Don't worry this entire story is not just all journal entries. There's going to be lots of dialogue and all that jazz. I just need away to get the story to where I want it to be, so right now it's just journal entries. I think the next chapter will be normal. It's going to start getting good really soon I think. This chapter isn't very long, sorry about that.
Shout out to my only reviewer WOLF116 as long as one person wants to read this story I'll keep writing it!
September 6 '04
Today was the big day. The day Dawn left for university. I took her to the bus station this morning to begin a new life. She's going to do something great with her life. I wish mom could have been there with me, watching the bus pull out. I would have gone with Dawn for a few days to help her get settled in, but we didn't have enough money, and I couldn't afford to take the time off work.
Yesterday I received a letter from Willow. She has been spending the last few months in Ireland with the Bellick coven. She said it amazes her how much power she has, and never really understood it. She was happy to here that Dawn was going to university and sent her regards. Everyone is so proud of Dawn and everything she has done in the last year. Wow, I can hardly believe it's already been about year since we've been here. It seems like longer and shorter at the same time.
Willow seems to be enjoying herself; she's to be learning so much. I still wish she were here, but I guess I've sort of accepted my new lonesome life. In many ways I think it's good that Dawn is gone now. Don't get me wrong, I'll miss her terribly, but I don't think this domestic environment was good for her. I was never around to spend time with her, and she had too much responsibility for still being young. University will give her chance to explore life on her own, and not have to worry about paying bills or anything like that. She now has the chance to be free from this life; free from me. Who knows, maybe I'm just making up excuses to help me cope with her leaving.
These days it's hard for me to trust the thoughts that go through my head. I keep wondering what I'm going to do with myself now that Dawn's not here. I have nothing left. I considered quitting my job, because I hate it so much, but I figured that if I keep it then I can periodically send money to Dawn. I guess I also need to live, but that just isn't a priority anymore. Everything I've been doing this past year has been for Dawn, and now she's gone. I wonder if I'm ever going to better myself. I wonder if I can better myself. It all seems so impossible. Well I have to go to work now unfortunately.
November 1 '04
Halloween definitely is different now. It's so innocent, or something like that. It's just not what I'm used to. I had a dream about Spike last night. Again. This time it wasn't a replay of that…that awful night. It was a good dream. A dream with just the two of us, and no one else. It was like the world around me had stopped so that him and I could have one everlasting minute together. It was amazing. God I miss him. It's funny, I tried so hard to get him out of my life. All those years he followed me like a killer plague, and now that he's gone I want him more than ever. I want his undead body next to mine at night, I want our petty fights, I want to be called 'love' and 'pet' again. Or am I just being delusional?