Whisper
by Britta
The afternoon of April 14th was magnificently sunny and Thomas Andrews, the shipbuilder himself, was guiding Rose, her fiancé Cal and her mother Ruth through several part of the Titanic, revealing the most interesting information. The tour had been appealing so far yet unsettling and worrying. Even though Rose seemed to be the only one who was feeling that way.
The concern had started at the bridge section. Captain Smith had been presenting facts and details and giving explanations when some crew member had handed him an ice warning, "another ice warning" as the young man had uttered and he had sounded as if this was the most normal thing in the world. The others hadn't even bothered to show the slightest worried reaction, obviously their firm confidence in Titanic which was based on the public statement that the ship was unsinkable calmed them. Rose, however, had never supported this belief. The tense expression on her face must have been very evident since the Captain had given her a reassuring smile. "Oh, not to worry," he had said. "It's quite normal for this time of year. Quite normal? Rose's rational sense had told her something different. Maybe icebergs were quite normal for this time of the year, but that didn't lessen the potential danger, did it?
Now as they were walking along the boat deck Rose reacted to Mr. Andrews´ mention of the boat capacity. There weren't enough seats for everyone aboard, that was for sure. He assured her though that Titanic was safe enough, but Rose's anxious feeling didn't subside. Mr. Andrews was walking ahead of her and she stayed some steps behind, still occupied with her thoughts. Once again the familiar feeling of being all alone in the world overcame her. Mr. Andrews was a nice man, but unfortunately this man, whom Rose liked to picture as a father figure, didn't belong to her life. Considering her folks, the well-known dispirited sentiment arose inside. Cal didn't even notice her concern, as he didn't notice anything about her, except for her looks. It seemed as if nothing in the world could make him step out the glamorous, carefree bubble he was living in.
Jack was so utterly different. Jack…Rose's heart was beating faster at the thought of him. Images of the previous night filled her mind, the memories of him giving her a hand kiss, of him dragging her onto the dance floor, holding her tightly, of him listening to her and understanding her and making her experience things she would never have thought possible. Now here she was, back where she was meant to be, feeling as if nothing had happened. Rose knew she couldn't cling to something that was so much out of reach, still she didn't want to let go of the man who had made her forget her misery at least for one night.
Catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one's here and I fall into myself
With a heavy sigh Rose was walking a few steps behind Mr. Andrews who was leading them towards the stern, but just as she was about to rejoin her group, she felt someone gripping her arm from the back and she turned around with a gasp. Jack was standing in front of her, motioning to her to be silent and to follow him. His presence filled her with warmth, a feeling which seized her every time he was around, yet she was shocked and scared. Rose couldn't believe that he was actually there, grasping her hand and leading her towards a door nearby. She glanced back and to her relief she saw that nobody had noticed anything. Jack held open the door and Rose entered the hall. It was the gymnasium, the room they had visited just a few minutes before. Jack followed her and closed the door, stepping up to Rose who was staring at him with a mixture of joy, shock and sadness. Looking at her expectantly, he took off his elegant hat. For a second Rose wondered where he had gotten the graceful clothes from, the long, black coat he was wearing definitely looked like first class. But this didn't matter at this very moment. This just wasn't right, they shouldn't be here, all alone. Rose knew that and she fought the part of her which wanted Jack to be here.
"Jack," she began, nervously fiddling with her fingers. "This is impossible. I can't see you."
This truth drives me
Into madness
"I need to talk to you," Jack urged, gently grabbing her arm as she was trying to walk back to the door. Rose leaned against the frosted glass window, looking up at him sadly. How could she not want to talk to him, how could she not want him to be around, watching her with his wonderful eyes, giving her the feeling that he truly cared? He was so attracting and he made her realize that there was something beyond her desolation. Or someone?
I know I can stop the pain
If I will it all away
If I will it all away
But at the same time, Rose was just scared. What was she even thinking? They had to stop whatever there was developing between them, once and for all. Couldn't he understand that she not even ought to be in the same room with him, let along being all alone with him? He had saved her life and she would be forever thankful, but he standing so close to her now, making her heart beat faster once again, this was just inappropriate.
