Aeryn lay in a grim room in a hotel somewhere on the commerce planet. She had a tankard of Raslak, of which she already had drunk half. This room reminded her of the one on Valdon. Dark and damp with a musty sweaty smell. She shivered and pulled a coverlet around her shoulders. At least she had somewhere to stay, although she thought Crais would have given her the location of a better hotel. Her hair was messy and unbraided and her leathers had become grimy and were in need of a wash, but she wouldn't do it here for the fear of catching something like heppicus. She took another swig of the raslak she had poured into a silver tumbler. Hundreds of thoughts blurred in her mind, she was surely being irrational, but decided she had the right to be after going through what she did alone. She knew what it was, she felt it before when she lost John on Talyn. Grief and depression. Grief over losing the tiny life that used to grow inside her. Depression for the way Crichton had treated her. Surely she had the right to do what she had done. Half of her just wanted to collapse in her husband's arms, the other half wanted to punish him for leaving her when she needed him. For blaming her for his not being there when he was insistent that he had to leave. "FRELL HIM!" She cried out, kicking a table across the room and punching a wall so hard it dented. She kept mindlessly punching the wall until she saw blood on her knuckles, and collapsed sobbing on her bed. She cried into a pillow. She was alone and there was no one there to see how weak she had become. She heard the door to her room open, and spinning around pulled out her pulse pistol. She recognized the silhouette immediately, and slowly holstered her weapon. "John." She said blankly. She was fed up with running, from being free from Crichton's overprotectiveness. All she wanted was to run into his arms, but anger stopped her.
"Aeryn..." John stepped in and closed the door behind him.
"No... don't come near me." Her eyes had glazed into an icy stare.
"Aeryn...please...we need to talk." He took a chance and stepped forward.
Aeryn shook her head, "That's all your frelling species ever does is talk...so why don't you shut up and listen to me for once." Aeryn barked.
John sat down slowly. "Aer..."
"Shut up. Just shut the frell up. I am fed up with you John Crichton. Fed up! Do you remember the day I lost our baby? Do you? Because I do! It replays in my mind every frelling day. I begged you to stay that morning remember? I pleaded with you. I said 'John something feels wrong. Please stay with me' and you...YOU just say 'I can't baby, my module needs fixing. Just rest and you'll feel better' and you know what. I reluctantly said yes. I said yes because I know how frelling important that piece of dren is to you. And while you were on the commerce planet..." she paused to breath, and looked sadly into his eyes.
"Baby..."
"No! Let me finish!" she snapped. "I was there on my own in our quarters while you and the rest of the damn crew were on that commerce planet. I just lay there writhing in pain all alone. And when I said there was something wrong you just reply "Kinda in the middle of something babe." And I was there all alone, bleeding badly, in tears...and in the end all I remember..." a deep sob emerged from deep with in her throat as the memories she had tried so hard to block came back. "The last thing I remember was...feeling hot, like I had heat delirium again, seeing the tiny body of our daughter and all that blood. And then YOU..." she spat. Her eyes flashed with anger "YOU COME BACK AND BLAME ME FOR NOT MAKING YOU STAY..." her hand reached for her pulse pistol. "You know if I didn't love you I'd shoot you right there where you stand. You deserve it... I tried Crichton; I tried to make you stay and you didn't listen to me. You know what else?" she smiled in a way that sent a shudder down John's spine. It was an angry smile. A smile that a killer would smile just before murdering someone in cold blood. "The day after you were fussing all over me, making me feel even worse with your "Don't worry honey..." and then wondering why the strong Ex- Peacekeeper you fell in love with was coping so badly. Do you know what? I knew it wasn't my fault, but you made me feel like it was..." She turned to look out of the window at the starry sky. Her voice softened, "I just had to leave...I couldn't take it anymore..."
John's eyes filled with tears and he walked over to take her into his arms. He felt her fall into them immediately as her legs gave way from under her. He sat next to her on the floor, and ran his hands through her messy hair. Turning her head to face his he kissed her deeply. "Oh God...baby..." he kept repeating as he felt her heavy sobs against his chest. "Why..." he asked weakly, also crying himself, "Why didn't you tell me? We could of sorted this whole misunderstanding out..."
Aeryn sobs subsided and she looked up at him, "Misunderstanding? What misunderstanding?"
"That morning you asked me to stay... I just figured you had morning sickness. You were like that most days if you remember?"
She nodded. "Your right...but what about when I tried to comm you?"
