A/N: Okay guys, for those of you hoping for some M/L, you are going to be disappointed. Sorry, but this whole chapter is Alec stuff. The next part will be up soon. As in a few hours soon. No later than tomorrow. And it will be mostly M/L stuff.
Chapter 7: Forgiveness part 1
"So..." Alec sat awkwardly in the overstuffed lounge chair, Rachel and Robert Berrisford completing the small triangle. They had been sitting there for several minutes, though Alec was sure the clock was wrong, and they had actually been there for hours. Or decades.
"I don't blame you Simon." Berrisford's first words were firm. They sounded convincing, Alec had to admit, but he wasn't sure he could trust them. Manticore had always sounded sure, and as a leader of Terminal City, he had had to sound sure to keep the trust of his people.
That didn't mean it was all true.
Alec was silent, looking from Rachel to Berrisford and back again. She was sitting there giving him encouraging glances. He appreciated it, in a sort of distant way, but he was a trained soldier for goodness sake! He was plenty strong on his own, he didn't need someone else's strength. Not anymore. Not ever again.
This isn't Manticore, he scolded himself, you can trust these people.
"Tell him." Rachel's voice startled him. She was looking at him again. More encouragement. He didn't understand for a moment. Then it clicked.
"My real name is Alec." Berrisford nodded slowly.
"All I knew was Simon, I wasn't about to call you 494." Alec looked down, blowing out his breath.
"What do you want from me?" His voice was almost a shout, the tension in his body expressed vocally for the first time that morning.
Berrisford studied him for a brief moment more before dropping his gaze. "I'm not sure."
"Do you want an apology? Cause you know I'm sorry. I have been since I remembered. I was at the time, and I still am. I-"
"Alec, please." Rachel stood, moving to stand in front of him. "We know you're sorry, both of us, we do. We don't need an apology, not from you."
"Then what? I don't understand."
"I know," now she knelt, laying her hands on his knees, "I know. This is hard on all of us, but I couldn't let you live out the rest of your life thinking you had killed me."
"What do you want?" His voice was plaintive, confused. He felt lost again, as he had since this whole mess had started.
"I want you, Alec. I want you to forgive yourself for a crime that wasn't yours. Do you understand?"
Alec shook his head helplessly. Berrisford stood up moving to stand behind his daughter. He placed his hand on her shoulder. "Let me explain, Rachel. It might be more convincing coming from me."
Rachel nodded, her eyes never leaving Alec's. She stood slowly and left, closing the door to the small room behind her. Berrisford sat in his chair again.
"We don't blame you." Alec only looked at him.
Berrisford sighed. "You're never going to believe me, are you?"
"I don't know if I can."
"Listen son. Until you forgive yourself, you will never feel comfortable here, because you will never truly believe that we have forgiven you. But we have.
"I will never understand everything they did to you and yours. I know I had a hand in making it happen, and that grieves me more than you will ever know. I also know that what you did, warning Rachel, caring for her, went against everything you had ever been told and taught. That took strength, and that you could even comprehend not following their orders shows a character they didn't want you to have. It shows your humanity."
Berrisford sat back in his seat, contemplating the silent man in front of him. He felt a great sadness at what Alec had had to suffer, but there was nothing anyone could do now to change that. He remembered the night Alec had come back, how he had almost killed the transgenic for a crime that he didn't commit, and was glad that he had found his own strength in time.
Alec was silent still, working his way through the little speech Berrisford had given him, trying to believe it. He still felt so guilty he wasn't sure he could. He wasn't sure he ever would. But hearing the forgiveness from Berrisford's own mouth did help him a little.
Finally, Alec looked up, meeting Berrisford's eyes. "I'm not sure I can ever forgive myself. Maybe, in time, I will. But if I don't, hopefully your forgiveness, and that of Rachel, will suffice."
Berrisford nodded, looing slightly disappointed. "Not what I'd hoped for, but more that I truly expected."
Alec cocked his head. "How so?"
"I read your file, remember? You seemed to have a habit of carrying around your mistakes, whether they were truly your mistakes or not, around with you. I wasn't sure you would be able to even accept our forgiveness."
Alec nodded. "But you hoped I would forgive myself? Why?"
"Because you make my daughter happy."
Alec was baffled by this simple answer. Berrisford quietly left the room, leaving Alec with his thoughts.
A/N: If you read all that and you don't care for Alec stuff, I salute you. And don't worry, as I said earlier, your next fix of M/L will come soon. R&R please, as always, I love the reviews.