Chapter XXI - Trappers' Mom Strikes Back
Another week sped by.
Leia still couldn't believe she was actually on peaceful terms with Darth Vader. It seemed almost surreal for her to be talking with him, discussing her mother, laughing over his escapades with the Elite. And the fact that the people of Earth knew so much about the Galactic Civil War without being involved in it only added to the bizarreness of this odd event.
She felt almost guilty being here when the Alliance still had a war to fight. Part of her insisted that she shouldn't be on a family vacation, as it were. No, she should be out there doing something, bringing worlds to the Alliance, fighting the Empire. Yet didn't she deserve some time strictly for herself, time she almost never had? And when would she ever have another opportunity to learn more about her mother?
"She was a crack shot with a blaster," Vader was saying as they both sat on the couch, watching Conrad and Zack play "Jedi Outcast." "Much like you are." He laughed softly. "You two are so similar, I don't know why I didn't make the connection earlier."
"Because it was probably the last thing on your mind at the moment," Leia suggested.
The front door slammed, and Brigham entered the living room waving around bulging grocery bags. "I'm back! And I got munchies!"
"'Bout time," Cody mumbled from a chair, where he was reading a Jango Fett comic book. "What kind of munchies?"
"Ambrosia of the gods," Brigham replied. "Ben and Jerry's, man! Ice cream! The single- serving cups were on major sale!"
"Oh yum!" Cody squealed, dropping his book. "Got sugar-free?"
"If you come help me pass 'em out, yes," Brigham said.
Vader shook his head and turned his attention back to the personal hologram projector/recorder sitting on the coffee table. "I keep telling myself that there are beings just as crazy on other worlds, too."
Leia laughed.
"Who's that?" asked Emily, coming behind the couch to look at the holo.
"That's my foster mother," Leia replied.
"She's pretty," Emily noted as Vader flipped through the pictures. "And that's Bail Organa?"
Leia nodded.
"That next is your mother... hmmm... some Rebel general... Admiral Ackbar, the fishy looking guy... is that me?"
"I took a few of you and the rest of the club yesterday," Leia explained.
"Hmmm. The holo seems to add a few pounds, doesn't it? Ah, a revised family picture, I see." She pointed at the holo of Luke, Leia, Vader, Han, and Cody, who had slipped into the frame unnoticed and given Han "rabbit ears." "That nut Cody. He's a character. Never lets life get him down, even when his diabetes acts up."
"I wish he wouldn't have kept asking me to smile for the camera," Vader complained.
"He's of the opinion that if a joke is funny the first time, it must be funny every time," Emily explained.
Austin staggered into the living room, yawning and looking pretty rumpled from his afternoon nap.
"Stay right there!" Emily ordered. "Vader, snap a pic of him for blackmail purposes!"
Austin glared at her and told her quite eloquently just where she could shove that holo- projector.
"You're in a delightful mood this morning," Leia noted sarcastically.
"Five days," Austin lamented, flopping into the second chair. "Five days 'til I have to fly Trapper back to Chicago. I'm not looking forward to it in the least."
"Then enjoy the time you've got left with him and quit whining like a Tatooine farmboy," Brigham advised, handing him a container. "Cherry Garcias?"
"Thanks."
"Here you two, try some Earth dessert," Brigham offered, giving Leia and Vader cups. "Ben and Jerry's Fudge Brownie ice cream. Good stuff. Just don't eat it too fast or it'll give you a nasty headache."
"Can someone please pass out spoons, too?" demanded Liz from the kitchen, where she was teaching Threepio the basics of Hebrew. Luke and Han were there too, watching Liberty and Diana play chess.
"I'm coming to the rescue!" Cody shouted, thrusting a spoon at Leia. "Blue Rajah, master of cutlery!"
"You need to watch 'Mystery Men' again, Code-man," Emily replied, dipping into her container. "Blue Rajah threw forks, not spoons. Mmm, nothing like Half-Baked. Best kind this company makes."
"Actually, Chunky Monkey is the best," Brigham retorted.
Leia tentatively sampled the creamy, half-frozen material. It was surprisingly good.
"MMMPPHH!" Han grunted, dropping his spoon and clapping both hands to his forehead. "MMMMMRRRGGGHHH!"
"Han got brain freeze!" shouted Trapper from under the kitchen table, where he was playing with his action figures again.
