[author's note: Again... we don't own Final Fantasy vii. Stop sending us fan mail about it! Haha! Oh, and we also don't own any rights to The X-Files, in case any of you were wondering. And yes... on to the fan fiction.]
The Turks Halloween Special!!
by Aerith and Missy
Reno: Yummmm, these grinders are yummy....yummmm.
Elena: I've had better.....
Tseng: Yeah, the cheese tastes like poopy....but oh well, Rufus doesn't pay us enough to eat at a French Restaurant every day...
Rude: I know.
Rufus: (walks in) Turks, I-(all of a sudden, Rufus gets stage fright, and pees his pants and runs out of the lounge)
Tseng:.....??
Rude: What the hell?
Elena: (nits eyebrows)
Reno: (spits food out into a napkin) SHIT! THAT CHEESE SUCKS!
Turks: (stare at Reno)
Reno: (anime lightbulb pops up above his head, and "dings") HEY! I've got an idea!
Rude: Woulda' never guessed it.
Elena: Hoo boy. watch out.
Reno: BUUUUT, it's only a certain something to share with Rude, nobody else.
Elena:.......!!
Tseng: And what is that?!
Reno: Well, I was-HEY YOU BASTARD! You were trying to trick me huh?
Tseng: Me? Never....
Elena: (whispering to Tseng) Damn, when did he start to catch on?
Tseng: (shrugs shoulders)
Reno: RUDE! Come here.
Rude: ( looks at his fellow Turks, a expression of horror spread across his face) Y-y-yea?
Reno: Come.
Rude: You don't have to tell me twice! I've got a bad feeling about this one.....Sweet! Let's go!
Reno:.....? Oookay?
Tseng: (whispering to Elena) Do you ever wonder.....(voice trails off)
Elena: All the time.
Reno: (Whispering to Rude) Heh, I've got an idea.
Rude: Yea?!
Reno: Yea, and just listen ok?
Rude: If you wanna dress me up as a Princess again for Halloween, I'm not going to do it. Last year, I peed my pants 20 times!
Reno: No no no, it's way better than that.
Rude: Do tell.
Reno: whisper whisper whisper
Rude: NICE!
Reno: Haha! You think it'll work!?
Rude: Hell yea!
-- Turks Lounge, October 30 --
Tseng: Hummm, I wonder if Rufus bought me that "new" tux yet for the party.
Rude: PARTY?!?
Tseng: Yea dumbass, Rufus' Halloween party tomorrow!
Rude: Will there be-?
Tseng: Yea, even wine coolers!
Rude: (drools)
Reno: Someone say something about an alcoholic beverage?
Rude: No Reno......(drools)
Tseng: (wondering why Rude is drooling at the sight of Reno)
Reno: Like my pin?
Tseng: Your what?
Reno: My pin damn it! I found it yesterday when I was.....ummm (thinking back to yesterday when he was digging through the ShinRa dumpster for "goodies")..........it was on the side walk.
Tseng: What does it say?
Reno: (reading the pin upside-down) It says; "I am Gay and you're not"...WHAT?!?! It never said that yesterday!!!
Tseng:..............(Elena walks in)
Elena: Why do you have that Uncle Sam Pin?!
Reno: Yeah! Uncle Sam! That's what was there yesterday!
Rude: Your pin just called me a whore!
Reno:....? Whore?
Rude: Ohhhhh, it's one of those holographic pins!!
Reno: What graphic?
Rude: holo
Reno: What?
Rude: holo, holo, holo!
Rufus: (walks in)....Yes Rude I am glad to see you too..(glares)
Tseng: Ummm....Sir, you didn't by chance stop by to give me that tux yet did you?
Rufus: No, I haven't had the time! Why is everyone always telling ME what to do?! I'm the President I'm the President!!!!
Rude: That's not a very good phrase to say...
Reno: Unless you're saying it to an intern...
Turks: (laugh their asses off)
Rufus: You say one more "bad" thing to me and you'll all be fired!!!!
Turks:.....(crickets are heard, then Reno farts)
Rufus: (starts to walk out)...Have a nice day... (reads Reno's pin and says)....Oh and Reno, I'll take you up on that offer....(smiles and walks out)
Elena: Offer???