"No, Jack, no", she uttered desperately, trying to avoid his penetrating gaze. Closing her eyes briefly, she finally managed to lift her head and look deeply into his eyes.
"Jack, I'm engaged. I'm marrying Cal. I love Cal." She hoped her voice sounded convincing to him. To herself it didn't. Speaking the words out loud made it all so horribly final. She was engaged. She would marry some filthy rich man whom she didn't even really know. But on the other hand, what did she know about Jack?
Her last statement made her shudder slightly, Rose didn't quite believe what she had said. She had never imagined she would even think those words ever in her life. She didn't love him, but that didn't matter. It wasn't about love.
Jack didn't believe a word of what she was saying. Sighing slightly, he tried to suppress an amused smile. Did she truly think he would believe her desperate lies just to make him turn around and leave forever? He had asked her once if she loved "him", she had never answered the question, in fact, she had tried her utmost to prevent the conversation.
This here wasn't the Rose he knew. This was a frightened little girl, trapped in the wrong world. Jack could see people and he could tell that Rose was very much struggling to sound credible, yet he knew she was lying, lying straight into his face at this very moment. He had known her for merely three days, but he had seen enough of her to realize that her frantic attempt to lie was nothing but a poor effort to do what she thought was right to do. Jack, however, knew that she was far from doing the right thing.
Don't turn away
Don't give in to the pain
Don't try to hide
Though they're screaming your name
Taking a deep breath, he smiled slightly at her.
"Rose, you're no picnic," he began, his voice holding the most sincere tone Rose had ever heard.
"You're a spoiled little brat even. But under that you're the most amazingly astounding, wonderful girl…woman that I've ever known and…."
Jack was struggling with his words, somehow he was wondering if he wasn't maybe being too straightforward. He was pouring his heart out to her, just like she had poured hers out to him, making her realize what he thought of her, what his true feelings for her were. The bewildered, touched and scared expression on Rose's face made him stop for a moment. She was trying to get away from him, his honesty was obviously too overwhelming for her. Living in her fake world, she wasn't used to truthfulness.
"Jack, I…" Rose was shaking her head at him and Jack had to grasp her arm in order to make her stay.
"No, wait," he urged, keeping her in place and she sighed, looking up at him. Jack let go of her, nervously running a hand through his hair.
Rose, Rose…can't you see how wonderful you are? Can't you see who you truly are deep inside?
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
Don't turn out the light
Never sleep never die
He had witnessed her true self. And his heart was breaking at the thought of her imminent decline, the decline only she could prevent if only she was aware of it.
He had to reveal the truth to her, making her realize the peril she was in, making her see what she was apparently not able or not willing to see.
"Let me try to get this out. You're ama...," his voice trailed off. Not really knowing if he should let her know of his feelings for her, he was trying to think of another way. He was eager to make her see that he truly cared about her.
"I'm not an idiot," he continued. "I know how the world works. I got ten bucks in my pocket and I have nothing to offer you and I know that. I understand…."
Heaving a sigh, Jack swallowed hard as he was struggling to put his plea into words. This was so maddening. He was an honest person from the bottom of his heart and at this moment he couldn't simply confess his affection for this amazing woman standing right in front of him. Just the thought of Rose being with a low class roamer like him was beyond his imagination, but at least he had to push her and give her the courage to save herself.
"But I'm too involved now. You jump, I jump, remember? I can't turn away without knowing you'll be alright."
Rose, you are unbelievable, I'm completely under your spell. You don't have to feel the same way about me, but I beseech you, save yourself before it's too late! I can help you, if you let me, just do the right thing, Rose. Do the right thing.
"That's all that I want," he finished, lowering his voice. In reality, that wasn't ALL he wanted, but he couldn't presume to expect more from Rose. Her happiness meant everything to him and he refused to let her spirit be crumbled.
For a moment, Rose wasn't able to do anything but staring up at the man who was standing right in front of her. Jack's frankness utterly overwhelmed her and she was wondering what she might have done to deserve anyone's concern, to deserve that someone like Jack was worried about her. You jump, I jump.
When she had been hanging off the back of Titanic, Rose had silently made up her mind. She had chosen to give in to her fate, no matter what. Being born into a society like this required certain duties, so what choices did she have? Rebelling against her destiny? What a childish illusion.
