Insight

Tasuki POV

Chapter 6

By Ambika-san

Tasuki pulled away from Chichiri in shock. He had not just done that. He couldn't have. He shook his head, disgusted with himself. Hadn't he promised that he would get over this useless...whatever it was?

"No," he said aloud, missing the pain that crossed Chichiri's face. He couldn't look Chichiri in the eye, not after what he'd done. Still shaking his head in a shell-shocked manner, he repeated, "No..."

"Tasuki--" Chichiri began, but the fire seishi cut him off, not wanting to hear Chichiri voice the revulsion he must be feeling.

"I'm goin' ta bed. Night, Chichiri." Tasuki's voice sounded emotionless, even in his own ears. Walking to one of the bedrolls that he had laid out earlier, the bandit settled in, facing away from the fire and his companion.

Tasuki could hear Chichiri moving around their campsite for some time after he'd gone to bed. He half-feared that Chichiri would try to talk to him again, but his friend didn't say a word.

'Not my friend now,' Tasuki thought bitterly. 'He's gotta hate me...'

Tasuki couldn't sleep, so he knew when Chichiri approached the bedrolls, clearly intending to turn in for the night. He quickly closed his eyes and slowed his breathing, pretending to have fallen asleep already. Tasuki wasn't ready to talk to Chichiri yet.

There were rustling noises of cloth on cloth as Chichiri began to climb into his makeshift bed. The noises stopped abruptly after a few seconds, and Tasuki could feel the monk leaning closer to him.

"Good night, Tasuki..." The words were said softly, but the emotion in them was impossible to miss. Tasuki lay awake, long after Chichiri's breathing evened out, wondering why Chichiri had sounded so sad.

As the sky began to pale in the east, Tasuki's tired mind finally stopped and allowed him to rest.

Later, Tasuki awoke to see Chichiri standing a few feet away, his bedroll already on his back, his mask smiling down at the half-asleep bandit.

'At least he hasn't left yet,' Tasuki thought.

"Ohayo, no da!" Chichiri said cheerfully. "Come on, we should leave soon." Nothing in his voice or manner gave any indication that something out of the ordinary had happened between them.

Tasuki groaned and sat up, not quite ready to start his day. He stayed slumped over, his eyes mostly shut, for a few minutes before he managed to drag himself to his feet. Cursing the sunlight, Tasuki rubbed his eyes.

"Why d' we hafta start so damn early, Chichiri?"

"Don't you want to get to the next town by nightfall, no da?" Chichiri sounded distracted, as though his mind was on something else, or somewhere else.

Grumbling softly, Tasuki went to work packing his bedroll up so that he could carry it.

It seemed as though Chichiri was prepared to forget what had happened the night before. Tasuki couldn't think of it as something he'd done. It had been as much of a surprise to him as it had been to the monk. He thought of it as an accident, where he was as much of a victim as the man he'd kissed.

Tasuki stood, swinging his roll of blankets onto his back. Chichiri's mask was still smiling, but somehow the expression seemed even more hollow than it had yesterday. With a nod, the mage turned away from his friend and began to walk back towards the road.

Tasuki watched his back for a few moments, wishing he could run up to Chichiri and say, Oi! What'sa matter?' but he knew what the answer would be, and if Chichiri wanted to forget the whole thing, Tasuki was perfectly willing to do so as well.

At least, that's what he told himself, carefully squashing the small part of him that wanted to repeat the experience.

Sighing, the thief trudged after his companion.

The tension that had bothered Tasuki yesterday was nothing compared to the silence that was now rapidly filling the space between the two seishi. Several times Tasuki tried to end the uneasiness, but Chichiri, while answering in a perfectly friendly manner, wouldn't say more than a sentence or two to him.

Maybe Chichiri wasn't quite ready to forget what had happened...

After a while, Tasuki gave up, walking a few paces behind Chichiri. He was uncharacteristically silent, not even complaining about the length of the journey. He was too lost in his own thoughts to notice the road he was traveling, or much of anything besides the blue-haired man he was following.

I'm an idiot! How could I have done that? Why did I do that? Chichiri hates me now!'

Tasuki's thoughts continued along this track for some time before an idea came to him. Maybe if I apologized...told him it was an accident, we could go back to how we were.'