Emily shook her head. "Men. They can be so thick at times."
"Perhaps that's why there are so few cases of female Jedi turning to the dark side in the Sith archives," Vader mused. "Women have the sense to avoid making stupid mistakes."
"Everyone makes mistakes," Leia countered. "Some just have more impact than others."
"Much more," Vader replied. He called up a holo of Padme and studied it a long time. "I have often wondered why Jedi were forbidden from experiencing love."
"Perhaps a Jedi just needed to concentrate on his duties," Leia theorized.
"Or maybe it's one of those vow-of-chastity things that some religions have," Emily suggested.
Vader did not reply. He only stared, totally absorbed, at the holo as if memorizing the woman's features.
"You loved her a lot, didn't you?" asked Emily.
"From the moment I first saw her, so many years ago in the junk shop," Vader replied wistfully. "I still love her. I miss her sorely." He thumbed the projector off. "But I hurt her terribly. I abandoned her, left her to follow Palpatine on the path of the dark side."
"Is there any case where a Jedi has ever turned to the dark side and come back?" asked Leia. She hoped the answer was yes.
"If there is, I have never heard of it," Vader replied. "The ending of 'Return of the Jedi' was a romantic idea, but unlikely. When one serves evil for so long, a single act of heroism cannot redeem him."
"I think it could," Leia defended, "if it were of great enough magnitude."
Vader snorted skeptically, his mask warping the sound.
"Don't blow her off, ironpants," Emily snapped.
"Have you heard the tale of the phoenix?" asked Liberty, who had been quietly eavesdropping on the conversation.
"Only about five hundred times," Austin teased. "You're always talking about how the phoenix and Vader are connected."
"What's a phoenix?" asked Leia.
"A beautiful creature of Earth mythology," Liberty replied. "It's a bird, often described as stunningly beautiful and somehow connected with the element of fire. It's described in Chinese and Greek myths as sacred and magical."
"Get to the comparison part," urged Emily.
"A phoenix can live for five hundred years," Liberty went on. "When it's time for it to die, it builds itself a nest of aromatic branches and bursts into flames. Then it is reborn from the ashes and begins a new life.
"In a way, I suppose Vader is a sort of phoenix. According to Episode III heresay, Anakin Skywalker fell into a molten pit of some sort during a duel with Obi-wan. I guess you can say Anakin died by fire and was reborn from the ashes as Darth Vader. Maybe what's needed is some sort of cataclysm, some enormous event, to destroy Vader by fire and raise Anakin back from the ashes."
"That's an amazing comparison," said Leia.
"Get the matches and the lighter fluid!" Cody suggested.
"You stay away from me, Cody," Vader threatened.
***
Someone was banging on the door, and Chewbacca wished someone would do something about it. But Wookie ears were more sensitive to sounds than human ears, and over the racket of the get-together no one else could hear it. He bellowed for someone to get the door, but no one understood. Both his translators were busy -- Han was engrossed in watching Liberty and Diana's chess game, and Threepio was taking lessons in Hebrew from Liz.
With a weary sniff Chewie went to the front door and opened it.
The petite woman looked him up and down and scowled in disgust.
"Nice costume," she said without meaning it. "I need to talk to Austin. Where is he?"
Chewie gestured inside and told her that Austin was in the living room and she was welcome to come in. Of course, the phrase was in Wookie, and she probably didn't understand him. He began to go in to fetch Han.
The woman's piercing shriek interrupted him, and he turned to see her body slumping to the ground. Alarmed, he grabbed her before she could collapse fully and carried her inside.
"All right, what was that?" demanded Diana. "I heard someone scream."
"What the stang?" Luke demanded when he saw what Chewie was carrying.
The Wookie remarked that if someone else had gotten the door, this wouldn't have happened.
"Oh, calm down, hairball," Han replied.
Vader and Leia hurriedly vacated the couch. Chewie laid her down carefully and stepped back as Vader inspected her.
"Appears to be nothing more than shock," he noted at length, placing his hand over her forehead, fingertips to her temples.
"Damn it, it's my ex!" Austin snarled, standing. "What's she doing here?"
"So THAT'S the infamous Melissa Greenwood," Luke remarked. "Somehow I thought she'd be taller and have horns."
"Trapper, what have you been telling him?" demanded Austin.
"Nothing you haven't already said," Trapper shot back.
