"Hey..."
It was uncanny. They'd spent so much time together since she'd come on board the ship, just days after Neo's first visit to Zion, that he had started to pick up on her when she entered the room, no matter how quietly she entered it.
"Hey."
Solace sat down in one of the chairs, straddling in it, not laying down or making any move to jack in. Tank turned around and watched her, no need to watch the screens if she wasn't going to be in the Matrix. He waited politely for her to start up some topic of conversation, simply watched her when she said nothing. Over the past three months they had grown closer in a sort of working rapport, which mitigated most of the discomfort in the silence that now pervaded the room. Most, but not all.
"Are you okay?" he asked finally.
She sighed and leaned back in the chair, closing her eyes. "Sort of."
Tank let it stand there for a while, turning instead to his computer monitors and pretending to scan Agent activity, see if there was anything interesting in the area. They hadn't had a run-in for a little while, but they weren't yet overdue for a squidee or an Agent, so he wasn't too worried.
She still wasn't talking, and she hadn't fallen asleep. He sighed. "Sol... what's up? Really. You and Smith have a fight or something?" A hint of a smile turned up the corners of his lips. "Lover's quarrel."
"Hey, we haven't..." she sat up, opened her eyes, and then realized what Tank had tricked her into implying. "Does everyone on this damn ship know what's going on, or is it just me?"
He chuckled. "It's just you. At least, I don't know who else you've told. You unplugged people seem to forget that the operators are always... well, almost always watching. You guys can't do much without one of us seeing what's going on. I've tried not to look in on the more private parts of what you guys have been doing, but..." he shrugged a little self-consciously, uncomfortable with the thought of being a voyeur.
Solace lay back and thought about it for several moments. Finally she sighed. "So how long have you known?"
"Longer than you, from the way you've been acting," he chuckled, and she rolled her eyes at him indignantly.
"Oh, come on."
"No, really. You think I haven't been watching you two all this time and not noticed? Tell me, were you fighting it, or was it just denial?"
She sighed. "A little of both. I don't know."
"Uh-huh."
"Dammit, it's supposed to be impossible! Physically impossible!"
"Sol, honey, emotions don't have anything to do with what's physically possible or not. They just happen. Even to Ais, apparently."
She snorted and curled up on her side, her back to him. "Yeah. Yeah, my experiment was a resounding success."
"Then why don't you sound too happy about it?"
She flipped over, lay there quietly for a minute. "I don't know what to do. It's not like this is anything I can ask someone else about... it's not like anyone else has been in this situation before."
"What, in love?"
"No!" It was half a scream, half a wail. She must have worried that someone had heard her, because she didn't say anything for several minutes and then when she began to speak again, she did so in a much quieter voice. "No. Not just in love, in love with an Agent. A ... well, a ... particularly... psychotic Agent. A self-admitted obsessive Agent. And one who's been kicked out of the system, no less."
Tank sighed, walked over and knelt down next to her. "You know, you really should stop focusing on the whole Agent part. It's just not healthy."
She smiled weakly. "It's not healthy to be in love with an Agent either. I don't know..."
"Why you bother?"
"Yeah."
Another sigh. He took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. "Sol, honey, you've got to stop obsessing over the Agent thing. You've proved your experiment right and you don't even know it."
She blinked. "What are you talking about? I know..."
He shook his head. "No, you don't... well, you know but you don't see. Your experiment is a success. The Agents have feelings, they have emotions, they're not that different from us. That's what you're in love with, honey. You're in love with Smith, you're not in love with an Agent. What he is doesn't matter, it's who he is."
She stared at him with eyes that were wide and more frightened than he would have expected. It was as though the thought that she could be right, or at least not as psychologically disturbed as she wanted to believe she was, terrified her. It was almost as though she didn't want to be in love with the elusive Agent Smith, and he couldn't really blame her. He wouldn't want to pioneer that kind of revolution either, not in the culture into which she had been thrown and by which she had been assimilated.
"But..."
Tank sighed. She could be more stubborn than Trinity sometimes. "Do you love him?"
Solace looked down, twisting the ends of her hair in her fingers. "Yes."
He squeezed her hand again. "Do you think he loves you?"
