Yay! Five reviews for chapter one already!
Disclaimer: I still not own Yugioh, what you think something change!?
`
It was a dark and Stormier! night in Battle city, outside of Kaiba's stadium a familiar pair once again met.
Odion: I am glad to see you master Malik.
Malik: I'm sure you are Odion, but this is no time for small talk.
Odion: Oh ok, I AM GLAD TO SEE YOU MASTER MALIK!
Malik: The Battle city finals begin tomorrow, if our plan is going to succeed we really need to work at making you me.
Odion: I agree sir, I've been practicing my lessons since yesterday and I am getting good at them.
Malik: That's good because tonight's lessons will be even more difficult.
Odion: I am not afraid.
Malik; as Yoda: Oh you will be!
Odion: Wha?
`
Lesson Five. I am Malik! Hear me roar!
Malik: Any simpleton knows that Malik does not like most people, especially stupid people, as Malik you also must learn this.
Odion: But I hate people too.
Malik: Odion you fool. This is not about hating people, just showing them that you are better than they are and that you want them dead. If they believe this then they shall stay out of your way and you wont have to kill them, yet.
Odion: I think that I get it, could you possibly explain it further?
Malik: Fine but this will require your assistance, we shall act it out. I will be Malik and you can be some random annoying person.
Odion: Ok uhhhhh..., look at me I'm Yugi, I like to do Yugi-ish things. If you stare long enough I might become the Pharaoh and do a trick!
Malik: Wow Odion, you sure do a good Yugi impression.
Odion: I try sir.
Malik: Back to the lesson! I will try to walk by you, use all of your annoying Yugi powers to try and stop me.
Odion: Alright, excuse me mister, would you like to buy a flower?
Malik: Be gone with you disgusting creature.
Odion: Please.
Malik: Get away whelp!
Odion: But it's for my friends...
Malik: Friends? RAR!!!!!
Malik then opened his mouth as wide as he could, and a little Malik head popped out of it! The little Malik head then shrieked and snapped at Odion, before disappearing back into Malik's mouth.
Odion: Wow, where ever did you learn to do that master?
Malik: Oh I saw it in a movie once.
Odion: But what if I can't do that?
Malik: Well if for some reason that doesn't work, you can just laugh insanely like my yami. It helps to make a reference to ice cubes and cheesecake too.
`
Lesson Six. I think I musta forgotten something from before!
Malik: Odion, I just remembered something!
Odion: What is it master Malik?
Malik: Last time when we were doing lesson four, I forgot the most important thing every Malik needs.
Odion: But sir. The clothes, the wig, the rod, what else is there?
Malik: We forgot to carve the ancient scriptures into your back!
Odion: But master, is that really necessary?
Malik: Of course it is! I wouldn't be the Malik you see before you if someone I loved hadn't taken a knife to my back! So take off your robe, and you had better be wearing pants underneath!
So Odion removed his robe and bent over while Malik went out to search for a suitable cutting tool.
Malik: There must be something I can use around here somewhere.
Just then Bakura walked by, he was holding a bloody knife and slowly licking the blood off. Awwww how adorable, he's just like a little kid with an ice cream cone.
Malik: Hello there Bakura, enjoying yourself?
Bakura: What business is it of yours?
Malik: Is that any way to talk to a friend?
Bakura: What do you mean friend? Why are you talking so nicely to me? You want something don't you?
Malik: I require the use of that knife your holding, could I please have it?
Bakura: Of course not! This is the only thing that I've eaten in the last four weeks!
Malik: Oh come on, what if I gave you this instead? *holds up sennen rod.
Bakura: Deal! Take the knife, it meant nothing to me!
Bakura then ran off giggling like some odd giggling person would while ranting about his power.
Malik: Hah, that was really just one of the crappy homemade rods from last chapter.
Malik; to real sennen rod: I'd never let anything happen to you.
Bakura can still be seen cheering and skipping through the background.
Malik: Now why was it that I needed this knife again?
`
Meanwhile Odion is still bending forward, waiting for Malik to return. Suddenly Jonouchi walked by.
Jonouchi: What the hell? How come nobody told me that we were playing leapfrog tonight?
Then Jonouchi mysteriously disappeared, and Malik mysteriously reappeared. Wow that sure was convenient.
Malik: I'm back Odion, now let us finish this.
