Author's Notes: Jigen: *glare*

Author: .....What?

Jigen: Give me back my damn hat!

Author: Here. (Throws hat at Jigen)

Jigen: ......the hell? It has a bite taken out of it!

Author: *shifty eyes*



Thanks: I'd like to say thank you to the following people who took the time to write me reviews. You guys keep the world spinning! XD

J. Lucy-Daisuke: One way an author knows they're writing a good fic is when people find it funny even though they haven't seen the movie or show. ^_^ Thank you for the lovely review, and I'm sure you look very bitchin' in Jigen's hat. ^.^ Thankies! Love ya!

Gunac: Thank you for making my day with your very friendly review. I would like to say that I HAVE read your stories and I found them very amusing and wonderful. ^_^ Forgive me for not reviewing them yet, I guess I just returned to the land of the living, but I will get to it very soon. Keep reading the story and look forward to many more updates.

me of little sanity: Yes, Jigen's hat is sexy, no? (0_o) I'm so glade you like this fanfic. It makes me feel good when I make other people laugh. Anyway, about your question on where to by CoC in english, the best places to look would be Anime Castle.com or Anime Nation.com, or you could try looking at amazon for the VHS. Keep reading the story. ^_^

Jan Lee: Yes, there are many questions that still need to be answered: What is Lupin taking? Why is Jigen being so patient? All of these questions will soon be answered!.........actually, none of them will be answered, because quite frankly, I really don't know what the hell I'm writing half the time. Well, keep reading the story anyway, and look forward to updates. By the way, I've never been called a genius before. *huggles* Thank you for making me feel smart! (runs into bathroom door repeatedly to see how long it takes before I pass out.)

Sans Souci: Oh, you'll see them married, and sooner than you think! (rubs hands together in a menacing fashion) Ummm....if sooner than you think translates to whenever I get up off my lazy ass and finish writing the script then, yeah, it's soon. Hmmmmm.....Lupin in a wedding dress? Hey, can't say it hasn't crossed my mind. ^_^ Thanks for the review! ^ ^

eap1: A monkey eh? (rubs chin) Thankies for your review! XD

Li: Ya hear that Jigen? Li likes how you beat up on Lupin.

Jigen: What Li wants, Li gets.

Lupin: Oh God, I'm screwed...

Hecate: Things that make no sense are usually much more entertaining. ^_^ Thank you for your review, and I actually was thinking about doing this with Cowboy Bebop. I don't know if it's because Jigen and Lupin remind me so much of Jet and Spike, or if it's because Jet is so easy to make fun of.....I mean.....THE APRON!!! THE APRON!!! Heh, heh, look forward to further updates. Thankies!



Disclaimer: Do people read these anymore...?






Castle of Cagliostro
The search for Babies and Shoes



Scene 6


The Count is flying around in his little plane. He lands in the landing arena' (or whatever) and is greeted by his butler man thing.

Count: Is the baby here?

Butler man thing: Why hello my dear...ummm...lord. I am your faithful servant. How may I...

Count: Yes, I know that! I've known that for a long time, we've been married for at least 15 years!

Butler man thing: Begging your pardon, sir, but we are not married. Your orders were to bring back...

Count: Hey listen! I am married to you if I say I'm married to you cause I'm the Count! You can't talk back yo the Count! Don't you talk back to the Count, or you'll feel the wrath of.....me.

Butler man thing: ..........Yes, my lord.

The Count makes his way down the hallways of his mansion to the chamber where the beautiful baby' (or Clarisse) is being held hostage. Fujiko, disguised as a librarian, is outside doing some paper work. She bows when The Count walks by.

Count: Don't worry, I didn't mention anything about being married to you, Fujiko.

Fujiko: .........

The Count walks up a flight of stairs to the chamber and sticks a key in a metal plated statue of a goat's head.

Goat: Oh, that's it, bitch! Ima stick a key so fa' up yo ass...

The door to the chamber, where Clarisse is being held hostage, opens.

Count: (Takes a look at Clarisse lying unconscious on a big, fancy bed) Ah, it's our baby! Nobody would be after this baby because she's so ugly. (He walks over to Clarisse)

Count: Yes, a baby should bring some excitement to our 15 year marriage.

Clarisse: 15? Looks to me like you've been married for A LOT longer than that.

Author: Bu-dum ching!

Count: Shut up you stupid ho!

Clarisse: Make me.

Count: (Picks up a lamp from the table next to the bed and whacks it over Clarisse's head.)

Author: Jeez...tough crowd.

Count: (Picks up Clarisse's hand) Now, this ring, against this other ring, will be...(Freaks out) Where the hell's that other ring?! (Lifts up other hand to hit Clarisse) No, I can't slap my only child. It isn't like me, I can't do it. I'll just have to talk this over with my wife/husband/butler man thing. (Walks out of the room)



Scene 7


Lupin and Jigen are sitting in a restaurant in the middle of a busy village waiting for their food to come. To pass the time, Lupin is reading the inscription on the ring Clarisse left with him.

