Otherworld
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Genre: Drama/Romance
Classification: Epic
Rating: R
Pairings: Zell x Quistis, Zell x Squall
Warnings: AU, Alcohol Use, Drug Use, Language, Lemon
Disclaimer: The Final Fantasy VIII franchise is owned by Squaresoft
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AU. Zell is the lead singer for a rock band, but what happens when he becomes torn between the booze, the drugs, his bassist, and his drummer? [Zell x Quistis, Zell x Squall]
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Author's Notes: Oh, goodness. I had to update as soon as I possibly could because of that awful cliffhanger in Chapter Five. Hell, I don't even know what's going to happen next. I just write as it comes to mind. Maia, YukaYuka, Becca, hopemia? I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart. I'm extremely grateful that all of you are enjoying my story as much as I am. I hope I never displease any of you. Oh, and I believe Maia and YukaYuka wanted to hear a little about my band. My band is called Datura High, which probably sounds like an odd name. Datura, aside from being a Tori Amos song, is a hallucinogen. So, put two and two together. In the band, I write all the lyrics, play the bass, and sing backup vocals. We're a mix of Tori Amos, Silent Hill 2, and Silent Hill 3. So, we're basically alternative rock. I hope that answered any questions you might have had. Oh, and one more thing. Any little philosophical lines I use in this story, I come up with completely on my own. Alright, enough about all of that. Here's Chapter Six. Please enjoy.
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Ch. 06
Never Go, Go So Fast
[Zell's P.O.V.]
Fuck. And that's all that came to my head. Fuck.
What else was I supposed to think? My head was like a puzzle that was missing about twenty fucking pieces. I'd just gotten my ass kicked at a bar, trying to prevent a group of bastards from raping Quistis. Sure, I succeeded. But I'm not sure if any of that mattered now. After all, she'd caught me and Squall in a compromising position. Me lying here, with my cock revealed, and Squall's mouth a little too close for comfort, right above it. And I'm sure the smell of sweat wasn't on our side, either. Dammit all.
I really didn't know what to do. What the hell was I supposed to do? It was fucking humiliating. Fuck. Why did she have to walk in at exactly that moment? Why did she have to see this? Why couldn't she have waited for two fucking minutes? I could feel the heat in my face. I knew I was blushing. But then again, who wouldn't be blushing at a time like this?
"I," I breathed, fumbling with my hospital gown, pulling it over my exposed dick. "I, you know? I'm sorry, Quistis. I, I don't know, Quistis."
I could see the look of shock on her face. But the funny thing was, there looked like there was a glimmer of hurt in her eyes. As if seeing this had actually hurt her. I know, I know it was sick. I know it was really fucking nasty to have to walk in on something like this. But I didn't know that it would hurt someone. Especially Quistis. Nothing ever hurt her. She was the strong one.
"No," she said, just as quietly. "No, Zell. Squall. Neither of you have to explain anything to me. I think I understand perfectly. That's right. You don't have to explain shit to me. I'm out of here. I hope both of you have a wonderful life together."
"No!" I cried, rising up, nearly shoving Squall off of the bed. "No, Quistis! You can't do that! What about the band?"
"What about the band?" she inquired, folding her arms across her chest. "Oh, I'm the bassist, right?"
I nodded, my eyes pleading. My face was just begging her to stay. She couldn't do this. She just couldn't fucking do this. This so wasn't fucking cool. I could literally feel the tears forming in my eyes. But you know what? I didn't give a fuck. I didn't care if Quistis or Squall saw me crying. I just knew that it broke something inside with Quistis talking like this.
"Yeah," I murmured, the tears running down my cheeks. "You're the bassist. For our band."
"Well," Quistis began, forcing a tiny smile. "You'll have to find a new one."
And with that, she left my room, slamming the door behind her. I could hear her angry footsteps as she made her way down the hall. I just sat there, staring at the door she had just slammed. It was kind of hard to see, there were just so many fucking tears in my eyes. My vision was really blurry.
"Quistis," I whispered. "Quistis."
I looked down at Squall. He looked up at me and tucked some messy bangs behind his ear. He had a certain glimmer in his eyes, as if he wanted to cry. I don't know what was holding him back. After all, I was fucking balling.
"She's gone," I murmured, bringing my hands up to the sides of my head. "She's fucking gone. All because of me, right? 'Cause I'm a fucking faggot."
Squall grabbed my hand, shaking his head.