He looked up. "Ne, Chichiri--"

"Before you ask, Tasuki-kun, we're already in the town we're going to stay in tonight, no da." Chichiri's voice held no annoyance, and his mask smiled brightly, as always.

Tasuki blinked. "Huh...?" He looked around at the village that he'd reached without knowing it.

"The inn is just over there, no da." Chichiri gestured to a large, sturdy-looking stone building.

"Ah..." Tasuki murmured as Chichiri began to move towards the inn. "Oi! Chichiri! Wait for me!"

Tasuki caught up to Chichiri at the door. The mage walked straight over to a woman standing at the far side of the room they'd entered. Tasuki could only assume she worked at the inn.

"Hello, Raika-san, no da."

The woman looked up. "Oh, Chichiri-sama! You haven't been here in a while." She smiled.

"My friend and I would like two rooms, no da."

Raika's face changed immediately. "Oh, I'm sorry, Chichiri-sama. We only have one room left." At Tasuki's worried look, she added , "It has two beds, of course."

Chichiri sighed. "Thank you. We'll take it, na no da." He passed some of their money to her.

Raika bowed. "Your room is on the second floor. Number eight."

Chichiri nodded to her, and turned towards the stairs. Tasuki followed him, wanting to set down his bedroll.

On the second floor, Chichiri stopped in front of the first door on the left. He opened it and walked in, with Tasuki a few steps behind him. The room was moderate-sized. There was a large window set into the wall that faced west. Through it, the bandit could see the sun just beginning to dip below the horizon. There were only a few furnishings in the room. To Tasuki's relief, two of them were the promised beds.

Chichiri set his pack down beside one of the beds, leaving Tasuki to set his by the other. The fire seishi stood by one of the walls for a few moments, but the other man didn't seem to notice him there. Shooting one last look at the reason for his recent confusion, Tasuki sighed and walked out of the room.

He wandered through the inn. It wasn't one that he was familiar with, though it seemed that Chichiri had been here before.

It must have been before we started to travel together,' Tasuki thought. He wondered if Chichiri would come back here after their inevitable parting.

On the first floor, Tasuki found himself in a cheerful room, which, at a different time of day, would be brightly sunlit. The walls were cream-colored, and there were small wooden tables scattered around the room with no apparent pattern of placement. Many of them were occupied. He stood in the doorway for a few moments before deciding on a table in a quiet corner, near one of the windows that lined the northern wall. Almost instantly, a waitress popped out of nowhere, asking what he'd like.

"Nothin'..." Tasuki murmured. "Um, d'ya mind if I just sit here fer a while?"

The waitress smiled, bowed and left. Tasuki turned to the window and stared at the surrounding scenery, sinking back into his previous train of thought.

I gotta apologize ta him...' he mused. But how'm I s'posd ta do that if he's ignorin' me?'

He gave a start as he felt a hand on his shoulder. Looking up, he saw a young man, probably not much older than himself. He had shaggy, light blue hair and startling purple eyes.

His hair's the same color as Chichiri's," Tasuki thought.

"Hi, I'm Seiku. Um...I came over because you looked lonely, and I was alone too, and I don't like to eat alone, and...well..." The words came out in a rush, and Seiku shrugged, looking at Tasuki hopefully though his long bangs.

Tasuki smiled at him, wondering if Seiku was younger than he'd previously thought. He gestured to the seat opposite his own. "Sit down, if ya want."

Seiku's face broke into a relieved grin. He took the chair as the waitress popped up again.

"Can I get anything for you?" she asked.

"Ah, just some water..." Seiku answered. He turned to Tasuki. "Do you want anything?"

"Nah," Tasuki shook his head.

"Oh, come on. I'll even buy it for you," Seiku wheedled.

Tasuki sighed. "Some sake then, all right?" He looked from Seiku, who smiled, to the waitress, who nodded and disappeared.

"I've told you my name. Care to return the favor?" Seiku asked, when the waitress was gone.

"Most people call me Tasuki, r Genrou," the seishi said. Seiku's eyes widened.

"You're the leader of the Mt. Reikaku bandits, aren't you!" he exclaimed. "I thought you looked familiar!"

