Author's Notes: Well, um... Nothing much to say except THAT THE SUN WILL
SWELL UP IN A HUGE CLOUD OF GASEOUS...um...GAS! AND SWALLOW UP OUR PLANET
IN A HOLLOUCAUST OF FIRE AND DEATH!!!!
Jigen: And when will this happen?
Author: (shrugs) I don't know. A few billion years...
Jigen: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Author: Oh for Christ's sake...
Jigen: I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!!!
Author: Whatever... I'll just leave you to that. Now, as for you, yes YOU, read some more of my moronic crap....
Disclaimer: (Picks tooth with a stick) what?
CASTLE OF CAGLIOSTRO
The Search for Babies and Shoes
Lupin and Jigen recognized the symbol on the ring as many of the others that appear to represent the castle in the town, the Castle of Cagliostro. Sooo..because we have nothing better to do..let's follow them..
Scene 5
(A little, yellow car is speeding down the road, Lupin driving, and Jigen in the passengers' seat)
Lupin: Look, we need to get a baby...
Jigen: Lupin, if I hear the word "baby" come out of your mouth one more time....
Lupin: Hey, but we do need one.Oh! I know! We'll go to the.baby making..um..place...thingy...
Jigen: You don't even know what you're saying anymore, do you?
Lupin: ..Hmmmm...what was that...? Hey look! A birdie! (Takes out his gun and starts trying to shoot the bird.)
Jigen: You dumb ass! That's a snowy owl!
Lupin: Snowy owl, eh? Check in my book; see how many points they're worth..
Jigen: (Flips through Lupin's "Shoot down yer' very own endangered species" handbook.) 250 points..
Lupin: Boo ya! (Takes out riffle) Oh, it's gonna be snowing where you're headed, bioootch!
(Many minutes and snowy owls later, our duo arrives at the Castle of Cagliostro.)
Jigen: (Gets out of the car and looks at a stone carving of two rams.) Hey, that looks like the design on that ring..
Lupin: You didn't find that ring, I DID!!!
Jigen: Hey, I'm just saying...
Lupin: You wanna piece of me?! HUH?! You wanna take it outside?!
Jigen: We are outside..
Lupin: SHUT UP!
Jigen: Whatever.. (Gives loser sign)
(Our heroes continue walking, going up stairs, downstairs, looking around the yard, until Lupin finds a man holding a ladder, probably working in the garden. Why, let's see what happens next, boys and girls!)
Lupin: Hey! Old, wrinkly thing!
(Ummmmm...)
Lupin: Do you know where we can find some babies or shoes?
Jigen: I don't want a baby!!!
Lupin: All right, if I hear one more word out of you, you're waiting in the car!
Jigen: (Trudges away miserably and sits in the corner)
Lupin: (Turns back to old man) so, how about it?
Old man: (Speaking in thick Southern accent) Weeeeeeell, if ya'll wanchya some'er dem babes I'sa gotcher some'er dem down ine dat dare shacka'mabob, but chaya'll gott'a maker dem..wate a' goshdarn minut ya'll miniature wipper' snappers' ya'll don't experct us ta have'r some'r dem here na do ya.. (If you got this far, I commend you..)
Translation: We don't have any damn babies.
Lupin: (Some how able to understand all that) what?! No babies?!
Old man: I a'int sayin' notin'! Y'all can'tcher mak me do notin' y'all sall ffjvhtyfvgbbgb bntrnhbdb gbggbg gn668i65J^&%Y5k7 6i5uht6hyrnrtn tyj5yhjj%J$j76u56jj^&i%&i67iJK6KK6K67K67k67k^kyj5Hfddbhd hhhrtnrynnrtrtnrtjh65u%I&u77K7IiH$y676iuKO6..(It's just easier this way....)
Lupin: Really?! Hm..I didn't know that.
Quick Intermission
Go get a sandwich or use the bathroom why don't ya..
End Intermission
Lupin: (Sitting on a stone bench by a lake) *sigh* Why doesn't Jigen want a baby..?
Jigen: (Walking across the water on stone blocks) Because I don't want to be a parent and you keep trying to make me the "mother!"
Lupin: Okay, fine, if you're that pissed off about it then I'll be the mother. It doesn't really matter who's who, we both look the same..
Jigen: ....What?
Lupin: (Rolls eyes) I saaaiiid.I'll be the mother if you have a problem with.
Jigen: Lupin! You don't have to be a mother either! All we have...
Lupin: So we'll be gay?
Jigen: ..to do now is..wha..? NO!
Lupin: Is that what you're saying?
Jigen: NO!!!
Lupin: That's exactly what you're saying, isn't it?!
