*****
"I don't like it," Supermodel protested.
"Well, you don't have to like it. Just be ready in case I need you to run interference while I type," I said.
We watched in morbid fascination as Red turned on the charm and proceeded to try and get Blondie out of his clothes as quickly as possible. (Wouldn't take long at this rate!)
He was still grinning like a fool. (They're all the same. I expected his face to turn blue at any moment due to the lack of blood flow above the waist.)
"Mmmm, yes," she purred and opened her dress a bit further to give him a better look at her cleavage as she slinked around him, tossing her mane of hair.
"How may I be of service to you, m'lady?" He asked. (Oh, nice recovery, Gorgeous).
"How indeed?" Red laughed and placed her hand on his chest. "I have heard the prophecy that it is my duty to protect you," she smiled. "So it is I who must be of service" (she stressed service) "to you." Her hand crept up into his hair and she actually started stroking his ear. He closed his eyes. (Is he going to faint or what?)
Red took the opportunity to gently place one of his hands on her exposed cleavage. "Oh, my heart! It beats only to serve you, my prince," she sighed dreamily and clutched his hand to her breast.
Supermodel groaned next to me. "This is disgusting."
"Totally," I agreed. "But I'm not going to put a stop to it just yet. She'll eat him alive and then he'll be sorry." (I hope)
Blondie stealthily slipped his hand farther into Red's cleavage. No one else in the room moved. Everyone was just frozen in place watching this sordid little drama play out in front of us. (It was like a car wreck)
Red giggled and slid her arms around Blondie and gazed serenely into his eyes.
"We were meant to be together forever," she whispered to him and placed her lips close to his.
Of course he took the bait. The blood flow to his brain had long since stopped rendering him completely senseless. He leaned forward and kissed her. Then it hit the fan.
In a flash, Red had Blondie flat on his back on the floor. He gave only a slight struggle (to keep up appearances, I'm sure) then succumbed to her kisses and shameless fondling again.
She was working it, that's for sure. She'd managed to rip his shirt off and started kissing him all over his exposed flesh then tried to literally rip the rest of his clothing off as the two of them writhed on the floor. She ended up clawing him and he howled like a scorched cat. (Ah, looks like blood flow may have returned). She bit him on the side of the neck (who let the freaking Drac in here?) and he howled even louder.
I laughed with evil glee. Serves him right!
He was starting to struggle now and it wasn't just for appearances.
"Write it now," Supermodel demanded, jabbing her finger at the keyboard.
"Oh, all right!" I gave in reluctantly.
I started typing and, wouldn't you know it? The stupid thing locked up.
"Damn!" I said.
"What?" Supermodel asked.
"Damn thing locked up. Hold on." I hit Ctrl+alt+delete. Nothing happened. I tried it again. Still nothing.
"Oh, FART!" I yelled loud enough to get Red's attention.
She must've realized something was up because she redoubled her efforts to separate Blondie from what little bit of clothing he had left.
He was struggling in earnest now but had managed to get off the floor. Red was also half naked. (Hairy was grinning with unabashed delight at the sight, I can tell you).
"HELL!" I shouted. It was the Blue Screen of Death!
"Run, baby doll!" I shouted at Gorgeous.
Supermodel sprang into action, whipping out a pretty nasty looking sword and brandishing it at Red.
Red gave a nasty growl but didn't let go of Blondie. Instead, she pulled out her own sword. God, this was going to get really ugly really quick.
"You stupid piece of camel dung!" I shouted at the computer and hit the "on-off" switch twice.
"Hold her, girl!" I called to the Supermodel.
Red wasn't about to be parted from her prize so quickly. She held Blondie in front of her, threatening him with the sword.
"Let me finish with him," she hissed and groped him shamelessly with her free hand.
"No," countered Supermodel, circling for an opening.
(Boot, you POS!)
"He is MINE! The prophecy says so! He and I will be together forever!" Her eyes glowed all kinds of weird colors and she began to grope him greedily again. Gorgeous just whimpered helplessly as the two Amazons battled over his fate.
(Come on! Come on! What are you doing? You worthless piece of silicon!)
Red roughly pulled Blondie's hair back from his neck and bit him from behind. Gorgeous let out another howl of pain or fear, I couldn't tell which.
"How close are you?" Supermodel asked me over her shoulder.
"Just a little bit more. I've got the welcome screen. Not five minutes," I answered breathlessly.
(This was gonna be close).
"Hurry, hurry," begged Blondie pathetically, struggling to escape Red's clutches.
I scowled over the screen. "Zip it, lover boy!" I shouted. (All your fault anyway).
Supermodel lunged at Red. I heard a crash of metal on metal then chairs being knocked over and feet running. (Oh, man, this is getting out of hand!)
I stole a glance up as I opened a new document and started typing as fast as my fingers would go.
Hairy had a hold of Red's sword arm but she had managed to wrap her legs around Blondie and was desperately trying to bite him or kiss him again. (Didn't seem to be much of a difference to her.)
Supermodel was trying to pry Red off of him and Blondie just whimpered like a frightened child. It all looked rather interesting if it hadn't been so terrifying.
Red let out a scream of frustration and agony as I began to capture her essence on the screen. It took me a while but once Blondie had been released and the blood flow to his brain kicked back in, it didn't us long before we polished her off.
Old Guy and Scruffy burst into the room.
"What happened?" Scruffy demanded. "We saw several Sues fleeing in terror! It was great!"
I laughed with relief. (That was a close one!)
Supermodel laughed then Hairy caught on and started laughing as well. The only one who didn't laugh was Blondie. He just pouted and gathered up bits and pieces of his clothing from the floor.
******
Notes: Drac – short for Dracula POS – Piece of sh*t
"I don't like it," Supermodel protested.