"She's coming around!" Brigham shouted, as if it weren't obvious.
Melissa moaned and raised her head a bit. "The weirdest dream..." Her voice trailed off as she saw Vader standing over her, his hand still on her head. With a terrified scream she scrambled onto the arm of the couch, trying to get as far from him as she could.
"Whoa, Melissa!" Austin shouted, putting his hands on her shoulders. "It's okay! He's not gonna hurt you!"
"Wha... wha... what's going on? Where did he come from?"
Austin rolled his eyes. "Here we go again."
***
Things had toned down for the evening, and most of the gang was in the kitchen and living room playing board games with each other. Luke and Austin sat in a spare bedroom, listening as Melissa left a message on someone's voice mail.
"Hello? Dr. Brisban? This is Melissa Greenwood."
Artoo wheeled up to her bearing a tray of iced drinks. She gratefully took a glass and sipped it to ease her nerves.
"I think I need my dosage checked. At the moment I'm in Colorado with my ex-husband and Luke Skywalker while Artoo Detoo serves iced tea and my son plays with a Princess of Alderaan in the kitchen." She gave a high-pitched, hysterical laugh. "So are really, really realistic hallucinations a common side effect of that new stress medication you put me on? Thanks and call me back on my cell phone, please. I'm out of town."
She put the phone back in her purse and gave a tight, nervous smile. "So... you're Luke Skywalker, I hear?"
"Guilty," Luke replied.
"And... how long have you been here?"
"About three weeks."
"Nice, very nice," she remarked distractedly. "Can I ask what you're doing here, or is that too pretentious?"
"I'd like to know what you're doing here in Star City," Austin cut in. "Trapper didn't mention that you were planning to come here."
"Why else?" she replied crisply. "I'm here to pick up Trapper."
"Now wait a blaster-scorched minute," Austin protested. "You told me I needed to bring him home on the 19th."
"No, I said I'd pick him up on the 14th."
"You distinctly said the 19th, Melissa."
"Can you prove it?"
"Well, no, but..."
"Exactly. Now that he's had his annual dose of Star Wars -- plus some with the alien invasion that seems to be going on -- it's time he came home."
"You're in the presence of a Jedi and you're fighting with me over visitation?" Austin shook his head. "You're incredible, Melissa."
"I'm not some mega-geek like you and your goofy friends," Melissa snapped. "Star Wars ruined my marriage, and I don't want to have anything further to do with it!"
"Star Wars did not ruin your marriage," Luke replied. "It's a mindless entity. It doesn't do anything; it just is. It's what people think of it and do with it that helps or harms."
Melissa scowled. "Okay, it's my husband's infatuation with Star Wars that ruined my marriage. And don't try to say it isn't," she barked as Austin opened his mouth to protest. "When we were married you were so obsessed with your precious fan club and geek column you didn't even know you had a son half the time!"
"So your reasoning is that, since he didn't seem to care for Trapper before, he shouldn't be allowed to make up for his mistakes and try to be a father again?" asked Luke. "I think he's repentant. He wants to be a dad to Trapper again. So why prevent him from being a father when your son so desperately needs one?"
Melissa stared, taken aback by Luke's scold.
"I know what it's like to lose a father," Luke went on. "And now that he's back in my life, I don't want to lose him again. But Trapper is in danger of losing the most important male role model in his life, all because you want a little revenge against Austin. Please, Melissa, don't hurt Trapper just to try and hurt Austin."
Melissa worked her mouth silently in an effort to speak.
"So I suggest you go back to Chicago and come back on the 19th, like it was originally agreed. Leaving him here for a few more days won't hurt anyone."
She grimaced. "That... sounds... reasonable," she mumbled. "But I'll be staying in Denver with family, and I'll pick him up evening of the 19th. No exceptions."
"Mom!" Trapper cried, running down the stairs.
"What is it, Trapper?" She was on her feet instantly.
"It's horrible! I can't believe it!"
"What do you mean?" asked Luke.
"Leia beat me at Stratego!"
Austin burst out laughing. "Someone finally whupped you at that game, eh?"
Melissa couldn't help laughing too. "About time."
"But Mo-om!" Trapper insisted. "This is bad! I -- was -- beat -- by -- a -- GIRL!"
To a nine-year-old, this was serious business, and Trapper just couldn't understand why the adults were laughing so hysterically.
