******
The following morning, I heard the screams and shouts in the hallway outside my door before I even managed to slip my shirt on. Hairy burst into my room and started hugging me. "You did it, lass! You did it!" he shouted with glee.
"It worked? Really?" I asked. (No way! That was too easy!)
Blondie came into the room and hugged me as well. This was rather difficult, as Hairy hadn't let go of me quite yet. But I didn't mind.
"Thank you, thank you so much," he practically cried with happiness.
"I can't believe it actually worked!" I shouted into his shoulder. (God Almighty did he smell good!)
I pulled away from them both. "I wanna see! I wanna see what happened! How do you know it worked?" I asked anxiously as the two of them led me up to the battlements.
The three of us looked to the sky. There were no more flying Sues.
"No way!" I danced around the wall like a drunken sorority girl on a Saturday night.
There was some serious celebrating that day and into the night, I can tell you.
That evening Hairy, Scruffy and Blondie found me in the kitchen. Hairy held out a bottle to me. "Try this, lass," he rumbled.
I smelled the bottle. Alcohol. I smiled. "You rock, Hairy!" I told him. He grinned.
The four of us sat there in that kitchen and drank that bottle of whatever the hell it was dry. I got so drunk I could hardly stand. But I wasn't alone. The four of us careened crazily thru the halls holding on to each other and singing some stupid ass song about some elf half the night. Hell if I knew the words or even cared. I sang my own song. I was so happy that we had found the way to banish the Sues.
I paid for my drunken revelry the next day. (Oh, did I ever!)
"What the hell was that crap you gave me last night?" I demanded when I saw Hairy in the kitchen.
He didn't look too well, either.
"Ach! It was Black Blood of Moria," he groaned. "Deadly stuff in large doses."
"Yeah, I sort of figured that deadly part out," I groaned and flopped down next to him on a bench. With a shaking hand, I lit a cigarette and the two of us sat there in silence for several minutes.
Old Guy appeared and looked suitably grim.
"Oh, no, what is it now?" I grumbled seeing the look on his face.
"More Sues have appeared," he intoned.
"No way! I thought we got rid of them!" I would have shouted had my head not hurt so badly.
"Yes, we did, but others arrived in the night to take their place," he informed us.
"Hells Bells!" I did shout this time. "Where's Gorgeous?" I demanded. If they stole him in the night there would be hell to pay. Supermodel and me would be opening a serious can of whup-ass on them.
"I am here," said Blondie as he and Scruffy came into the kitchen.
"I guess this means it's back to work," I sighed. And I had so wanted to just lie in bed and recuperate.
I eyed Blondie suspiciously. He looked too pristine for my liking. "Why the hell don't you have a hangover?" I demanded.
"Elves don't get hangovers," he informed me.
"Bull! You'd best be coming up with one or you'll find yourself dangling over the wall as Sue-bait," I snapped at him and stomped out to get my laptop. (Bastard. Don't get hangovers!)
******
My laptop battery was getting low. We moved our little road show into the stable where the truck was parked so I could charge it. We opened the stable doors and I started the engine then plugged the laptop into the cigarette lighter. We were back in business. "Alright, people, start talking," I said as my fingers hovered over the keyboard.
I had several files of Sue descriptions and was shutting down for the day when the thought struck me that maybe just maybe a photograph would work the same way as the writing. I mean, wasn't that "capturing the essence" of the Sue? I pulled a disposable camera out of the dash and looked at it. The sun was too low to try it today but tomorrow – tomorrow I would give it a try.
******
Notes:
Black Blood of Moria – very toxic alcohol akin to Ouzo.
"Opening a can of whup-ass" – fixing to "lay the smack down" on someone with extreme prejudice.
*****
The following morning, I heard the screams and shouts in the hallway outside my door before I even managed to slip my shirt on. Hairy burst into my room and started hugging me. "You did it, lass! You did it!" he shouted with glee.
"It worked? Really?" I asked. (No way! That was too easy!)
Blondie came into the room and hugged me as well. This was rather difficult, as Hairy hadn't let go of me quite yet. But I didn't mind.
"Thank you, thank you so much," he practically cried with happiness.
"I can't believe it actually worked!" I shouted into his shoulder. (God Almighty did he smell good!)
I pulled away from them both. "I wanna see! I wanna see what happened! How do you know it worked?" I asked anxiously as the two of them led me up to the battlements.
The three of us looked to the sky. There were no more flying Sues.
"No way!" I danced around the wall like a drunken sorority girl on a Saturday night.
There was some serious celebrating that day and into the night, I can tell you.
That evening Hairy, Scruffy and Blondie found me in the kitchen. Hairy held out a bottle to me. "Try this, lass," he rumbled.
I smelled the bottle. Alcohol. I smiled. "You rock, Hairy!" I told him. He grinned.
The four of us sat there in that kitchen and drank that bottle of whatever the hell it was dry. I got so drunk I could hardly stand. But I wasn't alone. The four of us careened crazily thru the halls holding on to each other and singing some stupid ass song about some elf half the night. Hell if I knew the words or even cared. I sang my own song. I was so happy that we had found the way to banish the Sues.
I paid for my drunken revelry the next day. (Oh, did I ever!)
"What the hell was that crap you gave me last night?" I demanded when I saw Hairy in the kitchen.
He didn't look too well, either.
"Ach! It was Black Blood of Moria," he groaned. "Deadly stuff in large doses."
"Yeah, I sort of figured that deadly part out," I groaned and flopped down next to him on a bench. With a shaking hand, I lit a cigarette and the two of us sat there in silence for several minutes.
Old Guy appeared and looked suitably grim.
"Oh, no, what is it now?" I grumbled seeing the look on his face.
"More Sues have appeared," he intoned.
"No way! I thought we got rid of them!" I would have shouted had my head not hurt so badly.
"Yes, we did, but others arrived in the night to take their place," he informed us.
"Hells Bells!" I did shout this time. "Where's Gorgeous?" I demanded. If they stole him in the night there would be hell to pay. Supermodel and me would be opening a serious can of whup-ass on them.
"I am here," said Blondie as he and Scruffy came into the kitchen.
"I guess this means it's back to work," I sighed. And I had so wanted to just lie in bed and recuperate.
I eyed Blondie suspiciously. He looked too pristine for my liking. "Why the hell don't you have a hangover?" I demanded.
"Elves don't get hangovers," he informed me.
"Bull! You'd best be coming up with one or you'll find yourself dangling over the wall as Sue-bait," I snapped at him and stomped out to get my laptop. (Bastard. Don't get hangovers!)
******
My laptop battery was getting low. We moved our little road show into the stable where the truck was parked so I could charge it. We opened the stable doors and I started the engine then plugged the laptop into the cigarette lighter. We were back in business. "Alright, people, start talking," I said as my fingers hovered over the keyboard.
I had several files of Sue descriptions and was shutting down for the day when the thought struck me that maybe just maybe a photograph would work the same way as the writing. I mean, wasn't that "capturing the essence" of the Sue? I pulled a disposable camera out of the dash and looked at it. The sun was too low to try it today but tomorrow – tomorrow I would give it a try.
******
Notes:
Black Blood of Moria – very toxic alcohol akin to Ouzo.
"Opening a can of whup-ass" – fixing to "lay the smack down" on someone with extreme prejudice.
*****