Destined to Not be Together

Cannot touch, cannot hold, cannot be together.

She leaned against the tall oak tree, peering around its trunk at the couple in the distance. Her arms supported her as she pressed against the bark, concealing herself from any passer byres. She could feel her heart beating fast, racing at the thought of the man she watched, the one she loved, being with another woman, and yet her heart was saddened by it instead of enraged.

Cannot love, cannot kiss, cannot have each other.

She wanted to run up to him, pull him away from his female companion. She should be the one held tightly in his arms, comforted by his strength. She should be the having her long hair stroked while he gazed into her eyes. She should be the one tasting his lips against her own, becoming lost in his kiss...

Must be strong, and we must let go. Cannot say what our hearts must know.

But she knew better. Setsuna turned away from the couple she had been watching, leaning her back against the trunk. Her head tilted back, her dark hair falling away from her face. Setsuna and he both knew that they could not be together. As she remembered the time they spent together before they were separated, Setsuna slid down, sitting on the damp ground around the tree.

How can I not love you? What do I tell my heart? When do I not want you here in my arms

For years, Setsuna tried to forget what they once had shared. Moonlit walks alongside the lake, talking until dawn, and the feeling of his body mingled with hers.

How does one waltz away from all of the memories? How do I not miss you when you are gone

Setsuna felt like strangling something at the memory of being separated from him. They had tried to argue, proclaiming their love for each other, but the court stood firm: he was to marry another woman. They had tried to forget one another, but fate had been cruel and kept them near each other. Her heart suffered every time she saw him with her, the one he was promised to. If circumstances had been different, Setsuna would've liked the girl, but she couldn't help feeling anything but regret and hatred towards her.

Cannot dream, cannot share

Sweet and tender moments

For years, she watched them together. Setsuna saw that he was trying to love this girl, and would often become jealous when he looked at her the way he used to look at Setsuna. She prayed that despite his destiny, he only meant it when he was with her.

Cannot feel how we feel

Must pretend it's over

Setsuna had thought that they could escape their fate when they died, but even in their new life, their destiny was the same. They had both met, and their love was reawakened, but so were her memories. Despite their efforts to stay together, they were once more separated, and he was back into the arms of his promised girl, who, to Setsuna's dismay, had also been reborn.

Must be brave, and we must go on

Must not say what we've known all along.

Setsuna had attempted to get along with the girl, since they were to be around each other. She almost started to like her. Almost. She wasn't angry with her anymore, like she first was, but was enraged that fate was so cruel. Why would destiny allow two people to love each other so much without letting them be together?

How can I not love you? What do I tell my heart?

When do I not want you here in my arms

Being the guardian of time, Setsuna had searched for a time when they might stand a chance, even if they were older. She had hoped that his promised girl would one day pass away and then they could have a chance together again, but there was no such luck. She had been caught before she could search by Chronos, and she had not gone unpunished for that.

How does one waltz away from all of the memories?

How do I not miss you when you are gone

Setsuna, though advised to forget him, could not let go of him. Their memories together were the only thing that got her through her tedious, lonesome life. She would dream about being in his arms, feeling his lips against her neck, his hand embracing hers. Setsuna was determined to keep her memories if she could not have the real thing.

How can I not love you

Setsuna peered back around the tree again, only to find him on his knees in front of his girlfriend. The expression on the girl's face told Setsuna exactly what was going on: there was no hope for Setsuna. He would marry this girl, and Setsuna would remain alone for the rest of her life. That was their destiny.

Must be brave, and we must be strong. Cannot say what we've known all along.

Setsuna bit her lower lip, fighting back the tears that came with her realization. She would have to continue to ignore the feelings in her heart every time she was near him. She would continue to force a smile around him and his new fiancé, although her smiles were always sad.

How can I not love you? What do I tell my heart

The pain in Setsuna's chest grew, the tightness almost taking her breath from her. She didn't realize until now how much she wanted to cry. She wanted to cry for all eternity.

When do I not want you here in my arms

Setsuna wanted to run to him, be held by him, defy the world and its fate they had been given.

How does one waltz away from all of the memories

Setsuna wiped the tears away from her face as she stood up, ready to leave the park. There was no future here. Her sad past was all she had, and her future was lonely.

How do I not miss you when you are gone

"Setsuna-san! Setsuna-san!"
The voice that called out her name was an excited one, and she knew it well. It was his fiancé. Setsuna turned to face her, her cheeks still moist with tears. The girl stood no higher than her chin, making her seem childish. Her blue eyes were filled with joy while Setsuna's were filled with sorrow.
"What are you doing here, Setsuna-san?" the girl asked. "Is there a problem?"
Setsuna shook her head, glancing at him for a moment. His head was hung low, but his eyes could be seen through his hair. He was avoiding meeting Setsuna's gaze. Setsuna looked back at her. "Everything is fine. I just got a lonely."
"You can come over to my house tonight! We're celebrating." She held up her hand to reveal a ring on her finger.
"Congratulations."
They turned to leave, the girl running ahead of him to his car. Setsuna tried to resist the urge to call out to him.

How can I not love you...

"Mamoru!"
Setsuna watched him turn around, and their eyes finally met. His eyes were just as sad as hers. Setsuna wanted to embrace him, kiss him, run away with him. She could tell he was debating the same thing, and he turned to look if his fiancé was looking.
"I'm sorry for the pain you're going through," he whispered, approaching her. His hand gently touched her cheek, wiping away the newly formed tears. "I wish things were different."
"So do I."
Setsuna watched him walk to his car, and even after they had left, she still stood there, remembering the touch on her face.

...when you are gone.

A/N: I wrote this after this song got stuck in my head. It's from the movie Anna and the King starring Jodie Foster. It's a sad romantic song, which I just LOVE. Like Anna and the King, Setsuna and Mamoru were in love, but it was not meant to be. Yet you can't just forget about something like that. It's hard to let go. That's what I hope to get across in this songfic. I hope you enjoyed it