Hospital type food is far easier to deal with when you have company; Jack
discovered the first time he was given something solid to eat – which was
later that night. Fraiser had gone home for the evening, but had left
instructions with the evening staff as to what she wanted O'Neill to eat if
he were to wake up and ask for something.
It wasn't the steak and eggs he'd requested. It wasn't steak or eggs, or even toast, Jack realized sourly when an orderly put the tray across his lap with an apologetic smile. It was warm – nowhere near hot – split pea soup, and a slice of bread. Wheat bread with all those little seed and nuts in it. Jack hated wheat bread with seeds and nuts in it. Almost as much as he hated split pea soup.
"You're kidding, right?"
"Sorry, Sir. Doctor Fraiser's orders."
Jack scowled, but the man hurried out of the room before he could truly start his complaining.
"I'm not eating this." Jack grumbled to himself.
Jaffer had already decided that something smelled interesting, and he had watched as the orderly set the tray down and decided to investigate. When he stuck his black nose into Jack's bowl, the Colonel didn't do anything. When he decided that hey! split pea soup is pretty good! Jack simply smiled and encouraged him. He wasn't going to eat the crap, but if they thought he had then maybe they'd bring him something else. He fell asleep while Jaffer was eating his bread, and when the orderly came to clean the dishes and collect the tray; he found the black lab and Jack O'Neill both sound asleep and the bowl cleaned. The man nodded, and made a note of it on Jack's chart, which was on a clipboard by the door. Obviously the Colonel was hungrier than they'd thought.
...
"I want eggs." Jack said the next morning when Janet raiser woke him up to check on him. "Eggs and toast, and bacon, and coffee."
"We'll see, Colonel."
O'Neill scowled. 'We'll see' meant 'no', and he knew it. He wasn't stupid, after all.
Sure enough, breakfast had been brought, and it wasn't any of the things Jack had asked for. There was a bowl of moist dog food for Jaffer – from instructions from his own doctor – and there was a small array of fruit and cottage cheese. And more wheat toast with seeds and nuts.
"I'm not eating this." Jack said as soon as it was set in front of him.
"I'm sorry, Sir," The orderly – a different one than the night before – said. "This is what Doctor Fraiser says you're allowed. You'll have to talk to her if you want something else."
"Tell her to come here," Jack said, looking for all the world like he was about ready to get out of bed and beat the man over the head with his tray. Of course, O'Neill knew that it wasn't his fault that Fraiser was torturing him, so he didn't. In fact, he even added "please" to the end of his order.
"I'm sorry, Sir." He told Jack. "She's meeting with General Hammond and can't be disturbed. "Maybe if you-"
O'Neill scowled. Oh, he wasn't happy. The orderly beat a hasty retreat, and Jack looked down at the dog food Jaffer was busily finishing off, and then looked at his own plate. Then back at the dog food, once more. But it was gone in an instant, before he could even decide if it looked good enough to eat. Jack sighed, and handed his plate to Jaffer, who decided that hey! cottage cheese is pretty good stuff, too! And even better with the fruity goodness of peaches and strawberries and pineapple.
"What are you doing?"
Jack looked up guiltily as Daniel poked his head in the door just in time to see Jaffer downing the slice of wheat toast.
"Daniel! Damn it, knock."
"You're obviously lucky I'm not Doctor Fraiser. I don't think that stuff is good for him, Jack." He said as he crossed the room and watched Jaffer licking the crumbs off the plate and Jack's tray.
"He likes it." Jack said. "Bring me something to eat, will you? Something good. Like Taco bell, or Burger King, or something like that."
"It's 8:30, Jack."
"I don't care."
Daniel shook his head. "Janet wouldn't like that."
"She wouldn't find out."
"Yes, she would."
"Damn it, Daniel."
"You wouldn't be able to hide the smell of a Big Mac, Jack."
He scowled, but realized Daniel was right.
"Okay, then get me a sandwich. A couple sandwiches."
"How am I supposed to hide them?"
"I don't care. You're some kind of genius, you figure it out."
"You should probably just eat whatever it is Janet's feeding you, Jack."
"Do you like wheat bread with seeds? The next time I get some, I'll save it for you."
"Seeds?"
"And little nuts. And no butter or anything."