Jigen: Aaarrruugghhh... (Jumps up and starts bending Lupin in many different painful ways)
Lupin: ..Ack..Jigen! What are you doing?! We'll never be able to get pregnant if you keep doing this!
Jigen: (Is now stretching Lupin's head and legs backward) I am not having a baby with you, so will you just shut up?!
Lupin: (Still being bent) If you don't stop doing this we'll have to use that money we get from pawning that ring on my back! Is that what you want?! Huh?! You want the mother of your child to live in pain?!
Jigen: ..Lupin...
Lupin: You want to not have a baby?!
Jigen: ..Lupin..!
Lupin: We've been married for 20 years!!!
Jigen: (Finally drops him) We have not!
Lupin: There's no more excitement in our relationship!
Jigen: ...What relationship..?
Lupin: Either we get a baby or some shoes or it's over between us! I want a baby!!!
Jigen: ...Lupin...Are you crying?
Lupin: Yes!!! (Takes out handkerchief and blows nose) Great, now you've made me ruin my handkerchief...
Jigen: ..Um..Is there anything I can do..?
Lupin: Anything you can do?! You can get me a damn baby!!!
Jigen: All right, all right, if you stop taking whatever it is that you're on, I promise that I'll get you a baby.
Lupin: *Sniff, sniff* ..And some shoes..?
Jigen: And some shoes.
Lupin: (Glomps him) Oh, Jigen! You're the best husband a wife could ever ask for!
Jigen: Well, when you put it that way...
Lupin: Look over that way. (Points across the field) That's where they make the babies and that's where we get the babies.
Jigen: Um..Lupin?
Lupin: Yes.
Jigen: That's a tractor.
Lupin: .Oh. Well, then they probably make the babies in that room. (Points to a random window in the castle)
Jigen: *sigh* All right, Lupin. We'll go in tomorrow to get some babies.
Lupin: Thanks sweetie. (Kisses Jigen on cheek)
Jigen: (Punches him)
Author's Notes: I'm not even going to attempt to redeem myself at this point. This story is beyond redemption anyway..So! If you review RIGHT NOW, you'll receive free, yes, FREE, Jigen's hat!
Jigen: ...The hell...?! That's my hat!
Author: Yep..Jigen's crazy hat...
Jigen: Hey, my hat is not crazy!
Author: (Sticks feather in hat) It is now.
Jigen: Oh, you're gonna get it..
Author: Send me some reviews! Weeeeeeeeee!!!!! *flies around*
Jigen: And when will this happen?
Author: (shrugs) I don't know. A few billion years...
Jigen: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Author: Oh for Christ's sake...
Jigen: I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!!!
Author: Whatever... I'll just leave you to that. Now, as for you, yes YOU, read some more of my moronic crap....
Disclaimer: (Picks tooth with a stick) what?
CASTLE OF CAGLIOSTRO
The Search for Babies and Shoes
Lupin and Jigen recognized the symbol on the ring as many of the others that appear to represent the castle in the town, the Castle of Cagliostro. Sooo..because we have nothing better to do..let's follow them..
Scene 5
(A little, yellow car is speeding down the road, Lupin driving, and Jigen in the passengers' seat)
Lupin: Look, we need to get a baby...
Jigen: Lupin, if I hear the word "baby" come out of your mouth one more time....
Lupin: Hey, but we do need one.Oh! I know! We'll go to the.baby making..um..place...thingy...
Jigen: You don't even know what you're saying anymore, do you?
Lupin: ..Hmmmm...what was that...? Hey look! A birdie! (Takes out his gun and starts trying to shoot the bird.)
Jigen: You dumb ass! That's a snowy owl!
Lupin: Snowy owl, eh? Check in my book; see how many points they're worth..
Jigen: (Flips through Lupin's "Shoot down yer' very own endangered species" handbook.) 250 points..
Lupin: Boo ya! (Takes out riffle) Oh, it's gonna be snowing where you're headed, bioootch!
(Many minutes and snowy owls later, our duo arrives at the Castle of Cagliostro.)
Jigen: (Gets out of the car and looks at a stone carving of two rams.) Hey, that looks like the design on that ring..
Lupin: You didn't find that ring, I DID!!!
Jigen: Hey, I'm just saying...
Lupin: You wanna piece of me?! HUH?! You wanna take it outside?!
Jigen: We are outside..
Lupin: SHUT UP!
Jigen: Whatever.. (Gives loser sign)
(Our heroes continue walking, going up stairs, downstairs, looking around the yard, until Lupin finds a man holding a ladder, probably working in the garden. Why, let's see what happens next, boys and girls!)
Lupin: Hey! Old, wrinkly thing!
