Any Way the Wind Blows

A Sad, and Often Lamentable, Tale

Part VII: The Meaning of Unluck

Peter had sworn he wouldn't tell anyone, except James, if the stupid git could be found. Peter had also gone so incredibly excited over the secret plan that Sirius had wanted him – him! Peter Pettigrew! – to be a part of, that he nearly shouted the plans out in the middle of the library.

Sirius thinks that his plan is genius. A foolproof trap for a miserable human being unfit to walk the same halls as himself and his friends. Especially Remus.

Sirius thinks that nothing can go wrong. As long as Peter keeps quiet, there are only six more days to wait, and the new Problem in Sirius' life will be out of the way, and Remus will undoubtedly be his. His and not Snape's. (Besides, Snape is greasy, and Sirius is not.)

***

On Tuesday, James is sulking because Lily Evans has turned him down. Again. Except that now times are getting desperate, and he has put all of his free time to, well, pranks, but also to creating surefire ways to woo Lily into his arms.

So far, he is zero for twelve. However, he isn't going to give up. He is James "Prongs, aka Merlin, aka God" Godric Potter, after all!

On Wednesday, James is zero for thirteen.

On Thursday, Sirius tries to tell him something, but James is zero for fourteen, and doesn't have the time to listen. Besides, he's trained the First Years to call him God, and has started to take on the more infamous qualities of his new nickname. Including the ability to ignore people no matter how many times they throw dungbombs at you.

On Friday, Sirius won't leave him alone, but Lily is which could only mean that James is now zero for fifteen. He locks himself in an empty classroom, and Sirius gives up and leaves.

On Saturday, James emerges from the classroom. He'd fallen asleep, and had just lost the opportunity to execute his next plan. He is now zero for sixteen, and is more determined than ever. As is Sirius, it seemed, because he follows him everywhere.

James hexes his hair pink, and Sirius runs, horrified, back to the dorms.

On Sunday, thoughts of the full moon override thoughts of Lily Evans just for the moment. James is zero for twenty four by this point, but there is a Remus to worry about. Tomorrow, he'll cry himself sick and then go drown in pints of butterbeer.

Today, he will be an illegal Animagus, and run around with an unregistered werewolf.

Well, tonight. Today, he will avoid Sirius, who is looking to exact his revenge for the pink hair.

***

At exactly 10:34 AM on Sunday morning, Remus Lupin realized that Sirius hadn't deserved to be pushed away. He did, however, deserved to be pushed into a wall and snogged senseless.

So he was.

And no one was there to see it except the two of them.

***

"Okay," Sirius said, voice low in case of any intruders. Peter bounced nervously in front of him, looking uneasy and slightly tense. "Worms, remember what we went over, right?" Peter nodded vehemently. Sirius nodded once. "Brilliant. Okay, so, I'll give you the signal when he – Shit! Now now now!"

Peter squeaked and blanched.

"Madam Pomfrey should be taking him out there soon, right?"

Peter looked confused for a moment, but mysterious footfalls that suddenly halted brought him back to reality. That and Sirius' jab to his ribs. "Oh! Yeah, yeah I reckon. How'd they get in there without getting, uh, hit?" Sirius gave Peter a warning look. "Cause, you know…"

"You have to press a knot at the base. Don't tell anyone. I only know because I saw them do it. Anyway, there's a knot at the base, and you take a stick and you press it, and the tree just stops moving. Wicked brilliant and all! Then this door opens, and they go inside. And that's where he goes."

There was a very awkward pause. Sirius coughed, and Peter squeaked again. "Oh, sorry! Er, so Remus goes into a tree every month?"

Sirius shrugged. "Sure does. Dunno what he does, but it must be pretty damn important."

Peter nodded thoughtfully, but was grinning deviously. Sirius winked at him. "Come on, mate. Let's go raid the kitchen, yeah?" Peter nodded, and turned around, Sirius falling into step beside him.

"Snivellus," Sirius greeted silkily as they passed the boy listening in around the corner. Sirius and Peter didn't stop until they'd reached one of the passages which would take them to another passage, which would take them to the kitchen.

"He'll never know what got him," Peter whispered loudly. Sirius chuckled appreciatively.

"Sure won't. This'll be brill, mate. Simply brill."

***

Upon returning to the dorm room, Sirius found James fumbling through his trunk looking for the invisibility cloak. Books and socks and old quills were being thrown in every direction imaginable, before Sirius cleared his throat.

"Where the bloody fuck is it?" James exclaimed, righting himself and glaring at Sirius. "You had it last! For the Prewett thing we pulled last week. Remember?"

Sirius thought for a moment. Prewett thing, Prewett thing… "Oh, right! When we gave Gideon that potion and he turned --"

"Right. Now where's the bloody cloak, you tosser?" James ran a hand through his wild shock of black hair, looking expectant, but annoyed.

In truth, Sirius had hidden it under his bed in order to delay the trip until his prank on Snape was complete. But James didn't know, because he'd been too busy going mad over that Evans bird to care. "I've got something wicked to tell you first!"

"But it's getting dark! We have to be out there in ten minutes! Where is the fucking cloak? And where's Peter?"

Peter was still in the kitchen. The cloak was spending quality time with the dust bunnies.

"Listen to me first, Prongs! I've been trying to tell you this all week! It's fantastic!"

"Oh, fucking hell, what?!" James snapped, turning his attention back to finding the cloak. "If Dad finds out I've lost it, he'll go spare at me!"

"Snape is going to get a surprise tonight!" Sirius began, flopping elegantly on his bed. "Best prank I'll have ever pulled."

"It was my great-great-great-great-great…"

"Peter 'n I pretended to have this conversation about where Remus goes every month."

"…great-great-great-great-great-great-great…"

"Cause I knew that ole Snivelly goes and does some sort of extra Potions work on Sunday evenings after dinner. I kept running into him after Quidditch practice and all."

"…great-great—Oh, was that why you always came back from the pitch with a bloody nose. I wondered if you weren't punching yourself in the locker rooms or summat."

Sirius waved a hand. "Nah, but listen, because we're running out of time! Peter 'n I talked about how to get to where Remus is. I figure, Snivellus being who he is, he'll go and try to find out. Slimy git. And when he does…" Sirius made a rather disgusting sound effect.

There was utter and complete silence.

It should be stated that Sirius rarely thinks things through.

"You WHAT?!"

It should also be stated that Sirius doesn't understand the concept of consequences, even though he held the Hogwarts detention record. Hell, he'd CREATED the record in the first place.

"It's the perfect trap!"

It should also be stated that Sirius is as smart as they come, but lacking any and all common sense.

"YOU FUCKING MORON! DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'VE –SNAPE IS GOING TO TELL EVERYONE! REMUS IS A WEREWOLF, YOU GIT! WEREWOLVES EAT HUMANS!"

However, for the record, Sirius does care about his friends. His pride often obscures the view, but he can usually see past it once given enough of a reason.

"…er."

He has a brain; he just tends not to use it.

"Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck."

He tends to act on his emotions, and his emotions tend to override his sanity.

"Where'd James go running off—Sirius?"

It's lucky that James understands this.

"Sirius? Where'd you go?"

It's unlucky that Remus doesn't.