I'm frightened by what I see
But somehow I know that there's much more to come
And then Jack had stepped into her life and set her in awe. Whatever there was in store for her in her miserable future, Rose would be forever grateful for having met him. He had shown her that there was something beyond all her misery, leaving her in complete amazement and admiration, and now that she was standing here, listening to his indirect confession of his affection for her, she was still not able to believe that there was someone in this world who truly cared for her. She felt he wasn't just showing his sympathy, she felt he actually, actually cared.
She was hardly breathing and a sudden urge to embrace him was quickly replaced by the image of her soon-to-be-husband. Caledon Hockley, sitting opposite to her at the table, glaring her silently and then exploding in a violent outburst. Rose was involuntarily shivering at the memory and she swallowed nervously.
Immobilized by my fear
And soon to be blinded by tears
Jack, don't do this. It's just hopeless, I don't have a choice. You are the most amazing person I've ever known, but what are you expecting from me? What are you even saying? You can't turn away without knowing I'll be alright? How can I ever be alright considering my life? But tell me, what can I do?
I can stop the pain
If I will it all away
If I will it all away
However, Jack was right. How could he know her so well after only three days? Rose was spoilt, nevertheless there was another side, her true side containing a wild, natural sprit which Jack had made come to the surface. The longer she was reconsidering Jack's words, the longer she was thinking about the wonderful time they had spent together the more desperate she became. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't just be standing here, sensing Jack's affection and concern.
"Well, I'm fine," she uttered, her voice almost cracking. Taking a deep breath, she made every effort to sound persuasive.
"I'll be fine. Really."
Jack's gaze on her nearly made Rose regret her words. He was looking completely unaffected and skeptical, her attempt to give him assurance had failed. She was lying to him again. This knowledge filled him with frustration, but above all it made him just want to take her hand and run away with her, run away from everything what caused Rose's weakness, her soreness and her desolation.
Don't turn away
Don't give in to the pain
Don't try to hide
Though they're screaming your name
Jack had to take her away from the source of her sorrow, otherwise she wouldn't survive much longer.
"Really?" he asked, not even expecting a truthful answer. Rose was just too scared. He could tell that she was struggling to fight back the tears from her eyes what made his heart ache even more. God, she was so desperate.
"I don't think so."
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
Don't turn out the light
Never sleep never die
"They've got you trapped, Rose," he exclaimed suddenly, penetratingly emphasizing every single word. Rose's facial expression revealed her most inner commotion. Making every effort to remain composed, she struggled to suppress her tears which were threatening to run down her cheeks now more than ever before. Jack was so right and she knew it. Hearing the harsh truth being spoken out loudly made her want to break down completely for that seemed to be her only option. Breaking down or somehow trying to adjust and adapt to her situation. Either way, her life and her very spirit would expire.
"And you're gonna to die if you don't break free, maybe not right away because you're strong, but…," Jack continued vehemently, the words coming out in a rush. Jack was very well aware of the merciless effect of his forthrightness, but he felt this was the only way to appeal to her reason.
Lowering his voice, he leaned slightly forward, placing a trembling hand on her cheek.
"…Sooner or later that fire that I love about you, Rose, that fire is gonna burn out."
If Rose hadn't exactly known how to conceal her emotions due to her upbringing, she would have certainly given in to the impulse to burst into tears. Swallowing hard, she stifled a sob, nevertheless she felt that there were some tears in her eyes and she didn't really bother to hide them. Jack was standing in front of her, urgently begging her to abandon her complete previous existence. It was so unbelievable. There was this man, coming out of nowhere into her life, who was able to distinguish her very soul with literally one glance and who, like no one else in the world, knew what she was missing and what she needed. Desperately fighting against her weeping, Rose silently admitted that Jack was right. He was so right with everything he was saying that the truth felt like a slap in the face.
