This sucks. As in majorly. It is now January 2, and I am locked out of my ff.net account. 'This Kiss' has been deleted, and I haven't backed up several chapters. I've been out of town, and without access to Net facilities, and this is a hell of a thing to come back to. Deep breaths, deep breaths.
Um, if anyone has my chapters on their HD or something, would you mind emailing it to me? Shot in the dark, I know, but...
Also my laptop's been confiscated, along with all my fic projects there. Aside from my HP fic update and this, sigh. No more unless I retype it from memory.
What a way to start the New Year. -_-;;
Ruki: Wow, she looks so pathetic I haven't even the heart to taunt her.
Takato: Aww.
Anyhow, here's the next chapter of This Kiss.
***
Holding you and kissing you enough to bask in
Fighting and loving each other to bask in
I want to know you just as you are
But I'm the one who can't just be myself
I don't understand, I don't understand
Your heart. Why is it?
Are you really a sorcerer then?
I want to hold you
Alone I cry
I don't ever want to be alone again
I want to hold you
With you I fly
I melt into the emotional voice that almost seems to be crying
Serenade
-Serenade, Sorcerous Stabber Orphen OP
***
Ruki was scared.
Sound the trumpets, proclaim it to the world! Well, don't, actually, unless you fancy severe injury, courtesy of You-Know-Who. And we don't mean Voldemort.
And this time it wasn't the sudden, brief bursts of fear that Ruki had experienced (infrequently and rarely, mind you) on the battlefield, when confronted by a truly formidable opponent. She could banish those quickly enough, using her force of will to go beyond it, act like she didn't even feel it. And then she'd fight, and win, and then that would be over.
But this was…different. Nothing concrete, nothing she could really fight. Just a quiet ache, a source of dark thoughts that would flit across her mind at random times.
Ruki had plenty of physical courage; no one could dispute that, especially not the numerous enemies she'd defeated in battle. But in the realm of emotional danger, she was more likely to turn and run.
Her budding relationship with Takato (it had been days before she could even think the word 'relationship' in connection to herself and Takato) scared her more than anything she could remember. Her experiences with them hadn't been exactly encouraging. Who could she look at? Her parents? Even if she could think of them without personal bitterness, their example wasn't the greatest. Her classmates? Either they simpered to what they called 'athletes' and what Ruki called 'huge brutish throwbacks to cavemen', or – on the opposite end of the scale – they were obnoxious witches (actually the word beginning with a 'b' was more appropriate) with cowed milksops as boyfriends. (1)
What if they turned out like that?
What if she became a stupid, simpering wimp who only lived for her boyfriend's approval? (2)
What if she became a shrew? A shrill-voiced, irritating nag who harassed everyone? She could be spoiled by having such an attentive boyfriend.
… Did she just think of him as her boyfriend? This was the fifth time today!
What if he became something else? What if he changed? She couldn't really conceive it, but it could happen. What if he only liked her because she was hard (3) to get?
But those were far-off possibilities. Frightening, yes, but improbable enough that she could recognize it. What she really feared was something closer to her reality.
Their friendship had been a strong one – very strong. There had been times when it seemed like the only thing she had to look forward to. And they wanted more…she had to admit that now. But what if they were being greedy? What if they weren't meant to last? What if pushing it made them become awkward around each other?
That was what was wonderful about Takato. She could be herself around him, neither more polite nor more aggressive than she really was. Everything came easily around him, words, actions, laughter.
To lose that…to have to start to pretend, or keep from being true… She wanted more…but she didn't want to lose!
She didn't want to stop being friends.
***
(1) I'm sure there are one or two stable, working relationships in St. Hebreke's. Maybe as many as three.
(2) Of all the possibilities, I really think this is the most unlikely.
(3) Try impossibly difficult.
***
"Bye mum, dad!" yelled Takato, jumping down the last four steps of the staircase. "I'm going to the park!"
"Takato!" yelled back Mie, his mother. "Are you done…?"
"I've done my homework, kneaded the dough for tomorrow's loaves, set the tartlets out…" Takato enumerated as he pulled on his sneakers. By now, he knew that if he wanted to see Ruki, he'd better have left no reason to stay behind. "Bye mum, bye dad!" he yelled again, running out the door.
"My, our son has certainly become more efficient since he finally started dating Ruki-chan," smiled Takehiro, emerging with floury hands from the kitchen. As a matter of fact, Takato had not kneaded the bread-dough. But seeing his son's impatient fidgeting as he finished his other chores, Takehiro had volunteered to take over the task. Takato's thanks had been so profuse as to be amusing. He wondered what was waiting for Takato at the park. Aside from Ruki, of course.
"Not just efficient," Mie said, watching Takato leave with a bittersweet smile on her lips. "Happier."
***
Ruki sat up in her bedroll, running a hand through her loose red hair. Nightmares. She'd just had a dream about her and Takato, where the two of them had been fighting, fighting beyond the occasional spats and bickering they had. The sentiments had been bitter, the insults harsh words that couldn't be forgotten. She couldn't remember what they'd said, and that was probably for the better. In the end of the dream, they'd promised, threatened, vowed – what was the proper word? – never to meet again. She'd woken up with the image of Takato turning away from her burned into her mind.
She laid a hand on her chest. It hurt, in exactly the way it did when she choked down sobs. She hadn't had to do that for years now. She touched her face – it was dry, thankfully. She got up and began to get ready for the day ahead. Her movements were slow, automatic.
To be honest, there had never been anything in her and Takato's relationship to merit these fears. She was happy when they were together; she looked forward to seeing him. Happier, even, than she had been when they were just friends. She didn't know it, but everyone around her noticed how much her eyes lit up whenever she saw Takato. The 'what ifs' never reared their ugly heads when she was around him.