Another week sped by.
Leia still couldn't believe she was actually on peaceful terms with Darth Vader. It seemed almost surreal for her to be talking with him, discussing her mother, laughing over his escapades with the Elite. And the fact that the people of Earth knew so much about the Galactic Civil War without being involved in it only added to the bizarreness of this odd event.
She felt almost guilty being here when the Alliance still had a war to fight. Part of her insisted that she shouldn't be on a family vacation, as it were. No, she should be out there doing something, bringing worlds to the Alliance, fighting the Empire. Yet didn't she deserve some time strictly for herself, time she almost never had? And when would she ever have another opportunity to learn more about her mother?
"She was a crack shot with a blaster," Vader was saying as they both sat on the couch, watching Conrad and Zack play "Jedi Outcast." "Much like you are." He laughed softly. "You two are so similar, I don't know why I didn't make the connection earlier."
"Because it was probably the last thing on your mind at the moment," Leia suggested.
The front door slammed, and Brigham entered the living room waving around bulging grocery bags. "I'm back! And I got munchies!"
"'Bout time," Cody mumbled from a chair, where he was reading a Jango Fett comic book. "What kind of munchies?"
"Ambrosia of the gods," Brigham replied. "Ben and Jerry's, man! Ice cream! The single- serving cups were on major sale!"
"Oh yum!" Cody squealed, dropping his book. "Got sugar-free?"
"If you come help me pass 'em out, yes," Brigham said.
Vader shook his head and turned his attention back to the personal hologram projector/recorder sitting on the coffee table. "I keep telling myself that there are beings just as crazy on other worlds, too."
Leia laughed.
"Who's that?" asked Emily, coming behind the couch to look at the holo.
"That's my foster mother," Leia replied.
"She's pretty," Emily noted as Vader flipped through the pictures. "And that's Bail Organa?"
Leia nodded.
"That next is your mother... hmmm... some Rebel general... Admiral Ackbar, the fishy looking guy... is that me?"
"I took a few of you and the rest of the club yesterday," Leia explained.
"Hmmm. The holo seems to add a few pounds, doesn't it? Ah, a revised family picture, I see." She pointed at the holo of Luke, Leia, Vader, Han, and Cody, who had slipped into the frame unnoticed and given Han "rabbit ears." "That nut Cody. He's a character. Never lets life get him down, even when his diabetes acts up."
"I wish he wouldn't have kept asking me to smile for the camera," Vader complained.
"He's of the opinion that if a joke is funny the first time, it must be funny every time," Emily explained.
Austin staggered into the living room, yawning and looking pretty rumpled from his afternoon nap.
"Stay right there!" Emily ordered. "Vader, snap a pic of him for blackmail purposes!"
Austin glared at her and told her quite eloquently just where she could shove that holo- projector.
"You're in a delightful mood this morning," Leia noted sarcastically.
"Five days," Austin lamented, flopping into the second chair. "Five days 'til I have to fly Trapper back to Chicago. I'm not looking forward to it in the least."
"Then enjoy the time you've got left with him and quit whining like a Tatooine farmboy," Brigham advised, handing him a container. "Cherry Garcias?"
"Thanks."
"Here you two, try some Earth dessert," Brigham offered, giving Leia and Vader cups. "Ben and Jerry's Fudge Brownie ice cream. Good stuff. Just don't eat it too fast or it'll give you a nasty headache."
"Can someone please pass out spoons, too?" demanded Liz from the kitchen, where she was teaching Threepio the basics of Hebrew. Luke and Han were there too, watching Liberty and Diana play chess.
"I'm coming to the rescue!" Cody shouted, thrusting a spoon at Leia. "Blue Rajah, master of cutlery!"
"You need to watch 'Mystery Men' again, Code-man," Emily replied, dipping into her container. "Blue Rajah threw forks, not spoons. Mmm, nothing like Half-Baked. Best kind this company makes."
"Actually, Chunky Monkey is the best," Brigham retorted.
Leia tentatively sampled the creamy, half-frozen material. It was surprisingly good.
"MMMPPHH!" Han grunted, dropping his spoon and clapping both hands to his forehead. "MMMMMRRRGGGHHH!"
"Han got brain freeze!" shouted Trapper from under the kitchen table, where he was playing with his action figures again.