Tasuki blinked. "I figured ya'd know me as a Celestial Warrior a' Suzaku," he paused. "Whaddaya mean, I look familiar?"

"You raided my village when I was younger." Seiku said cheerfully. It was Tasuki's turn to gape.

"Suzaku! I can't say really 'm sorry r nothin', but, well, don't ya hate me?"

Seiku shook his head, still smiling. "Nope. I mean, nobody was hurt or kidnapped, and anyway, your job's your job, right?" Looking at Tasuki, he laughed a little. "I even thought about becoming a bandit for a while."

The waitress reappeared, carrying Tasuki's sake and Seiku's water. She set the glasses down in front of their respective consumers and disappeared once more.

"Thank you!" Seiku called after her.

Tasuki decided that he liked Seiku. He seemed cheerful, open and honest. And his hair was the same color as Chichiri's. Tasuki smacked himself mentally for his last thought. He was supposed to stop thinking about Chichiri, dammit!

"So, what are you doing here? You're pretty far from Mt. Reikaku."

"Oh, I've been travelin' with a friend a' mine," Tasuki said casually. "I might go back to the mountain soon, though."

They chatted about nothing for a while. Though he liked Seiku, Tasuki couldn't help noticing some things. Seiku wasn't as good at listening as Chichiri was. He couldn't give the same kind of advice as Chichiri. Tasuki didn't feel the odd sense of calm around Seiku that he did when he was with Chichiri. He tried to keep himself from thinking this way, but he couldn't.

Seiku was really nice, but he wasn't Chichiri.

Nobody else was.

I'm gonna tell him I'm sorry.' Tasuki resolved. I don' wanna lose his friendship like that.'

"Tasuki?" Seiku asked quietly.

"Huh? Sorry, I was thinkin' about somethin' else."

Seiku nodded knowingly. "You should tell your friend how you feel soon."

Shock wrote itself across Tasuki's face. "What?!"

"Well, it's obvious that you're in love with him," Seiku said, matter-of-factly. "I can tell by the way you talk about him, and how you connect nearly everything to him."

Tasuki was still sputtering. Seiku took no notice of him. "I know what I'm talking about. If you don't tell him it'll eat at you until you do something stupid that could end up ruining your friendship."

Tasuki winced. Seiku saw it, and his eyes widened in understanding. "You already did something, didn't you?" He asked quietly. "You really need to talk to him, then, or else you'll lose him."

"Don' tell me what ta do! How could ya know, anyway?" Tasuki knew that Seiku was right, and this only served to annoy him. How could someone he'd just met know that Tasuki was in love with Chichiri when he himself hadn't realized it?

"You aren't the only one in the world to go through this, Tasuki." For the first time in their whole conversation, Seiku sounded sad. Tasuki looked up at him in surprise.

"Y'mean, you..."

"We aren't talking about me," the blue-haired boy was smiling again. "We're talking about how you're going to talk with your friend." Seiku held his hand out to Tasuki. "Promise me you'll tell him how you feel."

Tasuki looked at Seiku's outstretched hand. He knew that his new friend was right; he did love Chichiri. The thought surprised and scared him, but he knew it was true. The only way they could solve their problems was to talk. But Chichiri wouldn't talk to him, and the idea of telling Chichiri how he felt scared Tasuki more than his feelings.

Tasuki was suddenly struck by an image of Chichiri walking down an unidentified road alone, as he, Tasuki, was far off on Mt. Reikaku, trying to lead the bandits while half his heart was somewhere else.

He had to try. He couldn't lose Chichiri's friendship. Even if Chichiri would never feel anything more than that, as long as Tasuki could still see Chichiri, he could manage.

Tasuki reached out his hand and took Seiku's. "A'right, I'll talk t'him."

Seiku smiled brilliantly and brought his other hand up to clasp Tasuki's. "You'll be glad!" he said.

Under his words, Tasuki could hear the door swing open. He looked up to see a familiar figure standing in the doorway, a stricken look on his face. Pulling his hand from Seiku's, Tasuki stood, as the figure turned and fled the room.

Tasuki chased after him, calling his name.

"Chichiri!"

--------To be continued.