"No," he said softly. "I'm the faggot. I'm the one who sucked you off. Besides, I. Quistis and I shared words before I came up here. It's my fault, Zell. It's all my fault."
"Whatever," I spat. "She's fucking gone. We're fucking ruined. Are you happy with that? Are you fucking happy with that?"
Squall shook his head, bringing in a soft breath. I knew he wanted to cry.
"No," he said. "We're not ruined. I'll talk to her."
"Fuck that," I cursed. "You'll just fucking share words with her again, huh? Piss her off really good. She saw you fucking sucking my dick. I don't think she wants to talk to you. You might fuck things up even worse."
"Zell," he whined, his voice breaking slightly. "Zell, don't say that. I'm going to make up for everything I did. I'm going to make everything okay. I promise."
"Fuck you," I growled, instantly regretting it.
I turned away for a few seconds and then turned back, looking into Squall's stormy eyes. He must've known I was sorry, because he instantly crawled forward and kissed me on my cheek.
"It's okay," he whispered in my ear. He put a hand on my chest, rubbing it gently. "It's okay, Zell. I know."
My shoulders bobbed up and down. I just couldn't stop crying. I was so confused. What the fuck was I? Was I gay? I kept telling myself I wasn't. I knew I'd never let a guy fuck me. But was that all it took to be straight? Because I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to fuck Squall. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to fuck Quistis. And neither one of them needed this. Neither one of them needed to be second to some freak show like me. I was the one that was fucking everything up. How could I lay here, this mess I was, blaming Squall for everything I did? I don't care what he had said to Quistis. It wasn't his fault that she left. It was because of me. Because I couldn't fucking make up my mind. About anything. I was just an alcoholic drug addict. I'd probably be found dead before I hit thirty. I'd probably end up overdosing on something. Maybe that's all it took. Maybe that's what would make everything better.
Right now, it didn't matter. It just didn't matter. There weren't enough sold out concerts, enough screaming fans. None of that was worth shit. Either way, Quistis was gone. Obviously, none of that mattered to her, either. I hurt her. I did.
When I finally snapped back to reality, I noticed that Squall was sitting on my lap, holding my face in his hands. I looked into his eyes. I was still crying, but not nearly as much. I felt guilty, though. Sitting there, with Squall on my lap. Looking into his eyes. I enjoyed it. Was that wrong? Was that really wrong? Was it a sin? Because I would love for Quistis to be in his place. I would love for Quistis to be sitting here, looking into my eyes. But I loved this, too. I just didn't know anymore. That's the funny thing about life, you know? 'Cause life is like a war that never ends. You can never let your guard down, because if you do, you're going to end up landing on your face.
"Okay," I whispered. "Please, you have to get her. You can't. You can't let her just run out on us. Please."
Just when I thought I was doing a little better, I started crying hard again. I felt like something was missing, somewhere deep inside. And I knew it was because Quistis had left. Nothing would ever fill that empty space. Only Quistis could. And I wish with all my heart that I could jump up, tear this damned I.V. out of my hand and run after her. 'Cause she knows I would follow her. Over the Sahara. Across the Great Wall of China. She knows I would follow her.
"I'll get her," Squall murmured, crawling off of my lap, slipping off the bed. "Everything is going to be okay, I promise. You'll see. Don't worry."
I looked up at him, nodding. I forced a tiny smile, using my free hand to wipe at my eyes. I knew I looked like a pussy, crying like that. But I couldn't help it.
"Okay," Squall said softly, heading over to the door that Quistis had slammed a few minutes ago. "Get some rest, alright? It's been a long night."
You're damned right.
I just nodded, sniffling. I leaned back, sitting my head on my pillow. It felt so nice. It was soft, cool. Even with all of the crazy shit that had just happened. Even with all of that, I knew that it wouldn't be hard to fall asleep. I was stressed, worried, tired. I really needed the rest. I owed Squall. He was doing me a huge favor. I knew it was especially awkward for him to have to track Quistis down. After all, I was basically the link that kept the two of them together. If it weren't for me, they probably wouldn't get along too good. In fact, they probably only got along for my sake. But I hoped that when Squall finally got a hold of her, they could work some things out and change that. Oh, fuck it, Dincht. You're thinking entirely too much. Get your ass some fucking sleep.
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[Quistis' P.O.V.]
Who gave him that right? Who gave him the right to break my perfect little blue world apart like that? I would have never. It just didn't make any sense. I was so confused. And that was so terrifying. It was so very terrifying. I was always a levelheaded girl, and now I was at a bind. Nothing made sense anymore. Everything was a mess. I couldn't clean it up. I just couldn't clean it up.
