CHAPTER 5: LITTLE OLD LADIES AND AN ARCHNEMISES OR TWO
¡DISCLAIMER!-I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER, OR ANY OF HIS LITTLE FRIENDS. I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING RELATING TO DELL, AND I DO NOT OWN THE TELETUBBIES(DON'T KNOW WHY, JUST HAD TO ADD THAT IN)


Thunder-bolt-boy-who-lived-whos-parents-were-killed-and-now-is-seeking-vegeance-for-their-deaths Man! Cried a little old lady on the side of a road. I am in desperate need of your help!
Harry grinned, Ron scowled. No one ever says, Ron the Ferret Slayer! I am in desperate need of your help... Ron thought.
A voice called from a ways down the street. Ron the Ferret Slayer! I am in desperate need of your help!
Geez!' Ron thought, I have to do everything around here! Don't I ever get a break?' He took off down the street.
Harry asked the little old lady with a smile, What is it that you need my help for? Did someone mug you? Do you need help crossing the street?
Umm, no. My back was really itching me, and I was wondering if you could scratch it for me...I can't reach that spot.
Wait, wait, wait a minute. You mean you called me over here to scratch your back when you are in the middle of a big crowd of people who could do it for you?
The little old lady hit Harry with her purse. Scratch my back, you little punk hoodlum!
Said Harry, and bent down to scratch her back.
Ooh, oh, ahh, that's the spot, no, a little to the right, oh, higher...ahh. The little old lady turned around and looked up at Thunder-bolt-boy-who-lived-whos-parents-were-killed-and-now-is-seeking-vegeance-for-their-deaths Man. Thank you, you have helped me so much. Here, go get an iced-cream on me. The little old lady handed Harry a nickel and started walking across the street, not noticing the huge 18-wheeler truck that was coming.
Harry was too wrapped up in the shiny nickel that he didn't notice when the mac truck hit the old lady and she went flying up into the air. She landed on her feet, though, as all old ladies do, and after yelling at the dirty little punk hoodlum trucker went on her merry way.
Harry, after finishing his intense study of the nickel, began walking down the street in search of Ron the Ferret Slayer.
Ronny-Ron-Ron? Ronella? Ronana-bannana? Ronnie-ronnie-bo-bonnie-fa-nana-fana-fo-fonnie-me-mi-mo-monnie-Ronnie? Wherefore art thou-oof! Cried Harry as he was pulled into a dark alley.
A small man in a dark orange robe began gleefully dancing in front of Harry. Heehee, heehee, teehee-hee...I've got you at last, my pretty...
Harry began to cry, his face disturbingly contorted. Who sob are you? Sob Why sob did you SOB kidnap me? sob Who are you?
Teehee-hee...you mean you don't remember me, young Harold? The man asked, his dance of joy increasing, nearing the dance of elation.
Harry backed up against the wall of the alley. You know my real name? That means that you are...you are...oh crap how do you spell your name?
The small man chuckled in a gigglish way, holding up his hand in a talk to the hand' signal. Screw me with a rubber chicken if I know. Like I came up with it by myself. As if! Lord Voldemort from Tom Marvolo Riddle? That was so a random scrambling from my computer. Dude, I got a Dell! The dance was now a dance of joviality.
Harry began crying again, for he is very sensitive. But why? Why did you kill my parents? WHY?!?!
Voldemort stopped his dance of gaiety. Harry, I have something to tell you...its about you, me and your parents...Harry...I...
!¡!MEANWHILE!¡!
Ron the Ferret Slayer looked around quizzically. Harry? Where are you? Haaaaaarry? Harry Shmarry? Harry-harry-bo-barry-fa-nana-fana-fo-farry-me-mi-mo-marry-Harry?