Chapter 3

Luigi's Revenge

New Characters:

Bowser: He is a huge, big, fat, spiky, horny... turtle. Mario's enemy. He is always the one who is guarding Princess Peach from Mario saving her. He's what makes the games fun... mwahaha.

Lakitu: That weird guy who is always sitting on top of a cloud and dropping red spiky creatures down. Oh, and in Mario Kart he holds the starting light.

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"Ummmm," Luigi stammered as Mario did a zombie-like walk out the door.

"Wouldn't you just looooooooove a tan?" crooned the saleslady at the counter.

"No!" Luigi yelped, then backed out of the store.

Revenge. Sweet revenge... was what Luigi needed.

He sat on a bench, thinking of a plan to foil the Peach/Mario plot. How COULD his own brother betray him like that? Mario knew that Luigi had a huge crush on... okay, maybe he didn't know. Oh, and Mario had betrayed him a million times before for being such a limelight hog.

"Ah hah!" Luigi suddenly leapt out of his seat, causing Mario and Peach, who were walking by holding hands, to stare at him.

"Ah, look, there's my kid brother," Mario said to Peach. "Doesn't he look so lame, sitting on that bench like that, SINGLE... ahah..."

Luigi was beginning to boil with anger. "I... AM... NOT... LAME!"

"Have pity on him, he's cute!" said Peach.

"I am?" Luigi suddenly bolted out of his seat and stared into Peach's eyes expectantly.

"In a little-kid way."

"Oh." Luigi sighed.

"Hey, you're supposed to show affection for your BOYFRIEND, not your boyfriend's... kid brother!" Mario yelled.

Luigi shook a fist at him, but Mario didn't notice. He and Peach had started PDA'ing in the middle of the street.

"Grrr... you made me forget my REVENGE PLAN... err... wait... pretend you never heard that..." Mario and Peach didn't notice. They were absorbed in each other.

"Ah HAH!"

Luigi had another plan. He sneakily headed off.

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MEANWHILE... at the Mario Kart Grand Prix...

"3... 2... 1..."

"WAIT!" Luigi ran up and knocked the starting light out of Lakitu's hands. Lakitu began dropping Spikes angrily.

"What?" Lakitu snapped.

"I wanna race!!" Luigi yelled.

"But you're too young... don't you have to be at least 18?"

Bowser snickered.

"I'M 22, YOU FOOL!" Luigi bellowed in Lakitu's face. Lakitu got knocked off his cloud.

"Okay... get into Mario's car!" Lakitu shouted. Luigi happily hurried into Mario's car.

"3... 2... 1... GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

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Five minutes later, Mario and Peach were STILL PDA'ing in the very same spot...

... when eight cars ran them over.

"HELP! Mario, save me!" Peach instinctly said. She'd been practicing that princess-in-peril cry for the last 20 years, and she had remained the same age. Or maybe it's just the makeup...

"I'll save you!" Luigi got out of his car. A big WRONG WAY sign blocked his view, but Luigi didn't care.

"Eeeeurgh! Urgh!" Luigi had just realized that he had forgotten to unbuckle his seatbelt.The Mario Kart R&R (Rules and Regulations) Committee had decided that seatbelts were a requirement, after the... um... incident.

"Ooooo... oooooo..." Mario grunted stupidly. Luigi sadistically smiled, then bent to help Peach up.

"Oh, Mario!" Peach cried.

"I'M NOT MARIO! I'm LUIGI! Duh, look at me, I'm GREEN..." Luigi started babbling for five seconds, but then realized that it wouldn't make a very good impression on Peach. He pulled the rest of Peach up, but Peach flopped down again.

"AAGH... I HATE work... um... okay... Peach, your knight in shining armor is here!" Luigi belted out.

"I don't want no knight in shining armor, I want MARIO!" Peach yelled in Luigi's face. Luigi was shocked at Peach's sudden change of personality.

"But..." Luigi protested.

"Come on, Mario!" Peach got up and pulled Mario into Luigi's, er, Mario's kart. Peach drove away, leaving Luigi there, openmouthed and speechless.

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When Luigi finally recovered from his openmouthed/speechless expression, he shook a fist at Mario (who was nowhere to be seen.) "I... I'LL SHOW YOU!"