"I never recreated with Crais, not that it should matter..."

The words echoed through Aeryn's mind as she lay in her lover's arms. No. Lover was the wrong word. She wondered what had possessed her to recreate with Crais in the first place. Perhaps it was the countless amounts of fellip nectar and raslak that had impaired her judgement, or maybe it was the emotion of her confession? She sat up and looked down at him asleep beside her. He looked so beautiful in his sleep, with his black hair spread across the pillow. She was surprised at how gentle he was. He made sure every moment was as pleasurable as possible for her, even if she had called him John once or twice. And he had finally confessed his true feelings for her. He admitted he loved her, knowing that she probably would never feel the same way. She cringed slightly as a warm hand ran across her back up to her shoulder. "Aeryn..."

She turned her head slightly to look at him, "Crais..." she shook her head, "Last night should not have happened."

Her words cut through him like a knife. He never realised how much he could love one woman, and he had hoped that she would love him back. He pulled her down so she lay beneath him. Brushing her hair back from her face he kissed her deeply, "But it did happen Aeryn, and it was wonderful. You do not know how long I have desired to make love with you." Crais took her hands and kissed them lightly. He now no longer cared that she didn't love him. He loved her and she was on Talyn. That was enough.

"Make love?" she replied coldly, snatching her hands away. "Crais... I left John because I couldn't handle seeing him, being reminded everyday that our child died and that in a brief microt he blamed me. It happened because I was intoxicated and I needed some comfort." She pushed Crais off and gathering up her scattered clothes, dressed quickly. "Last night... it meant nothing. It was just recreation okay?" she said bitterly as she finished tying her hair back.

"Aeryn... please stay. If you want, we can forget this happened."

Aeryn glared at him, "Stay with you? After what happened between us?" She shook her head. "No... Look just drop me off at an inhabited planet at the next system," I'll find my way from there.

John sat at a viewing window and stared out at the distant stars and swirling galaxies. He marvelled at the many colours that stood out in the darkness. If only he could go back and change things. He felt like an idiot, and now because of his actions, she had gone again. The questions spun round in his head. The Why's and the what if's. "You can't change your past. You just have to look to the future" he told himself.

"Looks like you need to talk." D'argo said taking a seat next to him. "Tell me what really happened. Its not just because she lost your child is it?"

John shook his head sadly, "D'argo, I'm an idiot. I did some things...said some things I shouldn't have..."

"We all do that Crichton...even I have made mistakes I wish I could change."

"You remember the morning...when we were all going down to the commerce planet?"

D'argo nodded, "Aeryn felt unwell and asked you to stay..."

He closed his eyes, trying to hold back the tears, "I just thought it was morning sickness... she had the same symptoms as she normally had so I thought nothing of it and just told her to rest...and when she commed me..."

"When she commed you, you were at the wrong end of a weapon...you couldn't do much at that point...and when you tried to comm her after, there was no answer..." D'argo tried to reassure his friend.

"Because she was just lying there unconscious...I suppose grief made me blame her for not making me stay when I should have...damn it, no wonder she hates me...I tried to apologize afterwards, but I the damage was done. I keep thinking what if...what if I could just turn back the clock and have stayed with her when she asked me...then she...she wouldn't have had to go through that on her own. I tried to talk to her...she just doesn't want to listen and I don't blame her..." he let his tears fall, "If she doesn't want me back, and she tells me that, then I know I deserve it."

"I cannot give you advice for that my friend. Perhaps when we find Aeryn you should tell her what you just told me." D'argo replied.

John nodded silently. When the found her? It was beginning to look like If the found her.

"Captain..." Pilot asked.

"Yes pilot?" replied D'argo.

"I cannot seem to explain this...but Moya has just seen Talyn. The sensors show an unknown vessel, but Moya is confident that it is her son and she wishes to follow."

"D'argo...this means Crais is alive..." John said, a plan forming in his mind. "Maybe if we make contact, then Crais will help us try and find Aeryn." He knew Crais would help. He would do anything for Aeryn.