Tseng: What the hell crawled up his ass all of a sudden?
Reno: Musta' been my Uncle Sam pin.....
Tseng: It's NOT an Uncle Sam pin Reno!!! It says; "I'll blow for food."
Reno: WHAT??!?!?!!??!
Rude: Noooo! It says; " Gimme a call sexy boy.."
Reno: WHAT??!?!?!??!!
Elena: No it says; "I'll make ya' halla' for a dolla'"
Reno: WHAT?!??!?!?!
Palmer: It says; "I'll tickle your pickle for a nickel!!!" Tra lalalala! (farts and waddles out)
Reno: WHAT?!?!?!?
Rude: It's EVIL RENO!!!! THROW IT OUT! THROW IT OUT!
Tseng: Maybe that's what Rufus was talking about.....the "offer", damn! Our President is gay?!!?
Elena: Well, considering that he said he would take Reno up on his; "offer" it doesn't prove that he is gay.....unless-
Tseng: Unless Reno offered something to him in advance!!!
Elena: Gross...
Rude: Shit!!! My best friend is not JUST an alcoholic anymore.....(sighs)
Reno: I though you all thought that Rude was gay?!?!?!?!? WHY MEEEEEEEEEE!?!?!? I AM NOT GAY! NO NO NO NO! I'M A CHIC MAGNET! THEY ALL LOVE ME!
Tseng: Uhhhh, Reno?
Reno: Yea?
Tseng: I don't think so.
Reno: Yea?!? Well when the hell was the last time you got any!??!
Tseng: RENO!! Now why would you WANT to know something like that......unless you were gay?
Reno: SHIT! I'M NOT GAY!!! God damn.....(walks out of room)
Tseng: That was kinda mean....(looks over at Rude....and Rude is not there. It just so happens, Rude is on the floor, laughing his ass off)
Rude: GAY!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! RENO!!!! GAY!!!! AHHAHAHAH! Serves him right, now, all God needs to do for me, is make everyone think Tseng and Elena are gay too....
Elena: WHAT?!?!? Why?!?!
Rude: Hummm, lemme think, you are BOTH picking on me A LOT for giggling, wetting my pants, and sucking my thumb! I don't even suck my thumb!
Elena:..........sorry Rude.
Tseng: Yea........sorry.
Rude: Kiss my feet and I'll forgive you.
Elena:....uh......with your, socks on?
Rude: NOOO! With them off.
Tseng: SHIT! (runs to the bathroom and pukes, then runs back quickly) Ooh, they musta had the wrong number....heh.
Rude: KISS MY FEET! (takes off his socks. Reeve walks in)
Reeve: Nooooooooooooooo! NOT MR. SOCKO!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHIT!!!!!!!!! (Reeve pees his suit and runs out)
(Tseng and Elena get ready to kiss Rudes' feet, but in walks-)
Reno: I'm not gay.
Tseng: RENO!!! YOU SAVED MY LIFE!
Elena: MINE TOO!!
Rude: What?
Reno: Huh?
Rufus: (runs in)
Reno: (whispering)....We gotta get a lock for that door
Rufus: LIGHTS OUT TURKS! WE'VE GOT A BIG DAY TOMORROW!
Rude: But it's only 9:30!!!
Reno: Yea!!! Hard Copy is on at 10:00!!! It's a Special!!!
Rufus: NO NO NO I SAID LIGHTS OUT!
Elena: But The LAST episode of The X-Files are on!!
(Suddenly a TV comes out of nowhere and droops down in front of Rufus and The Turks)
Mulder: Scully...I have loved you through the 5 years that I have known you but, something always happens when we are going to kiss-
(Mulder and Scully kiss. Then Aliens come out of no where and dance around them then flower pedals fall all around them and the Cigarette smoking man dies of lung cancer)
Mulder: Gotta love those Little Green Men (hugs Scully, Mulder and Scully laugh about the lame joke that Mulder made)
THE END!!