"Well, you don't have to like it. Just be ready in case I need you to run interference while I type," I said.
We watched in morbid fascination as Red turned on the charm and proceeded to try and get Blondie out of his clothes as quickly as possible. (Wouldn't take long at this rate!)
He was still grinning like a fool. (They're all the same. I expected his face to turn blue at any moment due to the lack of blood flow above the waist.)
"Mmmm, yes," she purred and opened her dress a bit further to give him a better look at her cleavage as she slinked around him, tossing her mane of hair.
"How may I be of service to you, m'lady?" He asked. (Oh, nice recovery, Gorgeous).
"How indeed?" Red laughed and placed her hand on his chest. "I have heard the prophecy that it is my duty to protect you," she smiled. "So it is I who must be of service" (she stressed service) "to you." Her hand crept up into his hair and she actually started stroking his ear. He closed his eyes. (Is he going to faint or what?)
Red took the opportunity to gently place one of his hands on her exposed cleavage. "Oh, my heart! It beats only to serve you, my prince," she sighed dreamily and clutched his hand to her breast.
Supermodel groaned next to me. "This is disgusting."
"Totally," I agreed. "But I'm not going to put a stop to it just yet. She'll eat him alive and then he'll be sorry." (I hope)
Blondie stealthily slipped his hand farther into Red's cleavage. No one else in the room moved. Everyone was just frozen in place watching this sordid little drama play out in front of us. (It was like a car wreck)
Red giggled and slid her arms around Blondie and gazed serenely into his eyes.
"We were meant to be together forever," she whispered to him and placed her lips close to his.
Of course he took the bait. The blood flow to his brain had long since stopped rendering him completely senseless. He leaned forward and kissed her. Then it hit the fan.
In a flash, Red had Blondie flat on his back on the floor. He gave only a slight struggle (to keep up appearances, I'm sure) then succumbed to her kisses and shameless fondling again.
She was working it, that's for sure. She'd managed to rip his shirt off and started kissing him all over his exposed flesh then tried to literally rip the rest of his clothing off as the two of them writhed on the floor. She ended up clawing him and he howled like a scorched cat. (Ah, looks like blood flow may have returned). She bit him on the side of the neck (who let the freaking Drac in here?) and he howled even louder.
I laughed with evil glee. Serves him right!
He was starting to struggle now and it wasn't just for appearances.
"Write it now," Supermodel demanded, jabbing her finger at the keyboard.
"Oh, all right!" I gave in reluctantly.
I started typing and, wouldn't you know it? The stupid thing locked up.
"Damn!" I said.
"What?" Supermodel asked.
"Damn thing locked up. Hold on." I hit Ctrl+alt+delete. Nothing happened. I tried it again. Still nothing.
"Oh, FART!" I yelled loud enough to get Red's attention.
She must've realized something was up because she redoubled her efforts to separate Blondie from what little bit of clothing he had left.
He was struggling in earnest now but had managed to get off the floor. Red was also half naked. (Hairy was grinning with unabashed delight at the sight, I can tell you).
"HELL!" I shouted. It was the Blue Screen of Death!
"Run, baby doll!" I shouted at Gorgeous.
Supermodel sprang into action, whipping out a pretty nasty looking sword and brandishing it at Red.
Red gave a nasty growl but didn't let go of Blondie. Instead, she pulled out her own sword. God, this was going to get really ugly really quick.
"You stupid piece of camel dung!" I shouted at the computer and hit the "on-off" switch twice.
"Hold her, girl!" I called to the Supermodel.
Red wasn't about to be parted from her prize so quickly. She held Blondie in front of her, threatening him with the sword.
"Let me finish with him," she hissed and groped him shamelessly with her free hand.
"No," countered Supermodel, circling for an opening.
(Boot, you POS!)
"He is MINE! The prophecy says so! He and I will be together forever!" Her eyes glowed all kinds of weird colors and she began to grope him greedily again. Gorgeous just whimpered helplessly as the two Amazons battled over his fate.
(Come on! Come on! What are you doing? You worthless piece of silicon!)
Red roughly pulled Blondie's hair back from his neck and bit him from behind. Gorgeous let out another howl of pain or fear, I couldn't tell which.
"How close are you?" Supermodel asked me over her shoulder.
"Just a little bit more. I've got the welcome screen. Not five minutes," I answered breathlessly.
(This was gonna be close).
"Hurry, hurry," begged Blondie pathetically, struggling to escape Red's clutches.
I scowled over the screen. "Zip it, lover boy!" I shouted. (All your fault anyway).
Supermodel lunged at Red. I heard a crash of metal on metal then chairs being knocked over and feet running. (Oh, man, this is getting out of hand!)
I stole a glance up as I opened a new document and started typing as fast as my fingers would go.
Hairy had a hold of Red's sword arm but she had managed to wrap her legs around Blondie and was desperately trying to bite him or kiss him again. (Didn't seem to be much of a difference to her.)
Supermodel was trying to pry Red off of him and Blondie just whimpered like a frightened child. It all looked rather interesting if it hadn't been so terrifying.
Red let out a scream of frustration and agony as I began to capture her essence on the screen. It took me a while but once Blondie had been released and the blood flow to his brain kicked back in, it didn't us long before we polished her off.
Old Guy and Scruffy burst into the room.
"What happened?" Scruffy demanded. "We saw several Sues fleeing in terror! It was great!"
I laughed with relief. (That was a close one!)
Supermodel laughed then Hairy caught on and started laughing as well. The only one who didn't laugh was Blondie. He just pouted and gathered up bits and pieces of his clothing from the floor.
******
Notes: Drac – short for Dracula POS – Piece of sh*t