She bit her lip and was silent. It was, after all, the harder question. "I don't know."
Tank smiled gently. "Might want to talk to him about it, then."
She smiled, still weakly, but starting to relax. "How the hell did you get to be so smart?" she teased, squeezing his hand back to show that she was trying to be more at ease with herself, to come to terms with the events of the past three months.
"A long life." He grinned, but something must have shown in his voice. She sat up.
"Tank?"
He grimaced. "It's nothing."
She wasn't buying it, which he had rather expected. If she was perceptive enough to detect and deal with emotions in Agent Smith, she was undoubtedly perceptive enough to be able to tell that something was wrong with him. "Nothing my cute little butt. What's going on?" Pause. Two plus two... where there was smoke... she made the connection. "You've been avoiding the others almost as much as I have."
He shrugged. "You're not the only one who's got a secret, I guess." Hoping she would leave it at that.
She frowned. "May I ask?"
"Sure..." he sighed. At least she had asked first. Sort of.
"What kind of a secret?"
"It's not..." Deep breath. "Not nearly as happy as yours." Easier to show than tell, he supposed. The shirt peeled away from his skin, taking dried blood and dead skin with it. Not as much as it had, which was both a bad and a good sign. She gasped.
"Oh my god..." Her fingers reached out almost of their own accord and traced the angry red lines, so dark they were purplish black, that showed out in stark relief on his skin. The burn on his side, still clotting and breaking and re-clotting in the middle, was the nexus point. The lines were tracing down his legs by now, and around his waist to his back. It was a miracle they had taken as long as they had to reach his heart. He'd felt himself growing weaker by the day, and although he'd never really thought about it before he was suddenly glad he didn't have to go into the Matrix, couldn't have even if he'd wanted to. His time was almost up, and he knew it.
"Been like that ever since..." Their hands clenched around each other. Neither of them wanted to talk about that day.
"Blood poisoning?"
He nodded. "Slow but sure. I talked to some of the medics in Zion the last time we were there, but no one had anything for it... not this much, this quick. It started fast and... I don't know. I've hung in there as long as I could..." his voice started to crack, despite his best efforts, "But I don't think it's going to be much longer."
"Oh god..." she reached around gingerly to hug him as he pulled his shirt back down, hiding the wounds even though there was no point. "Tank... I'm so sorry."
"It'll be okay," he murmured, meaningless platitudes that even he knew were cold comfort. "I've had a while to come to terms with it."
Solace leaned back and stared at him. "And you haven't told anyone?"
"They'd just make a fuss, make a bigger deal than I can handle right now. I've taken care of just about everything... Cass and Zee will be okay. And you'll get a good operator when I finally kick it..."
She smiled gently. "Not as wise as you, though. I'll have to muddle through this whole messy business on my own. You have to wait at least till I've figured out what to do. I won't let you go until then." Her voice was full of childlike stubbornness, enthusiasm, caring, but her eyes were serious and worried. He smiled, trying to reassure her with an ease he didn't feel.
"Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere till I see you safely settled down with your Agent Smith." He gave her a brotherly kiss on the nose, as he'd done to Zee when she was small. His mind flickered back to those days, missing them with a sudden intensity that left tears in his eyes.
Solace smiled, but it was tremulous, and he could see her blue-green eyes watering too. "You better not. You're going to have to be best man, 'cause the rest of everyone's going to have a heart attack."
"What about other Agents? Shouldn't Smith get to pick the best man?" He managed to say it with a straight face, although the idea was causing hysterical giggles to bubble up inside him.
"I guess. D'you think Trinity would look good in pink?" Solace blinked owlishly at him. "I was thinking about having peach and pink for my bridesmaids."
They stared at each other for a second, pondering the ludicrous idea, and then burst into giggles. The giggles spiraled up into hysterical laughter, until they were collapsed in each others arms with tears of mirth rather than sadness leaking from their eyes. The simple human contact, as often as they had the opportunity for it in the past few days... few months... was somehow reassuring. The lack of any ties, any bonds or obligations except the ones they took willingly on themselves, was a relief. They laughed until they could laugh no more, and then they cried until the tears were gone. For a moment, at least, they could share secrets, and be comforted by them.