So Malik proceeded to carve every character and picture into Odion's back.
Odion: Ow that hurts!
Malik: Oh shut up, I didn't cry nearly half this much!
Odion: Could we please not do anything else quite that painful?
`
Lesson Seven. The laugh.
Malik: Odion would you stop crying already!
Odion: I'm sorry but that really hurt.
Malik: Be a man about it.
Odion: I trying, but you really didn't have to dump hot sand on my back afterwards.
Malik: Sure I did, you're getting the full Malik experience this way.
Odion: Ha ha ha.(spoken in a very sarcastic tone)
Malik: See that's the whole purpose of this lesson, if you're going to be Malik, then you need a much better laugh.
Odion: Like what master?
Malik: Well there are plenty of different laughs that you could use. Like the happy laugh, I use this laugh whenever I am victorious and things go my way, for some reason I never get to use that laugh.
Odion: Don't worry, after all this we can do lots of laughing.
Malik: The second kind of laugh is the evil laugh. You can use this one whenever you are face to face with an enemy. They might ask you something like "Do you really think you can win?", at which point you could answer with "I already have!" and then use this laugh. I can often be seen ending episodes like this.
Odion: Must remember evil laugh, must remember evil laugh, ok I got it.
Malik: The third type of laugh is the insane laugh. This is the one where you are just staring straight forward with your eyes rolled slightly back, suddenly after just standing there like that you begin your laugh. You need really strong jaw muscles for all the movement involved in this one. My "friend" Bakura can often be seen doing this one.
Odion: And I always thought that I was your "friend". Whimper whimper.
Malik: And the last type of laugh is my absolute favorite kind. This is the laugh where you see something so funny that you can do nothing but fall over and roll on the ground, all the while laughing so hard that you cry. This is the kind of laugh that you would use if you were just standing at a bus stop, waiting for a bus. When you see two children standing in front of you. One child pushes the other one down and then steals his lunch money, calling the other child mean and hurtful names throughout the whole thing. When suddenly that mean child gets run right over by a school bus! Oh I laugh so much whenever that happens!
`
Lesson Eight. Proper usage of the sennen rod.
Malik: Now Odion, for this lesson I am going to tell you a secret.
Odion: A secret? What kind of secret master?
Malik: It's about the sennen rod, and it's a bit embarrassing.
Odion: I don't like where this is going.
Malik: The truth is that the sennen rod really doesn't have any magical powers! It's no more magically enchanted than your everyday pole.
Odion: Well I have seen some pretty magical poles before...
Malik: Oh all that I am is really such a lie!
Odion: But if there isn't any magic in your sennen rod, then how do you make people into your mind slaves?
Malik: Well it really isn't as glamorous as the show would have you believe, they always edit out what I really have to do.
Odion: Which is?
Malik: Well to make someone your mind slave, all you have to do is this: Just walk up to some random person in a secluded area and announce yourself, say "I am Malik and I claim you as my mind slave". This person will be quite confused from your earlier statement so take the opportunity to sneak around behind them, and when they finally snap out of their daze, hit them over the head with your sennen rod!
Odion: That's how you do it?!
Malik: Yes, after being hit with a heavy golden rod the person will most likely be quite disoriented and confused, so much so that they will have no will of their own and will just listen to whatever you say. Sometimes the person will not become your mind slave, and will just get really mad at you for hitting them with your rod. Whenever this happens merely hit them again and they should be your mind slave by then. If for some reason that still does not work just keep hitting, after twenty minutes of whackings from your rod, the poor fool should be as submissive as Strings.
Odion: Note to self, buy heavy club.
Malik: And that Odion is the last lesson of the night, meet me here tomorrow morning so that we may register for the finals.
Odion: As you wish master.
So Malik left for his hotel room while Odion had a staring contest with a rock.
`
To Be Continued
`
Malik: And that's another chapter finished. What do you think? Was it funny enough? Do I have to make Odion dress like a clown and ride a unicycle while I throw pies at him to make you laugh? WELL? Hey I know, Odion can tell a joke!
Odion's joke: How many Seto Kaibas does it take to change a light bulb?
Seventeen! Sixteen to make you feel inferior, and one to do the actual changing of the bulb.
Malik: And now that that's done I leave you with this: Write a review or else I'll be mad! And you don't want your ruler mad! Grrrrr!
