A/N: Thanks to Uberkaiserin for sticking with me! :) I really appreciate
that you've kept reading it.
*****
LAP DOG!
Will was outraged. He was offended. He was furious. He was disgruntled. He was...standing there with his mouth open. He shut it quickly, but continued to fume.
How dare she?! Stand there so glibly and sexily...er...stand there so glibly and reel off such foul, untrue, insulting, horrible...!
Will glared impotently at the space where she'd been. Where she was now, he didn't know. And didn't care! She was probably off trying to slice other manly egos in half with her bitter shrewish tongue. Trying being the operative word here. Because she hadn't succeeded with him! Oh no! He was merely...concerned by her lack of manners. He hadn't taken any personal affront or anything.
Bitch.
He jumped out of his seething reverie when someone grabbed his arm. He paused and quickly glanced down. Unless the hand on his arm was attached to Ophelia's kneeling supplicant figure, on the ground begging for forgiveness, he wasn't interested.
"We're leaving," said a stiff, cold voice.
Will blinked at Robert in surprise. He hadn't expected to see him all night. He thought he'd be off waltzing in the moonlight, or looking at the stars, or making daisy chains or something with Hannah by now.
Funny. He didn't look like a man happily wallowing in the pits of requited lust. He looked...mad as hell.
Will immediately felt a brotherly connection with him again.
"Women!" he felt obliged to utter, in tones of complete loathing and disgust.
Robert ignored this and towed him with unrelenting determination towards the door.
Will watched as his friend aimed a vicious kick at one of the archway Cupids as they passed beneath them.
It sailed backwards, knocking over two chairs and a small table, and pulling out the plug that was generating power to the karaoke machine.
Blissful, blissful quiet resumed.
And that was the first good thing that had happened all night.
Havers looked about as miffed as he felt now, Will noticed idly. She'd been cut off mid-chorus of "My Heart Will Go On." At least her singing wouldn't.
Robert came to a halt suddenly, and stuck his face in Will's. It was a mottled, rather unattractive, red and Will could barely hear what he was saying through his clenched, grinding teeth.
"Do you know what that back-stabbing bastard's done?" he hissed.
"It can't be nearly as bad as what Ophelia said to me!" Will shot back. "Do you know what she called me? Jack's lap dog, she said. LAP DOG! You should have seen her, all smug and irritating. And she didn't know it was me! That's worse! Do you think she actually thinks those things about me? Not that I care, of course," he continued hastily, "but..."
"Shut up, Will," Robert snapped, "I don't care about your Ophelia angst right now. I've been BETRAYED."
"Betrayed," Will said loudly, "Yes, exactly. That's it exactly. Thank you, Robert. I mean, it's one thing to participate in healthy debate with me, and express her hatred of me TO ME, but she thought she was telling some other guy. Blabbing about me being Jack's lap dog to SOME OTHER STRANGE GUY. I can't get over this. And it's a lie! A lie! It's only her bitter bitchy personality that BLINDS her to the handsome, likable specimen that I really am. Not that I want her to LIKE me, of course, because I don't like her. In fact, I positively detest her. And I will get her back for this, just you watch! Nasty cow."
He seemed to have finished, and Robert, his face now an alarming shade of mauve, spat: "Will, will you shut the fuck up!"
Will jumped, and stared crossly at his friend.
"What the hell's wrong with YOU? Why aren't you off with whats-her-name anyway, frolicking amongst the lilacs or doing whatever revolting things people in love are supposed to do? Jack must've talked to her by now."
He was slightly alarmed by the look that came over Robert's face.
"Yes. JACK," his friend uttered, in tones that Will had never heard him use before.
"Yes. Jack," Will repeated, confused, "Isn't he with Hannah?"
"Not yet," Robert said bitterly, "But I'm sure he will be soon."
"What?"
Extreme confusion now.
And extreme irritation as, looking through the ballroom doorway, he caught a flash of dramatic mask and mahogany curls.
Mask. This whole damn masquerade thing was a crap idea, and he never wanted to see another mask again in his life. He didn't care if it wasn't time for the official midnight revelation yet; he was taking his off.
