KILLUA

(POV)

Sometimes I can't help but wonder if I really am meant to be a Zoldick…

I've always considered my life a curse. An anathema of endless doom. It may not show much that I care, but I really do. Being in a family of professional assassins is tough. Tougher still when I discovered my impairing handicap--my heart.

Yes, it is a handicap. A person born, trained and fated to kill professionally shouldn't have been given that particular pumping, feeling fragment of life. I shouldn't have been given a life in the first place.

I meant to run away from my fate when I decided to leave home. I've always hated it there. How my ojiisan, otousan, and okaasan were all bent on turning me into a cold-blooded manslayer. A relentless, merciless killing machine when all I ever wanted was to live a normal life. Know how it feels to be a normal kid. Playing, laughing... just plainly frolicking around with my friends.

I found the friends I was looking for. But not the simple life I've always wanted. Yet still, it had been with them that I felt fun and excitement in the truest sense. It was with them that I felt I truly belonged.

I was enjoying myself very much that I didn't really notice my fate hovering so close to me until it went and overtook my course. And it got its rightful revenge on me by taking away the one thing... the one person that I've learned to treasure the most--my best friend.

That crashed me, angered me, smashed me up to my very soul. I found myself running away again. Not ever wanting my fate to re-claim me. But the bitterness and the loneliness that overcame my heart were just so piercingly intense that I soon found myself falling back into the person I was supposedly brought up to be--KILLUA ZOLDICK, the unfeeling assassin. The killing machine who barely had control of himself.

Then 'she' came and snapped me out of that madness in exactly the same passion that Gon Freecs would've done so. She reminded me so much of that kid, who readily and unconditionally accepted my acquaintance even after knowing about my background, that the moment my eyes locked on her chestnut colored ones, I felt the fire of hope slowly rekindling within my heart. That punch she gave me was more than enough to wake me out of my old self. And the tears she cried with me in the rain warmed me up in a way that I thought would never be possible again...

It is because of that fateful encounter that I am taking this risk and re-opening my heart up to new acquaintances. Hoping against all hope that my fate will finally get tired of trying to win me back and just leave me alone for good.

Gon never gave up on me even in the very last second of his life. I should then do the same and live my life as normally as I could.

As normally as he would've liked me to...