Chapter 9: Confessions
Max paced restlessly in front of the couch. Logan sat, staring at the floor, on said couch. The clock ticked.
"Where is he?" Max exploded. "He should be here by now! This is important."
"Patience Max. He'll be here."
Max sighed and sank down onto the sofa next to him. They sat for a few more moments in silence before Max slumped backwards.
"I can't do this," she told the ceiling, "He'll never forgive me. Not after this thing with Rachel, how could he forgive me?"
Logan gingerly patted her clothed shoulder. "It'll be fine Max. You'll see."
Max tilted her head towards her husband. She regarded him quizzically for a moment before speaking.
"There's one thing I don't get."
"What is that?"
"Why aren't you more angry?"
"About what?"
"Don't, Logan. Don't pretend."
Logan looked away briefly. "Look, this has been hard on both of us. The situation won't be helped by my pointlessly blaming you. You've never been drunk before, alcohol can make you do stupid things, I know, I've been there-"
"So you aren't blaming me, you're blaming the drink?" Max was slightly puzzled by this, and she wasn't sure if it was helping her deal with her actions. Logan in denial was not what she needed right now.
"Not exactly." Logan struggled for a moment, trying to find the right words. "When you were drunk, you said and did things that you never would have done were you sober."
"Yeah, but I still said and did them."
"Let me put this a different way. Do you blame yourself for things you did during heat?"
Seeing the look on Max's face, he sighed again. "Max-"
Hearing the frustration and exasperation in Logan's voice, Max sat up. "Logan. Much as I appreciate what you're trying to do, it's not helping." I don't need reminders of Rafer right now... "I have to accept the consequences of what I did. I love you, I always will, but I still think you're forgiving me for all the wrong reasons."
Logan opened his mouth to speak when there was a knock on the door. Max got up to open it, her nerves back with friends. She opened the door, the sight of Alec looking worried greeting her.
"Hey." His greeting was soft and she wordlessly let him in. She closed the door and followed Alec back into the small living room. Logan got up and stood awkwardly as Alec looked between the two of them.
After a few moments of heavy silence, Alec shook his head slightly. "Well?"
"Um, right. Do you want to sit?"
Looking more confused than ever, Alec sat on a lounge seat opposite Max and Logan. "Now what?" he asked.
"How much do you remember of the other night?" Max's blurted question was sudden. If Alec hadn't had a photographic memory, he would have had to ask her to repeat it.
"Not much, you know that."
"What do you remember?"
"Why does it matter?"
"Please, just answer the question. Humor me."
Still bewildered, Alec cocked his head. "We had a drinking contest, at some point I punched some guy's lights out, I woke up alone in my apartment with the biggest headache I have ever had. There was a mystery bra but I have no idea who-"
Alec stopped mid-sentence, shock crossing his features, followed closely by denial. Max was silent, as was Logan. They watched him and he watched them. Silence once more reigned.
"Memories?"
"No, so I'm really hoping you are going to tell me I went home with my sister or something."
"Well, technically..."
"Stop, right there. Just stop." Alec stood quickly, staring down at them. "What happened, cause obviously you remembered something."
"Alec-"
"Tell me!" he shouted, his face blank now.
"I don't remember much," Max confessed, "but I know enough. I think you do too."
Alec stood silently for several moments.
"I'm so sorry Alec. I never meant to hurt you."
"It wasn't all your fault. We have to take the blame equally. For all we know, I started it."
Max rocked back. She had never thought of that. She had been too caught up in her self blame, and if she was completely honest, self pity. She couldn't bring herself to look at Logan.
A revelation hit then. She turned to her husband now, incredulous. "You thought of that, didn't you. That's why you weren't angry, you were blaming Alec. Easier to forgive him and forget the whole thing, right?"
Logan shook his head. "I considered it. But Max, you mean so much to me. I wasn't willing to let one mistake stand between us forever. I don't want to lose you."
Her gaze softening, Max watched his eyes beg her to forgive him now. "I know, I don't want to lose you either. But maybe we acted prematurely. Maybe we should wait for the real cure. We can't stay like this, for all we know, I'll just end up miserable in another year and do this all over again. There are only so many times you can forgive me. There are only so many times I can forgive myself."
"Look, I promised to meet Rachel. I'm going to be late."
Max turned back to Alec, who was now looking towards the door. She could feel his unease from where she sat, and understood his desire to escape. Making a decision, she escorted him the door.
"We'll have to talk about this, you know." Alec nodded.
"Not today," he said, "you and Logan sort yourselves out first. We can talk later."
He gave her a brief hug, which she returned, before he left. She watched his retreating form for a few moments, then closed the door and went back into the living room to settle beside Logan.
They began to talk.
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A/N: I know it's a short chapter, but I haven't had much time lately, what with some serious job hunting going on. Thank you all for the reviews, they are great encouragement, truly. We're almost to the end of this little plot bunny of mine, one or two chapters left.
R&R guys, like I said, I love the feedback.
