Tears of the Rain
Teinousha
Ohayo! Second part's up! Due to a rather looooooooong paragraph phrasing, I decided to cut this part off into chapters. The chapters are based on the following days after the first part, Troubled Heart The Silver Lining series is next. Each chapter for each day. Arigato!
Ms. Shinri-chan, again, this is for you.
Guys, thank you for the support on the first chap. Please enjoy!
P.S. Regarding a few reviews, I am all-Koshino, and I hate the love triangle business, but I can't really do anything about everything. I am just trying to write a challenge fic here, and this is the best way I know how. Either way, SenKosh rules!!!
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Part II- The Silver LiningThe next day (Wednesday)…
Koshino took a deep breath, as he willed himself to calm down. For an unknown reason, he's breaking off in sweat again, after all those times he had practiced his 'cool and composed' confession speech. He was actually afraid he'd blow everything up…again!
Why exactly was he supposed to tell his best friend the whole truth regarding his hidden love for him? Oh yeah… Because Sendoh has the right to know the truth…bla bla bla. It irks him that he had to do that stupidly embarrassing thing, and for what? It's not like it's gonna make Sendoh suddenly like him, and have the man dump Rukawa for him.
Not that he wanted that kind of outcome though Yeah right…
Koshino was set on believing that the only reason he's willing to go low enough as to do something as stupid as that, is because he wanted to finally let his best friend go… he only wanted himself to be known, so that he could move on without any regrets…
Right… without any regrets…
But, how come as he played what he's set out to do, in his mind, there's something tugging inside of him… Something, which isn't necessarily any thing that has something to do with regret…
---Just sadness, pain and longing…
Should I seek him, would I find him,
With open arms and gay?
Should I hold him, would I keep him,
Forever in my arms to stay?
Their first class wasn't up until two hours later, but as Koshino turned the door to their room's handle, he could already make out the gorgeous form of Sendoh, as his friend sat lazily in one of the chairs with his head held back in his two hands crossed behind him like a pillow, while his feet propped up the respective desk of the chair he was seated on. Sendoh was wearing his trusty Discman, and as he had his eyes closed the whole time, Koshino realized Sendoh must have not known he had already arrived.
He sighed, and deftly closed the door behind him. He made his way towards his best friend, and without prior warning, yanked off the headphones off the man's ears, before he made himself comfortable on the nearest chair.
Sendoh didn't stir. Koshino had to blink twice, before it came to him that Sendoh was sleeping. There was this moment of indecision on his part whether he should wake his best friend or not… Frankly the latter option suited him, but the rational part of him told him to do the RIGHT thing… (Shee-yeah right!)
"Sendoh." nudge nudge "Oi! Hey, Sendoh…" The man in question stirred, Koshino held his breathe, and waited. Nothing. Sendoh is still asleep. He sighed.
Quietly, he contemplated whether he should really wake the man. Sendoh looked really tired--- must be because he called him over not half an hour ago, to meet him at school as early as six. The man was not supposed to wake up at least until 8:30--- as usual, late for school, but what the heck?
Besides, based on the small shadows forming from under the man's eyes, he seemed to have gone to sleep late. It must have something to do with the fact that his line was busy the whole night, and as early as 2 in the morning, Koshino still hadn't gotten through his phone. No need to ask what Sendoh must have been busy about…
A pang of jealousy suddenly shot up Koshino's heart. He frowned, before unceremoniously whacking his best friend awake. Sendoh woke up with a start, before he practically fell off the floor.
"Baka! Wake up, will ya?" Koshino's mood had abruptly dropped. Baka Rukawa
Sendoh blinked once... twice, before he yawned unsophisticatedly, stretching his arms wide in the air. Rubbing his hands in his eyes, he helped himself up groggily. "Yo, Kosh! G'morning!"
Koshino just grumbled at that. Sendoh raised his eyebrow. "Bad day, huh? Woke up at the wrong side of bed?"
No answer. Koshino continued his frown. He sighed, exasperatedly. "Okay, I give up. What's the matter?"
"Nothing."
Sendoh cocked an eyebrow at that. Yawning, he moved to rub the forming mixtures in his eye. "What? What'cha asked me to go' ere for then?" he gave another yawn, and his eyes drooped slightly.
Koshino did not respond, but he obviously tensed at the question. Giving furtive glances at the closed door, he was torn into scurrying off and dumping the idea of confession out of his system, or staying and having himself humiliated, embarrassed, stuttering and more or less rejected by his best friend. What would happen to them, anyway? If he speaks now, he may be creating the biggest hole in between their friendship--- everything's going to change… What if Sendoh decided that he was uncomfortable having him for a best friend, once the truth about his secret love for him is concealed? Surely, he wouldn't do that, but still… there will be the awkwardness, and unfamiliarity… Sendoh will totally think of him differently…
And… is it even worth it? For about the nth time, he would ask himself that, and every time he does, his conviction drops to a point that he was having second thoughts of everything…
Which is precisely what he is experiencing right then and there. Inwardly, he cursed his logic and pessimist nature… It's just that, he was not the type who was comfortable talking about things like love, and sickening romance… He was more of the 'love??? Don't make me sick!' type of person.