Was this the price? Everything was just more intense now. The happiness, and the fear. Was it worth it? If they ever did break up, it would hurt her. How much, she didn't want to think. Could she take the chance…?
"Ruki!" Her mother tapped on the screen-door. "Takato-kun's here!"
Ruki snapped her head up. If she waited too long, her mother and grandmother would begin to interrogate him. She'd fought a long and hard battle to keep them from finding out – telling her friends was one thing (how she'd loved the blank and glazed shock on the Two Stooges' faces) but telling her family was completely another.
She didn't need to tell them. They'd found out all by themselves. And the dinner when they'd revealed that knowledge…Ruki shuddered.
She ran out of her room, pulling on her jacket. She skidded, still in her socks, around the corner, only to confront the sight she feared. Takato, comfortably seated in the living room and sipping tea, chatting easily with her family. Wide, satisfied smiles on Rumiko and Seiko's faces did nothing to assuage Ruki's fears.
One moment, Takato was sitting there and drinking tea. The next, a red-topped blur zipped by and dragged him off by his shirt-collar.
"We'regoingnow,goodbyemumgrandma!"
Still smiling politely, Takato waved good-bye despite his position as, essentially, a piece of luggage behind Ruki.
The door slammed shut.
Rumiko and her mother smiled at each other.
All three of the women of the Makino family thought: 'Yes, he's worth it.'
***
Dai's Noodles, one of a chain of popular eateries, was a popular hangout and usually filled with students. Music would be playing, people would be greeting each other, boys would horseplay and girls would exchange gossip. Or, in the case of certain people, the other way around. But today, the atmosphere was edgy. The few customers who hadn't decided to leave ate in silence, darting quick, nervous glances at the table that was the cause of this change.
The table was filled mostly with teenage boys, dressed in various school-uniforms. Nearly every high school in a ten-kilometer radius was represented. Though they sat at the same table, this was no brotherhood. This was not a friendship. The boys glared at each other with lowered eyes, muttering threats under their breath. But when the only girl at the table spoke, all the boys focused totally on her, ignoring the potential rivals at their sides.
Yana Lang wanted to slam the photo onto the table, but that would not have been elegant. Totally out of character. So instead she laid it down gently, with a motion of her hand like a butterfly settling onto a flower-petal. There was a lot of repressed rage in that motion.
The boys leaned forward to look at the photograph of a brown-haired boy with an easy grin and eyes of an unusual red shade. His name was Takato Matsuda.
For several minutes, Yana spoke of the horrible way that Matsuda boy had treated her. And all she wanted to do was make friends. That was no call to be so rude. Or insulting. Or threatening.
At this point, Yana gave a little shudder, politely suppressed. Several boys snarled, not politely suppressed.
Yana had many talents, not least of which was her ability to gauge the mood of people, and knowing the moment when the proper word could tip them onto the path she wanted.
Thankfully, these boys had been chosen for their physical ability, not for their mental acuity. She didn't need to be subtle or anything with them. Actually, if she had been subtle, it might have gone completely over their heads, tall and handsome as those heads were.
"Whoever first beats up Takato Matsuda, I will date."
And in the days to follow, the phrase "I would do anything to date Yana Lang," acquired a completely new meaning.
***
Author's Notes
December 31, 2003
Happy New Year minna-san! ;D
Well, I guess this is the last fic-chapter I'm going to write for the year 2003. Kinda fitting that 'This Kiss' would be it. It was, by the way, the fic's first birthday last Christmas. ^_^ This chapter became a little heavy for humor in some places, especially Ruki's parts. But I hoped some parts were still funny. And hopefully I won't need to go all melodramatic again.
Takato: Psssst! Cyber!
[Takato pokes his head through the door of Cyberwolf's den, looking right and left before stepping inside]
Cyber: (turns) Oh, hey. What's up? Hey, I just got a copy of Final Fantasy 7 for my PC; I haven't been able to play it for, like, three years…
Takato: Forget your computer games….ooh, FF7, really? (shakes head) Later. No time for that. Ruki's on the warpath!
Cyber: What? Again? I'm still on medication for the last time! What did I do now?
Takato: Oh, I dunno. Maybe it was the fact that you called her a coward.
Cyber: Only when it came to emotional type things!
Takato: Or maybe it was when you leaked her thoughts and dreams – actually nightmares – (scowls for a second) to the world.
Cyber: The public demands insight into their heroine's thought processes!
Takato: …I didn't see that in any of the reviews.
Cyber: Well, um, that's still no reason to maim me again!
Voice: Actually, that wasn't any of the reasons.
[Takato and Cyberwolf spin to see Ruki leaning against the doorway, idly tossing her D-Arc up and down]
Cyber: (squeaking) Ruki! Imagine seeing you here!
Takato: Hey, Ruki-chan.
Ruki: It wasn't the calling me a coward, or spilling my guts online. No, the problem came when you let Yana set her bullies on my boyfriend!
Takato: (smiling goofily) She finally called me her boyfriend…(snaps out of it) Wait wait wait…you set goons on me?!
Cyber: It was a plot twist…and they're just high school students, don't you think goons is a little much, and (wailing) come on guys…
Ruki: Digimodify! Evolution Plug-In S! Renamon digivolve to Kyuubimon!
Takato: (smiles goofily again) She looks good when she slashes a card…
Ruki: (blushing but trying to ignore Takato) Kyuubimon, walk all over her.
[A gigantic six-tailed fox, glowing blue from the remnants of the Digivolution energy, shimmers out of the shadows. Wolf sees fox. Wolf sees fox is larger and possessed of energy manipulation abilities. Wolf whimpers and tucks tail between legs]
Cyber: (backs away from the larger quadruped) I'm going to be in pain soon, aren't I?
Kyuubimon: Yes.
TBC…