It was uncanny. They'd spent so much time together since she'd come on board the ship, just days after Neo's first visit to Zion, that he had started to pick up on her when she entered the room, no matter how quietly she entered it.
"Hey."
Solace sat down in one of the chairs, straddling in it, not laying down or making any move to jack in. Tank turned around and watched her, no need to watch the screens if she wasn't going to be in the Matrix. He waited politely for her to start up some topic of conversation, simply watched her when she said nothing. Over the past three months they had grown closer in a sort of working rapport, which mitigated most of the discomfort in the silence that now pervaded the room. Most, but not all.
"Are you okay?" he asked finally.
She sighed and leaned back in the chair, closing her eyes. "Sort of."
Tank let it stand there for a while, turning instead to his computer monitors and pretending to scan Agent activity, see if there was anything interesting in the area. They hadn't had a run-in for a little while, but they weren't yet overdue for a squidee or an Agent, so he wasn't too worried.
She still wasn't talking, and she hadn't fallen asleep. He sighed. "Sol... what's up? Really. You and Smith have a fight or something?" A hint of a smile turned up the corners of his lips. "Lover's quarrel."
"Hey, we haven't..." she sat up, opened her eyes, and then realized what Tank had tricked her into implying. "Does everyone on this damn ship know what's going on, or is it just me?"
He chuckled. "It's just you. At least, I don't know who else you've told. You unplugged people seem to forget that the operators are always... well, almost always watching. You guys can't do much without one of us seeing what's going on. I've tried not to look in on the more private parts of what you guys have been doing, but..." he shrugged a little self-consciously, uncomfortable with the thought of being a voyeur.
Solace lay back and thought about it for several moments. Finally she sighed. "So how long have you known?"
"Longer than you, from the way you've been acting," he chuckled, and she rolled her eyes at him indignantly.
"Oh, come on."
"No, really. You think I haven't been watching you two all this time and not noticed? Tell me, were you fighting it, or was it just denial?"
She sighed. "A little of both. I don't know."
"Uh-huh."
"Dammit, it's supposed to be impossible! Physically impossible!"
"Sol, honey, emotions don't have anything to do with what's physically possible or not. They just happen. Even to Ais, apparently."
She snorted and curled up on her side, her back to him. "Yeah. Yeah, my experiment was a resounding success."
"Then why don't you sound too happy about it?"
She flipped over, lay there quietly for a minute. "I don't know what to do. It's not like this is anything I can ask someone else about... it's not like anyone else has been in this situation before."
"What, in love?"
"No!" It was half a scream, half a wail. She must have worried that someone had heard her, because she didn't say anything for several minutes and then when she began to speak again, she did so in a much quieter voice. "No. Not just in love, in love with an Agent. A ... well, a ... particularly... psychotic Agent. A self-admitted obsessive Agent. And one who's been kicked out of the system, no less."
Tank sighed, walked over and knelt down next to her. "You know, you really should stop focusing on the whole Agent part. It's just not healthy."
She smiled weakly. "It's not healthy to be in love with an Agent either. I don't know..."
"Why you bother?"
"Yeah."
Another sigh. He took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. "Sol, honey, you've got to stop obsessing over the Agent thing. You've proved your experiment right and you don't even know it."
She blinked. "What are you talking about? I know..."
He shook his head. "No, you don't... well, you know but you don't see. Your experiment is a success. The Agents have feelings, they have emotions, they're not that different from us. That's what you're in love with, honey. You're in love with Smith, you're not in love with an Agent. What he is doesn't matter, it's who he is."
She stared at him with eyes that were wide and more frightened than he would have expected. It was as though the thought that she could be right, or at least not as psychologically disturbed as she wanted to believe she was, terrified her. It was almost as though she didn't want to be in love with the elusive Agent Smith, and he couldn't really blame her. He wouldn't want to pioneer that kind of revolution either, not in the culture into which she had been thrown and by which she had been assimilated.
"But..."
Tank sighed. She could be more stubborn than Trinity sometimes. "Do you love him?"
Solace looked down, twisting the ends of her hair in her fingers. "Yes."
He squeezed her hand again. "Do you think he loves you?"
