******
"So, you were saying about 'banishing the Sues forever'?" I prompted him.
"Ah, yes! You see, during the Second Age, when Sauron ensnared men with the rings of power, he also created the Sues to do his bidding in the event that the ring wraiths failed." (WTF?). "But, little did he realize that the Eldar had long feared this and prophesized that a lone woman would appear and turn the tide in our favor." (Now this prophesying part I could get into.)
The crowd murmured as if on cue.
"OK, fine," I waved my hand around. "What does this got to do with me?"
"You bring the Black Book of Doom!" The Old Man pointed at me dramatically.
I snorted. "Right. Black Book of Doom. Uh-huh." (Definitely not rowing with both oars in the water.)
"I saw it in your saddle bag on the way here." He accused.
I raised an eyebrow at him. I still couldn't make up my mind if he was dangerously crazy or just an eccentric old codger.
"Dude, I don't have a Black Book of Doom," I rolled my eyes at him. (Had my mother seen this, she would have slapped me.)
"Yes, you wear it on your back even now!" He hissed.
All eyes turned to me and I looked from side to side expecting at any moment to be sprung upon by the desperate men. The men moved closer. I removed my backpack and held it close to me.
"There ain't nothing in here but my work stuff!" I insisted and placed the bag on the table so everyone could see for them selves that I wasn't hiding any Black Book of Doom.
I opened the bag and the Old Man reached down and snatched out my laptop, holding it aloft like the Olympic Torch.
"Behold the Black Book of Doom!" He shouted triumphantly.
The men cheered.
"That's just my computer," I scoffed. What a moron! (Of course, I'd often thought of it as a sort of Doom but that's what computers do, right?)
"This, this is the Black Book of Doom!" He assured me. "Only you can open it. Only you can save us from the Sues."
I had to laugh. I couldn't help it. Since when does a computer cause anything but headache? I mean, what was I supposed to do, teach the Sues how to use it and hope that the damned thing kept crashing and drove them insane? Well, sure it would work but it would take for freaking ever! Duh!
I put my head down on the table and pretty much laughed myself sick at the thought. No one else seemed to find this at all amusing.
I finally managed to get a grip on myself and wiped back the tears of laughter as I looked around the room.
They all looked pathetic and helpless. Hey, don't let anyone ever tell you that a room full of helpless men isn't cute. They were at my total mercy. (Must resist temptation to turn evil – must resist!)
****
Notes: WTF – "What the F*ck?"
Black Boom of Doom – laptop computer
"So, you were saying about 'banishing the Sues forever'?" I prompted him.
"Ah, yes! You see, during the Second Age, when Sauron ensnared men with the rings of power, he also created the Sues to do his bidding in the event that the ring wraiths failed." (WTF?). "But, little did he realize that the Eldar had long feared this and prophesized that a lone woman would appear and turn the tide in our favor." (Now this prophesying part I could get into.)
The crowd murmured as if on cue.
"OK, fine," I waved my hand around. "What does this got to do with me?"
"You bring the Black Book of Doom!" The Old Man pointed at me dramatically.
I snorted. "Right. Black Book of Doom. Uh-huh." (Definitely not rowing with both oars in the water.)
"I saw it in your saddle bag on the way here." He accused.
I raised an eyebrow at him. I still couldn't make up my mind if he was dangerously crazy or just an eccentric old codger.
"Dude, I don't have a Black Book of Doom," I rolled my eyes at him. (Had my mother seen this, she would have slapped me.)
"Yes, you wear it on your back even now!" He hissed.
All eyes turned to me and I looked from side to side expecting at any moment to be sprung upon by the desperate men. The men moved closer. I removed my backpack and held it close to me.
"There ain't nothing in here but my work stuff!" I insisted and placed the bag on the table so everyone could see for them selves that I wasn't hiding any Black Book of Doom.
I opened the bag and the Old Man reached down and snatched out my laptop, holding it aloft like the Olympic Torch.
"Behold the Black Book of Doom!" He shouted triumphantly.
The men cheered.
"That's just my computer," I scoffed. What a moron! (Of course, I'd often thought of it as a sort of Doom but that's what computers do, right?)
"This, this is the Black Book of Doom!" He assured me. "Only you can open it. Only you can save us from the Sues."
I had to laugh. I couldn't help it. Since when does a computer cause anything but headache? I mean, what was I supposed to do, teach the Sues how to use it and hope that the damned thing kept crashing and drove them insane? Well, sure it would work but it would take for freaking ever! Duh!
I put my head down on the table and pretty much laughed myself sick at the thought. No one else seemed to find this at all amusing.
I finally managed to get a grip on myself and wiped back the tears of laughter as I looked around the room.
They all looked pathetic and helpless. Hey, don't let anyone ever tell you that a room full of helpless men isn't cute. They were at my total mercy. (Must resist temptation to turn evil – must resist!)
****
Notes: WTF – "What the F*ck?"
Black Boom of Doom – laptop computer