******
"You did that intentionally," Gorgeous later accused me. (DUH!)
"And so what if I did?" I snorted. "Serves you right!"
Hairy and I laughed evilly at his misadventure.
"You're not very nice," Gorgeous pouted. (And you're not very smart so we're even!)
"Oh, will you give it a rest?" I moaned in exasperation and rolled my eyes. "Stop with the crying, the pouting, the whimpering. That's why those Sues go mad over you, half-wit! You encourage it. Maybe if you'd learn to give some of them the Heisman, they'd leave you alone."
"What's the Heisman?" He asked curiously.
I struck the Heisman trophy pose to show him.
"How does one 'give the Heisman'?" he asked intrigued by the thought.
"You really want to know?" I said.
"Yes. If you think it will help," he answered. (There may be hope for him after all)
"It can't hurt, lad," offered Hairy.
"Tomorrow, then," I decreed. "Tomorrow you will learn how to give someone the Heisman."
*******
The next day I rounded up Supermodel and Scruffy to help. Hairy and Old Guy were working on the negotiations. The three of us met Blondie in our kitchen corner and I explained what the Heisman was and how it worked.
Supermodel immediately knew what I was talking about – seems she'd given the Heisman quite a few times in her day. (Why does that not surprise me?)
For the benefit of everyone else, we had her demonstrate it on Scruffy.
Gorgeous was fascinated. "Does that truly work?" He marveled.
"Like an elven talisman," Supermodel answered with a reassuring grin. (And she would know!)
She showed him the technique and he tried it several times. He was getting the hang of it but I wanted to test him.
"OK, give it a try with me," I said. (Practice makes perfect)
I did my best Sue imitation and slithered up to Gorgeous, making sure to toss my hair and swivel my hips to the best of my ability. I batted my eyes and smiled seductively up at him. (Bad imitation, but I was trying).
"Hey, hot stuff, you wanna," I raised my eyebrows at him suggestively. "You know." I licked my lips slowly.
He coldly drew back from me as if I were a foul creature and eyed me up and down carefully. Then he snorted delicately. "As. If."
The three of us howled with laughter. Blondie smiled. "Was that good?" He asked eagerly.
"It was perfect!" I congratulated him.
*****
It wasn't soon after that he got the courage to sit in on the Sue negotiations. God, he was devastating! Supermodel had taught him well. Gorgeous would allow a Sue to get within range and then he would coldly turn his nose up at them, adding a withering remark or two for effect. The Sue would vanish in a puff of smoke. It was a beautiful sight. (He was becoming quite the handsome devil once he stopped that quivering and pouting nonsense.)
Supermodel would proudly watch him from the wings as he gave the Heisman to every Sue that walked through the door. I couldn't help but feel a bit proud of him myself. She and I exchanged knowing glances. He'd always had it in him but needed a bit of a kick in the ass to jump-start it.
****
Notes: The Heisman Trophy is a trophy that is given each year to the Outstanding College Football Player in the US (American football). The trophy is a man with a football tucked up in his left arm and his right arm outstretched to push away his opponents. Hence the term "to give someone the Heisman" means to push them away. A big thanks to Mighty Joe for this bit.
"You did that intentionally," Gorgeous later accused me. (DUH!)
"And so what if I did?" I snorted. "Serves you right!"
Hairy and I laughed evilly at his misadventure.
"You're not very nice," Gorgeous pouted. (And you're not very smart so we're even!)
"Oh, will you give it a rest?" I moaned in exasperation and rolled my eyes. "Stop with the crying, the pouting, the whimpering. That's why those Sues go mad over you, half-wit! You encourage it. Maybe if you'd learn to give some of them the Heisman, they'd leave you alone."
"What's the Heisman?" He asked curiously.
I struck the Heisman trophy pose to show him.
"How does one 'give the Heisman'?" he asked intrigued by the thought.
"You really want to know?" I said.
"Yes. If you think it will help," he answered. (There may be hope for him after all)
"It can't hurt, lad," offered Hairy.
"Tomorrow, then," I decreed. "Tomorrow you will learn how to give someone the Heisman."
*******
The next day I rounded up Supermodel and Scruffy to help. Hairy and Old Guy were working on the negotiations. The three of us met Blondie in our kitchen corner and I explained what the Heisman was and how it worked.
Supermodel immediately knew what I was talking about – seems she'd given the Heisman quite a few times in her day. (Why does that not surprise me?)
For the benefit of everyone else, we had her demonstrate it on Scruffy.
Gorgeous was fascinated. "Does that truly work?" He marveled.
"Like an elven talisman," Supermodel answered with a reassuring grin. (And she would know!)
She showed him the technique and he tried it several times. He was getting the hang of it but I wanted to test him.
"OK, give it a try with me," I said. (Practice makes perfect)
I did my best Sue imitation and slithered up to Gorgeous, making sure to toss my hair and swivel my hips to the best of my ability. I batted my eyes and smiled seductively up at him. (Bad imitation, but I was trying).
"Hey, hot stuff, you wanna," I raised my eyebrows at him suggestively. "You know." I licked my lips slowly.
He coldly drew back from me as if I were a foul creature and eyed me up and down carefully. Then he snorted delicately. "As. If."
The three of us howled with laughter. Blondie smiled. "Was that good?" He asked eagerly.
"It was perfect!" I congratulated him.
*****
It wasn't soon after that he got the courage to sit in on the Sue negotiations. God, he was devastating! Supermodel had taught him well. Gorgeous would allow a Sue to get within range and then he would coldly turn his nose up at them, adding a withering remark or two for effect. The Sue would vanish in a puff of smoke. It was a beautiful sight. (He was becoming quite the handsome devil once he stopped that quivering and pouting nonsense.)
Supermodel would proudly watch him from the wings as he gave the Heisman to every Sue that walked through the door. I couldn't help but feel a bit proud of him myself. She and I exchanged knowing glances. He'd always had it in him but needed a bit of a kick in the ass to jump-start it.
****
Notes: The Heisman Trophy is a trophy that is given each year to the Outstanding College Football Player in the US (American football). The trophy is a man with a football tucked up in his left arm and his right arm outstretched to push away his opponents. Hence the term "to give someone the Heisman" means to push them away. A big thanks to Mighty Joe for this bit.