(Ummmmm...)
Lupin: Do you know where we can find some babies or shoes?
Jigen: I don't want a baby!!!
Lupin: All right, if I hear one more word out of you, you're waiting in the car!
Jigen: (Trudges away miserably and sits in the corner)
Lupin: (Turns back to old man) so, how about it?
Old man: (Speaking in thick Southern accent) Weeeeeeell, if ya'll wanchya some'er dem babes I'sa gotcher some'er dem down ine dat dare shacka'mabob, but chaya'll gott'a maker dem..wate a' goshdarn minut ya'll miniature wipper' snappers' ya'll don't experct us ta have'r some'r dem here na do ya.. (If you got this far, I commend you..)
Translation: We don't have any damn babies.
Lupin: (Some how able to understand all that) what?! No babies?!
Old man: I a'int sayin' notin'! Y'all can'tcher mak me do notin' y'all sall ffjvhtyfvgbbgb bntrnhbdb gbggbg gn668i65J^&%Y5k7 6i5uht6hyrnrtn tyj5yhjj%J$j76u56jj^&i%&i67iJK6KK6K67K67k67k^kyj5Hfddbhd hhhrtnrynnrtrtnrtjh65u%I&u77K7IiH$y676iuKO6..(It's just easier this way....)
Lupin: Really?! Hm..I didn't know that.
Quick Intermission
Go get a sandwich or use the bathroom why don't ya..
End Intermission
Lupin: (Sitting on a stone bench by a lake) *sigh* Why doesn't Jigen want a baby..?
Jigen: (Walking across the water on stone blocks) Because I don't want to be a parent and you keep trying to make me the "mother!"
Lupin: Okay, fine, if you're that pissed off about it then I'll be the mother. It doesn't really matter who's who, we both look the same..
Jigen: ....What?
Lupin: (Rolls eyes) I saaaiiid.I'll be the mother if you have a problem with.
Jigen: Lupin! You don't have to be a mother either! All we have...
Lupin: So we'll be gay?
Jigen: ..to do now is..wha..? NO!
Lupin: Is that what you're saying?
Jigen: NO!!!
Lupin: That's exactly what you're saying, isn't it?!
Jigen: Aaarrruugghhh... (Jumps up and starts bending Lupin in many different painful ways)
Lupin: ..Ack..Jigen! What are you doing?! We'll never be able to get pregnant if you keep doing this!
Jigen: (Is now stretching Lupin's head and legs backward) I am not having a baby with you, so will you just shut up?!
Lupin: (Still being bent) If you don't stop doing this we'll have to use that money we get from pawning that ring on my back! Is that what you want?! Huh?! You want the mother of your child to live in pain?!
Jigen: ..Lupin...
Lupin: You want to not have a baby?!
Jigen: ..Lupin..!
Lupin: We've been married for 20 years!!!
Jigen: (Finally drops him) We have not!
Lupin: There's no more excitement in our relationship!
Jigen: ...What relationship..?
Lupin: Either we get a baby or some shoes or it's over between us! I want a baby!!!
Jigen: ...Lupin...Are you crying?
Lupin: Yes!!! (Takes out handkerchief and blows nose) Great, now you've made me ruin my handkerchief...
Jigen: ..Um..Is there anything I can do..?
Lupin: Anything you can do?! You can get me a damn baby!!!
Jigen: All right, all right, if you stop taking whatever it is that you're on, I promise that I'll get you a baby.
Lupin: *Sniff, sniff* ..And some shoes..?
Jigen: And some shoes.
Lupin: (Glomps him) Oh, Jigen! You're the best husband a wife could ever ask for!
Jigen: Well, when you put it that way...
Lupin: Look over that way. (Points across the field) That's where they make the babies and that's where we get the babies.
Jigen: Um..Lupin?
Lupin: Yes.
Jigen: That's a tractor.
Lupin: .Oh. Well, then they probably make the babies in that room. (Points to a random window in the castle)
Jigen: *sigh* All right, Lupin. We'll go in tomorrow to get some babies.
Lupin: Thanks sweetie. (Kisses Jigen on cheek)
Jigen: (Punches him)
Author's Notes: I'm not even going to attempt to redeem myself at this point. This story is beyond redemption anyway..So! If you review RIGHT NOW, you'll receive free, yes, FREE, Jigen's hat!
Jigen: ...The hell...?! That's my hat!
Author: Yep..Jigen's crazy hat...
Jigen: Hey, my hat is not crazy!
Author: (Sticks feather in hat) It is now.
Jigen: Oh, you're gonna get it..
Author: Send me some reviews! Weeeeeeeeee!!!!! *flies around*