AN: I thought it would be cool to do some thoughts from Inuyasha on what it was like to be a hanyou when he was a kid.

What I am

Despised, shunned, and even my own self is ashamed. Ashamed to be what I am. I'm the scum of the earth, I'm weak they exclaim. Their eyes hold evil taunting their torches lit, the fire crackling. My sensitive ears pick up their snickers. The smell of hatred over fills my nose.

Their shadows falling on the ground, they move closer to my small figure. I stumble backwards only to fall again. As they laugh and spit on me. I notice that I'm hated. Why? I question myself. What did I do wrong? I've done nothing wrong. It was the fact that I was half human half demon. But would they understand? No. They couldn't possibly.

They wouldn't possibly take in consideration that I was a small child. Half demon yes, but still a child. They screamed at me and threw sticks at me. They called me names that are still burned within my memory. Back then.......... Back then I didn't know what they meant. But now I do.

"Half breed!" I would hear as I walk down the dirt paths that led to another village. I would cast my golden orbs down and stare at the brown dirt. That scrapped against the bottom of my feet as my sliver hair moved around me. It seemed no matter where I went I was taunted and ridiculed. Not only by humans but by demons. It seemed the whole world wanted me dead.

"Doggy!, come here doggy! Aw what's the matter the dog doesn't know tricks?"

"Look mommy that boy has dog ears."

"Stay away from IT It's the scum of the earth."

Each sentence like that cut a wound a scar deep within my heart. Would ever it heal? I had guessed not. Would I ever be able to enjoy the summer breeze that blew in the wind without a insult to follow it? Probably not. I was destined to be loathed to be the very worst thing on the planet that existed.

Many times I had wished that I could forget the fact that I even existed. I even dreamed of being human. Just to be normal just to be loved. It wasn't my personality they hated.

For my mother told me I was good natured. It was the same old reason it had been before. Because I was hanyou. Because I wasn't a pure breed of something. I was split. I was the effect of two different species. A Youkai and a human. I huffed as I put my arms across my chest.

Why? I still question. Why can't they for once have a good reason to hate me? Was I infuriated by the fact that they were rude? If you asked me that question I would answer yes. I would always hear names be lunged at me with venom on the end of each word. With bitterness and hatred. Oh how I hated it and still do. I don't ever suppose that I could once not see one human look at me with disgust.

Many times I walked in to a village I would hear them call me "Monster!" But what they didn't know was that with all their words of torture with all their antics and actions, that they were what they had called me. A monster in a human form.

I want to despise them sometimes but I don't. Because one woman made a difference. She was kind. At first I thought she took pity on me. Could it still be true? But as time grew on I fell in love. It wasn't that crush that a little boy may have on a girl when he thinks she's cute. No.....this was real. Or at least I had thought it was. Months later I was betrayed or so again I thought. She had pinned me to a sacred tree. Goshinkbu I believe it was called.

Fifty years..........fifty long years of waiting. I hadn't died like I thought I would have. I just laid there. Asleep for the longest time. In my mind everything was a nightmare. I kept seeing images of flames burning my home to a crisp as I watched it all fall down in ruins. My mother protecting my body as a blanket was thrown over us. Images of being taunted came back. The ridiculing the snide remarks the pain of being chased my demons as I ran gasping and panting for air. As the trees shaded over me. My feet hitting the soft mud as I ran and hid. The fear of dying. All of it was there. Everything that had and hadn't happened seemed to be playing in my mind.

But the worst one of all. The one memory before I somewhat died. Was the face of that woman. The one I had thought I loved. The one who had betrayed me in away. Her face was filled with anger her brown eyes cold as they narrowed at me. The smell of pure rage radiated off her. Her black silk hair soaked in her crimson blood. That continuously kept flowing down her arm. She put her arrow to it's bow. It's sharp head aimed towards my heart. I hadn't seen it coming. All I could hear was whistle in the wind and when I turned there it was. It Stuck me hard, not only physically but emotionally as well. When I saw her face the look of pure venom. It made me wander.

When I saw her blood spill as she staggered. I dropped the precious jewel I had been holding. No was all I could think. How could she have betrayed me. So many thoughts had been plaguing my mind when she shot me. But the world begn to spin and the light of the sun was dimming. Everything was fading. Had I known I would've been gone for fifty years I would have tried to capture every beauty of the earth before it vanished from my eyes. I still thought she was alive so I desperately tried to wake. To destroy her out of anguish and pain.

I couldn't remember what woke me up. What set the let to shine once again. But I saw her the woman that had betrayed me. She looked different though.

She wore skirt instead of the traditional Miko robes. And she seemed younger and less wiser. I called to her and called her by name only to find that she denied it. She then answered me saying she was Kagome. So of course I argued back saying that couldn't be possible other wise she would have the same smell........ only to find she wasn't her. She was some girl who looked like her. A demon came rushing at us. I told her to release me and without hesitation she did. I slayed the demon but what I wanted was the jewel. She wouldn't give, so I decided to scare her into it.

But........ that didn't work. As days passed on after she had broken the scared jewel we went searching for it. Only to find she was much more different. She seemed to freak out over the most little things. She wasn't calm like Kikyo. The woman who had betrayed me had been. She was childish, she was very amusing. And yet so full of spirit. Her eyes were not sad like Kikyo's had been. Instead they were full of life full of vibrance and so much more. Love filled her soul her being. She was good natured. She didn't call me names that really meant to hurt.

She called me by my name and didn't care whether I was human or demon. She accepted me for who I was. How? I didn't know. When others seemed to put me down she had risen my soul back up. But I wasn't kind to her all the time. I was still on guard. My walls were higher, stronger, and much more colder than before. I would not fall I repeated to myself. I would not fall in love. I dare not make the same mistake twice. But even with all these vows I couldn't help but feel drawn to her. Drawn to the fact she accepted me for what I am.

I am what I am I reminded myself. That was never going to change. I could never be what everyone wanted me to be. Though through this shell I've put on. She has been the only one to penetrate it. To even close to what I'm not even willing to let go. In truth she had taught me something I had yet to learn

What I was, was a hanyou. What I am is a hanyou. What I'll always be is a hanyou.

I don't plan to change who I am. Only five words are true and I can never erase them. They are part of me. Just like Kagome and Kikyo are. Just like my mother and father were. Just like the world around me is. They are the truth of my being they are the truth of my soul.

I am What I am.

So how do you guys like it? Is it ok? Plz review guys I'm begging you! I'm on my hands and knees please review!

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