[author's note: You will find a lot of references to The X-Files in our fics... oh, I should add that to my disclaimer too... (adds it to the disclaimer) Haha, onto chapter deuce!]
The Turks Halloween Special!!
by Aerith and Missy
Reno: Yummmm, these grinders are yummy....yummmm.
Elena: I've had better.....
Tseng: Yeah, the cheese tastes like poopy....but oh well, Rufus doesn't pay us enough to eat at a French Restaurant every day...
Rude: I know.
Rufus: (walks in) Turks, I-(all of a sudden, Rufus gets stage fright, and pees his pants and runs out of the lounge)
Tseng:.....??
Rude: What the hell?
Elena: (nits eyebrows)
Reno: (spits food out into a napkin) SHIT! THAT CHEESE SUCKS!
Turks: (stare at Reno)
Reno: (anime lightbulb pops up above his head, and "dings") HEY! I've got an idea!
Rude: Woulda' never guessed it.
Elena: Hoo boy. watch out.
Reno: BUUUUT, it's only a certain something to share with Rude, nobody else.
Elena:.......!!
Tseng: And what is that?!
Reno: Well, I was-HEY YOU BASTARD! You were trying to trick me huh?
Tseng: Me? Never....
Elena: (whispering to Tseng) Damn, when did he start to catch on?
Tseng: (shrugs shoulders)
Reno: RUDE! Come here.
Rude: ( looks at his fellow Turks, a expression of horror spread across his face) Y-y-yea?
Reno: Come.
Rude: You don't have to tell me twice! I've got a bad feeling about this one.....Sweet! Let's go!
Reno:.....? Oookay?
Tseng: (whispering to Elena) Do you ever wonder.....(voice trails off)
Elena: All the time.
Reno: (Whispering to Rude) Heh, I've got an idea.
Rude: Yea?!
Reno: Yea, and just listen ok?
Rude: If you wanna dress me up as a Princess again for Halloween, I'm not going to do it. Last year, I peed my pants 20 times!
Reno: No no no, it's way better than that.
Rude: Do tell.
Reno: whisper whisper whisper
Rude: NICE!
Reno: Haha! You think it'll work!?
Rude: Hell yea!
-- Turks Lounge, October 30 --
Tseng: Hummm, I wonder if Rufus bought me that "new" tux yet for the party.
Rude: PARTY?!?
Tseng: Yea dumbass, Rufus' Halloween party tomorrow!
Rude: Will there be-?
Tseng: Yea, even wine coolers!
Rude: (drools)
Reno: Someone say something about an alcoholic beverage?
Rude: No Reno......(drools)
Tseng: (wondering why Rude is drooling at the sight of Reno)
Reno: Like my pin?
Tseng: Your what?
Reno: My pin damn it! I found it yesterday when I was.....ummm (thinking back to yesterday when he was digging through the ShinRa dumpster for "goodies")..........it was on the side walk.
Tseng: What does it say?
Reno: (reading the pin upside-down) It says; "I am Gay and you're not"...WHAT?!?! It never said that yesterday!!!
Tseng:..............(Elena walks in)
Elena: Why do you have that Uncle Sam Pin?!
Reno: Yeah! Uncle Sam! That's what was there yesterday!
Rude: Your pin just called me a whore!
Reno:....? Whore?
Rude: Ohhhhh, it's one of those holographic pins!!
Reno: What graphic?
Rude: holo
Reno: What?
Rude: holo, holo, holo!
Rufus: (walks in)....Yes Rude I am glad to see you too..(glares)
Tseng: Ummm....Sir, you didn't by chance stop by to give me that tux yet did you?
Rufus: No, I haven't had the time! Why is everyone always telling ME what to do?! I'm the President I'm the President!!!!
Rude: That's not a very good phrase to say...
Reno: Unless you're saying it to an intern...
Turks: (laugh their asses off)
Rufus: You say one more "bad" thing to me and you'll all be fired!!!!
Turks:.....(crickets are heard, then Reno farts)
Rufus: (starts to walk out)...Have a nice day... (reads Reno's pin and says)....Oh and Reno, I'll take you up on that offer....(smiles and walks out)
Elena: Offer???