"Ugh." Daniel shuddered. "All right, but only if you keep quite about where you got them when you get caught."
"I won't get caught."
"Yes, you will."
Daniel walked out of the infirmary, and returned a while later with a small bulge in the side of his shirt, which he'd covered with his hand and his arm. It was a good thing Fraiser was still off doing whatever, Jack thought, because Daniel looked so guilty, and was trying so hard to hide it – and failing miserably – that she would have suspected something immediately, and probably had stripped searched him. And definitely would have found the two triple-decker sandwiches that Daniel set down in front of him a moment later.
"Yes!"
Jack ripped the plastic wrap off one and started eating hungrily.
"I take back everything I ever said about you, Daniel." Jack said as he handed Jaffer a piece of his sandwich before the lab could even ask.
"Well, that'll make me feel so much better when Fraiser finds out where you got them."
"She won't." Jack assured him.
She never did, either. Janet Fraiser had to admit she was very impressed with the way O'Neill was acting. He was almost a model patient. He ate everything that was put in front of him – and never left so much as a crust – and never complained. Of course, once he started feeling a little better, he started bitching about getting up, but that just meant he was getting better, and Fraiser didn't take that personally at all. She simply told him that she'd see. Which, of course, meant 'no'.
She should have been suspicious. Daniel Jackson, Teal'c, and even Sam had all on occasion looked guilty when they looked at her, and she'd never thought to ask why, thinking that it was something personal and not wanting to pry, or assuming that they were worried about Jack and she was simply reading their expressions wrong. Not hard to do with Teal'c, after all. Little did she know that Jack had convinced them all that he'd make a far quicker recovery if he were well-fed. And that meant eating good stuff! Then he'd simply hide the wrappers under Jaffer's bandages, and whoever took the lab out for his walk – or to pee – would dig them out carefully and throw them away. Evidence gone, and Jack was eating good. He wasn't as dumb as he looked, or acted after all.
It continued right up until the day Fraiser let him out of bed, and the conspirators never said a word to each other, or to Jack about it. They didn't know that he'd corrupted all of them, and each assumed they were the only one who was bucking Janet's reign. Jack didn't mention it, either, of course. Not even when Janet commented on how well he cleaned his plates. He just kept his face carefully neutral, and asked once more when he'd be able to get out of bed.
It wasn't the steak and eggs he'd requested. It wasn't steak or eggs, or even toast, Jack realized sourly when an orderly put the tray across his lap with an apologetic smile. It was warm – nowhere near hot – split pea soup, and a slice of bread. Wheat bread with all those little seed and nuts in it. Jack hated wheat bread with seeds and nuts in it. Almost as much as he hated split pea soup.
"You're kidding, right?"
"Sorry, Sir. Doctor Fraiser's orders."
Jack scowled, but the man hurried out of the room before he could truly start his complaining.
"I'm not eating this." Jack grumbled to himself.
Jaffer had already decided that something smelled interesting, and he had watched as the orderly set the tray down and decided to investigate. When he stuck his black nose into Jack's bowl, the Colonel didn't do anything. When he decided that hey! split pea soup is pretty good! Jack simply smiled and encouraged him. He wasn't going to eat the crap, but if they thought he had then maybe they'd bring him something else. He fell asleep while Jaffer was eating his bread, and when the orderly came to clean the dishes and collect the tray; he found the black lab and Jack O'Neill both sound asleep and the bowl cleaned. The man nodded, and made a note of it on Jack's chart, which was on a clipboard by the door. Obviously the Colonel was hungrier than they'd thought.
...
"I want eggs." Jack said the next morning when Janet raiser woke him up to check on him. "Eggs and toast, and bacon, and coffee."
"We'll see, Colonel."
O'Neill scowled. 'We'll see' meant 'no', and he knew it. He wasn't stupid, after all.
Sure enough, breakfast had been brought, and it wasn't any of the things Jack had asked for. There was a bowl of moist dog food for Jaffer – from instructions from his own doctor – and there was a small array of fruit and cottage cheese. And more wheat toast with seeds and nuts.
"I'm not eating this." Jack said as soon as it was set in front of him.
"I'm sorry, Sir," The orderly – a different one than the night before – said. "This is what Doctor Fraiser says you're allowed. You'll have to talk to her if you want something else."
