To Mike: The cigarette-smokin' psychiatrist to my crazy-ass personality. Love you, sugar.
"How are the dreams now, Brad?"
"Fine, thank you, Doctor." Like you care, you stupid asshole. I could be sitting here screaming, ripping my hair out by the roots, and you'd light another cigarette and ask me if I was attracted to my mother.
"The drugs are helping, then?"
"Yes, doctor." Brad wrung his hands. They had been less frequent, but they'd still been pretty bad. His scream had awakened Jei, who had snuck into Brad's bed in the middle of the night. Somehow, the other two had slept through it.
"What's wrong?" Jei had whispered to him, looking frightened.
".. Bad dream."
"Was I in it?"
"...yes." Brad admitted softly.
"..what happened?"
The older man hesitated. "....Do you think that when you die, you'll feel pain?" Jei propped himself up on one elbow and cocked his head.
"I don't know." He said thoughtfully. It was one of the rare moments when he wasn't under the influence of the drugs they gave him. "Was that your dream?"
"Yes." Brad sounded pained. He hadn't felt this way towards another man, and wasn't sure if it was the insanity that was causing it. No. Stop that. You're not crazy. It's a mistake. You're not supposed to be here. It's a mistake. You should be back in your office... Why do you care about these nutcases? ".. Just forget it, Jei."
"... All right." Hurt flashed across the Irishman's face, and he'd gone back to bed..
Brad was snapped back into the reality of the doctor's office by the sound of a lighter flicking. Dr. Kudou would've asked the other man for help, but the last doctor had asked a patient and ended up as a Cajun specialty. Zing! Oh, god. He had to write a book. "Well, I have to say – you're showing a lot of improvement, and I think if you keep up the way you're going, you could be out of here in a couple of months."
His eyes lit up. "Really?" Of course! If he kept taking the meds, he could go back to his old life, and forget this hellhole. And that other life.. No. He wasn't crazy, and now they knew it! He felt as if he could kiss the doctor.. No- there was that whole 'kissing men' thing. He'd have to stop that, or they'd think he was crazy again.
"Yes." Dr. Kudou smiled and took a drag from his cigarette. "As long as you keep taking your meds, the visions should stay away.. I'm going to recommend that you be let back into society.. but I'd like you to keep seeing a psychiatrist, and maybe look into anger management courses."
"Yes.. of course.. "Anything. He'd do anything to get out of here. Maybe he'd even look up his wife.. ex-wife. No. Fuck her. The tramp. He'd get a new wife.. get a new house.. He felt happier than he did in years.
Brad left the office looking thrilled, practically skipping down the hallway. "Hell-o, Doctor Fujimiya!" He called cheerfully, causing the redheaded doctor to stop in his tracks.
".. Let me see your note, Mr. Crawford." Obligingly, he handed the note over, still humming. The doctor made a 'hm' noise, as doctors are prone to do. ".. All right. Go to your room."
He didn't even care. He was going to be out. Out of this place. He could wear a suit again, eat whatever he wanted.. Oh god.. no more cafeteria food. No plastic cutlery. He could go to bed whenever he wanted, and sleep alone. Maybe he'd even come back and visi--.. No. He wasn't coming back here. Ever. Nothing could possibly bring him back here again.
The others were on the couch again, except they looked relatively awake – a change from how they usually were when he got back from therapy. Jei looked up with a smile. "Waitin' for you to get back before I had me Skittles." He held out his open palm, with the five different pills in it, all different colors. "So I'm not groggy."
Brad managed a little smile. How different all of this seemed now, that he was almost a free man. "Go ahead, Jei."
"You look like you're in a good mood." Christian commented. "He fucked you, didn't he?"
Nagi giggled from his spot on the couch, his head on Christian's shoulder. Christian kissed the little one's forehead affectionately and grinned. Brad snorted, sitting on the bed and watching the Irishman take the pills. "Actually, I have good news."
"Oh?"
"The doctor says I can go soon. He said in a month, I could be out of here."
There was silence in the room, and then Jei stood up and walked to the barred window, closing his eyes. "... Congratulations." He murmured, in a thick voice. Nagi looked confused.
"..You're gonna leave us?"
Christian stood again, but he looked more angry than the other two. He began to pace quickly back and forth, cursing rapidly in German. "warum das Bumsen sollten Sie aus hier heraus und nicht gelassen werden wir!? Es ist nicht, goddamnit angemessen! Sie hatten ein vollkommenes Leben, und alle wir wurden rüber, Sie Bumsensuburbanite gebumst! Du Arschloch! Ich hoffe, daß Sie Durchlauf rüber durch einen fucking Bus erhalten, sobald Sie erhalten draußen!"
"...What did he say?" Brad asked Jei quietly, who just shook his head. Christian whirled around, glaring at him.