Max paced restlessly in front of the couch. Logan sat, staring at the floor, on said couch. The clock ticked.
"Where is he?" Max exploded. "He should be here by now! This is important."
"Patience Max. He'll be here."
Max sighed and sank down onto the sofa next to him. They sat for a few more moments in silence before Max slumped backwards.
"I can't do this," she told the ceiling, "He'll never forgive me. Not after this thing with Rachel, how could he forgive me?"
Logan gingerly patted her clothed shoulder. "It'll be fine Max. You'll see."
Max tilted her head towards her husband. She regarded him quizzically for a moment before speaking.
"There's one thing I don't get."
"What is that?"
"Why aren't you more angry?"
"About what?"
"Don't, Logan. Don't pretend."
Logan looked away briefly. "Look, this has been hard on both of us. The situation won't be helped by my pointlessly blaming you. You've never been drunk before, alcohol can make you do stupid things, I know, I've been there-"
"So you aren't blaming me, you're blaming the drink?" Max was slightly puzzled by this, and she wasn't sure if it was helping her deal with her actions. Logan in denial was not what she needed right now.
"Not exactly." Logan struggled for a moment, trying to find the right words. "When you were drunk, you said and did things that you never would have done were you sober."
"Yeah, but I still said and did them."
"Let me put this a different way. Do you blame yourself for things you did during heat?"
Seeing the look on Max's face, he sighed again. "Max-"
Hearing the frustration and exasperation in Logan's voice, Max sat up. "Logan. Much as I appreciate what you're trying to do, it's not helping." I don't need reminders of Rafer right now... "I have to accept the consequences of what I did. I love you, I always will, but I still think you're forgiving me for all the wrong reasons."
Logan opened his mouth to speak when there was a knock on the door. Max got up to open it, her nerves back with friends. She opened the door, the sight of Alec looking worried greeting her.
"Hey." His greeting was soft and she wordlessly let him in. She closed the door and followed Alec back into the small living room. Logan got up and stood awkwardly as Alec looked between the two of them.
After a few moments of heavy silence, Alec shook his head slightly. "Well?"
"Um, right. Do you want to sit?"
Looking more confused than ever, Alec sat on a lounge seat opposite Max and Logan. "Now what?" he asked.
"How much do you remember of the other night?" Max's blurted question was sudden. If Alec hadn't had a photographic memory, he would have had to ask her to repeat it.
"Not much, you know that."
"What do you remember?"
"Why does it matter?"
"Please, just answer the question. Humor me."
Still bewildered, Alec cocked his head. "We had a drinking contest, at some point I punched some guy's lights out, I woke up alone in my apartment with the biggest headache I have ever had. There was a mystery bra but I have no idea who-"
Alec stopped mid-sentence, shock crossing his features, followed closely by denial. Max was silent, as was Logan. They watched him and he watched them. Silence once more reigned.
"Memories?"
"No, so I'm really hoping you are going to tell me I went home with my sister or something."
"Well, technically..."
"Stop, right there. Just stop." Alec stood quickly, staring down at them. "What happened, cause obviously you remembered something."
"Alec-"
"Tell me!" he shouted, his face blank now.
"I don't remember much," Max confessed, "but I know enough. I think you do too."
Alec stood silently for several moments.
"I'm so sorry Alec. I never meant to hurt you."
"It wasn't all your fault. We have to take the blame equally. For all we know, I started it."
Max rocked back. She had never thought of that. She had been too caught up in her self blame, and if she was completely honest, self pity. She couldn't bring herself to look at Logan.
A revelation hit then. She turned to her husband now, incredulous. "You thought of that, didn't you. That's why you weren't angry, you were blaming Alec. Easier to forgive him and forget the whole thing, right?"
Logan shook his head. "I considered it. But Max, you mean so much to me. I wasn't willing to let one mistake stand between us forever. I don't want to lose you."
Her gaze softening, Max watched his eyes beg her to forgive him now. "I know, I don't want to lose you either. But maybe we acted prematurely. Maybe we should wait for the real cure. We can't stay like this, for all we know, I'll just end up miserable in another year and do this all over again. There are only so many times you can forgive me. There are only so many times I can forgive myself."
"Look, I promised to meet Rachel. I'm going to be late."
Max turned back to Alec, who was now looking towards the door. She could feel his unease from where she sat, and understood his desire to escape. Making a decision, she escorted him the door.
"We'll have to talk about this, you know." Alec nodded.
"Not today," he said, "you and Logan sort yourselves out first. We can talk later."
He gave her a brief hug, which she returned, before he left. She watched his retreating form for a few moments, then closed the door and went back into the living room to settle beside Logan.
They began to talk.
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A/N: I know it's a short chapter, but I haven't had much time lately, what with some serious job hunting going on. Thank you all for the reviews, they are great encouragement, truly. We're almost to the end of this little plot bunny of mine, one or two chapters left.
R&R guys, like I said, I love the feedback.