Things were going well and I was anxious to get back home. I wondered if I still had a job or if my unexplained disappearance had even been noticed. (I doubt it but you never know).

I had grown rather fond of everyone, even the Drama Queen and Gorgeous. Of course, the Gorgeous One still owed me BIG TIME for that stunt with Red and I hadn't quite figured out how to exact my revenge on him – yet. Several nefarious schemes were bubbling in my mind but none seemed to fit his crime. (And that's no good!)

It was one of these schemes that got me thinking about home and how to return. If it worked for the Sues getting IN then, logically, it should work for me getting OUT, right? (That was my thinking, anyway)

"I think I know how to get back home," I said one night as we all met in the kitchen for our Black Blood of Moria conferences.

"How?" Asked Scruffy.

Everyone looked at me in silence. Hairy sat the booze bottle down on the table with a thud.

"Well, I think it's the same for me as it is the Sues, "I started. (Blank stares all around.)

"That someone has to write me back home," I said and pointedly looked at Supermodel. She lowered her eyes.

"Certainly you cannot take the Black Book of Doom!" The Drama Queen cried. "What will we do? The Sues have diminished, true, but there may be more!"

"Easy, gramps," I told him. "We've gotten them down to a manageable level. Supermodel here knows how to use the compu – I mean, the Black Book of Doom," I corrected myself. "She can teach the rest of you. And Gorgeous has finally learned how to give the Heisman so everything is pretty much under control."

Hairy looked sad and I hugged him. I'd miss that little guy, that's for sure.

"But you can't leave me!" Wailed Gorgeous trying to pull his pouty routine again.

"No sniveling," I warned him severely, shaking a finger at him. (Don't want him regressing).

"So you will leave us the Book?" Boomed the Old Drama Queen Guy. (One track mind, his.)

"Yeah, I'll leave you the book," I said. (The boss would have my ass but I'd just report it stolen. That and the truck. Ah, well.)

"When do you want to go?" Asked Supermodel quietly. She knew she'd have to be the one to write me back.

I took the Black Blood of Moria from the table. "Soon, within the next day or two," I said and took a swig of the liquid.

"But no long faces, ok? We have been victorious over the scourge of the land!" I raised the bottle high in a toast.

"Here, here," seconded Scruffy and Hairy.

We passed that bottle around for a while and reminisced about the first attack of the Sues and all of the madness that had followed. Hairy, Supermodel and I had a good laugh at Blondie's expense about Red. (I was still a bit miffed at him for clueing her in on our whereabouts but he'd get his.)

Old Guy and Scruffy nearly fell out of their chairs laughing when they heard the entire story about Red's attack and Supermodel's efforts to "rescue" him.

Gorgeous aloofly weathered it all but finally succumbed to laughing about it in the end. (Too bad he doesn't smile more often. Wait - on second thought – probably just stir up more Sues anyway so scratch that).

As the bottle grew lighter, Supermodel leaned over and whispered in my ear. I grinned. Hell, yeah, I'd help her out. I excused myself and went to my room.

I pulled the Black Book of Doom out and quietly sat down on my bed and began to type.

"Once, in a far off land of horse riders lived a fair maiden of
surpassing beauty who had the heart of a lion and was terribly fond of
a certain scruffy looking Ranger."

(I'm sorry Arwen, wherever you are, but I owe this chick big time.)

I typed long into the night with a slow grin of satisfaction spreading over my face.

I awoke the next morning to a knock on my door. Supermodel was standing there grinning like the cat that ate the canary (in a manner of speaking).

"You rock!" she hugged me. (Now where did she pick THAT expression up?)

I laughed. "No problem. Now, can you return the favor?"

Her smile faded. "You aren't going to say goodbye to anyone?" She asked in a hurt voice.

"Oh, no, that's not it at all!" I assured her. "I have a diabolical plan of my own concerning a certain gorgeous blond elf. If you know what I mean," I giggled evilly and rubbed my hands together in anticipation of my revenge. "He still owes me for that stunt he pulled with Red. Payback's a bitch!"

Supermodel threw back her head and laughed with glee. "Oh, this is going to be so much fun!" She clapped her hands and sat down at the computer.

"Stay true to me, babe," I asked her. "And give him a brain, ok?"

She grinned wolfishly and gave me the thumbs up. I closed my eyes and waited for the knock on the door as I listened to her fingers click on the keyboard.

That's it. The End. (Evil maniacal laughter)