"And then," Robert was saying, "they said that they felt sorry for me. SORRY for me, because everyone knows that I thought I was in love with her and..."
"I'm going to reveal myself," announced Will.
"They said everyone knows! And...excuse me?" Robert spluttered blinking. "Will! What the hell! There're GIRLS about! There are people with EYES about!"
"Wh – oh! No! I meant I'm going to take my mask off!"
"Oh. Well, great. Who cares? Were you even listening to me?" he bit out.
"Yes, of course I was," muttered Will absently.
Robert opened his mouth, but Will interrupted him hurriedly.
"Oh look!" he said, pointing, "Here comes Hannah. And Jack."
Robert stiffened beside him, took a step away, and then froze, head going up and eyes narrowing.
"Robert!" Jack called, grinning broadly, his hand resting gently on Hannah's back, "There you are! Not sneaking off, I hope?"
Robert looked at him coldly.
"Sneaking off implies a weasel-y slimy nature, don't you think, Jack?"
"Uh," Jack paused, both his smile – and Hannah's shy one – fading. "I guess so...what's going on, Robert?"
"I have nothing to say to you," Robert said simply, turning around and starting to walk away.
"Robert..." Hannah began, frowning and glaring at Jack. If he'd been joking about Robert's feelings for her, she was going to...!
Robert swung back, and barked out a bitter laugh.
"And I definitely have nothing to say to YOU!"
Hannah actually reared back a little, horrified by his venom. What the heck was going on here?
"Robert!" Jack snapped, "What the heck is going on here?"
Robert's eyes were still fastened on Hannah.
"Oh dear!" he said, with mock concern, "I suppose you heard that little rumour that I like you. These situations are always so awkward, aren't they?"
Hannah's cheeks flushed red. She opened her mouth, but couldn't find any words.
Robert looked from her to Jack, smiling mockingly.
"I hope you two will be very happy together," he said insincerely, "You certainly deserve each other."
And with that, he strode down the hall and slammed a door with furious vigor.
He wasn't actually USING the door, but nothing conveys anger more effectively than a vigorously slammed door.
The shocked trio left behind winced as one at the loud noise and turned to look at each other.
Hannah had never been so angry in her life.
Jack, looking at Hannah's countenance, had never been so afraid in his life.
Or confused. He WAS going to get to the bottom of this. Will would know what was going on, for sure.
"And you can tell your COUSIN that I am NOT a dog! If anyone's barking around here, it's her! Barking mad! Ha! Tell her to put that in her spiteful little pipe and smoke it!"
Or maybe not.
*****
"Robert! Open this damned door!" Will snapped, hammering on it again. He'd followed his friend to his room, determined to get his head around what had just happened. Despite the fact that Ophelia was telling all and sundry that he was the world's biggest fool, he didn't like feeling this much out of the loop.
There was a pause, and then Robert's voice came back suspiciously.
"Are you alone?"
Will rolled his eyes.
"No, I've got the whole freaking girls' soccer team out here with me! Of course I'm alone! Now let me in, you stupid git!"
The door was pulled reluctantly open, and Robert stepped back to allow him entry, casting quick glances up and down the hall.
"Ok, Bond," said Will witheringly, "Enough with the spy tactics. Explain."
"What?" Robert muttered peevishly.
He slumped back down on the floor, mulishly shoving a hand through his hair.
Will raised his eyebrows at his sulking figure. From what he'd heard from Robert's incoherent ramblings earlier – it was SO irritating how Robert somehow always resorted to mumbling whenever Will was preoccupied about Ophelia's evilness – his friend somehow thought that Jack and Hannah were a couple.
It sounded ridiculous even in his head.
"You think Jack and Hannah are a couple?" he tested, warily.
"They are. And I don't care. He can have her. He gets everything he wants, doesn't he?" Robert said, bitterly.
"Does he?" Will shook his head to try and clear it. "Robert, this doesn't even make any sense! Why would you think that they're together?"
"Because they said!"
"Who said?"
"The people!"
"What people?"
"It doesn't matter anyway. All women are the same."
