Chichiri POV
Chapter 7
by Xellas M.
Chichiri leaned against the wall, trying to come up with a single casual thing to say to Tasuki and failing. Miserably, he endured yet another tense silence rather than open his mouth and risk pushing the one he loved even farther away.
He knew their current discomfort was entirely his fault, that the redhead only wanted to forget the previous evening and continue their friendship. Somehow, though, during the past day the mage had completely forgotten how to act normally around his friend. He couldn't see past his own confusion and needed time and space to regain his mental balance.
Eventually, Tasuki left, and still Chichiri could not say a single word to comfort him.
The absence of the bandit's distracting ki allowed the monk to calm down enough to begin sorting through his thoughts. He kept coming back to the moment Tasuki had kissed him. At first the elder seishi had assumed the disgust that had followed was directed toward him, that the more romantically experienced man had sensed his intentions and was teasing him. But when the bandit had practically run to his things and pretended to sleep (had he been truly asleep the younger man would have been snoring loudly as usual), his behavior was oddly guilty and Chichiri couldn't help but hope that there was another explanation for Tasuki's actions. After all, it had been Tasuki who had done all the tackling and kissing and that had to mean something, didn't it? Then again, it was probable that the redhead only felt sorry for having teased him so harshly. But still…
Either way, it was past time for them to have a talk. The mage certainly wasn't looking forward to it, but he knew things could not continue the way they were.
Concentrating for a moment, he located his friend's chi. As he made his way to the common area where sake was served, he wondered why he'd bothered to look first.
* * * * *
He paused, holding the door open slightly, marveling at how easy it was to spot his friend from across the fairly crowded room. It wasn't just the brightness of his red hair that drew the eye; the bandit was more filled with life than anyone else Chichiri had ever met. It was Tasuki's nature to attract attention – even on the rare occasions when he wasn't trying.
Chichiri paused for a minute to enjoy the sight, to watch the fire seishi without fear of discovery. Depending on the outcome of their talk, this could well be his last opportunity to do so for a very long time. It was no surprise that the beautiful young man had already made a friend in the strange place. The mage complimented the stranger mentally on his taste; his hair was a *very* cool shade of sky blue, no da.
However, as the conversation wore on, the smile on Chichiri's mask began to slip. He was much too far away to hear what was being said, but the body language between the two definitely did not resemble that of new acquaintances. The shaggy blue-haired man was too interested, too involved in the conversation. And whatever he was saying to Tasuki, it was clearly agitating the bandit.
It was not at all uncommon during their travels for the beautiful redhead to attract the attentions of both men and women. Normally, the fire seishi simply laughed it off as a joke and bought the interested party a friendly drink, but this time seemed to be different. It was as though the bandit did not have it in him to smile. If that was the case, it was entirely Chichiri's fault. When the stranger held out his hand with a look of self-satisfied expectation and Tasuki's shoulders slumped, the monk could not take any more.
He threw the door open, ready to rush to the bandit's defense, only to find that not only had the fire seishi accepted the touch, but that the other man had taken the redhead's hand in both of his. It was about the most intimate embrace two men could get away with in public. Tasuki jumped a little in surprise at having been caught and a blush stained his face.
Beneath the mask, Chichiri's single good eye narrowed as the image burned through his mind, searing through his hurt, hope and confusion to feed the ugly, dark place deep inside him. Just last night, the bandit had given him his first kiss. Now, not even two hours in town, and the monk had already been replaced by a complete stranger, one with two eyes and a remarkably bright smile. A real smile.
One by one, Chichiri felt his mental restraints crumble and shatter until only fear held him in check.
It made sense now that he had been able to travel with Tasuki for so long without being aware of the nature of his feelings. He must have known, on some level, that none of his training or meditation had completely overcome his jealous nature. He was still the same man who was responsible for the deaths of his best friend, his fiancée and their entire village. Opening himself to love again had also made him unable to continue fully suppressing his darker emotions.
Desperately, with only a fingernail's grip on his precious control, he turned and fled the room while he still could. He dimly heard Tasuki chasing him, calling his name. He tried his hardest to ignore the bandit, terrified beyond words that he would do something unspeakable and never again see his beloved's perfect face.
When Tasuki continued to follow him, he stopped. He had no choice. Logic reminded the mage that the redhead was much, much faster than he was and also that Tasuki was not the type to give up. If Chichiri tried to avoid this confrontation, the younger man would force it, and Suzaku only knew what would happen then.