I was running down the sidewalk in heels. I didn't care if my ankles felt like they were snapping. I didn't care if they were bruising. None of that mattered. I just had to run away. Run away from everything. I knew I wouldn't get far, but that didn't matter. As long as I got away. Even if I was just three blocks away, I'd be fine with that. I just couldn't see either of them. I felt so stupid. Was I? Was I stupid for wanting Zell? After all, if he wanted me, he would've let me know by now. I was just a girl. That's all I was to him, right? Just a girl with a bass, walking after his footsteps. The strong one. But the thing is, I wasn't strong at all. I was the weakest one.
I was almost at the end of the sidewalk when I heard an annoying screeching noise ring throughout the city nightlife. I kept running in those painful heels, not caring enough to stop and look. I just had to keep running. Zell and Squall had made me a running girl. Running as fast as I could.
My shadow danced against the brick wall to my left. The stars seemed to be hanging low that night, as if the person who put them up there had gotten lazy this time. If I were him, I would've gotten lazy too. Then, just as I prepared to cross the street, I saw a blaze of color literally split across the street, coming to a dangerous stop in front of me. It was a yellow Volkswagen, the newer model. Why did it have to stop right there? Right in my way? Of all the places it could've possibly stopped.
I stood there and folded my arms across my chest. I knelt down a little bit, trying to peer into the tinted window. Who was in there? All of the sudden, the passenger side door flung open, and I saw a familiar looking girl in there. That girl from McDonald's. What was her name? Selphie, that was it. Yes.
"Selphie," I said softly, trying to look cool and composed. I tucked a blonde bang behind my ear. "What're you doing here?"
"I was cruising," she replied, tilting her head to the side. "And, like, I saw you running and knew something was wrong. Did someone try to mug you or something?"
"No," I began, shaking my head. "No, Selphie. Nothing like that."
"Then what is it?" she inquired.
I knelt down further, sitting on the very edge of the passenger seat, with my legs hanging out of the car. I didn't want to impose.
"Um," I murmured. "It's hard, Selphie. I don't know if you'd really understand. No offense, but it's just, too much. Even I don't really understand it. It's all like some horrible bad dream."
"Well, is everyone okay?" she asked.
"Oh, yeah," I said. "They're really okay. But I'm not doing too hot."
"I'm sorry to hear that," she replied. "Look, do you, like, wanna go somewhere? Like, to take your mind off of things? How about we go for an ice cream?"
Did I really want to? Oh, I didn't see any harm in it. After all, if Squall could help himself to going down on Zell, I could help myself to a bowl of ice cream with Selphie.
"Sure," I said. "I'd like that."
"Then come on in!" she cried cheerfully.
I smiled, slipping into her comfortable little car. I closed the passenger door behind me and buckled the seatbelt. I smiled at her and she smiled back. Then she made her way back onto the street in the direction of the nearest ice cream parlor.
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[Quistis' P.O.V.]
The nearest ice cream parlor actually wasn't too far at all. In fact, I could've made it easily just running in my heels. It was only two blocks away from the corner that Selphie had picked me up at. It was a nice little place with huge glass windows, wonderful white floors, and a huge selection of flavors. I opted for Berry Swirl, and Selphie helped herself to Triple Fudge. Normally, a place like this would've been closed by now. But it was the city, and just about everything was open at all hours. They got better business that way. There were allot of druggies in the area who got cravings in the middle of the night. They'd be stupid if they didn't keep their doors open at this time of night.
"I so, totally would never have pictured myself having an ice cream with the bassist of Otherworld!" Selphie cried, shoving a huge spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.
Thing is, I wasn't the bassist of Otherworld. Not anymore. I'd told Zell and Squall to find another one. And I'm sure they loved that bit. I'm sure they were already searching for a new one. Someone better than me.
"Yeah," I said softly, stirring the ice cream around a little bit. "Yeah, it's kind of funny, isn't it?"
"More like totally insane! But it's so cool. You really seem like an awesome chick."
"Thanks. It's mutual."
Oh, I knew I should've been a little more talkative. After all, Selphie had picked me up from those crazy streets out there. If I'd of kept running, I might not have even made it to the ice cream parlor. And even if I had, I probably wouldn't have stopped. I would've kept running, through that hideous darkness. I might've ran into some bad people. Might have gotten mugged. Or worse. Oh, I couldn't bare that thought. Worse. Hell, I could've ended up getting raped.