"I was at the wrong end of a weapon because Sparky stole something..." John brushed her cheek. "When I got back and saw you lying there unconscious it broke my heart. I thought I'd lost you... and when you finally came round and I asked you why you hadn't made me stay because I knew if I had been there just to hold you, then you wouldn't have suffered so much."
Aeryn sighed deeply, clinging on to John's now damp t-shirt. "I'm sorry for everything..."
He shook his head and pulled her closer to him, "No Aeryn... I'm sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about..." he was about to kiss her again when the door to the room burst open. They both stood up, pulse pistols aimed at the figure.
"On the contrary Commander..." Crais said, strolling into the room. This was not the way he planed it, but at least this way he would get to see the reaction of Crichton. He looked Aeryn in the eye, "Are you going to tell him or shall I?" Crais asked.
TBC...
"Aeryn..." John stepped in and closed the door behind him.
"No... don't come near me." Her eyes had glazed into an icy stare.
"Aeryn...please...we need to talk." He took a chance and stepped forward.
Aeryn shook her head, "That's all your frelling species ever does is talk...so why don't you shut up and listen to me for once." Aeryn barked.
John sat down slowly. "Aer..."
"Shut up. Just shut the frell up. I am fed up with you John Crichton. Fed up! Do you remember the day I lost our baby? Do you? Because I do! It replays in my mind every frelling day. I begged you to stay that morning remember? I pleaded with you. I said 'John something feels wrong. Please stay with me' and you...YOU just say 'I can't baby, my module needs fixing. Just rest and you'll feel better' and you know what. I reluctantly said yes. I said yes because I know how frelling important that piece of dren is to you. And while you were on the commerce planet..." she paused to breath, and looked sadly into his eyes.
"Baby..."
"No! Let me finish!" she snapped. "I was there on my own in our quarters while you and the rest of the damn crew were on that commerce planet. I just lay there writhing in pain all alone. And when I said there was something wrong you just reply "Kinda in the middle of something babe." And I was there all alone, bleeding badly, in tears...and in the end all I remember..." a deep sob emerged from deep with in her throat as the memories she had tried so hard to block came back. "The last thing I remember was...feeling hot, like I had heat delirium again, seeing the tiny body of our daughter and all that blood. And then YOU..." she spat. Her eyes flashed with anger "YOU COME BACK AND BLAME ME FOR NOT MAKING YOU STAY..." her hand reached for her pulse pistol. "You know if I didn't love you I'd shoot you right there where you stand. You deserve it... I tried Crichton; I tried to make you stay and you didn't listen to me. You know what else?" she smiled in a way that sent a shudder down John's spine. It was an angry smile. A smile that a killer would smile just before murdering someone in cold blood. "The day after you were fussing all over me, making me feel even worse with your "Don't worry honey..." and then wondering why the strong Ex- Peacekeeper you fell in love with was coping so badly. Do you know what? I knew it wasn't my fault, but you made me feel like it was..." She turned to look out of the window at the starry sky. Her voice softened, "I just had to leave...I couldn't take it anymore..."
John's eyes filled with tears and he walked over to take her into his arms. He felt her fall into them immediately as her legs gave way from under her. He sat next to her on the floor, and ran his hands through her messy hair. Turning her head to face his he kissed her deeply. "Oh God...baby..." he kept repeating as he felt her heavy sobs against his chest. "Why..." he asked weakly, also crying himself, "Why didn't you tell me? We could of sorted this whole misunderstanding out..."
Aeryn sobs subsided and she looked up at him, "Misunderstanding? What misunderstanding?"
"That morning you asked me to stay... I just figured you had morning sickness. You were like that most days if you remember?"
She nodded. "Your right...but what about when I tried to comm you?"
"I was at the wrong end of a weapon because Sparky stole something..." John brushed her cheek. "When I got back and saw you lying there unconscious it broke my heart. I thought I'd lost you... and when you finally came round and I asked you why you hadn't made me stay because I knew if I had been there just to hold you, then you wouldn't have suffered so much."
Aeryn sighed deeply, clinging on to John's now damp t-shirt. "I'm sorry for everything..."
He shook his head and pulled her closer to him, "No Aeryn... I'm sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about..." he was about to kiss her again when the door to the room burst open. They both stood up, pulse pistols aimed at the figure.
"On the contrary Commander..." Crais said, strolling into the room. This was not the way he planed it, but at least this way he would get to see the reaction of Crichton. He looked Aeryn in the eye, "Are you going to tell him or shall I?" Crais asked.
TBC...