Lupin: Hmmmmm....it says When light and shadow are joined you will get shoes.

Jigen: Is that really what it says?

Lupin: Hopefully. I'm just pullin' stuff outta my ass, really. Hey, I can't read this date. It's written in Roman numerals.

Waitress: (Comes over with a big plate of spaghetti and places it in the middle of the table) Well ya'll ima gonna getcher y'all somin' ta wet yer whistle wit' dag namit.

Jigen: What is it with this place and southern people?

Lupin: Hey, when in Rome, do as the Romans!

Jigen: But we're not in Rome!

Lupin: Excuse me...(Turns to the waitress and tries to speak southern) $%^*UYJTYJ^U^*^%(*$%&*&*)%^*%HDFBWRQ#%RTU$$#%Y%#$Y$%Y$%Y$U$%YYJEYY$U%ITJUKLJKT&*()RTJ^&K$^U()%^$^*$%TYYNCBZDVZDBADGNSDTMEHYJGDHETUR%&I^*O^&&I%U^*&*((K&*&*W$@#T$%%^H%^%J^NTYERYJEH$%J%^^&T?

Waitress: (Slaps him and walks away)

Jigen: What the hell did you say to her?

Lupin: I asked her if I could have some pork buns with the spaghetti but I think she took it the wrong way...

Jigen: You're a dumbass, you do know that don't you?

Lupin: Oh, wait a second, I've got an idea. (Takes a big clump of spaghetti and puts it in his hair) Look at me! I'm Cher! A boom shaka laka la a boom shaka laka...

Jigen: .......

Lupin: What?

Jigen: (sips water)

Lupin: Fine, be that way...(Turns around in his chair and taps a random man on the shoulder) Excuse me, but do you know where I could pawn this ring?

Jigen: We're not pawning the damn ring!

Little girl: Daddy, stop talking to that scary man...

Random guy: Okay sweetie, we're leaving...(Picks up daughter and runs out of the restaurant)

Lupin: Great job Jigen, you scared that nice man and his little girl away...

Jigen: I scared them?!

Lupin: They saw the evil in your eyes...

Jigen: Whatever, just shut up and get another waitress over here.

Lupin calls over another waitress who is surprisingly easier to understand than most of the people in this contract for Satan...I mean fanfiction...*shifty eyes*

Waitress: Well ya'll, I'm gonna bring you back some nice dessert.

Lupin: But we don't want dessert. All we want are babies and shoes.

Waitress: Babies? Shoes? Why, ya'll are the third group o' dem people in here dis week lookin' for dat dere babies and shoes.

Lupin: (Looks at Jigen) I told you it was a popular profession...

Jigen: Profession?

Waitress: Well, I suggest ya'll look in da Castle o' Cagliostro. Dere bound to have some er' dem babies and shoes. See, we've gotta picture of dat dere princess of da Castle over der'. (Points to a picture of Clarisse on the mantel frame.)

Picture: Moo.

Lupin: Well, thanks for your help (is still picking out pieces of spaghetti from his hair)

Jigen: Listen, I agreed to help you get a baby...

Lupin: And some shoes.

Jigen: ...and some shoes. But I don't want you going around telling everyone that we're married.

Lupin: But we are married.

Jigen: No, we're not!

Lupin: You know we are...

Jigen: We are not!!!

Lupin: What's wrong with being gay?

Jigen: If you don't stop this instant this spaghetti is going right back on your head!

Lupin: Hey, you can't make this haircut worse!

Jigen: And another thing! Why would I want to marry you anyway?! Everyone can see that you're a filthy sleaze bag! IF, and I stress the word IF, I wanted to marry another man, I would go for someone that's clean and could actually stay SOBER for at least 5 minutes! You've slept around with so many women, you get around like a damn record! Why would anyone look for someone like you to spend the rest of there lives with?! You take pleasure in making my life a living hell, you remember my cousin's barbecue three years ago? You embarrassed me like no one else ever did in my entire life!!! Well, you can take that damn chicken you threw in the pool And SHOVE IT UP YOUR...

Lupin: *sigh* Why do we always fight on holidays...?

Author's Notes: Yes, I am quite aware that Cher never said A boom shaka laka la a boom shaka laka la. And now, for your enjoyment, clips from the next chapter!

Sexy Clips!!!

Jigen: Why does everyone what to marry me?!

Lupin: I knew it! You and your twin sister! You're both women!

Count: I ask you to manufacture babies and you manufacture terrible babies!!!

Goemon: .......Yo.

End of Sexy Clips!!!


Author: And remember, reviews are an author's high! Keep em' comin' baby!