"God, I hope not," Will said, shuddering, his mind on one in particular again.
"Of course she's always liked Jack! I don't know why I didn't see it before. I mean, he's exactly her type - "
"I don't see how he's at ALL her type," Will interrupted.
"Hello? He's tall."
"And she's short."
"Yes! Opposites attracting and all that."
"I'm tall," Will pointed out.
"What are you saying?" Robert sat up and looked at him dangerously. "That you like Hannah too? So-called friends! So help me, Will, if you go near her..."
"You'll what?" Will asked perversely.
"I'll...well, I won't do anything, will I?" Robert retreated into moping self- pity and collapsed backwards, purposely letting his head hit the floor. "She's Jack's responsibility now, isn't she? Poor devil."
"Just because he's tall and she's short, it doesn't mean that they're destined to produce lots of medium-sized babies, Robert!"
"He's her type in looks!"
"Jack had blond hair and blue eyes. You have blond hair and blue eyes. You're going to have to clarify this for me."
"Ophelia once told Jack that Hannah used to have a huge crush on Macgyver. Hello?!"
Mentally baring his teeth at the mention of That Creature's name, Will blinked.
"Macgyver?"
"Yes."
"And what does this have to do with Jack?"
"She probably started liking him last year, when he had that mullet. Macgyver's twin brother."
Will sat down in Robert's armchair and thoughtfully tugged at his own hair.
"You mean when he let it grow sort of long?"
"Dude. Let's call a spade a spade. It was a mullet."
It was also going to be a long night. Will listened as Robert started pointing out that Hannah and Jack shared musical interests (Hannah played in a band; in first year, Jack had played the national anthem in his armpit).
Will leaned back into his cushions, and wondered how difficult it would be to smother himself with one of them.
*****
In his own room, Peter ripped his mask off, flung it aside and collapsed on his bed, grinning widely.
He propped a cigarette between his teeth and wished, not for the first time, that he could grow a moustache.
There were certain occasions when a nice evil twirl of a moustache was the only suitable action. He decided to pretend that he did have one.
It was only the sound of a snickering first year that caused him to belatedly remember to shut the door.
*****
LAP DOG!
Will was outraged. He was offended. He was furious. He was disgruntled. He was...standing there with his mouth open. He shut it quickly, but continued to fume.
How dare she?! Stand there so glibly and sexily...er...stand there so glibly and reel off such foul, untrue, insulting, horrible...!
Will glared impotently at the space where she'd been. Where she was now, he didn't know. And didn't care! She was probably off trying to slice other manly egos in half with her bitter shrewish tongue. Trying being the operative word here. Because she hadn't succeeded with him! Oh no! He was merely...concerned by her lack of manners. He hadn't taken any personal affront or anything.
Bitch.
He jumped out of his seething reverie when someone grabbed his arm. He paused and quickly glanced down. Unless the hand on his arm was attached to Ophelia's kneeling supplicant figure, on the ground begging for forgiveness, he wasn't interested.
"We're leaving," said a stiff, cold voice.
Will blinked at Robert in surprise. He hadn't expected to see him all night. He thought he'd be off waltzing in the moonlight, or looking at the stars, or making daisy chains or something with Hannah by now.
Funny. He didn't look like a man happily wallowing in the pits of requited lust. He looked...mad as hell.
Will immediately felt a brotherly connection with him again.
"Women!" he felt obliged to utter, in tones of complete loathing and disgust.
Robert ignored this and towed him with unrelenting determination towards the door.
Will watched as his friend aimed a vicious kick at one of the archway Cupids as they passed beneath them.
It sailed backwards, knocking over two chairs and a small table, and pulling out the plug that was generating power to the karaoke machine.
Blissful, blissful quiet resumed.
And that was the first good thing that had happened all night.
Havers looked about as miffed as he felt now, Will noticed idly. She'd been cut off mid-chorus of "My Heart Will Go On." At least her singing wouldn't.
Robert came to a halt suddenly, and stuck his face in Will's. It was a mottled, rather unattractive, red and Will could barely hear what he was saying through his clenched, grinding teeth.
