******
"Go fast!" Screamed Scruffy in a panic.
He didn't have to tell me twice. Some of the frontrunners had pulled pretty close to us and Hairy was fairly crying with fright. A couple of the Sues were riding winged horses and swooped down on us as we bumped along. I glanced in the side mirror and saw pink unicorns being ridden at break neck speed alongside the truck. (Now that's something you don't see every day.)
Blondie had run out of arrows and had turned into a quivering mass of fear next to the old man. The Sues began flinging themselves at the moving vehicle and screaming hysterically. It certainly scared the hell out of me let me tell you. I've never seen such a sight. (Except maybe that one time when New Kids on the Block came to town. But I digress.)
I stomped on the gas and shifted into overdrive, leaving the screaming Sues in the dust.
Next to me, Scruffy visibly relaxed. "Thank you," he said.
"No problem," I told him. "You really need to do something about those chicks, dude."
"HA!" He scoffed. "Wouldn't I like to? They torture poor Legolas night and day." He looked into the back at Blondie who was still cowering behind the old guy.
"What about you?" I asked. "Do they bother you?"
"Yes, but not like they do Legolas," he sighed with relief. (Geez, I wonder why. You look like you've never heard of a razor or soap.)
"They try to come between me and Arwen," he said.
"Who's Arwen?" I asked.
"My girlfriend," he smiled.
(Looks only count for so much, that's for sure. And Arwen was obviously more into brains than looks.)
"So why doesn't Blondie get himself a woman and lay the smack down on those stupid chicks?" I wondered. Seemed pretty logical to me.
"It wouldn't matter," he said miserably. "They wouldn't care."
"Well, then maybe he needs to learn how to say no and mean it," I grunted. (He didn't look like the type to say "no" and mean it.)
"Turn here," he ordered and I could see the town over the hill. "That's where we're going," he said, pointing at the walled city.
I nodded and kept driving.
We pulled into the town and were immediately surrounded by throngs of men clamoring for "Gandalf" (whoever the hell that is).
"Look, I don't want anyone absconding with my vehicle," I told Scruffy. "Is there any place I can keep this?"
"You may place it in the stable," said the Old Man as he climbed out of the back.
Hairy and Blondie got out as well. Hairy hugged me and I patted him on the back reassuringly.
Blondie flashed me a dazzling smile and actually bowed. (Well, he may not be too smart but at least he's not rude.)
"Fine," I said, looking around. "Where's the stable?"
****** Notes:
"packing heat" – has a gun
"Go fast!" Screamed Scruffy in a panic.
He didn't have to tell me twice. Some of the frontrunners had pulled pretty close to us and Hairy was fairly crying with fright. A couple of the Sues were riding winged horses and swooped down on us as we bumped along. I glanced in the side mirror and saw pink unicorns being ridden at break neck speed alongside the truck. (Now that's something you don't see every day.)
Blondie had run out of arrows and had turned into a quivering mass of fear next to the old man. The Sues began flinging themselves at the moving vehicle and screaming hysterically. It certainly scared the hell out of me let me tell you. I've never seen such a sight. (Except maybe that one time when New Kids on the Block came to town. But I digress.)
I stomped on the gas and shifted into overdrive, leaving the screaming Sues in the dust.
Next to me, Scruffy visibly relaxed. "Thank you," he said.
"No problem," I told him. "You really need to do something about those chicks, dude."
"HA!" He scoffed. "Wouldn't I like to? They torture poor Legolas night and day." He looked into the back at Blondie who was still cowering behind the old guy.
"What about you?" I asked. "Do they bother you?"
"Yes, but not like they do Legolas," he sighed with relief. (Geez, I wonder why. You look like you've never heard of a razor or soap.)
"They try to come between me and Arwen," he said.
"Who's Arwen?" I asked.
"My girlfriend," he smiled.
(Looks only count for so much, that's for sure. And Arwen was obviously more into brains than looks.)
"So why doesn't Blondie get himself a woman and lay the smack down on those stupid chicks?" I wondered. Seemed pretty logical to me.
"It wouldn't matter," he said miserably. "They wouldn't care."
"Well, then maybe he needs to learn how to say no and mean it," I grunted. (He didn't look like the type to say "no" and mean it.)
"Turn here," he ordered and I could see the town over the hill. "That's where we're going," he said, pointing at the walled city.
I nodded and kept driving.
We pulled into the town and were immediately surrounded by throngs of men clamoring for "Gandalf" (whoever the hell that is).
"Look, I don't want anyone absconding with my vehicle," I told Scruffy. "Is there any place I can keep this?"
"You may place it in the stable," said the Old Man as he climbed out of the back.
Hairy and Blondie got out as well. Hairy hugged me and I patted him on the back reassuringly.
Blondie flashed me a dazzling smile and actually bowed. (Well, he may not be too smart but at least he's not rude.)
"Fine," I said, looking around. "Where's the stable?"
****** Notes:
"packing heat" – has a gun