"I said.. 'Why the fuck should you be let out of here and not us!? It isn't fair, goddamnit! You had a perfect life, and all of us were fucked over, you fucking suburbanite! Fuck you! I hope you get run over by a fucking bus as soon as you get outside!', asshole. You don't care about us!"
".. I.. I do!"
"You're not coming back to visit." He stared into Brad's eyes with such a fiery gaze that the older man had to look away. Jei's shoulders slumped, and Nagi's eyes widened.
".. You're not?"
"Of course he isn't, Nagi." Christian said sarcastically. "He's not crazy."
".. I'm not."
"Right." The redhead muttered. "C'mon, Nagi. Jei.. We'll go play cards."
"How's your head?" The little one asked softly. Christian shrugged, and left the room. It was just Brad and Jei left in the room now.
"I thought we were a team." Jei murmured.
"Oh, for God's sakes.. none of that's real, Jei! It's just.. stupid stories."
"It felt real to you at the time. You seem awfully quick to debunk it."
"What the fuck do you know? At least I didn't try to kill my family, you goddamned nutcase!" Brad snapped. As soon as it was out of his mouth, he regretted saying it. Without another word, the silver-haired boy strode to his bed and climbed into it. Brad tried to apologize, but he didn't get an answer. ".. Jei.."
The room was silent, except for quavered breathing in the bed on the other side of the room. Brad sighed softly and turned the TV back on to CNN. He'd get an idea on what stocks to buy.. He'd remake his fortune. Why should he care if he insulted a crazy kid?
....well, that crazy kid had been his friend. But he'd make better friends. Team? Hah. He didn't need them.
True to Dr. Kudou's word, Brad's release papers were signed a month later, and that very day, he was getting ready to leave. Jei hadn't said a single word to him in that month, and good riddance. He could do better. He could do a lot better.
A shout from the kitchen startled him, and he sighed.. God.. He couldn't wait to be away from this place.. Nagi skidded up to the desk. "Come quick!" He cried, grabbing the doctor's arm.
".. Nagi?" Brad felt a tugging at his stomach. This felt so real.. Déjà vu.. No. Just an odd feeling, that's all. Nagi shot him a look and ran off again.. Brad couldn't help it. He chased after the younger boy, stopping short in his tracks. "... Oh god." He starred in horror, mouth agape. "...It came true."
Jei was lying on the ground of the dining room in a pool of blood, trembling with Christian and Nagi trying to get him to stay awake. Masafumi Takatori was screaming at the dying boy while doctors tried to hold him down and sedate him. One of the other doctors dressed the wound, but had already told the others that the knife had gone too deep.
Masafumi had gotten angry when Jei had touched his hand earlier by accident.. The Irishman was reaching for a spoon when their hands had brushed together. No one touched him. They weren't allowed. He had to die. He snuck into the kitchen, punched out the guard there, and stole a knife.. He drove it into Jei's stomach before anyone could stop him.
Nagi wept softly, holding Jei's hand, while Christian was holding back the urge to snap Masafumi's neck. One member of their family was leaving and another was almost dead.
".. Jei.." Brad whispered, sinking to his knees. He knew the blood was staining his clothes, but didn't care. Two sleepy gold eyes turned towards him, and a smile played across the blood-tinted lips.
"... You were right.." He whispered. "..Didn't hurt."
"Jei, just hang on.."
"W.. we're both getting out today.. W..we're leaving together.."
Brad felt the tears streaming down his cheeks, and Christian's hateful gaze, but ignored them both, kissing Jei's lips gently. "Yes.. we are." He smiled sadly. Jei gave a little sigh and began to slump in Christian's arms. "I.. love you."
Jei murmured ".. love .. you." Before closing his eyes one last time. Brad shook his head.. God, no.. why did this have to be the first one to come true? He let go of Jei's hand, already noticing that the skin was getting colder.. The doctors made all the other patients leave, and escorted Brad out of the building.
Brad was in shock, and could barely speak to tell the cab driver where to go. He was staying at a hotel for the night, and then to see his parents.. Hopefully, they'd be happy to see him.. But he couldn't think. Jei was dead.
He sank onto the hotel bed and began to sob softly, burying his face in his hands – the scent of his friend's.. his lover's blood still on them. It felt like he'd be smelling Jei's blood for the rest of his life.
With trembling fingers, he opened the bottle of pills in his suitcase. Plans change.. He took a glass of water from the bathroom and started the task of swallowing all of the pills in the bottle. Slowly, they began to take affect, and before his heart stopped, he whispered 'Farfarello..'.
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Farfie opened his eyes sleepily and grumbled at being woken up. ".. What the hell, Brad?" He muttered. Brad Crawford reached for his glasses and sighed.".. I just had the weirdest dream.."