"Are you okay, Quistis?" she asked me. "You look like something's seriously weirding you out. What's goin' on?"
"Oh," I murmured. "I, just. It's been a rough night."
"You can tell me. I won't tell anyone, I promise."
"…Okay. Well, it's a toughie. Because Zell, Squall, and I had gone to a bar. You know, just to get out and do a little something. Just to get out of the house. And, um, I went to call our manager, just to let her know that we found it okay and we didn't end up getting lose. And when I came back out, I headed to the bar and saw that Zell was getting pummeled by three guys. They'd ganged up on him. I ran over there and grabbed a bottle, ready to beat the…shit…out of them, but. Oh, forget it. They ran like the cowards they were. Then the bartender called 911, and an ambulance came. They took Zell to the hospital, and we tagged along. It's, just. A little more, but. That's the general idea."
Selphie simply stared at me, her eyes wide and shimmering. She had a look of concern on her face. She patted my hand again, nodding in empathy.
"You poor girl," she said softly. "I'm so sorry, for all of you. That must've been horrible. Why would those jerks do something like that?"
"Well," I began, shrugging slightly. "Zell's got a big mouth. I'm sure he was talking big."
"Oh. I, I don't know. I don't think. I don't think so, Zell might have a big mouth, but he's got a good head on his shoulders. At least, the magazines make it seem that way."
Selphie was right. It was immature of me to be holding such a thick, strong grudge. But it was human nature, wasn't it? That was the way of the human. The human was a very complex animal. Perhaps, in a sense, we were the most inhumane animal. I wasn't sure. I couldn't speak on behalf of all humanity, but I certainly felt very inhumane.
"You're right. I know that something was going on. They didn't just start fighting for no reason. And I seriously doubt that Zell simply started insulting them. We'd just gotten there. He hadn't had enough to be drunk."
Selphie nodded, offering me a bright smile.
"So, like. Don't worry so much! Everything's gonna be okay, you know? Don't sweat it."
"Yes. I'll try to take it easy."
"Good!"
All of the sudden, we heard a wonderful little jingle ringing from the front door. Someone had just come in. I slouched in my seat just a little bit, hoping it wasn't some crazed fan or a drunken reject from a nearby bar. Selphie turned her head, looking in the direction of the entrance. She let out a soft little gasp.
"Oh!" she cried, turning to look at me. "Look, Quistis! It's Squall!"
I looked up, half expecting to wake up from some weird daydream. But I didn't. It was all too real. There he was, plain as day. Squall. And he was coming this way.
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[Squall's P.O.V.]
"Selphie," I said softly, smiling down at the brunette girl.
She looked up at me, grinning widely. She jumped up, giving me a huge hug.
"Oh!" she cried. "Oh, Squall! I haven't seen you in a couple of days. How are you doing?"
"I'm fine," I lied, offering her a meek grin. "Um, can you excuse Quistis? She and I really need to talk about something. It's private."
"Aw," she whined in a mocking tone, playfully stomping her foot down. "Well, I don't know. Quistis, do you need a ride to your place, or anything?"
I looked over at Quistis, who simply sat there, looking at me, an expressionless look upon her face.
I decided to answer for her.
"No," I said. "I'll make sure she makes it home okay."
"Okay," Selphie began. "Well, I'll definitely catch you guys later. Take it easy!"
And with that, the bubbly brunette raced out of the ice cream parlor, leaving me and Quistis to clean up after the awful mess of scarred emotions that lay on the floor like an open book.
I sat down, meeting Quistis' gaze with my own.
"Look," I began, wanting to work this out so badly for Zell's sake. "I'm really sorry about what had happened back there. But you don't understand the half of it."
"Oh. I don't think there's anything to understand. You went down on him."
I blushed, rubbing my forehead.
"Stop. You have to understand something."
"No. I don't have to understand anything."
"Zell got in that fight at Ever because those guys were going to rape you."
She opened her mouth just a little, gaping at me. She furrowed her eyebrows, bringing a hand to her forehead. I knew she'd regretted the way she reacted back then. I knew she was coming to her senses. At least, I hoped so.
"Damn. He, he basically. He basically saved me. If he hadn't of been at that bar. If he hadn't have been right there, no one would've known. They would've raped me. Oh, Squall. I feel so horrible. I feel so very horrible."
"Don't. It's okay. I, I think I owe you an apology. You know, you caught Zell and I in a, uh, weird situation. But it's not like that. I, I don't know. I'm sorry. Zell likes you. I know he does. He told me."