She bit her lip and was silent. It was, after all, the harder question. "I don't know."
Tank smiled gently. "Might want to talk to him about it, then."
She smiled, still weakly, but starting to relax. "How the hell did you get to be so smart?" she teased, squeezing his hand back to show that she was trying to be more at ease with herself, to come to terms with the events of the past three months.
"A long life." He grinned, but something must have shown in his voice. She sat up.
"Tank?"
He grimaced. "It's nothing."
She wasn't buying it, which he had rather expected. If she was perceptive enough to detect and deal with emotions in Agent Smith, she was undoubtedly perceptive enough to be able to tell that something was wrong with him. "Nothing my cute little butt. What's going on?" Pause. Two plus two... where there was smoke... she made the connection. "You've been avoiding the others almost as much as I have."
He shrugged. "You're not the only one who's got a secret, I guess." Hoping she would leave it at that.
She frowned. "May I ask?"
"Sure..." he sighed. At least she had asked first. Sort of.
"What kind of a secret?"
"It's not..." Deep breath. "Not nearly as happy as yours." Easier to show than tell, he supposed. The shirt peeled away from his skin, taking dried blood and dead skin with it. Not as much as it had, which was both a bad and a good sign. She gasped.
"Oh my god..." Her fingers reached out almost of their own accord and traced the angry red lines, so dark they were purplish black, that showed out in stark relief on his skin. The burn on his side, still clotting and breaking and re-clotting in the middle, was the nexus point. The lines were tracing down his legs by now, and around his waist to his back. It was a miracle they had taken as long as they had to reach his heart. He'd felt himself growing weaker by the day, and although he'd never really thought about it before he was suddenly glad he didn't have to go into the Matrix, couldn't have even if he'd wanted to. His time was almost up, and he knew it.
"Been like that ever since..." Their hands clenched around each other. Neither of them wanted to talk about that day.
"Blood poisoning?"
He nodded. "Slow but sure. I talked to some of the medics in Zion the last time we were there, but no one had anything for it... not this much, this quick. It started fast and... I don't know. I've hung in there as long as I could..." his voice started to crack, despite his best efforts, "But I don't think it's going to be much longer."
"Oh god..." she reached around gingerly to hug him as he pulled his shirt back down, hiding the wounds even though there was no point. "Tank... I'm so sorry."
"It'll be okay," he murmured, meaningless platitudes that even he knew were cold comfort. "I've had a while to come to terms with it."
Solace leaned back and stared at him. "And you haven't told anyone?"
"They'd just make a fuss, make a bigger deal than I can handle right now. I've taken care of just about everything... Cass and Zee will be okay. And you'll get a good operator when I finally kick it..."
She smiled gently. "Not as wise as you, though. I'll have to muddle through this whole messy business on my own. You have to wait at least till I've figured out what to do. I won't let you go until then." Her voice was full of childlike stubbornness, enthusiasm, caring, but her eyes were serious and worried. He smiled, trying to reassure her with an ease he didn't feel.
"Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere till I see you safely settled down with your Agent Smith." He gave her a brotherly kiss on the nose, as he'd done to Zee when she was small. His mind flickered back to those days, missing them with a sudden intensity that left tears in his eyes.
Solace smiled, but it was tremulous, and he could see her blue-green eyes watering too. "You better not. You're going to have to be best man, 'cause the rest of everyone's going to have a heart attack."
"What about other Agents? Shouldn't Smith get to pick the best man?" He managed to say it with a straight face, although the idea was causing hysterical giggles to bubble up inside him.
"I guess. D'you think Trinity would look good in pink?" Solace blinked owlishly at him. "I was thinking about having peach and pink for my bridesmaids."
They stared at each other for a second, pondering the ludicrous idea, and then burst into giggles. The giggles spiraled up into hysterical laughter, until they were collapsed in each others arms with tears of mirth rather than sadness leaking from their eyes. The simple human contact, as often as they had the opportunity for it in the past few days... few months... was somehow reassuring. The lack of any ties, any bonds or obligations except the ones they took willingly on themselves, was a relief. They laughed until they could laugh no more, and then they cried until the tears were gone. For a moment, at least, they could share secrets, and be comforted by them.