Emily shook her head. "Men. They can be so thick at times."
"Perhaps that's why there are so few cases of female Jedi turning to the dark side in the Sith archives," Vader mused. "Women have the sense to avoid making stupid mistakes."
"Everyone makes mistakes," Leia countered. "Some just have more impact than others."
"Much more," Vader replied. He called up a holo of Padme and studied it a long time. "I have often wondered why Jedi were forbidden from experiencing love."
"Perhaps a Jedi just needed to concentrate on his duties," Leia theorized.
"Or maybe it's one of those vow-of-chastity things that some religions have," Emily suggested.
Vader did not reply. He only stared, totally absorbed, at the holo as if memorizing the woman's features.
"You loved her a lot, didn't you?" asked Emily.
"From the moment I first saw her, so many years ago in the junk shop," Vader replied wistfully. "I still love her. I miss her sorely." He thumbed the projector off. "But I hurt her terribly. I abandoned her, left her to follow Palpatine on the path of the dark side."
"Is there any case where a Jedi has ever turned to the dark side and come back?" asked Leia. She hoped the answer was yes.
"If there is, I have never heard of it," Vader replied. "The ending of 'Return of the Jedi' was a romantic idea, but unlikely. When one serves evil for so long, a single act of heroism cannot redeem him."
"I think it could," Leia defended, "if it were of great enough magnitude."
Vader snorted skeptically, his mask warping the sound.
"Don't blow her off, ironpants," Emily snapped.
"Have you heard the tale of the phoenix?" asked Liberty, who had been quietly eavesdropping on the conversation.
"Only about five hundred times," Austin teased. "You're always talking about how the phoenix and Vader are connected."
"What's a phoenix?" asked Leia.
"A beautiful creature of Earth mythology," Liberty replied. "It's a bird, often described as stunningly beautiful and somehow connected with the element of fire. It's described in Chinese and Greek myths as sacred and magical."
"Get to the comparison part," urged Emily.
"A phoenix can live for five hundred years," Liberty went on. "When it's time for it to die, it builds itself a nest of aromatic branches and bursts into flames. Then it is reborn from the ashes and begins a new life.
"In a way, I suppose Vader is a sort of phoenix. According to Episode III heresay, Anakin Skywalker fell into a molten pit of some sort during a duel with Obi-wan. I guess you can say Anakin died by fire and was reborn from the ashes as Darth Vader. Maybe what's needed is some sort of cataclysm, some enormous event, to destroy Vader by fire and raise Anakin back from the ashes."
"That's an amazing comparison," said Leia.
"Get the matches and the lighter fluid!" Cody suggested.
"You stay away from me, Cody," Vader threatened.
***
Someone was banging on the door, and Chewbacca wished someone would do something about it. But Wookie ears were more sensitive to sounds than human ears, and over the racket of the get-together no one else could hear it. He bellowed for someone to get the door, but no one understood. Both his translators were busy -- Han was engrossed in watching Liberty and Diana's chess game, and Threepio was taking lessons in Hebrew from Liz.
With a weary sniff Chewie went to the front door and opened it.
The petite woman looked him up and down and scowled in disgust.
"Nice costume," she said without meaning it. "I need to talk to Austin. Where is he?"
Chewie gestured inside and told her that Austin was in the living room and she was welcome to come in. Of course, the phrase was in Wookie, and she probably didn't understand him. He began to go in to fetch Han.
The woman's piercing shriek interrupted him, and he turned to see her body slumping to the ground. Alarmed, he grabbed her before she could collapse fully and carried her inside.
"All right, what was that?" demanded Diana. "I heard someone scream."
"What the stang?" Luke demanded when he saw what Chewie was carrying.
The Wookie remarked that if someone else had gotten the door, this wouldn't have happened.
"Oh, calm down, hairball," Han replied.
Vader and Leia hurriedly vacated the couch. Chewie laid her down carefully and stepped back as Vader inspected her.
"Appears to be nothing more than shock," he noted at length, placing his hand over her forehead, fingertips to her temples.
"Damn it, it's my ex!" Austin snarled, standing. "What's she doing here?"
"So THAT'S the infamous Melissa Greenwood," Luke remarked. "Somehow I thought she'd be taller and have horns."
"Trapper, what have you been telling him?" demanded Austin.
"Nothing you haven't already said," Trapper shot back.