"Tell her to come here," Jack said, looking for all the world like he was about ready to get out of bed and beat the man over the head with his tray. Of course, O'Neill knew that it wasn't his fault that Fraiser was torturing him, so he didn't. In fact, he even added "please" to the end of his order.
"I'm sorry, Sir." He told Jack. "She's meeting with General Hammond and can't be disturbed. "Maybe if you-"
O'Neill scowled. Oh, he wasn't happy. The orderly beat a hasty retreat, and Jack looked down at the dog food Jaffer was busily finishing off, and then looked at his own plate. Then back at the dog food, once more. But it was gone in an instant, before he could even decide if it looked good enough to eat. Jack sighed, and handed his plate to Jaffer, who decided that hey! cottage cheese is pretty good stuff, too! And even better with the fruity goodness of peaches and strawberries and pineapple.
"What are you doing?"
Jack looked up guiltily as Daniel poked his head in the door just in time to see Jaffer downing the slice of wheat toast.
"Daniel! Damn it, knock."
"You're obviously lucky I'm not Doctor Fraiser. I don't think that stuff is good for him, Jack." He said as he crossed the room and watched Jaffer licking the crumbs off the plate and Jack's tray.
"He likes it." Jack said. "Bring me something to eat, will you? Something good. Like Taco bell, or Burger King, or something like that."
"It's 8:30, Jack."
"I don't care."
Daniel shook his head. "Janet wouldn't like that."
"She wouldn't find out."
"Yes, she would."
"Damn it, Daniel."
"You wouldn't be able to hide the smell of a Big Mac, Jack."
He scowled, but realized Daniel was right.
"Okay, then get me a sandwich. A couple sandwiches."
"How am I supposed to hide them?"
"I don't care. You're some kind of genius, you figure it out."
"You should probably just eat whatever it is Janet's feeding you, Jack."
"Do you like wheat bread with seeds? The next time I get some, I'll save it for you."
"Seeds?"
"And little nuts. And no butter or anything."
"Ugh." Daniel shuddered. "All right, but only if you keep quite about where you got them when you get caught."
"I won't get caught."
"Yes, you will."
Daniel walked out of the infirmary, and returned a while later with a small bulge in the side of his shirt, which he'd covered with his hand and his arm. It was a good thing Fraiser was still off doing whatever, Jack thought, because Daniel looked so guilty, and was trying so hard to hide it – and failing miserably – that she would have suspected something immediately, and probably had stripped searched him. And definitely would have found the two triple-decker sandwiches that Daniel set down in front of him a moment later.
"Yes!"
Jack ripped the plastic wrap off one and started eating hungrily.
"I take back everything I ever said about you, Daniel." Jack said as he handed Jaffer a piece of his sandwich before the lab could even ask.
"Well, that'll make me feel so much better when Fraiser finds out where you got them."
"She won't." Jack assured him.
She never did, either. Janet Fraiser had to admit she was very impressed with the way O'Neill was acting. He was almost a model patient. He ate everything that was put in front of him – and never left so much as a crust – and never complained. Of course, once he started feeling a little better, he started bitching about getting up, but that just meant he was getting better, and Fraiser didn't take that personally at all. She simply told him that she'd see. Which, of course, meant 'no'.
She should have been suspicious. Daniel Jackson, Teal'c, and even Sam had all on occasion looked guilty when they looked at her, and she'd never thought to ask why, thinking that it was something personal and not wanting to pry, or assuming that they were worried about Jack and she was simply reading their expressions wrong. Not hard to do with Teal'c, after all. Little did she know that Jack had convinced them all that he'd make a far quicker recovery if he were well-fed. And that meant eating good stuff! Then he'd simply hide the wrappers under Jaffer's bandages, and whoever took the lab out for his walk – or to pee – would dig them out carefully and throw them away. Evidence gone, and Jack was eating good. He wasn't as dumb as he looked, or acted after all.
It continued right up until the day Fraiser let him out of bed, and the conspirators never said a word to each other, or to Jack about it. They didn't know that he'd corrupted all of them, and each assumed they were the only one who was bucking Janet's reign. Jack didn't mention it, either, of course. Not even when Janet commented on how well he cleaned his plates. He just kept his face carefully neutral, and asked once more when he'd be able to get out of bed.