Setting down her bag on the bed, Millie let out a low sigh. It had been a long day, and a good nights of sleep sounded pretty darn good. She began to slip off her shoes as she thought about all that had happened that week. First the well, then the return of Mr.Vash and his brother, the waking of his brother, and goodbye all over again. He promised Meryl that he would come back, and they both knew Vash was always true to his word. The only thing for the two to wish for now was that their outlaw friend would be able to get his brother under control. But it didn't really matter if Vash could or not, that wasn't even an question. Just seeing him go broke the small insurance girl's heart all over again.
Big girl frowned at her negative thinking as she moved to the dresser drawer for her pajamas. She seemed to be reminiscing over this and that now a days. She was always told not to and here she was, wasting away over the past. She shook her head, trying to dissipate the thoughts. Of course, it didn't work. In the back of her head still sat three pictures; one of Mr. Vash's sad face as he left, the heart broken look in his eyes. The other one of Meryl fighting to stay under control as the Humanoid Typhoon walked away. And then there was the last one, which was harder to place. As she brushed her hair, she mentally wiped away the thin layer of dust.
And there stood Wolfwood.
She tried to choke back the tears as she un-crumpled the balled up picture. She had tried to throw this away before, she remembered it. Try to get his face out of her memory, just get it out of her head. Looking back, she saw it as only cowardice. She didn't want to forget him, she just didn't want to feel this way without him.
If she wanted, she could close her eyes and think back to when he was with her. Watch a few happy moments while her unbridled emotions got the better of her. She thought for a bit, replaying this and that, and soon she was so caught up in her daydream, she had actually fallen asleep. Memories ran over one another like some old fashion movie. Almost every other picture was stained with a tear drop or two, and a few had been torn in rage and taped back together in shame. As she went through the box of photos in the back corner of her head, she found some from the beginning, back before she knew why she kept these.
She ran her hands through the pile, feeling the presence of his face on her palms. For a second she felt the texture of his jacket and smelt the sand in his hair. She hadn't even forgotten his taste.
Millie sat up with a jolt, the feeling of his being leaving her. Staring up into the mirror's surface, she saw the streaks of silver running down her face. She hated herself all of the sudden. She hated him too. She hated the fact that she could only see him in her dreams, and she hated the fact that when she dreamt, she cried. Why couldn't she just move on? Why did she have to feel this way?
Not feeling into fussing with buttons and straps, she simply fell on her bed, covers under her and sorrow above her. She felt helpless. For the first time in her whole life, she felt so fragile. She closed her eyes again, the image of his face imprinted on the back of her eye lids. No matter how many times she cried, it would never wash away.
For some reason, she couldn't seem to sleep. She tossed and turned, and his face was still there, but she couldn't for the life of her bring another dream of him into her mind. She slowly opened her eyes to the cold wall her bed was pushed next to. Once again she felt small, like the room had grown while she wasn't looking. She didn't want to feel this alone. Without him in her bed it seemed so empty and cold. She clung to her pillow, trying to fool herself it was him, and he was protecting her from the dark again.
She was never good at mind games.
"It's ok, I'm right here."
Suddenly strong arms pulled her close, warming her. She smelt the sand on his skin and felt his cool breath on her neck as he held her.
But she also knew her eyes had closed.
"No you're not," Millie sobbed as she pushed the fabrication away. "I wish you were but you're only a dream." He smiled sadly, gave a solemn nod, and slowly disappeared. Under her breath she cursed herself. Why didn't she let the memory play? Let herself be happy?
Because she knew when she woke up the next day, she would know it was just a dream, and her heart would shatter all over again.
Slowly she opened her eyes to the dull glow of morning, much more welcoming then the darkness that had taunted her the night before. She rolled over, hoping to see black stands on the pillow next to her or hear him call her for breakfast, but the pillow was empty and the only sound was her sobs.
"Oh god..."