"She's coming around!" Brigham shouted, as if it weren't obvious.
Melissa moaned and raised her head a bit. "The weirdest dream..." Her voice trailed off as she saw Vader standing over her, his hand still on her head. With a terrified scream she scrambled onto the arm of the couch, trying to get as far from him as she could.
"Whoa, Melissa!" Austin shouted, putting his hands on her shoulders. "It's okay! He's not gonna hurt you!"
"Wha... wha... what's going on? Where did he come from?"
Austin rolled his eyes. "Here we go again."
***
Things had toned down for the evening, and most of the gang was in the kitchen and living room playing board games with each other. Luke and Austin sat in a spare bedroom, listening as Melissa left a message on someone's voice mail.
"Hello? Dr. Brisban? This is Melissa Greenwood."
Artoo wheeled up to her bearing a tray of iced drinks. She gratefully took a glass and sipped it to ease her nerves.
"I think I need my dosage checked. At the moment I'm in Colorado with my ex-husband and Luke Skywalker while Artoo Detoo serves iced tea and my son plays with a Princess of Alderaan in the kitchen." She gave a high-pitched, hysterical laugh. "So are really, really realistic hallucinations a common side effect of that new stress medication you put me on? Thanks and call me back on my cell phone, please. I'm out of town."
She put the phone back in her purse and gave a tight, nervous smile. "So... you're Luke Skywalker, I hear?"
"Guilty," Luke replied.
"And... how long have you been here?"
"About three weeks."
"Nice, very nice," she remarked distractedly. "Can I ask what you're doing here, or is that too pretentious?"
"I'd like to know what you're doing here in Star City," Austin cut in. "Trapper didn't mention that you were planning to come here."
"Why else?" she replied crisply. "I'm here to pick up Trapper."
"Now wait a blaster-scorched minute," Austin protested. "You told me I needed to bring him home on the 19th."
"No, I said I'd pick him up on the 14th."
"You distinctly said the 19th, Melissa."
"Can you prove it?"
"Well, no, but..."
"Exactly. Now that he's had his annual dose of Star Wars -- plus some with the alien invasion that seems to be going on -- it's time he came home."
"You're in the presence of a Jedi and you're fighting with me over visitation?" Austin shook his head. "You're incredible, Melissa."
"I'm not some mega-geek like you and your goofy friends," Melissa snapped. "Star Wars ruined my marriage, and I don't want to have anything further to do with it!"
"Star Wars did not ruin your marriage," Luke replied. "It's a mindless entity. It doesn't do anything; it just is. It's what people think of it and do with it that helps or harms."
Melissa scowled. "Okay, it's my husband's infatuation with Star Wars that ruined my marriage. And don't try to say it isn't," she barked as Austin opened his mouth to protest. "When we were married you were so obsessed with your precious fan club and geek column you didn't even know you had a son half the time!"
"So your reasoning is that, since he didn't seem to care for Trapper before, he shouldn't be allowed to make up for his mistakes and try to be a father again?" asked Luke. "I think he's repentant. He wants to be a dad to Trapper again. So why prevent him from being a father when your son so desperately needs one?"
Melissa stared, taken aback by Luke's scold.
"I know what it's like to lose a father," Luke went on. "And now that he's back in my life, I don't want to lose him again. But Trapper is in danger of losing the most important male role model in his life, all because you want a little revenge against Austin. Please, Melissa, don't hurt Trapper just to try and hurt Austin."
Melissa worked her mouth silently in an effort to speak.
"So I suggest you go back to Chicago and come back on the 19th, like it was originally agreed. Leaving him here for a few more days won't hurt anyone."
She grimaced. "That... sounds... reasonable," she mumbled. "But I'll be staying in Denver with family, and I'll pick him up evening of the 19th. No exceptions."
"Mom!" Trapper cried, running down the stairs.
"What is it, Trapper?" She was on her feet instantly.
"It's horrible! I can't believe it!"
"What do you mean?" asked Luke.
"Leia beat me at Stratego!"
Austin burst out laughing. "Someone finally whupped you at that game, eh?"
Melissa couldn't help laughing too. "About time."
"But Mo-om!" Trapper insisted. "This is bad! I -- was -- beat -- by -- a -- GIRL!"
To a nine-year-old, this was serious business, and Trapper just couldn't understand why the adults were laughing so hysterically.