Fallen angels at my feet
Whispered voices at my ear
Death before my eyes
Lying next to me I fear
He was begging her to leave her whole world, her surroundings, her life background. Did he actually believe that she had that much strength? Did he have so much faith in her, did he really believe in her? Rose was so utterly overwhelmed, not only by his plea, but also by the fact that there was someone on earth who truly, truly cared about her. And, beyond all doubt, she did care about him. The previous three days had seemed like some kind of magnificent dream to her, and Jack…Jack was like everything she had ever wished for. And here he was at this very moment, gazing at her, his rough yet gentle hand on her cheek, beseeching her to break free and run off. For what? For something completely unknown. For something she couldn't assess. Break free and run off. For what? For who? For herself. And with the person who made her feel like a human being.
All of a sudden, Rose's vision became blurry as images of the world she was living in flashed through her mind like a warning sign of God. Images of shallow, depraved, rotten Caledon Hockley who made her inner void increase with every word he said, every gesture he showed. Images of her mother, tying her corset, forcing her into a moral impasse.
She beckons me
Shall I give in
Upon my end shall I begin
Forsaking all I've fallen for
I rise to meet the end
Rose was struggling to talk herself into believing that Jack was nothing but a nice and welcome change, even though she knew that was as far away from the truth as it could be. He wasn't only her rescuer, he was so much more than that. But her socialization told her something different.
And once and for all, Rose knew her fate was sealed. Who did she think she was? How could she even take another life into consideration, a life that didn't contain luxury, opulence or financial welfare? 17 High Society years had shaped her and she had to fulfill her duties, doing what she was meant to do and being where she was meant to be.
Her eyes traveling up and down Jack's form, she realized the elegant coat again and her conclusion hit her with an intense pang. Wherever he had gotten it from, there was no doubt that he wouldn't even be here without it. That was one of the deplorable traits of her civilization. Judging people by their outward appearance.
How entirely different their worlds were. How entirely impossible for her to cross the threshold to his one, forever.
"It's not up to you to save me, Jack," she heard herself say, the words being painful to get out. She could hardly look up into his eyes, let alone take a breath. He was watching her seriously, his own breath becoming shallow.
"You're right," he replied and his voice was barely louder than a whisper.
"Only you can do that."
He leaned forward, closer to her. He could see she was fighting back her tears, his heart breaking at the sight.
Rose; Rose…don't cry. I know you are desperate and I know you are afraid, but there's no need to be afraid. I'm right here, you're not alone. You can go anywhere you choose to go. Just don't let them destroy you.
Rose began to tremble. Feeling Jack's hand resting on her, his thumb tenderly caressing her cheek, his warm breath on her face and his eyes wandering from her eyes to her lips and back was simply too overwhelming. She could tell he would kiss her and she wouldn't stop him, if she didn't stay away from him now. Putting her shaking hand on his one, she finally made him let go of her.
It was useless. It was hopeless. He was asking too much. Rose had to leave him, forever. She had to stop clinging to her childish, silly wishes.
"I'm going back," she breathed, still panting. "Leave me alone."
Don't turn away
Don't give in to the pain
Don't try to hide
Though they're screaming your name
She managed to tear herself off his endearing presence, turning towards the door.
I'm so sorry, Jack. But I can't do this. Farewell. Farewell.
She was sobbing as she opened the door and closed it behind her. And then she was gone. Just like that.
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
Don't turn out the light
Never sleep never die
Heaving a sigh, Jack leaned his forehead against the window, agonizingly watching her disappearing form through the frosted glass. He had felt obliged to help her out, desperate to make her see that there was a way out of her misery that did not imply jumping off the back of a ship. But he had failed.
Don't turn away
Don't give in to the pain
Don't try to hide
Though they're screaming your name
Now she was returning her world, her small-minded society, until she would wilt and die. She had made her decision, even though Jack had been able see her inner struggle. Her frantic fight based on her uncertainty and her fear.
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
Don't turn out the light
Never sleep never die
All the time Jack had refused to give up on her since he knew that underneath her masquerade of a perfectly composed, reserved First Class woman she was yearning for something else. And he was the one who could give it to her.
Don't turn away
Don't give in to the pain
Don't try to hide
Though they're screaming your name
Please Rose, whatever there is in store for you, whatever they're doing to you, just keep yourself alive. Don't let them ruin your spirit, don't let them devastate your dignity.
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
Don't turn out the light
Never sleep never die
Save yourself from the imminent decline.
Servatis a pereculum
Servatis a maleficum
The End
Song: Evanescence - Whisper