"Well, liking someone doesn't really mean anything," she said.
"Well, he wants you," I replied. "Seriously."
"Oh? Hmm. Well, I shouldn't be worrying about this right now. I have got to apologize to Zell. And to you, Squall. Oh, gosh. I have got to apologize to you. I'm so sorry. For everything. I know I've been the third wheel in this. You and Zell would be off much better if I didn't have to tag along. I know that you and him are best friends. I'm just a girl."
"Don't say that. You're part of the team. The three musketeers. You can't abandon us now. We really do need you. And, don't worry. I. Zell and I, we aren't an item. I know that. I just. I don't know. He's got some kind of hold over me."
"You don't have to apologize for anything," she said. "You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who keeps holding onto thin air."
"What do you mean?" I asked her.
"Well, I keep waiting for something that's never going to happen. Just because he wants me, that doesn't mean anything. Anybody can want anybody. That doesn't make it special. That doesn't leave a mark."
"I guess you're right. But I hate the feeling of us, just. Of us fighting over him. Don't you? I hate that feeling."
"I know. It's a complicated thing. I guess I could withdraw."
"No. We just have to wait. See what Zell wants."
"I'm sure he wants you," she said.
"Stop. Okay? Just stop, please. I think he wants both of us."
"Could that really work out, though?"
"I don't know. We just need to take it day by day. Things will work out, somehow."
"I guess you're right. Besides, it's stupid to waste our time talking about this now. We need to get back to the hospital right away. I need to apologize to Zell."
"Alright."
And with that, we left the ice cream parlor and headed back to the hospital by foot.
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[Squall's P.O.V.]
I smiled as I stood there, watching Quistis give Zell a friendly kiss on the lips. She'd just poured her heart out about everything. She apologized for seeming distant at times, for throwing a fit, for quitting the band out of spite. Zell and I both welcomed her back with open arms. Sure, it hurt just a tiny bit somewhere deep inside of me. It was so hard. I'd never really been in this kind of a situation before. Quistis and I both wanted Zell. And the tricky thing was, I think he wanted both of us. Well, he wanted Quistis, at least. I wasn't too sure if he wanted me. I'd just given him a blowjob. But, to be honest, I don't think there's any twenty two year old out there who would turn down a blowjob, regardless of age. I let out a soft sigh, nodding. It would be a tricky thing. A very tricky thing.
"Oh," Quistis murmured, smiling brightly. "I talked to the nurse when Squall and I were coming back up to your room. She said that you're going to be released tomorrow. Isn't that wonderful?"
Zell nodded, grinning up at Quistis. I smiled, folding my arms across my chest. That was wonderful. I was so glad that Zell would be getting out tomorrow. It was tragic, seeing him in a hospital bed like this.
"I'm going to go grab a soda," Quistis said, walking towards the door. "You want anything, Squall?"
I shook my head, smiling politely at her. She returned the kind gesture and headed out the door.
After I heard her shut the door behind her, I walked over to Zell's bed and leaned against it, kneeling down to look at his beautiful face.
"Hey," he said, smiling at me. "Thanks for getting her. Talking some sense into her. I owe you, man."
"No," I murmured, shaking my head. "You don't owe me anything. I'm just glad you're okay. You're getting out tomorrow. That's great."
"Yeah," he said, and then surprised my by leaning forward a little bit and kissing me.
I opened my mouth, letting him slip his tongue inside. He massaged the inside of my mouth and I moaned into the kiss. He was such a good kisser. If he could basically give me an orgasm with just a kiss, just imagine what he could do if he was fucking me.
After he drew away from the amazing kiss, he grinned at me, flashing his perky canines.
I smiled at him, tilting my head to the side a little bit.
"I'm really glad you're getting out tomorrow," I said.
"Me too," he began. "I don't like hospitals at all. But why are you so excited about it?"
I leaned forward until my mouth was at Zell's ear.
"Because," I whispered. "I want you to fuck me."
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Author's Notes: Well, I hope you enjoyed that one. I worked really hard on it, and I've got a couple of ideas going on in my head. I'm not too sure what's going to happen. I'm just so thankful that you guys enjoy this as much as I do. You people are the best fans ever. I mean that. Okay, I hope this chapter goes to your liking. Next chapter might contain a lemon. A graphic lemon. Hehe, I'm not sure. I'd love to write one, but I'll just have to see what kind of reviews I get. Alright, enough with my silly ramblings. Go on, go on. Please review. And thank you very much.