Scene Five: The Blame Game
[Braska and Yuna arrive where Rikku is waiting with the baby. She appears to have been feeding the child sugar, since it now seems to be vibrating. They await Seymour's return, but instead, Lulu arrives with Tidus in tow. She informs them that Seymour is dead. In any case, Braska is distraught, and seems ready to agree to sacrifice Tidus.]
Braska: It's because of you there's a giant in our midst, and my wife is dead!
Tidus: But it isn't my fault, I was given those beans!
You persuaded me to trade away my bird for beans!
And without those beans, there'd have been no stalk
To get up to the giant in the first place!
Braska: Wait a minute, magic beans for a bird so sick
That you had to tell a lie to sell it, which you told quick!
Were they worthless beans?
Didn't they fit the bill?
Oh, and tell us who persuaded you to steal that gil!
Rikku [to Tidus]: See, it's your fault.
Tidus: No!
Braska: So it's your fault…
Tidus: No!
Rikku: Yes, it is!
Tidus: It's not!
Braska: It's true.
Tidus: Wait a minute, though—
I only stole the gil to get my bird back
From you!
Rikku [to Braska]: So it's your fault!
Tidus: Yes!
Braska: No, it isn't!
I'd have kept those beans, but our house was cursed.
[Pointing at Lulu] She made us get a bird to get the curse reversed!
Lulu: It's his father's fault that the curse got placed,
And the place got cursed in the first place!
Rikku: Oh. Then it's his fault!
Lulu: So.
Yuna: It was his fault…
Tidus: No.
Braska: Yes, it is, it's his.
Yuna: I guess…
Tidus: Wait a minute, though—
I chopped down the beanstalk, right?
That's clear.
But without any beanstalk, then what's queer
Is how did the second giant get down here
In the first place? ... Second place...
Yuna: Yes!
Rikku: How?
Braska: Hmm…
Tidus: Well, who had the other bean?
Braska: The other bean?
Yuna: The other bean?
Tidus [to Braska]: You pocketed the other bean.
Braska: I didn't! Yes, I did.
Rikku: So it's your f--!
Braska: No, it isn't, 'cause I gave it to Seymour!
Rikku: So it's his f--!
Braska: NO, IT ISN'T!
Yuna: Then whose is it?
Braska: Wait a minute!
[To Yuna] He exchanged that bean to obtain your shoe,
So the one who knows what happened to the bean is you!
Yuna: You mean that old bean—that- that man--?
Oh, dear-- [as they all look at her]
But I never knew, and so I threw—
Well, don't look here!
Rikku: So it's your fault!
Yuna: But—
Tidus: See, it's her fault—
Yuna: But—
Tidus: And it isn't mine at all!
Yuna: I'm…sorry. But-
Braska [to Yuna]: But what?
Yuna [to Tidus]: Well, if you hadn't gone back up again—
Tidus: We were needy—
Yuna: You were greedy!
Did you need that ball?
Tidus: But I got it for Wakka—!
Rikku: So it's his fault then!
Yuna: Yes, and what about the spheres in the third place?
Braska: The spheres--yes!
Tidus [referring to Rikku]: She went and dared me to!
Rikku: I dared you to?
Tidus: You dared me to! [To the others]
She said that I was scared—
Rikku: ME?
Tidus: --to. She dared me!
Rikku: No, I didn't!
Braska, Yuna, Tidus: So it's your fault!
Rikku: Wait a minute--!
Yuna: If you hadn't dared him to—
Braska: [to Tidus] And you had left the spheres alone,
We wouldn't be in trouble in the first place!
Rikku [to Yuna, over]: Well, if you hadn't thrown away the bean
In the first place--!
It was your fault!
Yuna [referring to Lulu]: Well, if she hadn't raised them in the first place--!
Tidus [over, to Lulu]: Yes, if you hadn't raised them in the first place--!
Rikku, Braska [to Lulu]: Right! It's you who raised them in the first place--!
Yuna [simultaneously]: You raised the beans in the first place!
Tidus: It's YOUR fault!
Yuna, Tidus, Rikku, Braska: You're responsible!
You're the one to blame!
It's your fault!
Lulu: Shhhhhhhhhhh!
It's the last midnight.
It's the last wish.
It's the last midnight,
Soon it will be boom—
Squish!
Told a little lie, stole a little gil, broke a little vow,
Did you?
[To Yuna] Had to get your monk, [to Tidus] had to buy some "chow,"
Have to get your wish, doesn't matter how...
Anyway, it doesn't matter now.
It's the last midnight; It's the boom—
Splat!
Nothing but a vast midnight,
Everybody smashed flat!
Nothing we can do...
Not exactly true:
We can always give her the boy...
[The others move to protect Tidus]
No?
No, of course, what really matters is the blame.
Somebody to blame.
Fine, if that's the thing you enjoy, placing the blame,
If that's the aim, give me the blame.
Just give me the boy.
[No one moves]
No?
You're so nice.
You're not good, you're not bad,
You're just nice.
I'm not good, I'm not nice,
I'm just right.
I'm the witch.
You're the world.
I'm the hitch,
I'm what no one believes.
I'm the witch.
You're all liars and thieves,
[Pointing to Braska] Like his father!
[Pointing to the baby] Like his son will be too!
Oh, why bother?
You'll just do what you do!
It's the last midnight,
So goodbye, all.
Coming at you fast, midnight—
Soon you'll see the sky fall!
Here, you want a bean?
[Lulu proceeds scattering beans on the ground]
Have another bean.
Beans were made for paying your wage!
[Panicking, Braska, Rikku, and Tidus try to pick up all the beans as Lulu continues scattering them.]
Plant them and they soar—
Here, you want some more?
Listen to the roar:
Giants by the score--!
Oh well, you can blame another mage.
It's the last midnight,
It's the last verse.
Now, before it's past midnight,
I'm leaving you my last curse:
I'm leaving you alone.
You can tend the garden, it's yours.
Separate and alone,
Everybody down on all fours.
All right, Mother, when?
Lost the beans again!
Punish me the way you did then!
Give me claws and a hunch,
Just away from this bunch
And the gloom
And the doom
And the boom
Cruuuunch!
[With a crash Lulu is able to cast a massive spell, and in the process disappears, leaving the others alone, hunting for the lost beans.]
Tidus [crying]: I'll never eat a green bean again!
Rikku: Snap out of it, you byhco.
[Braska can't take it anymore. He leaves his son in Yuna's arms and runs off, leaving the rest alone to face Yunalesca.]