The normally peaceful man swore and turned back. He ripped the mask from his face, fully aware that he was surrounded by a glowing battle aura that even the bandit would be able to see.
Tasuki stopped his pursuit and paled at the sight. Nevertheless, he swallowed and began to speak. "'Chiri, we need ta talk."
"Not. Now. Tasuki." The monk spat from between clenched teeth. He felt as though his rage was trying to claw its way up his spine and out of his body with an icy grasp that scorched everything it touched.
"It's not what you think." The bandit protested, but it was weak. Uncertainty shadowed his naturally bright conviction.
Tasuki stood before him, open and vulnerable, his clear eyes burning with something so pure it defied description. In that instant Chichiri felt as though his heart had been ripped from his chest. Unfortunately, in his current state he was too far gone to distinguish good pain from bad and his friend's words only made him want to be cruel, to hurt the bandit as badly as he was being hurt.
There was next to nothing coherent left in the mage's mind, and he startled himself with the coldness of his reply. "Tasuki. I am going. Don't try to follow me."
Without daring to see whether the bandit listened, the monk resumed his flight back to their room. Upon reaching the sanctuary, he paused only long enough to grab his kasa and staff. Immediately he teleported to the first place that sprang to mind, an abandoned stone quarry he and Tasuki had passed a couple days previously.
* * * * *
The place was completely empty. There was nothing but dead gray stone on all sides; the unnaturally sharp edges of hewn rock were the only indication that life of any type had ever had anything to do with this place. A watermark several feet above Chichiri's head was proof that during the rainy season the quarry went from forbidding to outright deadly.
Chichiri threw his head back and shrieked, his anger ricocheting off uncaring rock walls, throwing itself back at him even though he had not yet stopped. No matter how loudly he yelled, the emptiness in his lungs did nothing to alleviate the overwhelming pressure of repressed emotion finally exploding. Panting slightly, he brought his hands to his chest.
He had tried so hard to do everything right. Why the hell did everyone expect him to be perfect? Tasuki should have known better. He knew about the monk's past, knew what kind of person Chichiri *really* was. And still the redhead had led him on, had allowed him to believe he had a chance.
A gesture, and energy was pulled from his being, forming a ball of light that burned so hot it was blue-white. Another cry left his lips, channeling the focused energy towards solid rock and causing an explosion every bit as large as the one that had destroyed one of the strange buildings in Miaka's world. Dust and debris rained down upon the monk's head, scraping his skin before he cast a shield.
And still it wasn't enough. It didn't even come close. Hands now dirty and bleeding from several minor scratches moved again into position, as if attempting to physically pull out and throw away every last bit of passion and anger within the monk's soul.
* * * * *
The sun rose over the now gentle slope of what had been a sheer quarry wall two days previously, waking Chichiri from a restless sleep. Exhausted and chilled through, the mage wrapped his dirty kesa more snugly around his body and slowly rose to greet the day.
He surveyed the wreckage of the area in shamed silence. After his initial outburst, he had replayed the past few days in his thoughts, cursing the both attractive stranger and Tasuki, but mostly hating himself for his own expectations and hope. He of all people should have known better than to want someone like that again.
Remembrance of his childhood love and his horrible mistake had caught up with him many times, merging with the present. When it all became too much, he would stand again and take out his frustration on his surroundings, ultimately resulting in the absolute desolation surrounding him now.
His calm finally restored but too drained to teleport, he began carefully making his way out of the ruined area. First, he would rest and get cleaned up, and then he would go to Tasuki and apologize. A bitter smile graced Chichiri's scarred face. It was a small comfort that at least Tasuki wasn't there to see him like this.
After a difficult climb, the mage finally pulled himself onto a small grassy area between the quarry and the road. He waited for a moment, resting, until a familiar tingling sensation sent an ache through his chest. It was moving quickly, far too quickly for the monk to hide in time. He spent the precious few moments available to him forcing a small but friendly smile to his lips.
He closed his eye, not wanting to see Tasuki's reaction to his current state. When his friend's ki stopped not more than an arm's length away, he forced himself to look in his beloved's eyes as he managed a quiet greeting.
"Tasuki."
* * * * *
~End Chapter 7
To be Continued...