Disclaimer: I still not own Yugioh, what you think something change!?
`
It was a dark and Stormier! night in Battle city, outside of Kaiba's stadium a familiar pair once again met.
Odion: I am glad to see you master Malik.
Malik: I'm sure you are Odion, but this is no time for small talk.
Odion: Oh ok, I AM GLAD TO SEE YOU MASTER MALIK!
Malik: The Battle city finals begin tomorrow, if our plan is going to succeed we really need to work at making you me.
Odion: I agree sir, I've been practicing my lessons since yesterday and I am getting good at them.
Malik: That's good because tonight's lessons will be even more difficult.
Odion: I am not afraid.
Malik; as Yoda: Oh you will be!
Odion: Wha?
`
Lesson Five. I am Malik! Hear me roar!
Malik: Any simpleton knows that Malik does not like most people, especially stupid people, as Malik you also must learn this.
Odion: But I hate people too.
Malik: Odion you fool. This is not about hating people, just showing them that you are better than they are and that you want them dead. If they believe this then they shall stay out of your way and you wont have to kill them, yet.
Odion: I think that I get it, could you possibly explain it further?
Malik: Fine but this will require your assistance, we shall act it out. I will be Malik and you can be some random annoying person.
Odion: Ok uhhhhh..., look at me I'm Yugi, I like to do Yugi-ish things. If you stare long enough I might become the Pharaoh and do a trick!
Malik: Wow Odion, you sure do a good Yugi impression.
Odion: I try sir.
Malik: Back to the lesson! I will try to walk by you, use all of your annoying Yugi powers to try and stop me.
Odion: Alright, excuse me mister, would you like to buy a flower?
Malik: Be gone with you disgusting creature.
Odion: Please.
Malik: Get away whelp!
Odion: But it's for my friends...
Malik: Friends? RAR!!!!!
Malik then opened his mouth as wide as he could, and a little Malik head popped out of it! The little Malik head then shrieked and snapped at Odion, before disappearing back into Malik's mouth.
Odion: Wow, where ever did you learn to do that master?
Malik: Oh I saw it in a movie once.
Odion: But what if I can't do that?
Malik: Well if for some reason that doesn't work, you can just laugh insanely like my yami. It helps to make a reference to ice cubes and cheesecake too.
`
Lesson Six. I think I musta forgotten something from before!
Malik: Odion, I just remembered something!
Odion: What is it master Malik?
Malik: Last time when we were doing lesson four, I forgot the most important thing every Malik needs.
Odion: But sir. The clothes, the wig, the rod, what else is there?
Malik: We forgot to carve the ancient scriptures into your back!
Odion: But master, is that really necessary?
Malik: Of course it is! I wouldn't be the Malik you see before you if someone I loved hadn't taken a knife to my back! So take off your robe, and you had better be wearing pants underneath!
So Odion removed his robe and bent over while Malik went out to search for a suitable cutting tool.
Malik: There must be something I can use around here somewhere.
Just then Bakura walked by, he was holding a bloody knife and slowly licking the blood off. Awwww how adorable, he's just like a little kid with an ice cream cone.
Malik: Hello there Bakura, enjoying yourself?
Bakura: What business is it of yours?
Malik: Is that any way to talk to a friend?
Bakura: What do you mean friend? Why are you talking so nicely to me? You want something don't you?
Malik: I require the use of that knife your holding, could I please have it?
Bakura: Of course not! This is the only thing that I've eaten in the last four weeks!
Malik: Oh come on, what if I gave you this instead? *holds up sennen rod.
Bakura: Deal! Take the knife, it meant nothing to me!
Bakura then ran off giggling like some odd giggling person would while ranting about his power.
Malik: Hah, that was really just one of the crappy homemade rods from last chapter.
Malik; to real sennen rod: I'd never let anything happen to you.
Bakura can still be seen cheering and skipping through the background.
Malik: Now why was it that I needed this knife again?
`
Meanwhile Odion is still bending forward, waiting for Malik to return. Suddenly Jonouchi walked by.
Jonouchi: What the hell? How come nobody told me that we were playing leapfrog tonight?
Then Jonouchi mysteriously disappeared, and Malik mysteriously reappeared. Wow that sure was convenient.
Malik: I'm back Odion, now let us finish this.
