As he pulled up to her building wondering how a heart with such a gaping hole in it could feel so heavy, he saw Gloria stepping out of a taxi. This week had aged her terribly, it was hard to see even a trace of the beautiful young woman he'd fallen in love with when he was still wearing a uniform. He grabbed a bunch of flattened boxes and a roll of box tape from the trunk of his sedan and headed toward the lobby of the building.
Gloria didn't say a word to him but stood close to him and sighed as they traveled in silence in the elevator up to the fifth floor. Lennie pulled Cathy's keys from his pocket and let Gloria into the small one bedroom apartment.
"I'll pack up the kitchen, any non perishable foods can go to the women's shelter," Lennie said,
"That's a good idea and unless she's got dishes or silverware that belong in the family I think those could go to Goodwill," Gloria added as she headed toward the bedroom.
"Uh Gloria," Lennie said.
"Yes?" she answered.
"Would you mind going through her stuff in the bathroom. I know the shelter is always looking for unopened toiletries," Lennie requested.
"Of course, I'm glad you thought of the shelter, I'm sure Cathy would like that," Gloria said.
Lennie tried to stay detached, just getting the jobs done as quickly as he could, trying not to think. He realized that maybe he and Gloria should have let the more distant family members who had offered to do this for them do it, but they'd both felt that only they would recognize the little things that might be important to save for a relative or close friend.
As he was going through Cathy's books packing some to be giving to a local school library and others to be kept for family members, her heard Gloria crying. For all the acrimony of their divorce and the years after, there was still a place deep within his heart that loved her. Maybe not the Gloria that had cheated on him and more often than not kept him from his girls, but the beautiful young woman who had fallen for the proud young man in his police uniform. For the love of that young woman he moved quickly through the small apartment to find her.
He found Gloria sitting on the floor of Cathy's closet holding an old purple and white stuffed panda. Lennie sat down on the floor behind Gloria, wrapping his arms around her and letting his long legs enfold hers. As soon as she felt his presence she leaned into his body and began talking.
"Do you remember the day you won this bear for her?" she asked.
"Yeah," Lennie replied his voice thickening with emotion. "It was just after her 4th birthday, she wanted a day with Mommy and Daddy all to herself, so we left Julia with my Mom and went to Coney Island. She saw this bear and just had to have it," Lennie said his voice starting to crack.
"You must have spent $20 at that stupid game. I swear that guy was cheating somehow because you kept knocking the pins down and he kept making it be more and more times you had to do it to get the bear," Gloria added to the memory.
"My shoulder was getting sore, but Cathy kept clapping and saying 'Yea Daddy you did it,' I felt like the biggest hero in the world when I could finally hand it to her," Lennie said and then he broke down sobbing.
Gloria turned around and held Lennie as he cried, just as he had held her while she cried. It had been a very long time since she'd felt anything but anger and bitterness toward Lennie. When Cathy had died she had certainly been willing to let all those familiar emotions run wild, but right now hearing him crying like this, all she could remember was the sweet, funny young man she'd fallen in love with nearly 30 years ago.
She suddenly realized he was trying to talk between sobs, but it was hard to understand him. She listened closely.
"I'm sorry Gloria. It's my fault. I got our baby killed. If she were any body else's little girl it wouldn't have happened. It's all my fault. If she weren't my kid, she probably wouldn't have had an addiction to pills in the first place, but even if she had, they'd have let her off, a with probation, it was a first time offense. They'd never insisted she testify against that guy. If not for me the jury would have believed her, and there wouldn't have been a mistrial, then that Jones creep wouldn't have been able to get to her. I'm sorry, Gloria, it my fault our baby girl got killed" Lennie apologized to her again through his tears.
She remembered ranting about this, saying it was Lennie's fault. Yet now, hearing him taking the blame for their daughter's death, she couldn't accept it.
At first she didn't know what to do, and so she just let her instincts take over. She kissed him and began to run her hands over his back. God, it had been so long since she'd kissed him, she'd almost forgotten what it was like. Lennie was surprised at first, but then his instincts kicked in too, and soon they were kissing each other as though they were dying of hunger and only each other's kisses could satisfy them. One thing led to another, and soon they'd made love to one another for the first time in over twenty years.
Afterwards they both felt awkward as neither knew what to say or do, but eventually they started talking about their favorite memories of their daughters and their marriage and courtship. They talked for hours perfectly comfortable in the intimacy of their nudity. Gloria propped herself help on an elbow and while tracing a finger along Lennie's flank she asked him, "Where'd we go wrong, Lennie?"
He stopped her hand before her tickling drove him crazy. "That's easy honey, I was just the wrong guy for you. You were a Jewish American Princess from Riverdale and I was just a mutt from the Upper West Side. I had no business expecting you to be happy as a cop's wife," he paused for a moment. "You know what I can't figure out?" he asked.
"What?" she responded, as she freed her hand from under his and began another tracery, this one up his arm.
"Why you never remarried. I figured that brother of yours would have had you married off so fast it would make your head spin. My worst nightmare was always that some other guy was going to be raising my girls," Lennie admitted.
"Well, Sam did try his best, he must have trotted ever single doctor, lawyer and business man he ever met past me, but I was never interested in any of them. Truth is, you're a tough act to follow Lennie Briscoe," she told him and he couldn't help but grin.
"Damn, guess I cost myself a lot of alimony then," he said.
"Oh you," she said and playfully hit him.
Finally, they decided they had to get dressed and get back to the terrible task at hand, back to packing up the belongings of their oldest child. Once all the boxes were packed and labeled, some to be mailed and others to be taken to various charities, Lennie began carrying things down to his car and Gloria called for a taxi. Lennie noticed the purple and white panda sitting amongst some things she was planning to take.
"You taking the bear?" he asked.
"If you don't mind?" she said.
"It's OK. I'll help you carry this stuff down," he said.
Lennie helped the taxi driver get all the boxes in the taxi. Gloria stood on the sidewalk holding the purple panda and watching Lennie. Her emotions were in a complete jumble, her grief for her daughter and the rekindling of the feelings she'd once had for Lennie and had thought long dead had her thoroughly confused. She'd be glad to get back to Florida, maybe the distance would help her sort things out and find some peace.
When the last of the boxes were packed away Lennie came over to Gloria. He had no idea what to say to her, as he had no clear idea what he was feeling. He'd certainly had no intention of making love to her early, it had just happened. He didn't regret it. But he wasn't sure quite what it meant for them; in a way he was glad she was going back to Florida. He hugged her, and then let her go.
"Take care of yourself and give Julia my love when you see her," he said at last.
She turned to leave, and then turned back again giving him one last kiss, crushing the purple bear between them and into his hands. She turned then and got in the taxi and told the driver to go quickly.
Lennie stood there for a few moments watching the taxi fade from sight. He sighed and looked down at the bear, he wished he understood what it meant that she'd given it to him at the last moment, but then again maybe that didn't matter. All he could think of right now was the joyful sound of his Cathy's voice when he'd won it for her all those years ago on that happy day on Coney Island.