restrain herself from physically or telepathically, whichever would have worked best, strapping him down to his bed. But the message he sent every time she tried to get close was clear.
Back off.
Emma swallowed hard.
Back off, Emma. Leave me be.
She had obliged his wishes, though unwillingly. And now he was working on upgrading the Sanctuary's security system. But she doubted there was going to be any real progress; judging from how worn out and wiped he looked.
But Jesse didn't care.
Brennan and Shalimar were out tracking down the mutant who had done this to him; he had begged them to take him along, well, he should have known better than ask. Rejected flat then and there; and he was forced to go through another round of radiotherapy. Not that he wasn't grateful for it, the alternative would have been unbearable. Drugs would have been unacceptable.
But looking at Emma's tight face, a brief flash of sadness washed over him. He understood perfectly well why Emma was so damn worried about him. He could see it too. What was written on Adam's face when the scan results came. How tense he was when he operated the high-energy ionizing radiation machine to destroy the cancerous cells in his body. For the third time. Modern technology could not possibly explain why his tumor kept coming back. Only God knew why those beams of electrons or neutrons or whatever failed to destroy it for good.
Tears blurred his eyes. The words scrolling down the screen in front of him were washed in red; and he blinked furiously.
He was not going to feel sorry for himself. He was not going to put his friends, his family through any kind of misery, or pain.
Let me be the only one to suffer. Please. It's my pain, my suffering. Not theirs.
And speaking of pain, he could feel the cancerous cells regenerating in his body. A lump rose in his throat, numbing and sickening him.
A woman's face flashed through the eyes of his mind; a beautiful, enticing girl with flowing black locks and flashing green eyes, beautiful but deadly. He closed his eyes, trying to push the image out of his mind. But still he could see her; smiling her cold, cold smile, beckoning, alluring, calling him. The intrusion was almost physical, and he shivered.
He could feel the sickness growing inside him, like fire, burning, licking up his spine with every breath he took.
Is this the end? Is this how it's all going to end?
Someone was gently calling out to him. Begging to be let inside, to be allowed to get close. Emma.
Let me in, Jesse.
Through tears, he could see his friend standing a few feet away, looking as miserable as he felt. Her auburn hair was disheveled, and her face was so tight with emotions she looked like she was about to burst. And Jesse's heart wrenched in his chest when he saw the tears trailing down her pale cheeks. She was there in the room with him, when the horrid electron beam ran through him, silently offering her support, holding out her hand, just waiting for him to take it.
Emma. She had always been there for him.
True, he had known Shalimar way before he met Emma, but they have grown close. She was a part of him now, his family.
Please, Jesse. Let me in. Let me help you.
Jesse lowered his head, defeated.
Already he was causing someone he loved pain.
He knew he had always been weak, always had and would always be. He kept denying it, kept telling himself it wasn't true, that he was strong. Too bad it had taken the cancer to prove to him otherwise.
You're not weak, Jesse.
Jesse's eyes lifted a little.
Really, Emma?
Emma was walking slowly toward him, still unsure if he wanted her to.
No. You're very strong, Jesse. Not just physically. But you're a good person at heart.
You're not saying this to make me feel better, are you, Emma? He could see Emma in his head, talking to him gently when she was actually still a few feet away from him.
But soon she got closer and closer, close enough for him to lean his head against her. He buried his face into her and cried.