So Malik proceeded to carve every character and picture into Odion's back.
Odion: Ow that hurts!
Malik: Oh shut up, I didn't cry nearly half this much!
Odion: Could we please not do anything else quite that painful?
`
Lesson Seven. The laugh.
Malik: Odion would you stop crying already!
Odion: I'm sorry but that really hurt.
Malik: Be a man about it.
Odion: I trying, but you really didn't have to dump hot sand on my back afterwards.
Malik: Sure I did, you're getting the full Malik experience this way.
Odion: Ha ha ha.(spoken in a very sarcastic tone)
Malik: See that's the whole purpose of this lesson, if you're going to be Malik, then you need a much better laugh.
Odion: Like what master?
Malik: Well there are plenty of different laughs that you could use. Like the happy laugh, I use this laugh whenever I am victorious and things go my way, for some reason I never get to use that laugh.
Odion: Don't worry, after all this we can do lots of laughing.
Malik: The second kind of laugh is the evil laugh. You can use this one whenever you are face to face with an enemy. They might ask you something like "Do you really think you can win?", at which point you could answer with "I already have!" and then use this laugh. I can often be seen ending episodes like this.
Odion: Must remember evil laugh, must remember evil laugh, ok I got it.
Malik: The third type of laugh is the insane laugh. This is the one where you are just staring straight forward with your eyes rolled slightly back, suddenly after just standing there like that you begin your laugh. You need really strong jaw muscles for all the movement involved in this one. My "friend" Bakura can often be seen doing this one.
Odion: And I always thought that I was your "friend". Whimper whimper.
Malik: And the last type of laugh is my absolute favorite kind. This is the laugh where you see something so funny that you can do nothing but fall over and roll on the ground, all the while laughing so hard that you cry. This is the kind of laugh that you would use if you were just standing at a bus stop, waiting for a bus. When you see two children standing in front of you. One child pushes the other one down and then steals his lunch money, calling the other child mean and hurtful names throughout the whole thing. When suddenly that mean child gets run right over by a school bus! Oh I laugh so much whenever that happens!
`
Lesson Eight. Proper usage of the sennen rod.
Malik: Now Odion, for this lesson I am going to tell you a secret.
Odion: A secret? What kind of secret master?
Malik: It's about the sennen rod, and it's a bit embarrassing.
Odion: I don't like where this is going.
Malik: The truth is that the sennen rod really doesn't have any magical powers! It's no more magically enchanted than your everyday pole.
Odion: Well I have seen some pretty magical poles before...
Malik: Oh all that I am is really such a lie!
Odion: But if there isn't any magic in your sennen rod, then how do you make people into your mind slaves?
Malik: Well it really isn't as glamorous as the show would have you believe, they always edit out what I really have to do.
Odion: Which is?
Malik: Well to make someone your mind slave, all you have to do is this: Just walk up to some random person in a secluded area and announce yourself, say "I am Malik and I claim you as my mind slave". This person will be quite confused from your earlier statement so take the opportunity to sneak around behind them, and when they finally snap out of their daze, hit them over the head with your sennen rod!
Odion: That's how you do it?!
Malik: Yes, after being hit with a heavy golden rod the person will most likely be quite disoriented and confused, so much so that they will have no will of their own and will just listen to whatever you say. Sometimes the person will not become your mind slave, and will just get really mad at you for hitting them with your rod. Whenever this happens merely hit them again and they should be your mind slave by then. If for some reason that still does not work just keep hitting, after twenty minutes of whackings from your rod, the poor fool should be as submissive as Strings.
Odion: Note to self, buy heavy club.
Malik: And that Odion is the last lesson of the night, meet me here tomorrow morning so that we may register for the finals.
Odion: As you wish master.
So Malik left for his hotel room while Odion had a staring contest with a rock.
`
To Be Continued
`
Malik: And that's another chapter finished. What do you think? Was it funny enough? Do I have to make Odion dress like a clown and ride a unicycle while I throw pies at him to make you laugh? WELL? Hey I know, Odion can tell a joke!
Odion's joke: How many Seto Kaibas does it take to change a light bulb?
Seventeen! Sixteen to make you feel inferior, and one to do the actual changing of the bulb.
Malik: And now that that's done I leave you with this: Write a review or else I'll be mad! And you don't want your ruler mad! Grrrrr!