"Do you know what that back-stabbing bastard's done?" he hissed.
"It can't be nearly as bad as what Ophelia said to me!" Will shot back. "Do you know what she called me? Jack's lap dog, she said. LAP DOG! You should have seen her, all smug and irritating. And she didn't know it was me! That's worse! Do you think she actually thinks those things about me? Not that I care, of course," he continued hastily, "but..."
"Shut up, Will," Robert snapped, "I don't care about your Ophelia angst right now. I've been BETRAYED."
"Betrayed," Will said loudly, "Yes, exactly. That's it exactly. Thank you, Robert. I mean, it's one thing to participate in healthy debate with me, and express her hatred of me TO ME, but she thought she was telling some other guy. Blabbing about me being Jack's lap dog to SOME OTHER STRANGE GUY. I can't get over this. And it's a lie! A lie! It's only her bitter bitchy personality that BLINDS her to the handsome, likable specimen that I really am. Not that I want her to LIKE me, of course, because I don't like her. In fact, I positively detest her. And I will get her back for this, just you watch! Nasty cow."
He seemed to have finished, and Robert, his face now an alarming shade of mauve, spat: "Will, will you shut the fuck up!"
Will jumped, and stared crossly at his friend.
"What the hell's wrong with YOU? Why aren't you off with whats-her-name anyway, frolicking amongst the lilacs or doing whatever revolting things people in love are supposed to do? Jack must've talked to her by now."
He was slightly alarmed by the look that came over Robert's face.
"Yes. JACK," his friend uttered, in tones that Will had never heard him use before.
"Yes. Jack," Will repeated, confused, "Isn't he with Hannah?"
"Not yet," Robert said bitterly, "But I'm sure he will be soon."
"What?"
Extreme confusion now.
And extreme irritation as, looking through the ballroom doorway, he caught a flash of dramatic mask and mahogany curls.
Mask. This whole damn masquerade thing was a crap idea, and he never wanted to see another mask again in his life. He didn't care if it wasn't time for the official midnight revelation yet; he was taking his off.
"And then," Robert was saying, "they said that they felt sorry for me. SORRY for me, because everyone knows that I thought I was in love with her and..."
"I'm going to reveal myself," announced Will.
"They said everyone knows! And...excuse me?" Robert spluttered blinking. "Will! What the hell! There're GIRLS about! There are people with EYES about!"
"Wh – oh! No! I meant I'm going to take my mask off!"
"Oh. Well, great. Who cares? Were you even listening to me?" he bit out.
"Yes, of course I was," muttered Will absently.
Robert opened his mouth, but Will interrupted him hurriedly.
"Oh look!" he said, pointing, "Here comes Hannah. And Jack."
Robert stiffened beside him, took a step away, and then froze, head going up and eyes narrowing.
"Robert!" Jack called, grinning broadly, his hand resting gently on Hannah's back, "There you are! Not sneaking off, I hope?"
Robert looked at him coldly.
"Sneaking off implies a weasel-y slimy nature, don't you think, Jack?"
"Uh," Jack paused, both his smile – and Hannah's shy one – fading. "I guess so...what's going on, Robert?"
"I have nothing to say to you," Robert said simply, turning around and starting to walk away.
"Robert..." Hannah began, frowning and glaring at Jack. If he'd been joking about Robert's feelings for her, she was going to...!
Robert swung back, and barked out a bitter laugh.
"And I definitely have nothing to say to YOU!"
Hannah actually reared back a little, horrified by his venom. What the heck was going on here?
"Robert!" Jack snapped, "What the heck is going on here?"
Robert's eyes were still fastened on Hannah.
"Oh dear!" he said, with mock concern, "I suppose you heard that little rumour that I like you. These situations are always so awkward, aren't they?"
Hannah's cheeks flushed red. She opened her mouth, but couldn't find any words.
Robert looked from her to Jack, smiling mockingly.
"I hope you two will be very happy together," he said insincerely, "You certainly deserve each other."
And with that, he strode down the hall and slammed a door with furious vigor.
He wasn't actually USING the door, but nothing conveys anger more effectively than a vigorously slammed door.