Tseng: What the hell crawled up his ass all of a sudden?
Reno: Musta' been my Uncle Sam pin.....
Tseng: It's NOT an Uncle Sam pin Reno!!! It says; "I'll blow for food."
Reno: WHAT??!?!?!!??!
Rude: Noooo! It says; " Gimme a call sexy boy.."
Reno: WHAT??!?!?!??!!
Elena: No it says; "I'll make ya' halla' for a dolla'"
Reno: WHAT?!??!?!?!
Palmer: It says; "I'll tickle your pickle for a nickel!!!" Tra lalalala! (farts and waddles out)
Reno: WHAT?!?!?!?
Rude: It's EVIL RENO!!!! THROW IT OUT! THROW IT OUT!
Tseng: Maybe that's what Rufus was talking about.....the "offer", damn! Our President is gay?!!?
Elena: Well, considering that he said he would take Reno up on his; "offer" it doesn't prove that he is gay.....unless-
Tseng: Unless Reno offered something to him in advance!!!
Elena: Gross...
Rude: Shit!!! My best friend is not JUST an alcoholic anymore.....(sighs)
Reno: I though you all thought that Rude was gay?!?!?!?!? WHY MEEEEEEEEEE!?!?!? I AM NOT GAY! NO NO NO NO! I'M A CHIC MAGNET! THEY ALL LOVE ME!
Tseng: Uhhhh, Reno?
Reno: Yea?
Tseng: I don't think so.
Reno: Yea?!? Well when the hell was the last time you got any!??!
Tseng: RENO!! Now why would you WANT to know something like that......unless you were gay?
Reno: SHIT! I'M NOT GAY!!! God damn.....(walks out of room)
Tseng: That was kinda mean....(looks over at Rude....and Rude is not there. It just so happens, Rude is on the floor, laughing his ass off)
Rude: GAY!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! RENO!!!! GAY!!!! AHHAHAHAH! Serves him right, now, all God needs to do for me, is make everyone think Tseng and Elena are gay too....
Elena: WHAT?!?!? Why?!?!
Rude: Hummm, lemme think, you are BOTH picking on me A LOT for giggling, wetting my pants, and sucking my thumb! I don't even suck my thumb!
Elena:..........sorry Rude.
Tseng: Yea........sorry.
Rude: Kiss my feet and I'll forgive you.
Elena:....uh......with your, socks on?
Rude: NOOO! With them off.
Tseng: SHIT! (runs to the bathroom and pukes, then runs back quickly) Ooh, they musta had the wrong number....heh.
Rude: KISS MY FEET! (takes off his socks. Reeve walks in)
Reeve: Nooooooooooooooo! NOT MR. SOCKO!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHIT!!!!!!!!! (Reeve pees his suit and runs out)
(Tseng and Elena get ready to kiss Rudes' feet, but in walks-)
Reno: I'm not gay.
Tseng: RENO!!! YOU SAVED MY LIFE!
Elena: MINE TOO!!
Rude: What?
Reno: Huh?
Rufus: (runs in)
Reno: (whispering)....We gotta get a lock for that door
Rufus: LIGHTS OUT TURKS! WE'VE GOT A BIG DAY TOMORROW!
Rude: But it's only 9:30!!!
Reno: Yea!!! Hard Copy is on at 10:00!!! It's a Special!!!
Rufus: NO NO NO I SAID LIGHTS OUT!
Elena: But The LAST episode of The X-Files are on!!
(Suddenly a TV comes out of nowhere and droops down in front of Rufus and The Turks)
Mulder: Scully...I have loved you through the 5 years that I have known you but, something always happens when we are going to kiss-
(Mulder and Scully kiss. Then Aliens come out of no where and dance around them then flower pedals fall all around them and the Cigarette smoking man dies of lung cancer)
Mulder: Gotta love those Little Green Men (hugs Scully, Mulder and Scully laugh about the lame joke that Mulder made)
THE END!!
[author's note: You will find a lot of references to The X-Files in our fics... oh, I should add that to my disclaimer too... (adds it to the disclaimer) Haha, onto chapter deuce!]