Thanks to everyone who took the time to review, It took me a few days to update 'cos I couldn't summon up any enthusiasm. Enjoy!
"So Holly, remind me what this does again." said Lister for the fifth time. Holly rolled his digitalized eyes on the monitor.
"With a sample of this beer-blended chocolate spread, I can recreate it for you, is that clear enough?" Holly's voice held a pleading note.
"Right," said Lister, nodding "I think I've got it."
"Honestly Lister, I sometimes think your no more intelligent than your fish." scoffed Rimmer.
"Right," said Holly, before any more arguments could break out. "Let's do it." Kryten placed his collected sample on the desk in the science room.
"I advise you to step back sirs," he warned.
Rimmer strode over to the keyboard and typed in a command and a flash of light blinded everyone for a few seconds. With the buzz of electricity still in the air, the party crowded around the table,
"Did it work?" was Lister's immediate question.
"Certainly looks like it" concluded Holly. Lister picked up the jar, now full of what looked like his chocolate spread with beer.
"Well Holly," said Rimmer, "It looks like one of your pointless inventions has finally worked. I applaud you."
"Well, cheers Hol," called Lister as he ran back to the sleeping quarters with the full jar.
Later that night, the remnants of Lister's meal were lying on the floor next to the dozing human. Rimmer walked in, took the situation in with a glance and stepped over Lister, kicking accidentally on purpose, the contempt showing clearly on his face. Lister was having a very strange dream indeed, as he lay groaning and writhing about. He dreamt that Rimmer was standing over him with chocolate spread all over his face. He was taunting him and pouring beer all over him. Then Kryten waddled over wearing a blue smock and said
"Don't worry Mr. Lister sir, I've worked it out, the probability of you giving your virus to Miss Kochanski from three million years ago is next to nothing."
"V virus? But I don't have a virus" Lister tried to tell him, but the words wouldn't come out, his mouth was blocked with something. It was about to suffocate him. He couldn't breathe. He was gasping for air. He woke up.
Lister sat up and looked about, he had been lying on his curry container and he now had orange gunk all over him where his face had been in it. At least that explained the suffocation. But what about these stomach cramps that had come upon him, the short, stabbing pains that forced him into a crouching position.
"Rimmer, Rimmer!" he croaked, what had happened to his voice? "Rimmer!" he tried again, louder.
"What? What is it? Oh for god's sake Lister it's two in the morning, what's wrong with you?"
"I don't know," whispered Lister, "but I don't feel too good." He blacked out.
Lister came to, he opened his eyes and a tall, thin man with an "H" on his forehead came hazily into view.
"What, what happened man?" he coughed. "How long have I been here?"
"Well, dearie me, dearie, dearie me." said Rimmer, a look of interest on his face. "You don't know what happened, I don't know what happened, But" he added "It is something to do with that over there." He nodded towards the table where the half-full jar of spread was sitting on the table in a sterilized bag. "You ate a whole half jar of that stuff?" he asked with disgust. "That probably explains it. We're just waiting for Kryten to come back with the results from the lab; we thought it would be best to run tests on it you see. By the way, the Cat sends his love"
For a full half hour they sat in silence, until
"Here we are Mr. Rimmer sir, the results from the…" He shuddered and handed over a clipboard. Rimmer looked over the results, his face growing more pale by the line.
"Holly" he called,
"Yes Arnold?" Holly's huge face appeared.
"You goit, you know what you've done don't you? You didn't replicate the beer and chocolate spread, you bred it! Beer and chocolate spread don't go well together. Who knows what you've created!"
Heeheeheehee poor, poor Lister R&R please guys
REQUIANA