The shocked trio left behind winced as one at the loud noise and turned to look at each other.
Hannah had never been so angry in her life.
Jack, looking at Hannah's countenance, had never been so afraid in his life.
Or confused. He WAS going to get to the bottom of this. Will would know what was going on, for sure.
"And you can tell your COUSIN that I am NOT a dog! If anyone's barking around here, it's her! Barking mad! Ha! Tell her to put that in her spiteful little pipe and smoke it!"
Or maybe not.
*****
"Robert! Open this damned door!" Will snapped, hammering on it again. He'd followed his friend to his room, determined to get his head around what had just happened. Despite the fact that Ophelia was telling all and sundry that he was the world's biggest fool, he didn't like feeling this much out of the loop.
There was a pause, and then Robert's voice came back suspiciously.
"Are you alone?"
Will rolled his eyes.
"No, I've got the whole freaking girls' soccer team out here with me! Of course I'm alone! Now let me in, you stupid git!"
The door was pulled reluctantly open, and Robert stepped back to allow him entry, casting quick glances up and down the hall.
"Ok, Bond," said Will witheringly, "Enough with the spy tactics. Explain."
"What?" Robert muttered peevishly.
He slumped back down on the floor, mulishly shoving a hand through his hair.
Will raised his eyebrows at his sulking figure. From what he'd heard from Robert's incoherent ramblings earlier – it was SO irritating how Robert somehow always resorted to mumbling whenever Will was preoccupied about Ophelia's evilness – his friend somehow thought that Jack and Hannah were a couple.
It sounded ridiculous even in his head.
"You think Jack and Hannah are a couple?" he tested, warily.
"They are. And I don't care. He can have her. He gets everything he wants, doesn't he?" Robert said, bitterly.
"Does he?" Will shook his head to try and clear it. "Robert, this doesn't even make any sense! Why would you think that they're together?"
"Because they said!"
"Who said?"
"The people!"
"What people?"
"It doesn't matter anyway. All women are the same."
"God, I hope not," Will said, shuddering, his mind on one in particular again.
"Of course she's always liked Jack! I don't know why I didn't see it before. I mean, he's exactly her type - "
"I don't see how he's at ALL her type," Will interrupted.
"Hello? He's tall."
"And she's short."
"Yes! Opposites attracting and all that."
"I'm tall," Will pointed out.
"What are you saying?" Robert sat up and looked at him dangerously. "That you like Hannah too? So-called friends! So help me, Will, if you go near her..."
"You'll what?" Will asked perversely.
"I'll...well, I won't do anything, will I?" Robert retreated into moping self- pity and collapsed backwards, purposely letting his head hit the floor. "She's Jack's responsibility now, isn't she? Poor devil."
"Just because he's tall and she's short, it doesn't mean that they're destined to produce lots of medium-sized babies, Robert!"
"He's her type in looks!"
"Jack had blond hair and blue eyes. You have blond hair and blue eyes. You're going to have to clarify this for me."
"Ophelia once told Jack that Hannah used to have a huge crush on Macgyver. Hello?!"
Mentally baring his teeth at the mention of That Creature's name, Will blinked.
"Macgyver?"
"Yes."
"And what does this have to do with Jack?"
"She probably started liking him last year, when he had that mullet. Macgyver's twin brother."
Will sat down in Robert's armchair and thoughtfully tugged at his own hair.
"You mean when he let it grow sort of long?"
"Dude. Let's call a spade a spade. It was a mullet."
It was also going to be a long night. Will listened as Robert started pointing out that Hannah and Jack shared musical interests (Hannah played in a band; in first year, Jack had played the national anthem in his armpit).
Will leaned back into his cushions, and wondered how difficult it would be to smother himself with one of them.
*****
In his own room, Peter ripped his mask off, flung it aside and collapsed on his bed, grinning widely.
He propped a cigarette between his teeth and wished, not for the first time, that he could grow a moustache.
There were certain occasions when a nice evil twirl of a moustache was the only suitable action. He decided to pretend that he did have one.
It was only the sound of a snickering first year that caused him to belatedly remember to shut the door.