But still… there was this big difference between a hopeful confession and a resolved admission. Confessing is one thing. Letting go is another. And if he had lost his chance in confessing how he had felt for his bestfriend for years, at least he should make forgetting Akira easier on himself, by first learning how to admit his loss…
"Aki-Sendoh…?" Koshino looked down at the suddenly interesting floor, letting long strands of his bangs shield his eyes and as much of his face as possible. He fiddled with his fingers, nervously willing himself to speak now, before he loose his guts. "Sendoh?"
The man in question gave a distinct grunt.
Koshino took that as his cue. He took a deep breath, and begun a most heart-wrenching confession… "Sendoh, I kinda… I like you, okay? I've always… You don't know just how much…" he mumbled the words, and was barely successful in uttering them, but he was sure it was loud and clear enough for Sendoh to hear.
Another distinct sound.
From looking at the well-polished floor, Koshino had the urge to look up and see what his bestfriend was thinking about from his little indistinct speech, but fearing of what he might see in the cool depths of Sendoh's blue orbs for eyes, he kept his eyes nailed to the floor.
A deafening silence filled the room. For all this time, Koshino strained his ears for something--- anything short of a reply from his bestfriend, or possibly ex-bestfriend. Sendoh must hate him now, that even replying was out of the question… Koshino bit his lips, willing for the tears forming in his eyes to evaporate and disappear.
He could understand if Sendoh suddenly becomes indifferent towards him, but they can still be friends, right? I mean, he's still Koshino, even though Sendoh's impression on him would somehow change…
Unable to stand the silence any longer, Koshino found it necessary for him to break the ice. He bit his lower lip to stop them from trembling… "Sendoh, you may not feel the same way I do, but I don't mind… I won't harass you or anything. I just hope that you and I can still be friends. I mean nothing has to change, right?" His next words were uttered from his heart. "I just… I can't lose you---" Saying as much, Koshino found the courage he had been looking for, and looked up, his eyes reflecting just how much sincere he was with was he was saying.
What met his gaze was nothing short of unexpected…
Frankly, Koshino was expecting cool blue eyes looking at him with scorn, pity, disdain, indifference, hate, or love, even… But, what greeted him was both a relief and hurtful at the same time…
Koshino looked down back at the floor, torn between laughing and crying, and practically wanting to bang his head against any hard object at his disposal…
Baka!
He didn't know if he wanted to cry or laugh at the irony of the situation. There he was, Mr. 'Love? Don't make me sick', pouring his heart out, and practically dieing in the process from fear of rejection and hate, while the man of his dreams was just right in front of him, and what? He was fucking sleeping!
FuK!
Koshino could almost bang himself against the desk of his chair, were it not for the fact that he was already hurt as it is. No use hurting himself more…
Briefly, he had to smile wryly at the irony of fate, that the moment he found the courage to finally speak up, the man he was confessing into was deep in his sleep! How fucked up could he be?
Shaking his head, Koshino decided into not waking Sendoh up again. Inwardly, he decided that maybe it was a good thing Sendoh had been asleep all throughout his tirade. Remembering just how much it had hurt when he had thought of the possibility that Sendoh may hate him enough to not want to be his friend anymore, Koshino would be damned if he doesn't care to a point of suicidal.
He suddenly realized just how much Sendoh means to him…
He'd be damned if he does anything to destroy the friendship Sendoh had been willing to offer him--- just about the only thing Sendoh was willing to give him, actually…
That was when he came to the logical conclusion that he just can't do it…
If confessing would loose him his best friend and cause more pain than what he was supposedly trying to ease away from, he'd rather keep the secret to himself, and secretly hurt at the sight of Sendoh with another guy, than completely loose the best thing that happened to his life…
A martyr… Inwardly, he scoffed. Who knew he was such a bleeding martyr?
Helping himself up and off his chair, Koshino reached out a hand to caress Sendoh's smooth, porcelain face, before swooping his head low for a quick kiss on Sendoh's cheeks. Stepping away, he gave himself one last look at the sleeping figure, before exerting a lot of effort just to turn away and leave…
The moment Koshino had gone, Sendoh shifted slightly in his sleep, his face rested on the desk of his chair, with his two hands serving as his pillow. His head was tilted slightly, and as he shifted, he unconsciously raised a hand to touch a tingling spot in his cheeks, his lips forming into a small smile, mumbling words that sounded strangely like… "Hiro-kun…"
TBCAuthor's Notes:
Sorry if I cut this off. The fic was getting to be rather long. Please enjoy it anyway, and please don't forget to review.
Fic inspired by Ms. Shinri Ayase-chan's review, and dedicated to her. Thanks for your review.
This is also for Karin-chan. Thanks for beta-reading this, and thanks for the comments.
For the reviewers, thank you. And you're totally right on one thing: Koshino is soooooo cute!!!11
Please review!